Cossack's Comrades

Cossack's Comrades Alpha Season 4 Epilogue 25
A Short Sendoff to the CC

(A man wearing silver armor and dark shades walks into to a restaurant and is directed to a private room in the back. When there he sees a more mechanical looking figure and smiles.)

AM: So what are the odds we were the first here?

Rebel: Pretty good. Neither of us has to worry about dealing with rogue robots or sorcerors from other dimensions any more.

(A group of seven familiar robots walks in.)

Dustman: Sorry we're late.

AM: Only seven of you?

Dustman: Regulus left and we haven't found a replacement yet.

Rebel: We never had a good track record with Toads and Skulls for some reason. Did you invite the rest of them as well?

Dustman: I invited those that are still around. I thought Regulus might stop by but I guess he couldn't make it.

(Suddenly a figure appears from against the wall.)

Regulus: Actually, I've been here longer than any of you. You forget what I do and that I'm one of the best at it.

Diveman: Stuff it, Wolverine. Let's sit down. I was told there was going ta be drinks and grub here.

Brightbabe: No reason to be rude.

Diveman: Look lite brite, if he didn't want ta deal with me he wouldn'a shown up.

AM: Anyone else coming?

Dustman: I have no idea how to contact the few still alive.

Ringman: Well, I wouldn't count on Zach showing up.

Rebel: The Ringman who came after me but before you? Yeah, probably not.

Drillman: How come?

*A few weeks ago...

Dive: Okay New Ring, I want you to chug all of this. It'll put hairs on yer chest.

Ring: Jameson Whiskey? Why not?

*Ring chugged the bottle with Dive cheering. Drillman is ignoring this, reading a book on the couch.*

Drill: Would you two keep it a bit down? I want to finish the complete works of Vonnegut before the end of the day. It's getting a bit distracting...

Ring (Obviously drunk): Aw don't be a buzz kill old friend. Live a little! I'm gonna go over here now!

*Ring leaves the room and walks toward the bathroom.*

Ring *From inside bathroom*: Hey I just threw up pink!

Pharaoh: Did you really need to do that Dive?

Dive: Meh, he'll get used to it.

*Present time.

Dive: Heh. That kid was a blast.

Drillman: Whatever happened to him?

Regulus: Last we heard, he was calling us from a payphone in Tijuana.

It sounded like he was mixed up with the local authorities.

Brightbabe: That's what we're assuming, anyway. He was shouting at somebody before the line went dead.

Pharaohman: ...So uh...Weren't a couple of the old Skulls stuck as Net Navis?

Dustman: Yes and the less said of that plot thread the better.

Skullman: Affirmative. Discussing further events involving interactions with Black Lotus is not recommended at this time.

AM: I hear you. How long do you think you'll be dealing with them?

Skullman: Discussing further events involving-

Diveman: Never again despite how little thanks I get.

Ringman: I can't believe that worked.

AM: Do I want to know what you did?

Diveman: While th' rest were pussyfooting around the issue because o' red tape, I chose to charge forward rather than let it trip me up.

Drillman: Does he always do that?

Everyone: Yes.

Diveman: Hell yeah, I do. How else would ya manage to get anything done?

AM: So how did that mess end?

Skullman: We were issued a charge of manslaughter that was later pardoned via community service.

AM: What?

Skullman: Via corporate personhood, Diveman was found guilty of voluntary manslaughter of Black Lotus with remaining Comrades being found guilty of being unwitting accomplices.

Diveman: I didn't think Sean here had it in him ta abuse a legal loophole like that. I remember when he was such a good kid blindly following th' rules. They grow up so fast.

Dustman: I am not proud of what I did.

Brightbabe: Well, it did work out in the end. Before, we were planning infiltration to get evidence on them and who knows what would have happened if we did that.

(Somewhere, Black Lotus had perfected their craft of combining reanimated tissue with cybernetics. Many times in the past the hosts would reject the implants but they found some perfect cases of human tissue that had been made robotic and robot parts that had once accepted humans, so they could eventually bridge that gap.)

‘Pharaohman': Forward! We shall make new bodies for our masters to use!

‘Dustman': Pestilence shall be spread for Black Lotus!

‘Cossack's Comrades': For Black Lotus!

(Back in the restaurant.)

Ringman: I just felt a chill. Did anyone else feel a chill?

Rebel: Don't worry about it. You're new. You'll get used to it.

AM: Speaking of being new. How are you adjusting to being Drillman, Zan?

Drillman: Pretty well. It took some getting used to and it takes longer, but I can do almost everything I could do without hands now. It is important to plan ahead. For example it can take longer to turn a doorknob so I usually leave most doors slightly open in case I'm in a hurry. I've also learned that it is easier to dip my drill in ink and write with that then trying to hold a pen.

AM: You know your armor has had retractable hands, right?

Drillman: What? How come no one has told me before?

Diveman: *grins* Because it's hilarious.

Brightbabe: I thought you knew.

Ringman: I didn't know, I'm just as new as you are.

