Cossack's Comrades

Cossack's Comrades Alpha Season 4 Epilogue 20

(Third Earth ... a land of wonders, where one can follow the adventures of the mighty Thundercats. They're not today's main characters.
Let's see a more interesting place : the Black Pyramid, where sleeps the greatest evil of this world : Mumm-Ra ! And he seems to have some visit today...)

Skeletor : Nyah ! This old Egyptian architectrue is so out of fashion !

Mumm-Ra : Once you capture Castle Grayskull, you'll be able to talk about decoration, Skull-Face.

Skeletor : Hmph ! I take it you didn't summon me here for my artistic taste ?

Mumm-Ra : Indeed. After the events of the Death Lappy, I realized how much our powers gain to be combined.

Skeletor : That is true. I had not done such grand things ever since ... 1984, maybe.

Mumm-Ra : This is why I suggest we take on the Comrades once again. Look here ! Cauldron of Darkness, show me the blasphemer !

(A gurgle, a splash, and appears Dive's face.)

Skeletor : I know about him. Drunken, and unpleasant.

Mumm-Ra : He has taken to his likeness to give our patronyms to two of his friends. *waves above the Cauldron* Pharaohman, and Skullman.

Skeletor : Hmmm ... If know my "80s Villains Rules" well enough...

Mumm-Ra : Exactly ! We shall masquerade as them !

Skeletor : Excellent. But for what end ?

Mumm-Ra : Think about it. We could use these robots as slaves ! Or even ... copy their technology, and create mechanical monsters fueled by our magic.

Skeletor : Wonderful ! After this, He-Man ...

Mumm-Ra : ... and the Thundercats ...

Mumm-Ra & Skeletor : ... will be history ! *cackle evilly in unison*

Mumm-Ra : Come now. I will need your powers for our plan to work.

(Both villains stood above the Cauldron, facing each other and their arms raised.)

Mumm-Ra & Skeletor : We summon you, Forces of Evil ! Grant us your power, and bring to us the Pharaoh and the Skull !

(Meanwhile, in Cossack's Citadel...More precisely, the training room...)

Jade : New parameters, Hunter. We'll stop once we're totally coordinated.

Hunter : A question comes to me : how come the other Comrades do not train as regularly ?

Jade : ... A good question. The way I see it, they have a good time until the situation really needs them.

Hunter : Then, their skills are wasted.

Jade : I wouldn't say that. Take Geoff. Think he'd be as efficient if he were to be disciplined on a daily basis ?

Hunter : I guess not.

Jade : See ? But I guess the issue comes more from Cossack. After all, he -

(But before that argument could continue, a dark portal swallowed both Cossackers ! Under the eyes of teammates, no less !)

John : Did you see that ? They just disappeared !

Geoff : *reading a special magazine* Hmm ? Bah. Gypsy-head pulls some magic shit on a daily basis. But it's more showy, though.

John : While they were training ?

Geoff : Perhaps, he wanted ta spice things up a bit ? Now, scram. Let me alone with my old friend Amy ... *dirty laugh*

John : Oookay. *leaves the room*

(They're taking the Comrades to the Pyramid !)

Jade : Hngh ... Where are we ?

Hunter : It appears to be the inside of an old building.

Mumm-Ra : Not any building, my dear ! It is my Pyramid !

Skeletor : And now that you're here, we will be able to carry our Evil Master Plan !

Jade : ... Did I hear capitals on these three last words ?

Skeletor : Terms of my contract as an 80s villain.

Mumm-Ra : Now, join me, fellow dweller of the darkness ! Let our powers combine once again !

(Evil music starts playing.)

Mumm-Ra : Ancient spirits of Evil ! Turn this decayed thing to - Mumm-Ra ! The Ever-Liviiiiing !

(And from an old mummy, we went to a 7-ft tall wizard.)

Skeletor : Nyah ! Now, for the second phase...

Mumm-Ra & Skeletor : Forces of Darkness, Treachery and Deception ! Give us the disguises to take on the Comrades !

Jade : Great. They'll both become Starscream.

(And in a puff of smoke ... our villains got hidden from the camera.)

Mumm-Ra : *as the smoke dissipates* Now, tell me. Are these disguises better than the original ?

Jade : !

Hunter : It would seem that -

Skeletor : Bah ! What need do we have for goody heroes' opinions ? We're off !

Mumm-Ra : Have fun rusting !

Mumm-Ra & Skeletor : *laugh evilly as they disappear*

Hunter : Should we have told them about their disguises ?

Jade : They will soon find out.

(And indeed, at the Citadel...)

Mumm-Ra : *after entering the training room through a portal* Remember, now. We are not to make these Comrades suspicious !

Skeletor : *following* I know ... we both took acting lessons, remember ?

Mumm-Ra : Perfect. Now ... *turns his head to see...* MIRROR ! *covers his face in fear*

Skeletor : ... They removed your weakness, remember ?

