By Hunter (Skull Man)
(Third Earth ... a land of wonders, where one can follow the adventures of the mighty Thundercats. They're not today's main characters.
Let's see a more interesting place : the Black Pyramid, where sleeps the greatest evil of this world : Mumm-Ra ! And he seems to have some visit today...)
Skeletor : Nyah ! This old Egyptian architectrue is so out of fashion !
Mumm-Ra : Once you capture Castle Grayskull, you'll be able to talk about decoration, Skull-Face.
Skeletor : Hmph ! I take it you didn't summon me here for my artistic taste ?
Mumm-Ra : Indeed. After the events of the Death Lappy, I realized how much our powers gain to be combined.
Skeletor : That is true. I had not done such grand things ever since ... 1984, maybe.
Mumm-Ra : This is why I suggest we take on the Comrades once again. Look here ! Cauldron of Darkness, show me the blasphemer !
(A gurgle, a splash, and appears Dive's face.)
Skeletor : I know about him. Drunken, and unpleasant.
Mumm-Ra : He has taken to his likeness to give our patronyms to two of his friends. *waves above the Cauldron* Pharaohman, and Skullman.
Skeletor : Hmmm ... If know my "80s Villains Rules" well enough...
Mumm-Ra : Exactly ! We shall masquerade as them !
Skeletor : Excellent. But for what end ?
Mumm-Ra : Think about it. We could use these robots as slaves ! Or even ... copy their technology, and create mechanical monsters fueled by our magic.
Skeletor : Wonderful ! After this, He-Man ...
Mumm-Ra : ... and the Thundercats ...
Mumm-Ra & Skeletor : ... will be history ! *cackle evilly in unison*
Mumm-Ra : Come now. I will need your powers for our plan to work.
(Both villains stood above the Cauldron, facing each other and their arms raised.)
Mumm-Ra & Skeletor : We summon you, Forces of Evil ! Grant us your power, and bring to us the Pharaoh and the Skull !
(Meanwhile, in Cossack's Citadel...More precisely, the training room...)
Jade : New parameters, Hunter. We'll stop once we're totally coordinated.
Hunter : A question comes to me : how come the other Comrades do not train as regularly ?
Jade : ... A good question. The way I see it, they have a good time until the situation really needs them.
Hunter : Then, their skills are wasted.
Jade : I wouldn't say that. Take Geoff. Think he'd be as efficient if he were to be disciplined on a daily basis ?
Hunter : I guess not.
Jade : See ? But I guess the issue comes more from Cossack. After all, he -
(But before that argument could continue, a dark portal swallowed both Cossackers ! Under the eyes of teammates, no less !)
John : Did you see that ? They just disappeared !
Geoff : *reading a special magazine* Hmm ? Bah. Gypsy-head pulls some magic shit on a daily basis. But it's more showy, though.
John : While they were training ?
Geoff : Perhaps, he wanted ta spice things up a bit ? Now, scram. Let me alone with my old friend Amy ... *dirty laugh*
John : Oookay. *leaves the room*
(They're taking the Comrades to the Pyramid !)
Jade : Hngh ... Where are we ?
Hunter : It appears to be the inside of an old building.
Mumm-Ra : Not any building, my dear ! It is my Pyramid !
Skeletor : And now that you're here, we will be able to carry our Evil Master Plan !
Jade : ... Did I hear capitals on these three last words ?
Skeletor : Terms of my contract as an 80s villain.
Mumm-Ra : Now, join me, fellow dweller of the darkness ! Let our powers combine once again !
(Evil music starts playing.)
Mumm-Ra : Ancient spirits of Evil ! Turn this decayed thing to - Mumm-Ra ! The Ever-Liviiiiing !
(And from an old mummy, we went to a 7-ft tall wizard.)
Skeletor : Nyah ! Now, for the second phase...
Mumm-Ra & Skeletor : Forces of Darkness, Treachery and Deception ! Give us the disguises to take on the Comrades !
Jade : Great. They'll both become Starscream.
(And in a puff of smoke ... our villains got hidden from the camera.)
Mumm-Ra : *as the smoke dissipates* Now, tell me. Are these disguises better than the original ?
Jade : !
Hunter : It would seem that -
Skeletor : Bah ! What need do we have for goody heroes' opinions ? We're off !
Mumm-Ra : Have fun rusting !
Mumm-Ra & Skeletor : *laugh evilly as they disappear*
Hunter : Should we have told them about their disguises ?
Jade : They will soon find out.
(And indeed, at the Citadel...)
Mumm-Ra : *after entering the training room through a portal* Remember, now. We are not to make these Comrades suspicious !
Skeletor : *following* I know ... we both took acting lessons, remember ?
