Annihilation
Get Me out of Ijuin!
[Succesful Businessman Slain]
[Last night at 12:00, Tousan Ijuin was murdered, right after the writing of his will. Currently, the only evidence of the brutal killing was a small metal statue of Jesus with the markings 'SJR' crudely scratched on the bottom. What the staute, or these strange markings mean, is unkown for now.
Mentioned in the aforemontioned will was that 1,000,000,000 Zenny of his vast fortune will be awarded if he is murdered and someone brings the said murderer to justice.
Mr. Ijuin's son, Enzan, has reported to have been turned insane from thi-] (window is closed, revealing a wallpaper of an Oldsmobile Delta with two Navi's in the foreground)
Carlos: ...Seems that we have a new job.
Naomi: Oniichan, do you think this is something you're able to work on?
Carlos: Definately! I already know who's killed that guy.
Yamatoman: ...I see.
Carlos: Now prepare yourselves guys, this is gonna get real ugly.
(Beach Area)
Enzan: Daddy's dead... Daddy's dead! I'm his son, yet I inherited nothing from him! I shall show him! I shall show EVERYONE! Yaaauuurrrggghhh!!! God is watching! God is laughing as Daddy burns in eternal hellfire!!!
(Mid-Quarter Highway)
Carlos: (in '73 Oldsmobile Delta) Okay, Ijuin Estate is about 80 miles from here. Shouldn't take long.
(other side of highway)
Zenigata: Man, that Carlos guy is tricky, though how can you not be with a bloodline like his. Huh? (notices Carlos driving by on the other lane) Hey! Take me to the other side of that highway, I just saw Carlos!
Driver: Um, yeah. Whatever. (makes U-turn to other lane)
Carlos: Huh? (looks at mirror) -the hell? I was at the speed limit, what did I do now?
Zenigata: (picks up megaphone) Alright Carlos, you're under arrest! Slow down and I'll-
Carlos: Read me some of your poetry first?
Zenigata: ... Whatever, just stay right where you are! Step on it, driver!
Driver: ...(car gains up to Carlos)
Zenigata: (swings around a pair of handcuffs tied to a rope)Gotta aim for the wrist... (throws) Gotcha! (cuffs lock on Zenigata's arm) Gaaah, faster! faster! faster!
Driver: Dammit Old Man, this is as fast as this thing can go, and we're running low on gas now, so shut up!
(Car slows to a stop)
Zenigata: Ahhh, Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!
Carlos: Chalk up another one to the H-man!
(Ijuin Estate)
Carlos: Damn it's fancy. Not as fancy as the HQ, though. (doors open, old man's face peers out)
Old man: So, are you here for the case?
Carlos: Well, if not, why am I here?
Old man: Very well, then. You may enter.
Carlos: Okay, now I enter.
(inside)
Butler: Now that we have plenty of people here, we may begin. As all of you may now, Master Ijuin has been murdered. The only evidence so far is a small statue of Jesus Christ beside him. The first part states that whoever's navi can succesfully defeat the others' can recieve it. Now, let the battle begin!
Carlos: I'm game.
Yamatoman: (quietly) Master Carlos, who should fight this one?
Carlos: While Naomi is fighting, search the area for anything suspicious.
Yamatoman: (bows)
(later, at the last battle)
Carlos: Naomi, you okay?
Naomi: Still going strong, Oniichan.
Tamako: TenguMan! Current status?
Tengu: I can't seem to touch her! I'm unable to stand much more!
Naomi: Comet Missle! (explodes on TenguMan)
Tengu: What kind of navi is this?!
Carlos: Finish him!
Naomi: Comet Storm! (masses of missles descend towards TenguMan)
Tengu: I hope Tamako can get me a better customization next time... (explodes in a giant fireball)
Carlos: I feel sorry for you, Tamako. At least what I want from you may be free next time I stop over.
Tamako: ... Um, yeah.
Butler: Well, it seems that we have a winner. May the tall, stocky gentleman with the scarf walk to the back door.
(Carlos walks through back)
Carlos: ...
(young girl in maid uniform turns on lights)
Maid: Oh, I see you passed the test.
Carlos: (...I think I'm in love...) Ummm, yup. (laughs, blushes)
Maid: (smiles) OK, now, let me assist you to the table.
Carlos: (quietly) YamatoMan, what did you find?
Yamatoman: Nothing suspicous, Master Carlos.
Carlos: OK, now let's Jack out.
(mysterious figure looms in the shadows)
Figure: So, the major problem has arrived. He'll be glad to meet the old man once I send him to hell.
(outside the mansion)
Zenigata: Push faster, driver!
Driver: ...Hey! Isn't that Carlos over at that mansion?
Zenigata: ? Come back here, ya bastard! (runs to mansion, bangs on door) Open up! Open up, dammit! (door opens)
Butler: Excuse me sir, who are you and what do you want?
Zenigata: This is Inspector Kouichi Zenigata of Interpol, and I'm here to arrest a thief in the premices!
Butler: Oh my, who do you think it could be?
Zenigata: ...Ah ha! Don't play tricks with me! It's you! He paid you to cover up for him, didn't you?
