The Sinister Six VS The Sinister Six

By: Torchman

Narrator: One day at Sinister Six HQ, Torchman wakes up and reads the newspaper. He scowls in anger at the prepostrous headline before him!

Oilman: Torchman? What's wrong?

Torchman: What the Hell is this?

(Torchman angrily throws the newspaper on the table).

Oilman: The ... New Sinister Six saves the day!? What fallicy is this? And whose that there? It can't be the great Iceman! He died!

Torchman: I dunno, but they have some freakin' nerve to pull this sorta crap. I'm gonna go over there and give them a piece of my mind! There is only one true Sinister Six out there and it's us!

(And so Torchman goes over to S6 base, where it's not delapedated and in complete dissarray, and knocks down the door.)

Torchman: So-called Sinister Six! Show thyselves! I - Torchman - command you!

Gutsman: Hello?

Torchman: I'm here to give you a piece of my mind!

Gutsman: ehhh?

Torchman: Just who the Hell do you think you are, buddy? Not Gutsman! You don't even look like the real Gutsman!

Gutsman: .... I'm Gutsman.

Torchman: No, you're not Gutsman! The true Gutsman is a noble soul who has fought with honor for years upon years! The true Gutsman is a true friend of the real Sinister Six .... my Sinister Six! Spit out your true name!


Gutsman: I'm Gutsman.


Torchman: FOOL!! You seek to defy me!? The mighty Torchman!? Do you not know the horrors you unleash upon yourself when you seek to challenge the one who is mightiest above all other robots?!

Gutsman: Buhhhhh ..... Guhhhh ...

Torchman: I shall -

Gutsman: Buh, I am Gutsman. Can't you see mah Guts?


Gutsman: eh? Torchie?


Gutsman: Hey .... where'd the critter go?

(The dim-witted Gutsman looks around, but Torchman has already went to another room .... only to find.....)

Gutsman: Hey .... the critter made fun of Guts! Guts .... MAD at the critter!

(In the TV room Bombman is dully looking at static)

Torchman: You there! Green one! I call your attention!

Bombman: .... (drool falls from his face s he continues to stare.)

Torchman: .... Of all the .... (Turns off the television.)

Bombman: .... what? HEY! I was watching that!

Torchman: .... it was on static.


Torchman: I CARE NOT! I demand to know what you people think you are doing! The Sinister Six -

Bombman: I was watchin' that!

Torchman: Now you listen here - !

Bombman: No, YOU listen, bumpkin'! I was watching the telly! And ... now that it occurrs to mah brain, I don't think you should e'en be here. This is our property! Why .... I bet I can blast you with my blaster balls straight thu 'dat -

(Torchman turns on the television and Bombman immediately starts to stare at the screen.)

Bombman: Hey .... mah show's back on .....

Torchman: *sigh* Soemtimes, it doesn't pay to be rightious.

(Torchman exits the room. Soon after Gutsman comes in.)

Gutsman: HEY! Greenie! Did you see the little red critter!?

Bombman: (Dully stares at the TV.)

Gutsman: (Stares at Bombman for a moment and then he turns the TV off.)

Bombman: HEY! I was watchin' that!

(Torchman slowly makes his way through their base when he discovers ... yet another TV room!)

Torchman: (thought) What madness is this? Two television sets? This "new" Sinister Six is well funded indeed to afford such luxury!

(Torchman spots Elecman jumping on the couch.)

Elecman: Woo hoo! Woo hoo! Woo hoo!

Torchman: Foul creature! I demand your attention!

Elecman: (Stops jumping on the couch and stares at Torchman in shock.)

Torchman: I am Torchman of the true Sinister Six!

Elecman: ...

Torchman: Know that your foul plot has not escaped our notice. We are the rightful heirs to all things Sinister Six and we know that you are all but poor duplicates of the greatness that was the Sinister Six!

Elecman: ...

Torchman: Repent! Repent and leave the city before I -

(At the moment Elecman springs onto Torchman's face!)

Torchman: !?!?

Elecman: Wahh hah hah! My new friend uses big words! BIG WORDS!

(Torchman struggles to get Elecman off his face.)

Torchman: Miscreant! Foul ... creature!

Elecman: Big words! Big words!

Torchman: GAHHH!!!!

Elecman: GAHHH!!!!

Torchman: Get off me!

Elecman: Get off me!

Torchman: Stop .... copying me!

Elecman: Stop .... copying me!

Torchman: Blast it!

(Torchman aims his torch art at Elecman and blasts him with his mighty weapon! Elecman leaps off in surprise.)

Elecman: AHH!! You hurt me!

Torchman: Yes. For you have -

Elecman: YOU HURT ME!

Torchman: Yes. For you have -

Elecman: WAHHHH!! (Starts to cry loudly.)

Torchman: Oh .... forget it. (Torchman walks off.)

(Upon hearing Elecman's crying both Gutsman and Bombman walk into the room.)