Mumm-Ra : Perfect. Now ... *turns his head to see...* MIRROR ! *covers his face in fear*
Skeletor : ... They removed your weakness, remember ?
Mumm-Ra : Huh ? Yeah, right. But still ... *grabs the mirror* It reflects my true face !
Skeletor : Hold on. *grabs it too* Our spell didn't work that much.
Mumm-Ra : Our mission is a failure before it begins !
Regulus : *entering the room* Hey, guys. You're done training ?
Skeletor : Uh ... Err ... Affirmative !
Sean : Cool. We wanted to take our turn as well.
Mumm-Ra : We were just ... leaving ... yeah.
Regulus : Hunter, may I have a word ?
Skeletor : ... Oh ! Right. What is it ?
Regulus : Don't forget the mission tomorrow.
Skeletor : Will do, will do ! *runs away followed by Mumm-Ra*
Sean : They seemed strange for a moment.
Regulus : Yeah, Hunter seemed more talkative than usual. No good for an infiltrator.
(Apparently, they didn't notice. Or just didn't care.)
Mumm-Ra : Apparently, it wasn't a spell of disguise.
Skeletor : One of mind-control, then ? It serves our mission even better !
Geoff : Yo, Jade. Yo, Hunter. *throws an empty can at Skeletor* Bring me another one, Bag-o-Bones.
Skeletor : Nyah ! Do you realize who you're talking to ?
Geoff : Well, ta my fav'rite robot servant, isn't it ?
Skeletor : ... Yeah. I will bring you another one, sir.
Geoff : Good boy. Ya could learn from him, Imhotep.
Mumm-Ra : It's Mumm-R - Jade, fool !
Geoff : Whatever, Linen-boy.
(Another day in the life of the Comrades.
Back to the Pyramid...)
Hunter : This is no good. This cage is too strong for us to break through.
Jade : And it doesn't respond to my magic. If only I had access to more power ...
Hunter : I detect no source of magic in our proximity.
Jade : Hang on. It may be an odd idea, but ... what about you ?
Hunter : I do not possess magical abilities.
Jade : True, but your predecessor did. And if I know Regulus right, you were built from his body, meaning you still have a Dark Energy generator fuelling your body.
Hunter : I see. You want to use this energy to power a spell that would free us.
Jade : But it comes at the risk of killing you. Are you sure ?
Hunter : I exist to serve.
Jade : That's a "yes", then. *sighs* Nice knowing you, man.
Hunter : You were an effective fighter. *opens his chestplate, revealing his generator*
Jade : *grabs the core, and starts chanting*
(As the chanting went on, dark mist emerged from the core, and surrounded Jade.)
Jade : *stops chanting*
(The cage then exploded, leaving a dust-covered Jade, and a fallen Hunter.)
Jade : Hunter ? Please answer me ! Hunter !
(What a good timing for a commercial break !)
Flakmaster : *drives on a solid blue background, then transforms and aims at the viewers* Ze Cossackers vill be back, after zis message !Chorus : Cossackers !
Transformers Ads Voice : It's the new Diveman model, featuring a chest harpoon launcher ! Will he be strong enough to defeat the mighty Imperator ?
"Imperator kid" : Imperator will prevail !
"Dive kid": We'll see about that, fuckface !Chorus : Cossackers !
Creepy kid : Robots in clothing !
Transformers Ads Voice : New Diveman model, Imperator boxset and beer keg sold separately - from Hasbro.
AM : *pops from the ground in vehicle mode, and transforms to robot* We're back, readers !
(Last time, on Cossack's Comrades...)
Jade : Hunter ? Please answer me ! Hunter !
Hunter : *staggers and stands up* Every system is functionnal.
Jade : Good thing. But we cannot rely on your systems anymore. Otherwise, you may be a goner.
Hunter : I suggest using Mumm-Ra's Cauldron.
Jade : Won't work without the proper formula. And I was more concentrated on escaping than listening to him.
Hunter : Actually, my systems record permanently. Here is the appropriate sample.
Jade : *listens* Got it. With a few modifications ...
(And so Jade stood up in front of the Cauldron !)
Jade : Ancient spirits of Evil ! Turn this rusted shape to - Jade-Raaa ! The Ever-Liviiiing !
(Stones fell from the pyramid's ceiling, demons cried at the massive move of powers ! And a purple mist, rising from the Cauldron, altered Jade's form into...)
Hunter : Only your clothing has seemed to change.
(... good ole Jade with Mumm-Ra's clothes.)
Jade-Ra : But there is more than meets the eye, servant ! I channel the very power of darkness - and master it ! Dark Cauldron, show me where is your true master !
(At the dark fluid's surface, appeared a picture of the Cossackers, Skeletor and Mumm-Ra ... watching TV. Yeah, I'm pretty disappointed, too.)
