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Viral Infection In:
Abnoxious Jokes

By Iceman 005


The Following Program contains scenes which may offend some viewers...others may experience mild discomfort, nagging backache, post-nasal drip, and delirum. Followed by rapid Heartbeat , Swelling of the Nose, throat and abbomen and loss of facial hair.

Repeated reading of these skits may result in the loss of ones's bodily functions, redistibution of facial features , premature baldness, and a diffiuclty in forming simple...*struggling* sssss..sentances. So, if you're seriously considering a rewarding, challenging career as a lawn ornament...


(Count Down starts)






More exciting than your mom's latest casserole!

More fun than a cup full of cottege cheese!

Viral Infection presents!! ABNOXIOUS JOKES!!

Starring a crew that'll haunt your dreams for the rest of your life...

Gauntlet! *comes in and falls on his ass* ICEMAN!!

(fan-fare starts)

Magicman EXE! *performs a magic act*

Skullman EXE! *juggles several bones..then one clonks him on the head*

Sharkman EXE! *comes out from the shadows, then half the audience runs away in fright* Uhhh..oops.

Bombman EXE! Yeah! That's me!

Elecman EXE! *somes strattling in then a pie hits his face* CLOUREDMAN!

(fan-fare contunies)

Stoneman EXE! That's Mr. Stoneman to you bub.

Gutsman EXE! *is shown fast asleep in his bed*

Forte EXE! *sign that says out to lunch*

Woodman EXE! *does a solo drum act on stage, then gets veggies thrown at him*

Numberman EXE! *starts doing calculations on his fingers* I Only have three!? Son of a...

Fireman EXE! Man...just how many members are there...

(Fan Fare starts to lose it's battery charge and gets disoriented)

Narrator: *starts losing his breath*

Protoman EXE! *puts his hands in front of the camera* No comment! Get that camera off me!

Pharaohman EXE! *shows an ancient coffin and that's it* *crickets start chirping*

(Fan Fare is about to end...thank god)

Coloredman EXE! *starts riding around on a unicylce juggling pies and holding a chair on his nose*


Iceman EXE!! *trips Coloredman and all his props fall over*

Coloredman EXE: HEY!!

*We enter the Camera Studio after the intro ends*

Bombman EXE: *turns around in his chair* Ugggg...I've never seen anything so revolting in my entire life. Kinda reminds me of the time at the hosptial...

*horror music starts and ends*

*-----Skit #1 (The Hospital Scene)--------*

Speaker Phone: Dr. Iceman to the Surgery Room... Dr. Iceman To the Surgery Room.

Ice: Whoooahhh...eck. Look at that mess. I've never seen anything that gross in my line of pratice.

Bomb: Yeah I know Doctor...it looks like...a...a plate of....ewwwwww....Spaghetti.

Ice: Here, you eat it. *shoves it to him*...I'm needed in surgery. *hauls ass*

Bomb: YOU'RE GOING TO BE NEEDING SURGERY!! *throws the plate at Iceman*

(In the lab room)

Coloured: *looking through the door* Quick! Put it back, he's coming!

Skullman EXE, and Sharkman EXE: *quickly put a brain back into a Navi's head*

Coloured: *sighs a relief*

Ice: *enters the room with the plate of spaghetti on his head* How's my patient Blizzardman EXE?

Shark: Hmmm...donno Doctor...he's out cold

Ice: *groans* I thought I was the one doing the wise cracks around here.

Skull: Hey doctor, real nice toupee you got there.

Shark: What is it? Spaghetti?

Coloured: Yup...it's spaghetti alright. *takes it off and eats it*

Ice: *whams Colouredman over the head with a mallet*

Bomb: Doctor...the invisible man is waiting for you in the waiting room.

Ice: That's a great place to wait. Tell him I can't see him right now.

Coloured: Hey Sharkman...that's a good one. Invisible Man...can't see him...

Shark: Yeah...that doc. He's a real cut up. *shows Ice using a chain saw on a patient*

Coloured: Yeah...he always leaves me in stiches.

Skull: Doctor...I think that patient is going to croak.

Ice: What's the matter? Does he have a frog in his throat?

(Toadman EXE ribbits and jumps out)

Coloured: He kills me. *laughs*

Shark: Yeah...he kills half his patients too. *laugh*

Coloured: You know Shark...I had a funny doctor like that once...but I had to stop going.

Shark: Why's that Color?

Coloured: He cost me an arm and a leg!

Shark: Well...you got the leg part right. *looks at the big ball under Color*

Ice: AAAAHHH!! *throws his tools aside* I think I found the problem. There's this ugly, pink glob growing inside his head.

Skull: Ummm...doctor..how long can a man live without a brain?

Ice: I donno Skull Face...how old are you?

(Everyone yells as Gauntlet comes on and pushes the scene out the window)

Gauntlet: Well...there's nothing more rotten than lame jokes...now how about something with more grace...and beauty...well. You'd have to stay tuned tell the next skit comes on.

Coming Soon: Skit 2 (Gauntlet's Corner)

to be continued

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