Gauntlet's Guide to Monster Anime Shows
Well, as for those few who don't know and yet visit this page, there is Pokemon and it's two demon offspring Digimon and Monster Ranchers.
Yet, why these shows or their accompanying games are considered original, I dunno. As anime, I'd say Monster Rancher works the best with Digimon following as second. Pokemon receives the butt end of most of my monster-show jokes. Why? Well, this is a typical conversation in Pokemon:
Ash: I wanna be a Pokemon Master! Pokemon are my friends! Humans can learn alot from Pokemon! I'm a big geek who needs valarium - BADLY!
Alright, so maybe he doesn't actually say that last part. I'll admit I liked the show when it first came out. It was cute. But the cuteness became sickening, jokes I found funny never died and became annoying and it has had the exact same plot throughout all of it's TV-life.
To make your own monster show is very, very simple. Step one: Have a 7-10 year old kid be the lead character. Add lots of emotional ties to the monsters so have the kid cry when one gets hurt or something. Next, you must make at least 150 different monsters to add variety to the show. If this is Pokemon, you are allowed to have "monsters" such as cows, trees, and caterpillars. If this is Monster Rancher, you can have "different" monsters by simply recoloring an existing monster. And if this is Digimon, all monsters must end in -mon and MUST (and I cannot stress this enough) have at least 5 variants (eg: Angemon, Arch-Angemon, Angewomon, Marine-Angemon Ange-enough-is-a-fucking-nuff-mon)!
Digimon is very nearly the best of the bunch, but they gotta lay off the fucking "mon" already! It doesn't even rhyme! And, try to actually explain the plot to someone out loud. You end up saying "-mon" and "Digi" so much that you feel like a doofus! Monster Rancher has name problems too. Genki and co. fight "the baddies". At first I thought this was a ignorant kiddy-talk for the malicious evil monster group. But, sadly no. They call themselves "The baddies". Led by "Moo" no less. Got milk? And as much as I praise the plot for it's ability to keep me interested with few plotholes and Tiger's awesome voice (same as Piccolo's first voice may I add), I cannot get over the fact that the heroes are gullible morons. Well, not morons, but gullible certainly. Even the trickster (the rabbit) and the former thief (the wolf Tiger) fall for every single trick thrown at them. It never fails either. *Sigh*
Alright, so the TV show stinks. Doesn't take the genius of Doctor Wily to figure that one out. Hear alot of talk how the Pokemon games are a "new gaming phenomenon" though. Now, while I gotta say the games are addictive, new phenomenon they are not! The take the basic elements of any RPG and add animals. It's actually alot like the call (or summon) spells from Final Fantasy. Really, it is. Rydia summons a chocobo to thwack enemies - Ash summons Pikachu. You collect summoned Espers/GFs/whatever they wanna call them next game and in Pokemon you do the exact same thing! Even the fighting style is alot like any RPG.
Megaman: Very good! Your Scyther is well trained!
Ash: Yes, but your Rush has very powerful attacks!
Dark Cloud: Oh! I wanna play too! I fight the winner with my CHOCOBO!
*giant foot squashes them all*
Green Ranger: Am I a Pokemon master yet?
Monster helpers doesn't exactly break ground either. The first monster helper: Godzilla. After then, everyone wanted one. Green Ranger got Dragonzord and Final Fantasy got theirs too. Megaman has Rush, Tenchi has Ryo-oki, Magic Knights Rayearth has that white blob thing that says "PUU!", even Princess Monokoe has those wired white things that jiggle their heads and make woody sounds. You know the things I'm talking about. So, what's the big friggin' deal if another anime show decides to go insane with it? Really, that's all that Pokemon is - collecting these monsters and having them fight.
Like cockfighting, really. And over where I am, that's illegal.
I'm Gauntlet and this has been Gauntlet's guides.