Jade-Ra : Hmmm ... Thy must have used a powerful mind-control spell.
Hunter : Judging from my experience with the Comrades, it may rather be apathy.
Jade-Ra : In any case, we must use the forces of another mage to reveal the truth to our allies. Oh, ever-knowing Lords of Magic ! Bring to me a powerful -and reliable- ally !
(Thunder, a flash, and appeared ... )
Hunter : A robotic octopus ?
Jade-Ra : According to some sources, it is a kind of future robot called "Reploid".
Launch Octopus : 20XX, eh ? Why did you disturb me during my 24h Hentaï-Marathon ? *notices Jade-Ra* Oh. Hi, Dad.
Jade-Ra : "Dad" ? What kind of person is to pity for bearing such a monstrosity ?
Launch Octopus : Can't tell. Or else time paradoxes can ensue.
Jade-Ra : I did feel my curiosity was better off unsatisfied.
Launch Octopus : So, why did you summon me here ?
Jade-Ra : I need the help of a mage in defeating ancient evils. And fate has found it fitting to bring you by my side.
Launch Octopus : As much as I'd be willing to, I don't have the appropriate gear on me.
Jade-Ra : *summons Red Mage cape and hat out of thin air* Good enough ?
Launch Octopus : Well, thanks. How about some magic now ?
Jade-Ra & Launch Octopus : We summon you, Heralds of Power ! Bring us this moment to the Citadel, and dispel the nefarious illusion !
(Another flash, and our three robots are transported to the Citadel.)
Jade-Ra : Imposters ! Leave this place at once !
Regulus : You're back, Jade ? Nice clothes.
Jade-Ra : ... Is that all ?
Skeletor : I agree. You're supposed to be all "oh no, two Pharaohman and Skullman, what will we do now ?" !
Geoff : *rolls his eyes* Ye're a skull-faced wizard with shit-taste in clothing, along with a mummy wrestler. Couldn't mistake them with my teammates even drunked outta my ass.
Mumm-Ra : So, the spell ... never worked ?
Hunter : And you did nothing against the intruders ?
AM : We have Megatron breaking in every couple of days. It desensitizes after a while.
Regulus : Besides, it's Skeletor. How cool is that ?
Launch Octopus : *goes to Jay&Silent Bob's room as no one notices him*
Jade-Ra : Very well, then. You have been unmasked - or never masked at all.
Mumm-Ra : We ask for a duel now !
Cossack : *barging in* Hey, no ! We're done paying this place !
Skeletor : We shall stay, then.
Kalinka : *loads her shotgun* No freeloaders.
Mumm-Ra : Alright, we'll leave. But not before reparing your mess, brethren. *does a grabbing move at Jade's direction*
(Power faded, clothes re-arranged, and Jade is back to his former suit.)
Jade : Nice power, though.
Mumm-Ra : I know.
Skeletor : And as for your time-displaced comrade ... *waves his staff*
Launch Octopus : *pops from J&SB's room to his own, in 21XX* *checks the time* Hey, just the moment I left ! I love good ends. *resumes his marathon*
Mumm-Ra : And so, we leave.
Skeletor : Fare well, worthy opponents ! *both wizards fade away*
AM : All's well that ends well.
Jade : Really ? You did nothing to save us ! Zero ! Nada !
John : But in the end you solved the problem on your own, right ?
Jade : ... Right.
Jet : Still, is there a lesson to keep in this ?
Sean : That apathy and curiosity kill the cat ?
Geoff : That reminds me. *leaves the room* Kitty, kitty !
Jet : *sighs*
Hunter : It is okay to use one's weapon against him ?
Regulus : Couldn't have put it better myself.
AM : Okay, TV's on.
Jade : *sighs, but sits to watch TV*
(And such ended another adventure of the Comrades ! If you ask me, the 80s were kind of a screwed-up time. But we love it that way.)
(And now, a PSA brought to you by educational commitees !)
Bully : Gimme your lunch money, pal !
Nerd : I can't ! I'm saving it for video games !
Bully : Bah, they suck anyway !
(But from the wall, barged in...)
Bully&Nerd : Diveman !
Geoff : First of all, *grabs the bully and beats him up* That's fer bullying yer pals.
Nerd : Thanks, Mr Diveman !
Geoff : And as fer ya, *opens his hand* that's all yer lunch money. Protection comes at a price, kid.
Nerd : But ... no !
Geoff : Too bad. *shakes the nerd for money, and then stuffes him in a locker.* On second thought ... *loots the bully, and shoves him in another closet*
Nerd&Bully : *angry muffling*
Geoff : *to the camera* Remember, kids. If ya beat up people, it's called violence. But if ya beat up people fer money, it's called a job. Remember it well.Chorus : Cossackers ! Robots in clothing !