Bombman: Elecman? Are you upset?

Elecman: (Cries even more loudly.)


Bombman: So, are you upset or what?

Elecman: Some *sniff* guy *sniff* came in and *sniff* hut me with fire!

Bombman: FIRE!?

Elecman: *sniff* yeah.

Gutsman: Was it Fireman!?

Elecman: *sniff* no.

Gutsman: Was it a stranger?

Elecman: *sniff* yes.


Elecman: .... no.

Bombman: Then we have two tresspassers!

Gutsman: Two of them....

Elecman: TWO OF THEM!?

Bombman: It looks that way.

Gutsman: .... It looks like this is the first adventure of the new Sinister Six.

(Torchman makes his way to Iceman's old room where he heard noises from inside.)

Cutsman: I just don't feel that way about you.

Iceman: But ... But ....

Cutsman: Look, we have to work together. You gotta back off.

(Torchman bursts into the room.)

Torchman: And now you things will answer to TORCHMAN!

Iceman: Who the Hell is this?

Torchman: Evil fiend! How can anyone mistake you for Iceman!? You're a CUBE!

Iceman: Sure. I'm like ... Ice CUBE Man.

Torchman: ARGH!

Cutsman: Yeah, he's not cute at all.

Torchman: You! Scissor head! You seem to be the only one with wits about you!

Cutsman: Uhhh....

Torchman: What is the meaning of this!?

Cutsman: Cuts Cuts Cuts! That's for us to know and for you to find out!

Torchman: Ohhh, you people! You're so annoying!

Iceman: CHILL OUT!

(Iceman shoots his freeze ray at Torchman, but Torchman's mighty Torch Arm is able to repel the blast and hits Iceman, knocking him down!)

Torchman: Hah hah! Your friend, the false Iceman is down!

Cutsman: I don't care.

Torchman: Soon you will all be destroyed in a similar manner!

Cutsman: I don't care.

Torchman: For you face the wrath of ME! TORCHMAN!

Gutsman: There's the critter!

Torchman: What?

(Torchman whirls around to see the other Sinister Six members behind him.)

Elecman: he's the one!

Bombman: The one what?

Elecman: The one who put me on fire!

Gutsman: Where's the other one, critter?

Torchman: Other one?

Bombman: You know the one we mean!

Torchman: GRRRAAAAHHH!! You people! You people are IDIOTS!!!

Iceman: I'm ... melting ...

Cutsman: Shut up, you un-cute .... THING!

(Fireman walks into the crowd.)

Fireman: What's goin' on?

Torchman: FIREMAN!? Not you as well!

Fireman: .... What's goin' on?

Bombman: This guy and his posse have invaded the base!

Fireman: What!? There's a gang of people in the base?

Bombman: There is!?

Cutsman: You said there was an entire posse!

Bombman: That is what I said ...

Torchman: ...

Fireman: We gotta get them all!

Gutsman: We have the critter cornered.

Fireman: GAHH! Idiots! We have to search for the rest of his posse! They could be anywhere ... learning our sinister secrets!

Elecman: N-not that! Anything but that!

Gutsman: But how can we catch all of them?


Fireman: We'll split up!

Bombman: Yeah!

Elecman: Good plan!

Gutsman: Er.... yeah ... (I still don't understand though.)

Cutsman: But I want to browse the internet more ....

Fireman: There's time for being creepy later, Cutsman. For now we have to corner the intruders.

Cutsman: I guess you're right.

Fireman: Iceman, you keep an eye on this one. Everyone else! Let's go!

(The five go in seperate directions.)

Iceman: (continues to melt on the floor) Right .... I ... Could you put me in the freezer or something?

Torchman: Good lord .......

(With nothing left to do, Torchman returns to Sinister Six base....)

Bitman: So ... what'd you find out, boss?

Torchman: I found out that there might be some people even stupider than the Mechs.

Oilman: Are they even stupider than you?

(Torchman hits Oil)

Oilman: OW!

Sharkman: This bites. We get no respect!

Bitman: Still, this coulda ended worse. I mean .... those fakers aren't household names or nuthin'.

(Sharkman turns on the TV and April O'Neil is reporting.)

April O'Neil: And so, the new Sinister Six has reported victory on their very first case!

Fireman: He got Iceman, but we got rid of his posse, but good!

Gutsman: Yeah. They were so scared, they totally left our base!

Bombman: They scrammed. We didn't find any trace of 'em.

April O'Neil: Good work! Just as expected from the Sinister Six!

(Sharkman turns off the TV.)

Sharkman: D-doooooood....

Blademan: That's not cool. Not cool!

Waveman: I knew it. We never catch a break.

Torchman: Don't let it get you down, Waveman. What does April O'Neil know? Nothing! We will crush these copies of the Sinister Six one day. For they're really ... really stupid. And once we do everyone will see us as the TRUE Sinister Six (which we already are)! So rally behind me, all of you, and face forward! Towards the future!


The End.