Mumm-Ra : Huh ? Yeah, right. But still ... *grabs the mirror* It reflects my true face !

Skeletor : Hold on. *grabs it too* Our spell didn't work that much.

Mumm-Ra : Our mission is a failure before it begins !

Regulus : *entering the room* Hey, guys. You're done training ?

Skeletor : Uh ... Err ... Affirmative !

Sean : Cool. We wanted to take our turn as well.

Mumm-Ra : We were just ... leaving ... yeah.

Regulus : Hunter, may I have a word ?

Skeletor : ... Oh ! Right. What is it ?

Regulus : Don't forget the mission tomorrow.

Skeletor : Will do, will do ! *runs away followed by Mumm-Ra*

Sean : They seemed strange for a moment.

Regulus : Yeah, Hunter seemed more talkative than usual. No good for an infiltrator.

(Apparently, they didn't notice. Or just didn't care.)

Mumm-Ra : Apparently, it wasn't a spell of disguise.

Skeletor : One of mind-control, then ? It serves our mission even better !

Geoff : Yo, Jade. Yo, Hunter. *throws an empty can at Skeletor* Bring me another one, Bag-o-Bones.

Skeletor : Nyah ! Do you realize who you're talking to ?

Geoff : Well, ta my fav'rite robot servant, isn't it ?

Skeletor : ... Yeah. I will bring you another one, sir.

Geoff : Good boy. Ya could learn from him, Imhotep.

Mumm-Ra : It's Mumm-R - Jade, fool !

Geoff : Whatever, Linen-boy.

(Another day in the life of the Comrades.
Back to the Pyramid...)

Hunter : This is no good. This cage is too strong for us to break through.

Jade : And it doesn't respond to my magic. If only I had access to more power ...

Hunter : I detect no source of magic in our proximity.

Jade : Hang on. It may be an odd idea, but ... what about you ?

Hunter : I do not possess magical abilities.

Jade : True, but your predecessor did. And if I know Regulus right, you were built from his body, meaning you still have a Dark Energy generator fuelling your body.

Hunter : I see. You want to use this energy to power a spell that would free us.

Jade : But it comes at the risk of killing you. Are you sure ?

Hunter : I exist to serve.

Jade : That's a "yes", then. *sighs* Nice knowing you, man.

Hunter : You were an effective fighter. *opens his chestplate, revealing his generator*

Jade : *grabs the core, and starts chanting*

(As the chanting went on, dark mist emerged from the core, and surrounded Jade.)

Jade : *stops chanting*

(The cage then exploded, leaving a dust-covered Jade, and a fallen Hunter.)

Jade : Hunter ? Please answer me ! Hunter !

(What a good timing for a commercial break !)

Flakmaster : *drives on a solid blue background, then transforms and aims at the viewers* Ze Cossackers vill be back, after zis message !

Chorus : Cossackers !

Transformers Ads Voice : It's the new Diveman model, featuring a chest harpoon launcher ! Will he be strong enough to defeat the mighty Imperator ?

"Imperator kid" : Imperator will prevail !

"Dive kid": We'll see about that, fuckface !

Chorus : Cossackers !

Creepy kid : Robots in clothing !

Transformers Ads Voice : New Diveman model, Imperator boxset and beer keg sold separately - from Hasbro.

AM : *pops from the ground in vehicle mode, and transforms to robot* We're back, readers !

(Last time, on Cossack's Comrades...)

Jade : Hunter ? Please answer me ! Hunter !

Hunter : *staggers and stands up* Every system is functionnal.

Jade : Good thing. But we cannot rely on your systems anymore. Otherwise, you may be a goner.

Hunter : I suggest using Mumm-Ra's Cauldron.

Jade : Won't work without the proper formula. And I was more concentrated on escaping than listening to him.

Hunter : Actually, my systems record permanently. Here is the appropriate sample.

Jade : *listens* Got it. With a few modifications ...

(And so Jade stood up in front of the Cauldron !)

Jade : Ancient spirits of Evil ! Turn this rusted shape to - Jade-Raaa ! The Ever-Liviiiing !

(Stones fell from the pyramid's ceiling, demons cried at the massive move of powers ! And a purple mist, rising from the Cauldron, altered Jade's form into...)

Hunter : Only your clothing has seemed to change.

(... good ole Jade with Mumm-Ra's clothes.)

Jade-Ra : But there is more than meets the eye, servant ! I channel the very power of darkness - and master it ! Dark Cauldron, show me where is your true master !

(At the dark fluid's surface, appeared a picture of the Cossackers, Skeletor and Mumm-Ra ... watching TV. Yeah, I'm pretty disappointed, too.)

Jade-Ra : Hmmm ... Thy must have used a powerful mind-control spell.

Hunter : Judging from my experience with the Comrades, it may rather be apathy.

