BIZARRO!

By: Oilman

Narrator: It's another day at S6 HQ, when Torchman wakes everyone up bright and early to rant about his latest "plan".

Torchman: .... and we follow that by BEHEADING TOPMAN!

Sharkman: Hellz yeah!

Oilman: Oh, for the love of .... you still haven't explained how we actually manage to trap the 'Maniacs?

Torchman: What?

Oilman: And you still haven't got back to me on exactly what you hope to gain by destroying them.

Torchman: What we hope to gain!? Gentlemen - fill the recolor in!

Blademan: Revenge!

Bitman: Their stuff.

Waveman: People will know we're better than they are, duh.

Sharkman: Their weed! Doood! LARGE FREAKIN' WEED!

Torchman: You see?

Bitman: Yeah, even dumpy gets it!

Waveman: Who's .....? oh.

Torchman: YES! For I am mighty! And under my guidance we will -

??: FAIL MISERABLY! Again.

Torchman: WHO DARES!?

Dynaman: We do.

Voltman: Looks like it's the same as it ever was ...

Sharkman: WRONG! We got ourselves a new member!

Oilman: No. We don't.

Sharkman: Hunh? Oh, right. Yeah, I guess it's kinda .... the same around here.

Voltman: Yeah. We noticed.

Bitman: So you guys are back. For how long this time?

Sonicman: Long enough to make some much-needed changes!

Torchman: BAH! My way is the most perfect - !

Voltman: ARRRRGH! Stop ranting! That's why we left in the first place!

Torchman: And left is what you should have remained!

Crorq: Have I been introduced yet?

Sonicman: No!

Torchman: Crorq?

Crorq: Oh, damn it.

Dynaman: Good going, Crorq. You totally ruined the surprise.

(The humungous robot Crorq lumbers inside S6 base.)

Crorq: You took too long!

Sonicman: We were trying to build suspence.

Crorq: Well, you failed!

Bitman: Aw, man. Crorq.

Sharkman: Didn't we drop you from a cliff?

Crorq: Yes. You did. And it hurt!

Blademan: How'd you get better from that?

Sonicman: We spent months rebuilding him.

Blademan: Why'd you do that?

Dynaman: Because we wanna rule the world! We'll push this team to greatness despite your incompotence!

Torchman: So the snake has bitten its own tail!

Dynaman: What?

Torchman: Your true faces are at last revealed!

Crorq: Okay, just stop talking now.

Bitman: *groan* we wish.

Torchman: NEVER!

Crorq: You WILL OBEY ME!

(Crorq exerts his will and the Six fall to their knees!)

Torchman: GRAAAAAHH!!!

Oilman: Oh, I hate this crap!

Waveman: Since when can Crorq control us?

Oilman: Since ALWAYS! That's why it was so tough dumping him off that cliff!

Crorq: And thank you for reminding me!

(Crorq exerts his influence and the six writhe in pain!)

the Six: *writhes in pain*!

Waveman: How .... how could I have forgotten this?

Bitman: 'cuz yer a dough boy with a head filled with slush.

Crorq: BEHAVE!!

(Yet another wave of pain is exerted on the six!)

the six: GWAHH!!

Sharkman: *wiggles an obscene gesture*

Voltman: You'll just get more of the same until you co-operate.

the six: *groan*

(A few hours later .....)

Crorq: WHERE IS MY DINNER!?

Oilman: It's .... taking a while ....

Crorq: Damn it, damn it, damn it! I am hungry now! And I want my dinner now! Hurry up!

Oilman: Damn you!

(Crorq sends a wave of pain as he forces Oilman back to work.)

Oilman: AHHH!! Damn it! (Oilman is forced back to his task.

Torchman: You will rue this - GWAHH!

Crorq: Quiet!

Torchman: I will not stay silent - GAHH!!

Crorq: Quiet already!

Torchman: You can't do this to me - GAHH!!

Crorq: I did, now quiet!