Butler: Cover up for who?
Zenigata: You know, that Carlos guy!
Butler: ...If you don't leave in 5 seconds, I'll have to call the authorities.
Zenigata: What?
Butler: Goodbye! (doors slam shut)
Zenigata: ...gaaaah, Crap, Damn it all, Crap Crap, Crap!!!
(inside the mansion, near front door)
Butler: Hello, officer? There's a crazy person outside our mansion, screaming about grabbing something...
(at the table)
Carlos: I can tell these markings anywhere! This is an act of the Steel Jesus Republic!
Maid: the who?
Carlos: The Steel Jesus Republic is an underground ultra-right terrorist group founded by David Shwartzmann, a former mental patient who was released in 1968 after killing 20 various minorities beforehand because it was his 'mission from God.' The group began to spread all over the eastern parts of Amerope in the mid 70's-early 80's and reached the whole country in the early 90's.
Maid: And Electopia? We're in Electopia right now.
Carlos:...Right, whatever. Anyway, throughout it's existance, they commited various criminal acts for such 'sins' as abortion, evolution, equal rights, ect. I first encountered them when they stole Naomi.
Naomi: ...He's right, I don't want to think about that anymore...
Maid: So, why do you think this group killed Mr. Ijuin?
Carlos: I have no idea. Now if you don't mind, I must solve this damn case.
Maid: Well, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Clarisse.
Carlos: (pulls out card) Carlos, Carlos Lupin.
Clarisse: Thanks.
Carlos: No trouble.
(Carlos is about to leave mansion)
Butler: Excuse me, sir. You should wait until the authorities take some crazy person out of the premises.
Carlos: (looks out of the window) ...Oh.
Zenigata: Hey, let me go! I'm from the ICPO!
Officer 1: Sorry, you don't have any proof of that. You're disturbing the peace.
Officer 2: Please come with us peacefully.
Zenigata: I'm telling you, there's a wanted thief in there!
Officer 1: Looks like we need reinforcements here.
(later)
Butler: Well sir, it seems that the crazy person has been removed. You may leave.
Carlos: Thanks.
(at the driveway)
Carlos: Now to get some awnsers. (drives off)
(new-looking black cars follow)
Carlos: ...!
(figures in black robes appear from the tops of the black cars, aiming at Carlos)
Carlos: (throws back bottle of whiskey with a lighted fuse in the neck) Eat it, bitches! (one of the black cars explode)
Figure 1: Holy shi- (another black car catches fire and explodes)
Carlos: Yeah! Suck it down! (slows down car)
Naomi: Oniichan, what are you doing?
Carlos: (sticks sword out of the left side) Wait for it, wait for it... (more black cars are torn up by the sword) Man, the Himitsuken can be useful in all sorts of ways...
Naomi: Good thinking, Oniichan!
Yamatoman: It is indeed imperssive, Master Carlos.
Carlos: Thanks guys. (throws Himitsuken towards last black car) Sayonara, Bakayarou! (last black car explodes) Yooosh! (grabs sword in mid-air and drives off as shadowy figure looks on)
Figure: Damn him... Damn him to hell...
(DenSquare)
Carlos: Message posted?
Yamatoman: Even now, we have a response already.
Carlos: Lemme see.
[Charlie473] [Info for solving case?]
[Oh, you need some info on Mr. Ijuin? OK, I'll PM ya!]
Yamatoman: Before you ask, I'm going to the PM's.
[Mr. Ijuin's info]
[Well, recently, he's been working on his will, and when his son Enzan found out, Mr. Ijuin was murdered. That's all I know.]
Carlos: Hmmm... Jack out!
(afterwards)
Yamatoman: Master Carlos, mail!
[BlackMagnum@UnknownDomain.com]
[You're a dead man!]
[This is Black Magnum here. I just want to tell you that you're getting into more deep shit than you think. You better grow eyes out of your fucking head you fat sack of shit, because I'm not gonna stop until worms are crawling out of your butterball ass! You're going on a safari motherfucker, sa-faaa-ri!]
Carlos: ...Why have I just been e-mailed by a crackpot?
Yamatoman: I have no idea.
Carlos: But as a precaution, let's be a little more careful.
(later, at 12:30 AM Outside the Bullet Holes Burger Bar)
Carlos: (walks out) Man, I needed that...
(A man in a black hood appears in front of Carlos)
Man: Wazzup!
Carlos: ...The hell?
Man: This is Black Magnum, ready to kill your fat godless ass, you fucking sinner!
Carlos: (assumes defensive position) I guess someone likes to bend the Bible for his twisted use.
Black Magnum: Shut the fuck up, you unholy bastard.
Carlos: (thinking) And people thought I had problems. (keeps left hand toward sword)
Black Magnum: God is watching, for he loves to see a sinner die. Now, die! (tries to slash Carlos, but is blocked by another sword) What in God's holy name?
Carlos: God doesen't wan't slaves. He wants you to live.
Black Magnum: He created me! He commands me! (tries to strike Carlos, but is held at the wrist)
Carlos: (flips Black Magnum over, puts him in headlock) Alright, I'm just needing questions, that's all. First off, who killed Mr. Ijuin?