Jade-Ra : In any case, we must use the forces of another mage to reveal the truth to our allies. Oh, ever-knowing Lords of Magic ! Bring to me a powerful -and reliable- ally !

(Thunder, a flash, and appeared ... )

Hunter : A robotic octopus ?

Jade-Ra : According to some sources, it is a kind of future robot called "Reploid".

Launch Octopus : 20XX, eh ? Why did you disturb me during my 24h Hentaï-Marathon ? *notices Jade-Ra* Oh. Hi, Dad.

Jade-Ra : "Dad" ? What kind of person is to pity for bearing such a monstrosity ?

Launch Octopus : Can't tell. Or else time paradoxes can ensue.

Jade-Ra : I did feel my curiosity was better off unsatisfied.

Launch Octopus : So, why did you summon me here ?

Jade-Ra : I need the help of a mage in defeating ancient evils. And fate has found it fitting to bring you by my side.

Launch Octopus : As much as I'd be willing to, I don't have the appropriate gear on me.

Jade-Ra : *summons Red Mage cape and hat out of thin air* Good enough ?

Launch Octopus : Well, thanks. How about some magic now ?

Jade-Ra & Launch Octopus : We summon you, Heralds of Power ! Bring us this moment to the Citadel, and dispel the nefarious illusion !

(Another flash, and our three robots are transported to the Citadel.)

Jade-Ra : Imposters ! Leave this place at once !

Regulus : You're back, Jade ? Nice clothes.

Jade-Ra : ... Is that all ?

Skeletor : I agree. You're supposed to be all "oh no, two Pharaohman and Skullman, what will we do now ?" !

Geoff : *rolls his eyes* Ye're a skull-faced wizard with shit-taste in clothing, along with a mummy wrestler. Couldn't mistake them with my teammates even drunked outta my ass.

Mumm-Ra : So, the spell ... never worked ?

Hunter : And you did nothing against the intruders ?

AM : We have Megatron breaking in every couple of days. It desensitizes after a while.

Regulus : Besides, it's Skeletor. How cool is that ?

Launch Octopus : *goes to Jay&Silent Bob's room as no one notices him*

Jade-Ra : Very well, then. You have been unmasked - or never masked at all.

Mumm-Ra : We ask for a duel now !

Cossack : *barging in* Hey, no ! We're done paying this place !

Skeletor : We shall stay, then.

Kalinka : *loads her shotgun* No freeloaders.

Mumm-Ra : Alright, we'll leave. But not before reparing your mess, brethren. *does a grabbing move at Jade's direction*

(Power faded, clothes re-arranged, and Jade is back to his former suit.)

Jade : Nice power, though.

Mumm-Ra : I know.

Skeletor : And as for your time-displaced comrade ... *waves his staff*

Launch Octopus : *pops from J&SB's room to his own, in 21XX* *checks the time* Hey, just the moment I left ! I love good ends. *resumes his marathon*

Mumm-Ra : And so, we leave.

Skeletor : Fare well, worthy opponents ! *both wizards fade away*

AM : All's well that ends well.

Jade : Really ? You did nothing to save us ! Zero ! Nada !

John : But in the end you solved the problem on your own, right ?

Jade : ... Right.

Jet : Still, is there a lesson to keep in this ?

Sean : That apathy and curiosity kill the cat ?

Geoff : That reminds me. *leaves the room* Kitty, kitty !

Jet : *sighs*

Hunter : It is okay to use one's weapon against him ?

Regulus : Couldn't have put it better myself.

AM : Okay, TV's on.

Jade : *sighs, but sits to watch TV*

(And such ended another adventure of the Comrades ! If you ask me, the 80s were kind of a screwed-up time. But we love it that way.)


(And now, a PSA brought to you by educational commitees !)

Bully : Gimme your lunch money, pal !

Nerd : I can't ! I'm saving it for video games !

Bully : Bah, they suck anyway !

(But from the wall, barged in...)

Bully&Nerd : Diveman !

Geoff : First of all, *grabs the bully and beats him up* That's fer bullying yer pals.

Nerd : Thanks, Mr Diveman !

Geoff : And as fer ya, *opens his hand* that's all yer lunch money. Protection comes at a price, kid.

Nerd : But ... no !

Geoff : Too bad. *shakes the nerd for money, and then stuffes him in a locker.* On second thought ... *loots the bully, and shoves him in another closet*

Nerd&Bully : *angry muffling*

Geoff : *to the camera* Remember, kids. If ya beat up people, it's called violence. But if ya beat up people fer money, it's called a job. Remember it well.

Chorus : Cossackers ! Robots in clothing !


Cossack's Comrades

AM as
Drill Man
Sean as
Dust Man
Geoff as
Dive Man
  Jet as
Bright Babe
Hunter as
Skull Man
John as
Ring Man
Jade as
Pharaoh Man
Regulus as
Toad Man


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