Torchman: You'll regret - GAHH!

Crorq: Shut it!

Torchman: Grrrr .... you won't silence me so easily!

Crorq: Apparently not.

Torchman: I built this place! I - HEY! Don't make me walk away from you!

(Torchman struggles with Crorq's control as he walks out of the room.)

Torchman: COWARD! COWARD!

(Torchman is beyond earshot.)

Crorq: FINALLY! Now if only Oilman would finish up with my food....

(A few hours later ....)

Crorq: (while gorging himself) Sonicman! report!

Sonicman: (over the radio) It's like you said. There's more than enough leftover parts to make the giant robot!

Crorq: Oh course! My supercomputer brain computed this as one of the largest untapped resources in Megalopolis!

Sonicman: Don't you mean "Monsteropolis", sir?

Crorq: Don't correct me! My genius said MEGALOPOLIS!

Sonicman: Right. Sorry, sir.

(Oilman walks in with a drink)

Oilman: Here's your drink.

Crorq: *grabs the drink and guzzles it down*

....

Crorq: *gags and spits the drink on the floor*!

Oilman: Hey!

Crorq: I said I wanted cherry cola! Not this black cherry vanilla crap!

Oilman: I told you, it's been discontinued! I - AAARGH!

Crorq: Then find it!

Oilman: I can't - ARGH!

Crorq: When I say I want Cherry Coke I want Cherry Coke! If I wanted this vanilla crap I would have asked for it.

Oilman: But - ARGH!

Crorq: This is the sort of garbage that gets you ranked dead last among the forces of evil. Now, I want you to travel as far and for as long as it takes ..... UNTIL YOU FIND ME MY DAMNED CHERRY COKE!

Oilman: DAMN! *Oilman is forced out on his journey by Crorq*

(At the same time Blademan struggles walks into the room, summoned by Crorq's will.)

Blademan: Grrr .... What do you want?

Crorq: You'll clean that mess up.

(Crors mentally forces Blade to get cleaning products and in short order, Blade is on his hands and knees fighting the stain on the carpet.)

Blademan: Dirty little ....

Crorq: And SMILE as you do it! I know all! And I demand it!

(Blademan grins madly under his mask, very much against his will.)

(A few days later....)

Dynaman: Oil still hasn't come back yet.

Crorq: He better not. Not until he's found some Cherry Coke.

Sonicman: Damn straight.

Crorq: Now .... where are my chicken wings!?

Sharkman: (pokes his head from out of the kitchen) Dood. I ..... went through a bunch of packets. I'm really not good at cooking.

Crorq: STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND DO IT!

Sharkman: GUY! I dunno how, yo!

Crorq: Do it! My super brain commands you to do it!

Sharkman: Aw ... !@#$!!!! WEAK!

(Sharkman yet again tries to make chicken wings, under Crorq's control).

Crorq: I need my chicken wings, damn it.

Voltman: Uh .... may I point out that you are a robot and therefore -

Crorq: NO YOU MAY NOT!

Voltman: Yes, sir!

Crorq: General Dynaman! How goes the giant robot?

Dynaman: I'm a general now?

Crorq: My superior intelligence deems it so.

Dynaman: Neat!

Crorq: Yes, it is so. Now ... the robot?

Dynaman: Proceeding smoothly!

Crorq: Excellent .... all is in readiness.

Torchman: *struggles to rant*

Crorq: HAH! Yes, I finally got ahold of your speech centers.

Torchman: *struggles to respond*

Crorq: Oh ho ho ho. Now .... if only I had chicken wings and cherry coke this would be perfect ....

(One day later.)

Crorq: IT IS COMPLETE!!

(Before them stands a giant Garbageman. The six, minus Oil, are collapsed in exhaustion.)

Crorq: Good. Work. Team.

Blademan: We .... did ...

Crorq: *forces Blade silent*

Crorq: And now ..... for the next order of buisness. We kill the Mechs!

Voltman: What!?