Black Magnum: (moan) Do you think I'd tell a fu-ahhh!!! (is squeezed harder)
Carlos: I know the S.J.R. killed him, so I'll stop kicking your ass when I get some answers.
Black Magnum: I... know nothing...
Carlos: (lets go) Then so be it. From now on, just leave me alone. (drives off)
Black Magnum: Fu, I knew the whole thing, for I was the one who killed the damned sinner.
(Carlos' HP)
Carlos: So we're still at Level fucking 2.
Naomi: Oniichan, what did that Black Magnum guy want anyway?
Carlos: I have no idea...
Maybe we could find more info on the BBS.
(DenSquare)
Yamatoman: (warps in) What the-?
Naomi: (warps in) Oniichan, what just happened?
(Den Square now lies decimated. Remaining data of Navis and Programs are all over the place as the lone, sword-toting navi is about to leave)
Navi: Please, d-delete me!
Voice: Darkblade! Delete those sinners! I command you!
Darkblade: I-I can't... I've deleted enough innocent bystanders already. I can't handle any more.
Voice: I am Black Magnum! I command you to delete those godless fuckers!
Carlos: Black Magnum!
Black Magnum: So, Carlos, we meet again!
Carlos: This time, we won't leave!
Black Magnum: Why's that, you fat sack of shit?
Carlos: I may fight for my pride, and commit acts of thievery, but I'm still a Net Guardian, and I shall put you to justice!
Black Magnum: Then I shall crush you!
(Battle Start!)
Black Magnum: Darkblade, HeroSword!
Darkblade: HeroSword!
(YamatoMan, Naomi dodge)
Naomi: Comet Missle! (missle explodes on Darkblade)
Black Magnum: Try harder!
Carlos: (holding chip) Okay... gotta time this right...
(Darkblade appears in YamatoMan and Naomi's area)
Carlos: Insert 'Slasher B!'
Yamatoman: Slasher! (spear turns into sword, slashes Darkblade)
Darkblade: Augh!
Black Magnum: If this doesen't work, then I'm gonna need a new navi... Darkblade! Delta Ray Edge!
Naomi: X-scanner! (scans Darkblade's body) Oniichan, AntiSword!
Carlos: Wait for it, wait for it...
Darkblade: Delta... Ray...
Carlos: YamatoMan! AntiSword Y!
Yamatoman: Shirahadori! (blocks Darkblade's sword)
Darkblade: What?
Yamatoman: Geddon2! (every panel, exept the ones YamatoMan, Naomi, and Darkblade are standing on, are smashed) Yamato-o-o, Koushen! (Darkblade is blasted in half)
Darkblade: Before I'm deleted, I have to tell you something.
Carlos: Yeah?
Darkblade: B-Black M-Magnum is really E-Enz-Enzan I-I-Ijuin. He k-killed his own f-f-fath-th-ther... (explodes in deletion)
Carlos: ...Case solved. I'm off to see the cops.
(at the police station)
Chief Parker: Den City police, Chief Parker speaking.
Carlos: Mr. Parker, I've solved the case.
Chief Parker: Case?
Carlos: Mr. Enzan's murder.
Chief Parker: Oh, really? Who murdered him?
Carlos: His own son, Enzan Ijuin. Currently, he goes by the alias 'Black Magnum.'
Chief Parker: Alright, I'll send out an APB on him.
Carlos: So long, and thanks. (hangs up)
(a few days later)
[Enzan Ijuin Sent to Mental Hospital]
[After his murder of his father Tousan, Enzan Ijuin has been taken to Den City Mental Hospital, after a 2-hour trial, in which Carlos Lupin presented a strong amount of evidence. The Ijuin estate still prepares to bring Carlos the 1,000,000,000 Zenny-] (window closes)
Carlos: Now to take care of one more thing.
(Ijuin estate)
Butler: Good job, sir. Clarisse is in the back door with your reward.
Carlos: Thanks.
(Carlos opens door)
(Clarisse appears in a latex catsuit on a bed)
Clarisse: Hey big boy, time for your 'reward'...
Carlos: (enters) Aw yeah! (looks at audience, scratches nose) If it isn't obvious, No one can stop Mr. Domino!
(Editor-added scene)
Sam: Man, what a twist! Chaud's father dead, and Chaud insane!
Moe: What are you talking about? Chaud's father, Shuuseki Chaud is still alive, and Official Netbattler Eugene Chaud is still in peak condition. It was the IJUIN family that's all f'd up right now.
Sam: But...Chaud IS Ijuin. It's just a regional difference.
Moe: Not in this case.Though they may seem like the exact same characters, they are entirely different.
Carlos: Hey, what are you doing? I told you Enzan would get better eventually, and I KNOW his father won't be showing up in the games any more.
Moe: Sorry, but I don't want to take that chance. And we've already been featuring a sane Chaud in this same timeframe in other eps. And I don't want to get into the stupid name changes. The Ijuins in this episode will just have to be strikingly similar but canonically unrelated to the official characters. I let you get away with plenty in this crazy series, so let me have this one thing, okay?
Carlos:...Sanababicchi...
Moe: Glad we have an understanding.
