By Anime Master (Drill Man)
Narrator: In the newly rebuilt Citadel, people stir…
Toad: Hmm, this armor looks nice.
Drill: I honestly couldn’t think of any person to take her place Reg,
Toad: I appreciate that. So, what is our plan for today?
Dust: Well I was hoping we could do some tests on our Transmetal bodies…
Dive: Screw tat’. I’m getting’ hammered.
Dust: Dive, all you do is drink and sleep. That will get you nowhere in life.
Dive: I take offense to tat’. I also attack the cat!
Bright: YOU STAY AWAY FROM AUTUMN!
Pharaoh: Perhaps we should just relax today. We finally have a roof over our heads. Plus, it is best that we calm down after that horrible tragedy.
Drill: Speaking of tragedies…what are we going to do about a Skullman? We run out of these guys faster then the Enterprise and Red Shirts. And I really liked the last one.
Bright: Maybe we could get someone a little more cheery.
Dive: *Takes a Swig* Nah. It’s not Rainbowman. It’s Skullman. Dumb bimbo. He needs ta be dark.
Skull: I am dark. What are you fools doing?
Drill: We can discuss this later. However, I have planned a trip for us!
Dust: Really? Where?
Drill: You will see. To the Cossack Mobile!
Ring: Oi! That’s my line.
Skull: If you won't acknowledge me then I won't come.
Narrator: And so the Comrades drive to a little building.
Drill: Alright, Dive this is the place. Let’s go in.
Dive: What kind of a strip club is this?
Bright: Strip Club?!
Drill: I never mentioned a strip club Dive…
Man: Hi, you must be the Joan Cusec’s Comrades. Come on in.
Man: Mr. Diveman, welcome. I am Bill Nye. Do you know why you are here?
Dive: Hell yes! I came for the strippers!
Bill: Er…no. Welcome to your first AA meeting!
Dive: WHAT?! Bossman, I am shamed!
Drill: You have a problem man. I mean, I really can’t think of a way that you drinking would help us.
Narrator: Meanwhile in the Decepticon’s Underwater Base…
Megatron: Starscream, you idiot! You caused failure once again!
Frenzy: You suck!
Starscream: How dare you! I am he who will be king! My time will come Megatron! Just wait and see!
Soundwave: Megatron superior. Starscream inferior.
Megatron: Heh yes Soundwave. It is time we make another attack on these “Robot Masters.” They will fall!
Starscream: But what about Prime! We should strike him now!
Megatron: IMBECILE! Prime is not important now! Frenzy.
Frenzy: Yes Lord Megatron.
Megatron: I…wait…I thought you were red.
Frenzy: Nope, I’ve always been blue.
Megatron: Oh. I want you to look up where these fools are.
Frenzy: Sure bossman. Nemesis 1, scan for designation Drillman.
Nemesis 1: Acknowledged. Subject located. AA Center. Moscow.
Megatron: Excellent! Decepticons, attack!
Narrator: Unaware of their imminent attack, the Comrades watch as Diveman participates in the AA meeting.
Bill: So Diveman, do you think you have a problem?
Dive: No. Are you retarded?
Bill: This is getting us nowhere!
Toad: You must admit, this is quite amusing.
Dust: Do you honestly think this is going to work?
Drill: Honestly? No. I figured it would be good for a laugh. We need some of those.
Bill: Beer kills. Your body can’t take too much of it.
Dive: Body? I’M A ROBOT!
Bill: Gah! Drinking will not do anything for you! There will never be a time that it will help you!
Narator: Suddenly, the Decepticons burst in!
Bill: AHHHHHHH! GIANT ROBOTS!
Megatron: You eluded our grasp once, you cannot escape again!
Dive: Eh, big whoop. You don’ scare me. I could kick your ass.
Starscream: Hah! What’s the matter Megatron? Are you gonna let him do that?
Megatron: SILENCE STARSCREAM! Really now? I can defeat you in anything. Name your preference of death.
Dive: Drinkin contest. You. Me. Now.
Megatron: Very well! Bring me Energon! Ah, thank you Rumble.
Soundwave: Lord Megatron, that is Frenzy.
Megatron: Primus why do you guys keep switching colors?
Rumble: I dunno.
Bright: Go Dive!
Ring: I must commend you Drill, this is turning out to be most fun.
Drill: Agreed. Give that man a bottle of Vodka!
Dive: Give me Vodka, Maalox, Brandy, I don’t care! Lets get it going!
Narrator: And the drinking contest begins!
Megatron: You puny fleshling creation! You cannot win!
Dive: Say tat’ ta me after five bottles!
Starscream: Fall Mighty Megatron!
*Thirty Seven Bottles/ Cubes Later*
Dive: Heh heh. You know what? *Hic* You are a beautiful Decepticon.
Megatron: Nah! You shoulda seen me at my peak! Without this crappy earth disguise, I was a god!
Soundwave: Megatron prevails!
Pharaoh: Don’t count on it. This isn’t over.
*Twenty more bottles/ cubes later*
Megatron: If I were a flower growing wild and free all I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee!
Dive: And if I were a tree growin tall an’ green all I’’d want is you ta shade me and me my leaves.
Megatron: Aw! That is…that iss…ugh.
Starscream: YES! He has fallen! I am the new Leader of the Decepticons!
Soundwave: Negative. He still functions.
Rumble: But he lost his pride.
Skywarp: We will return you robot rejects! Astrotrain, get us out of here! And get some Chaser!
Narrator: And so the Decepticons leave, and our heroes journey back home.
Drill: I’m sorry Dive. I guess we learned that your drinking is the best thing for us.
Dive: Damn straight bossman! Now get me home so I can take a nap on tat’ little cat!
Drill: Well then...hmm I'm getting a call. Hello?
Skull: Where have you all been? It's been hours.
Drill: Who is this?
Skull: Hunter. Your Skullman.
Drill: Oh I guess Cossack must have gotten us a Skull while we were gone.
Skull: ...I hate you all.
Narrator: And they drive into the sunset, ending yet another epilogue. And as for Bill? Well…
Bill: I quit! Give me beer, or give me death.
Hard: Hey am I late for the AA meeting?