Metallica - Load & Reload
1996, Elektra (Load)
1997, Elektra (Reload)

LOAD
01. Ain't My Bitch
02. 2 X 4
03. The House That Jack Built
04. Until It Sleeps
05. King Nothing
06. Hero Of The Day
07. Bleeding Me
08. Cure
09. Poor Twisted Me
10. Wasting My Hate
11. Mama Said
12. Thorn Within
13. Ronnie
14. The Outlaw Torn

RELOAD
01. Fuel
02. The Memory Remains
03. Devil's Dance
04. The Unforgiven II
05. Better Than You
06. Slither
07. Carpe Diem Baby
08. Bad Seed
09. Where The Wild Things Are
10. Prince Charming
11. Low Man's Lyric
12. Attitude
13. Fixxer

Load... there's been a ton of clever titles that the name has spawned over the years, but I'm not even going to bother. This album is mediocre. If it wasn't for rockers like Ain't My Bitch, Until It Sleeps, Hero of the Day, Bleeding Me and Outlaw Torn, this thing would be downright horrible. That's five songs out of FOURTEEN that are actually memorable. The venom's been taken out of the cobra, and all we've got... is a belt. Nice.

Another problem: Bobbie's production is more sterile than a man dying from radioactivity poisoning in the dick. Its not just that though, everything but Newsted is on autopilot. As a matter of fact, Jason's bass is the only part I consistently enjoy about these albums. Its heavy and powerful. Unfortunately, three good songs and a bassist can't save this beer coaster. The thing as a whole just gets a 2/5.

Reload is... slightly better. Instead of 5/14 good songs, this one has six real kickers. Fuel, the Memory Remains, Devil's Dance and the Unforgiven II are great. One problem, though: the first three of those were featured in an improved, symphonic form two years later on S&M. From there on out, the album drags its feet until Where the Wild Things Are, which I'll admit is a pretty cool song. Fixxer is a fairly good closer, too. All in all, the sequel gets 2/5. Its better than Load, and its listenable, but it sucks more than it rocks.

I'm being harsh, but over time I've really grown to hate these records. I ordered them from my school and I saved up the credits to buy them. I got them for free, so its not like I wasted any finances on the damn things. Anyhow, I heard how bad they were, and I was curious. Unlike St. Anger, which I have ALWAYS hated, the Loads sounded rather decent on the first few spins.

Years later, they've collected ten layers of dust dust. With Death Magnetic coming out next month, I gave them another spin. I groaned throughout most of the tracks; what sounded good before had become hideous, and songs like the Memory Remains are now a TOTAL joke to my developed ears. Its got something going for it, but the weird backing vocals are insipid to the point that it disgusts me. I wanna bang my head on the nearest surface every time that songs starts playing on KROQ.

I would've liked to review each album separately, but these tracks are from the same sessions. That's not all; most of them are pretty damn horrible. I mean, Reload is a goddamn leftovers plate, and its got BETTER songs. So much of it is filler that there's rarely an exciting moment. There's so little to talk about, that I had to COMBINE the two albums into a single article!

I mean, god damn it. Double albums, with each disc getting released separately is fine and all. GN'R's Use Your Illusion albums each have their own distinct personality, and that makes them worth going over one by one. I bet if I ever get around to reviewing albums by the critically acclaimed Symptom of a Down's Mesmerize/Hypnotize package, I may have enough to say about it that I can do each separately (everybody's favorite "Politically Driven Armenian-American Rock Band" isn't exactly on my top ten list, so you'll have to wait a good while if you really want it... oh, and yes I DO realize I said "Symptom of a Down", and before I get bitched at, its not because I hate them. I've just had some REALLY aggravating experiences with an obsessed, curtain-lipped dumbass.

Anyhow, about the Load albums... oh shit, am I still talking in parenthesis? Lemme check... yep, I sure am. Guess I got carried away back there. Sorry folks!). So, where was I? Oh yeah, the Load albums. They suck. Both albums get 2/5 on principle, so the final verdict is pretty much the same. It doesn't matter, though. Pirate the shit out of these things. Teach Lar$ and Jamez a lesson: bad albums = no money.

"MONEY. GOOD. NAPSTER. BAD."

~Vulcan, August 14, 2008