Cossack's Comrades

Cossack's Comrades Alpha Season 2 Epilogue 13
A Day in the Life of Kalinka

*At the citadel, Dr. Cossack is preparing for a nice big poker tournament. *

Kalinka: Dad I’m bored. There is nothing to do today.

Cossack: Hmm well you can bug the poker room to give me an unfair advantage…


Cossack: You can watch us I guess, or maybe you want to help BB with the tacos.

Kalinka: I’d rather not. Explain to me why you are doing this?

Cossack: I’m making it a tradition to have a Christmas tournament of cards. I figured it would be good to have as many players come. (And for more money)

Kalinka: Who’s actually playing?

Cossack: All the Comrades save BB, Jay, Silent Bob, and Bob Parr.

Kalinka: Hey maybe I could hang with Vi!

Cossack: Or you could rig the room for me.

Kalinka: Uh, how about no.

*So Kalinka leaves, but the players arrive. *

Jay: What type of poker are we doing?

Cossack: Lets start out with some blackjack first then we’ll start the poker. We can bet on whether or not you win.

Drill: I'm in.

Silent Bob: *Nod. *

Bob: Who’s dealing?

Ring: I’ll do it. Lets play, gentlemen.

*The New Parr House*

Kalinka: I’d better knock I suppose. Hello.

*The Door is answered by Dash*

Dash: Oh hi Kalinka! Come on in! By chance is Ring with you? Huh? Huh? Huh? He promised to play Halo 2 with me.

Kalinka: Nope just me. Hey where's Vi?

Helen: *From Upstairs* Dash who is it?

Dash: Its Kalinka mom.

Helen: Oh I’ll be right down. Hello Kalinka. Is Bob cheating or something?

Kalinka: He could be. I left after dad told me to rig the room so he could see everyone's cards.

Helen: How did such a nice girl come from…him?

Kalinka: I don't know. Say where's Vi?

Helen: Oh she’s at her friend’s house. Sorry.

Kalinka: Oh it’s okay. Tell her I said hi. See you at the New Years celebration.

Helen: You too, dear.

Dash: Remind Ring to come over!

*Back at the citadel…*

Ring: Okay Jay its your turn. You have 5.

Jay: Hit me.

Ring: You now have 15.

Jay: Hit me.

Ring: Wow. You now have 20.

Jay: Hit me.

Bob: Uh Jay, I wouldn’t hit that.

Jay: Hit me.

Ring: !!! You have 21!

Jay: Hit me.

Drill: You won already. You don't need to hit.

Jay: Hit me.

Ring: You have 30.

Jay: Hit me.

*Kalinka is now at the park*

Kalinka: Now what am I to do? Hmm?

*She notices a carnival on the other side of the park. *

Kalinka: Why didn’t I notice that? Meh what the hell?

*So she sees a booth called “Shoot Em Up”*

Man: Hey little girl, want to play a game?

Kalinka: Sure what is it?

Man: You take this gun and shoot the scum that comes out of the wall.

Kalinka: Okay how much?

Man: 200 Yen.

Kalinka: Here.

*So she gets ready to shoot, but the “Scum” are cardboard cutouts of the Comrades*

Kalinka: Hey why are the Comrades the scum?

Man: Because they are evil!

Kalinka: Who are you?

Man: I am…

Met King: The Met King!

Kalinka: Well I'm Kalinka Cossack and I think I found more scum right in front of me!

*Back at the card game*

Cossack: 3 of a kind!

Bob: 4 Jacks!

Drill: I win! 4 aces!

All: Aw.

Cossack: Hey how do you have 4 aces? I have one right here.

Skull: Me too!

Dive: As do I!

Drill: Uh there is a funny story behind this…RUN AWAY!

*He tries to run, but is tripped by Silent Bob*

Silent Bob: Look here. He has bunches of aces up his Drill Bomb area.

Jay: That fucker cheated!

Toad: Get him!


Kalinka: Next time if you try to shoot scum, make cut outs of yourself.

A Very Much Bleeding Met King: Uh…Okay.

Kalinka: Well I'm going to see a movie now!

*So she heads to the theater*

Kalinka: One child for Christmas with The Kranks please.

Acne faced Teen: Here miss.

*Back at the card game*

Dive: I think Silent Bob is out since he wont say anything. That was okay in Blackjack, but not this.

Jay: Sorry Lunchbox. That's the way of life.

Silent Bob: *Shrugs and nods*

*Brightbabe enters…with Tacos XD*

BB: Tacos! And I made one in liquid for for Drill since he cant move.

Drill: Ow.

Cossack: Excellent! Lets play another hand without Drill, since he is in his condition.

*The Theater*

Kalinka: That movie sucked! Just because Tim Allen was in The Santa Clause doesn’t mean he should be in every X-Mas Movie! You know something? I need action! I’ll go fight someone!

Inner Kalinka: I wouldn’t do that. Remember last time…


Kalinka: You evil Dr. Wily cheated my father out of winning the scientist award! I’ll kill you!

*She lunges at Wily, but is captured by Mettols! *

Wily: Whelp. Hmmm this could be to my advantage…I know! I’ll hold her ransom and have her father kill Megaman! Hahahahaha!

*End Flashback*

Kalinka: Oh yeah. I forgot. Screw it. I’ll head back home and watch the men kill each other.

*Back home*

Bob: Later, Cossack! Thanks for hosting the tournament, and your money!

Cossack: No! You cheated! Damn you!

Kalinka: Hi everyone. How did it go?

Cossack: He cheated! He stole my money!

Kalinka: Wasn’t it you who wanted to rig the room?

Pharaoh: What?

Jay: Another cheating bastard!

Bob: Let me, gentlemen.

Cossack: MOMMY!

*And everyone takes turns punching Dr. Cossack, and everyone had a great Christmas. Well except for Met King who got influenza three weeks later and Cossack, who broke every bone in his body. Merry X-Mas*


Santa: Hello everyone. Sorry I'm late. Im here to deliver the gifts to everyone! Dash gets an X-Box 360, Vi get a new hair brush, Jack JAck gets a toy train, Bob gets some weights, Helen gets a new dress, Kalinka gets a new rifile, Jay and SIlent Bob get bongs, the CC get new armor, and Cossack gets coal! (WHAT! GOD DAMN YOU)

Cossack's Comrades

AM as
Drill Man
Sean as
Dust Man
Geoff as
Dive Man
  Keba as
Bright Babe
Err as
Skull Man
Rebel40000 as
Ring Man
Sergal as
Pharaoh Man
Dennis as
Toad Man


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