Sonicman: I thought you wanted to get away from all that crap.

Crorq: The world will forever associate our team with failure unless we finish the job these losers started.

Waveman: Now hold - nnnngh.

Crorq: *forces Wave silent*

Voltman: As always Crorq is right.

Dynaman: That sort of thinking is why Crorq's the super computer.

Crorq: Of course even super computers need food ..... damn it! Where's Sharkman!?

(Crorq mentally summons Sharkman, and the robot master comes out warily with a tray full of burnt-up chicken wings.)

Crorq: What is this!?

Sharkman: I .... I can't cook, man!

Crorq: Useless!

(Crorq knocks the tray onto the floor.)

Sharkman: Awwww...

Crorq: You will be punished later. But now we must go and ...... destroy the Mechs!

(The entire battle need not be recorded. However, a small sample shall be shown as an example.)

Crorq: I SAID PUNCH TO YOUR LEFT! YOUR LEFT!!

Blademan: I thought you meant my left!

Crorq: I meant the other left!

Dynaman: We're taking damage to the rear!

Crorq: Fire the garbage lazer!

Blademan: The power's not high enough for that!

Crorq: What!? Bitman!!

Bitman: (plugged into several outlets) I'm ..... not .... a .... battery! I just don't got ....

Crorq: We need more power!

Bitman: Ahhhh ..... screw you, Crorq!

Crorq: You dare!?

Blademan: We're getting hit!

Crorq: Then dodge! Veer backwards!

Sonicman: We're having a hard time co-ordinating the walking, Crorq. I don't think that's a good idea.

Waveman: It's a terrible idea.

Crorq: VEER TO THE BACK, I SAID!

(And, so..... the S6 returns to the base... all walking somberly into the dump on foot...)

Crorq: THAT WAS TERRIBLE!

the Six ('cept for the muted Torch and Oil): Yes, Crorq.

Crorq: You couldn't even follow simple instructions!

the Six: Yes, Crorq.

Crorq: And I'm hungry, damn it! I'm the guest and you've been nothing but horrible to me! I'm the guest, damn it!

the Six: *groan*

Crorq: Well .... under my guidance the Demonic Ten will rise again! And we'll beat those damned Mechs.

(At this Torch snaps!)

Torchman: *ggff* *gurk* *Nkkk* NOOOOOO!!!!!

Crorq: What!?

Torchman: We are now and forever the Sinister Six!

Crorq: There's ten of us now, you idiot! People will just think you can't count.

Torchman: You were never invited!

Crorq: I don't care!

Torchman: I don't care that you don't care! For - GKKKK!!!

(Crorq exerts control once again over the verbose Torchman.)

Crorq: Clearly new blood is needed. And ..... I believe I know of just the solution..... In fact, it's already been prepared!

Torchman: What!?

Crorq: Indeed. Allow me to teleport in...

(Several figures teleport in. They stand eerily still, it's obvious they have not been activated yet.)

Crorq: YOUR REPLACEMENTS!

Sharkman: WHAT!?

Bitman: Fer once I'm with Shark. What the hell is this, Crorq!?

Crorq: You're incompotent. All of you! But .... who is billed as the Mechanical Maniac's greatest villain?

Blademan: Mesmerman?

Bitman: Galvatron?

Torchman: US!!

Crorq: No, not us, that's why I'm here, you twit. Bizarro Shadowman is hailed as their greatest villain!

Sharkman: I was gonna guess that!

Crorq: And considering all evil doubles share esteem, I have decided evil doubles of you would make perfect villains!

Torchman: But Bizarros behave in the opposite from the original they were cloned from. Obviously these ..... things will do the same! Your plan has a fatal flaw!

....

Crorq: If I had hands, I would smack you.

Waveman: But you have us!

Crorq: Pathetic failures all. It's time to activate the Bizarros!

(Voltman flips a switch. The Bizarros' eyes light up.)

Crorq: Now ...... finally ....

B. Torchman: BRAIN!