Special Epilogue 10:
STORY OF MY LIFE
Yet Another Business of War Parody... this time by Makenshi!
The Watersports Sub-Plot... Condensed Version!
*in a high security prison...*
Agent: Hi, we'll give you a full pardon of all the crimes you did if you fight with us on the RPD.
Makenshi: Really? Even though I caused the deaths of thousands of people? But I can't! I've done too many terrible things...
Agent: .... The Ascendant Androids are evil now and-
Makenshi: SIGN ME UP I MUST KILL THEM.
Makenshi: And now, a dramatic moment where I swear to make my overriding objective to kill the General! Cutman, I will take your life if it's the last thing I do! And that's a promise!
*and so, Makenshi joins the RPD*
Makenshi: Hi, I'm Shiken Max.
Vulcan: Shiken Max? That sounds kind of like Makenshi.
Makenshi: Wait, what?
Vulcan: Nothing. *walks away*
Makenshi: (Phew... he doesn't suspect a thing!)
*a few days later...*
Makenshi: Wait, who am I hunting again? Oh yeah, my evil doppleganger. Waveman, I will take your life if it's the last thing I do! And that's a promise!
Spiegel: Alright, since you were a genocidal and mentally unstable maniac you're going to have two Watchers and a bunch of SF units to keep an eye on you.
Makenshi: Is that really necessary? I mean, I'm only one person...
Spiegel: SHUT UP AND DO YOUR MISSION BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH
Grenademan: ARRRRGGGHHHH! MY ARM JUST GOT RIPPED OFF!
Wraithman: GAHHHH! MY INSIDES ARE BEING DEVOURED BY NANOBOTS!
Makenshi: Oh no! I cracked a nail! I sure hope it doesn't get infected!
*after the battle*
Robot: I completely trust you, so I'm taking you to Dr. Light's hideout!
Makenshi: Oh, but I have to hide my camera bug and my tracker is blocked, so the RPD still won't be able to know where it is! How convenient!
Crys and Nick: And we just happen to be here as well!
Makenshi: Cool! Now I can secretly give you my ingenious plans to get a new armor and escape from the RPD, right under my Watchers' nose!
Crys: Makenshi, don't die, okay?
Makenshi: I swear to you, not only will I not die, but I'll defeat all the Ascendant Androids who are in the Scissor Army and get our old armors back! And that's a promise!
Spiegel: Wait, what just happened?
Makenshi: *gets punched by a Siege Joe* Ow, that smarts! Good thing the Siege Joes don't have spikes on their knuckles, or I'd be dead for sure!
Raijin: Alright guys, here's a sketch of a Siege Joe. Note the huge spikes on their knuckles.
Makenshi:.... I'm just gonna ignore that.
*In Rothenburg, Germany, Makenshi is sent into his own nightmare thanks to Mesmerman!*
Mesmerman: Oh man, screwing with your mind is so much fun.
Makenshi: Mesmerman, I swear I'm going to kick your ass! And that's a promise!
Mesmerman: Oh okay. Here's a sword.
Gauntlet: AHA! We've got another one! Add Makenshi to the sword users list!
*Makenshi appears to be beating the crap out of Mesmer, but then the sword disappears!*
Mesmerman: You fool, thinking that you could beat me! I was just screwing around with you! Now go get eaten by dead people.
*Makenshi wakes up*
Makenshi: Urgh, where am I? Did Mesmerman bring me here?
Makenshi 2: No, it was me!
Makenshi:... But you're not me.
Waveman: You're right, it was me!
Makenshi: Well, in a sense, you are me and I am you.
Waveman: Hah! You fool! I am me, and you are just a mere phony me!
Makenshi: But if you are me and I am-
Everyone: NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
Makenshi: Alright, Waveman, I'm gonna kill you.... And that's a promise!
*Waveman makes a Death Note reference and they fight*
Waveman: Damn! I've been able to rip apart SF units like twigs without getting damaged at all but this human is kicking my ass!
Makenshi: Waveman I am kicking your ass!
Waveman: Oh no you're not! Watch as I turn all the snow into water, incapacitate you and wash you off a conveniently placed cliff!
Makenshi: Oh yeah? Well watch as I conveniently pull out an extra set of guns and use wind bullets to break my fall and play dead!
*meanwhile, at RPD HQ*
Spiegel: Makenshi's disappeared? No donuts for him!
Spiegel: Seriously though, he's gonna be punished.
Crorq: Captain Spiegel! You will be deployed along with Makenshi and the Drastic Measures to your hometown!
Spiegel: Ooh, does this mean I get to have character development?
Makenshi: Yeah. Your long lost dad went insane and turned himself into a monster and dug up your mom and brother to cyberize them as well as transform a bunch of animals into rabid cyborgs.
Makenshi: You're also not an asshole anymore and will let Burstgirl beat the crap out of Senator Jorgunsson and only pretend to shut her down.
*back at RPD HQ!*
Pride: Yo. I'm here to give you your watch.
Makenshi:... Did you just flawlessly bypass the RPD's security?
Pride: Uh... Yeah.... What of it?
Makenshi: And you didn't use this ability to sneak into everyones' bases and blow them up?
Pride: I'm too lazy. Besides, I'm such a badass loner because I'm not working for any faction due to being a mere plot device. Bye.
*And so, Makenshi becomes Waveman!*
Vulcan: What say you join with me to rebuild the Ascendant Androids?
Makenshi: I'm in. We'll restart the team together....... And that's a promise!
*Canberra is a place where the humans are robocidal assholes and Saturn is a homicidal asshole*
Makenshi: Man, homicidal whippersnappers like you brings back memories of when I was evil. You youngins have no idea how much it's going to shatter your psyche when you realize that all the things you did were horrible. Why, I remember when I killed my-
Saturn: Nobody cares.
Makenshi: BITCH YOU ARE SO DEAD.
*There's fighting, people die, and then the RPD win.*
Makenshi: The RPD is bad.
Spiegel: I agree. Geez, it's amazing how I haven't been demoted even after going against orders to shut down a robot and then saying these things.
*The RPD starts shaping up, but then its base in London is decimated*
Vatnick: Damn, and I didn't get to have any character development! *dies*
Beeson: I'm still alive. Do I get any character development?
Spiegel: Yeah. It turns out you loved Vatnick but you didn't get the chance to tell him so and now you never will because he's dead.
*Meanwhile, the good guys are victorious in taking down Elysium!*
Diveman: Fuck yeah!
Vulcan: It's over, it's finally over...
BB: Finally, we can go home now...
Nox: I feel like we're forgetting someone though
Makenshi: We meet again.
Waveman: Kyahahaha! Well if it isn't the phony me!
Makenshi: Actually, I think I understand now. You see, you're not me at all. You're just a different being created by Cutman based on my memories, so you only think that-
Everyone: NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
Makenshi: Alright, I guess we should just fight then.
Waveman: With this particle synthesizer, we'll be together.... FOREVER!
Makenshi: Yeah... I'd rather kill myself. *dies*