Skullman: It is clearly marked in your blueprints. I assumed all members have studied their blueprints and your choice not to use them was either an inefficient personal preference or a decision not to rely on a component that could be disabled in combat.

Pharaohman: I thought Sean would tell you.

Dustman: ... I knew I forgot something.

Drillman: This changes everything.

Regulus: And are you getting along okay still, Hunter? Hope you haven't gone soft.

Skullman: This unit still functions and operates normally in optimal conditions. I have attempted to have the rest of the Comrades adopt training regimen with some success.

Diveman: Bah, ya don't need to practice when yer already this good.

AM: How has dealing with Megatron gone? I heard he had some tough new attack force for you guys to deal with.

Diveman: Th' Pansy-kons? Please.

Skullman: Correct. They were called the Panzerkons.

Regulus: Yeah, I remember helping you a bit with them before I left. They also had a combiner form that didn't have the usual mental problems.

Diveman: as said before th' Pansy-kons went down like Jade's mom.

Pharaohman: Hey!

Diveman: What?

Dustman: It was surprisingly easy.

(In a desolate ruins of a Russian city destroyed in the war, a series of large mechanical beings began to transform. Two tanks became a pair of legs. Another tank became a torso. Two more tanks became two arms. A fighter jet became a jetpack. These pieces combined and a head popped into existence from various spare parts shed off of the military vehicles.)

Imperator: All will fall before the might of Imperator! Tremble before the instrument of your defeat!

Dustman: Mission status?

Ringman: Successfully smuggled them into the weapons shipment unnoticed.

Pharaohman: Thank god.

Imperator: What are you talking about?

Dustman: You'll notice that not all of us are here.

Imperator: Inconsequential. Whatever you've done is of no matter.

(Just then an explosion bursts out from the chest of Imperator. Diveman jumps out of the newly made opening.)

Diveman: If ya ever make me disguise myself as a missile again, I'm going ta shove yer head down yer own vacuum.

Imperator: More damaging than expected, but inconsequential none the less. We will still be victorious.

Dustman: You are leaking energon.

Imperator: What? So?

Pharaohman: Funny. I thought at least one sixth of you understood what happened when enough heat was applied.

Imperator: We will not allow you to make that shot.

(The giant machine turns its various weaponry at the smaller, human-sized robot. When suddenly another robot ordained with a large bulb steps out in front of its face and lets off a blinding flash of light before jumping down.)

Brightbabe: Who said we needed your permission?

Imperator: Targeting systems disabled. Defense systems disabled.

Pharaohman: You know, it is really nice to finally have a plan come together for once.

(A large sphere of energy is flung at the stunned mechanical monstrosity and sets a light the energon. In seconds the entire machine bursts into flames and begins to fall.)

Pharaohman: Now let's get out of here before we have to clean this mess up.

Dustman: Agreed.

(Back at the restaurant, Diveman has finally located the beer as Dustman finishes the story.)

Diveman: Now if you geezers are done talking about yer glory days, maybe we can finally get ta what we came here to do. DRINK!

AM: I guess I might as well take one as well. So what do you guys think you'll do next?

Dustman: I don't know. The world is a bit of a mess still and could use the help, but I could do for some exploring. I've always wanted to try visiting Yoshi Island and I've heard the Mushroom Kingdom might be opening diplomatic relations with Ivalice.

Diveman: Bah, like I ever need ta worry about those things. I always am th' best regardless and why leave a place where everyone understands that?

Pharaohman: I've been meaning to do a bit more research about the magics involved in dimensional transfer.

Brightbabe: I guess if there is time I've been meaning to practice my art a bit more seriously, but only if there isn't a disaster.

Skullman: I have been meaning to learn more about human interaction. I currently have applied for a summer job at Disney World and am planning to start working towards a teaching degree. I believe it will be most enlightening.

(There is a minute and a half pause as
some give Skullman blank looks and Diveman starts laughing uncontrollably.)

Diveman: That is th' greatest thing I've ever heard.

Dustman: Well good luck.

Ringman: I've already been pushing the fedora and trench coat look for a bit so I think I'll try taking that further with some actual detective work. It can't be harder than being a superhero.

Drillman: Now that I have hands, I can finally learn to juggle. Well, that and continue being a superhero since that is awesome.

AM: So thinking of quitting?

Dustman: Why would you think that?

AM: You all listed different things.

Dustman: You forget. I helped handle the teleportation for troop movements during the war. I still have access to a teleportation network and know how to mess with the data recorded to keep a jump from being traced.

Diveman: If any of these idiots think they can just leave that easily, they really haven't learned.

AM: Well, I guess we will have to do this again sometime so I can hear about how these things went. And if I could start the drinking off with one toast to the man that allowed all of this to happen, Dr. Cossack.

Everyone: To Cossack!


Cossack's Comrades

Zan as
Drill Man
Sean as
Dust Man
Geoff as
Dive Man
  Jet as
Bright Babe
Hunter as
Skull Man
John as
Ring Man
Jade as
Pharaoh Man
Regulus as
Toad Man


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