By Shade Man.exe
Location: Darklight Mercenaries HQ: Yumland Branch. The Peace Day tournament has come and passed. No one has bothered Sam or Shade Man. No fans. No admirers. No reporters. That wouldn’t last.
Sam: Times are slow.
Shade Man: Yeah.
Sam: I’m getting some lunch. *Opens the refrigerator. It is empty* ...crud. I gotta go shopping. Wanna come with?
Shade Man: Nah. I’m cool. I’ll look for a job on the net.
Sam: Kay. Later.
Sam left the HQ, in search of food. While that may be interesting (boring) story, our focus will be on Shade Man for the moment. At the Yumland Square (internet), Shade Man is seen standing around. Doing nothing. How boring.
Shade Man: ZZZZZZZ...
Shade Man: *Wakes* AH!
The first thing Shade Man sees is a normal navi wearing a pair of scissors.
Shade Man: You have 3 seconds to explain why you disturbed my nap.
Navi: *Gulp* Y-you see, Mr. Shade Man, my company is interested in you.
Shade Man: Explain.
Navi: *ahem* I am a representative of Mega Men Incorporated, and we would like to feature for some of our work.
Shade Man: Aren’t Mega Men Inc. products usually brought by single female navis?
Navi: Yes. And?
Shade Man:...Which product?
Navi: We want you to be Mr. October in this year’s "Mega Men Monthly Calendar"
Shade Man: How much it pay?
Shade Man: That’s not much money.
Navi: It’s not much work.
Shade Man: Fair enough. Let’s do this.
Navi: Excellent! *pulls out a camera* Excellent. Now spread your wings, like your about to do that Noise attack.
Shade Man: Wh-whee! (Spreads wings)
Navi: Excellent! Here’s your payment. *gives Shade Man 5,000 zenny* and you’ll be receiving a copy of Mega Men Monthly via E-mail shortly. Thank you, and good day *logs out*
Shade Man: ...Whatever. ZZZZZZZ...
3 days later, Mega Men Incorporated’s Calendar was released. Predictably, many female navis bought it. Now let us look at a conversation between two navis that just bought the calendar. Let us call them Ann and Sue.
Ann: Oh my god, the navis in here are SO hot.
Ann: Especially that Mr. October!
Sue: Tell me about it! I’d love to have him as a boyfriend!
Ann: It says here in the back that he lives in Yumland. Let’s go there!
*Similar conversations to this happened across the net. And thus, lady navis went to the Yumland net area. Meanwhile, at the Darklight Mercenaries HQ: Yumland Branch,we see Sam talking on the phone...*
Sam: Yes...Yes...Add a zero to the end of that, and we got a deal...Well, since I can’t bring Shade with me, I gotta get some compensation out of it...Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Oxyde. *hangs up*
Shade Man: A job?
Sam: For me. I can’t bring you along.
Shade Man: What!? What kind of job is this?
Sam: I have to deliver a package to a small village a good daysEdrive north of here. However, these people are, how do you say...backwater. Bringing you along would be problematic.
Shade Man:...Very well. Just do me a favor.
Shade Man: Jack me into the net. I’m not spending all day in here.
Sam: Kay. *Jacks Shade Man into the net* Have fun. *leaves*
Shade Man: Later.
Voice: You got mail!
Shade Man: What? *checks mail* Oh. That. Might as well take a look.
Shade Man looks at his new copy of Mega Men’s Calendar.
Shade Man: Let’s see... Damn I look sexy. What els...figures the blue dork is in here...country guy, Sword girl, Stars and Stripes dude, Ninja, Bishonen rip-off, Flame Retard, Light Geek, Fix Or Repair Daily, chest hole, and...how the hell did a chibi Eskimo get in here? Ah well. Whatever. Might as well find something to do.
5 minutes later, in Yumland Square...
Shade Man: Man, this is boringEmeh, might as well hunt for some food. *Leaves the square*
Female Navi 1: There he went! Outside of the square! *FollowsE.and is then followed by many others*
Location: Yumland Area 2
Shade Man: Here, Virus, virus, virus...
Female Navi: Shade Man!
Shade Man: *looks up, tense* Who’s there?
Female Navi: *Comes out from behind a rock* Hi.
Shade Man:...Who are you?
Female Navi: Don’t worry about that. Wanna go on a date?
Female Navi 2: *appears out of nowhere* Hey! Don’t take my man, bitch!
FN1: YOUR man? This man is mine!
FN3: *Drops in* You’re both wrong! He’s mine!
Shade Man: Uh..ladies...
FN1, 2, 3: SHUT IT!!!
Shade Man: meep...
FN1: Now as I was saying, we’re gonna get married!
FN2: You wish girl!
FN3: He’s mine!!
*They started fighting. Shade Man wisely took this chance to run away.*
Shade Man: What the hell was that about?
Random female voice: There he is!!!
Shade Man looked towards the source of the noise. He saw a multitude of women, all with that look in their eyes.
Another Random female: Mr. October!!! Marry me!!!
Shade Man:E.shit. Single female navis!!!E*run*
Yet Another Random Female: Get him!!!!
In the interest of censorship, the rest of this will be taken out of the script.*
That night, at the Yumland Branch of Darklight Mercenary HQ
*Shade Man was resting in his PET, in a fetal position. Sam comes in. His clothes are thrashed, and it looks like his day was no better than Shade Man’s. They look at each other.*
Sam:...should I even ask?
Shade Man: I won’t if you won’t.