X-FORCE FARCE!

By: Gauntlet (aka Shadowman)

This very special epilogue is also a semi-musical! The words in italic indicate the person has spontaneously burst into song!

"On the twenty-third day of the month of September, in an early year of a decade not too long before our own, the Human Race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence.

And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely, of places..."

Magnet: Hey, guys!

Gauntlet: What?

Magnet: I was walking by the wholesale flower district today, when I passed by this shop where the old Chinese man usually gives me a discount on weird and exotic types. Because that's my hobby you know. He didn't have anything for me...but suddenly it got very dark...and there was this weird humming sound...and when the lights came back on, there was this!

Needlegal: I didn't think he had anything left before!

Magnet: Well, the old Chinese man sold it to me anyway...for a dollar ninety-five.

Snake: Well, whoop-dee-do! Since when is gardening your hobby?

Magnet: Since ALWAYS!

Spark: Y'know that doesn't make a whole lotta sense. I mean yer a robot who's into gardening?

Magnet: MAGNET MISSILES!

Spark: Yikes!

Top: Hey guys! We're getting a call from the police commissioner!

Commissioner: Maniacs! We need your help!

Spark: Really, we don't do that thing anymore. We did the hero thing to earn money, but now we have all the money we need.

Commissioner: It's the X-Force! They're on a rampage!

Gauntlet: The X-Force!? Aren't they dead??

Hard: nnnnnnnnnhhhhhh!

Commissioner: That's what we all thought! Hurry!

Gemini: It's time we pay those guys back for the quick KO they handed us last time!*

(*In the insultingly brief opening battle of Tale of Two Teams Part 2. - Ed.)

Magnet: Gee...I'd like to...but I wanna take care of my plant right now!

Spark: Fine. We'll call in a favor.

Gauntlet: Yes...and I will help Magnet. You guys go without me!

Top: Oh-no, "Uber-Webmaster", now that you're the leader, you gotta lead!

Gauntlet: DAMNIT!! Well, what if I don't wanna be leader any more?

Snake: Too late! Let's go!

(The Maniacs teleport out!)

Magnet: Now If only I could figure out why you're wilting...

(The Maniacs land in the middle of the city!)

Magma Dragoon: They have arrived! At last!

Gauntlet: Alright, it's time to pay for defeating us so easily last time!

Jet Stingray: You think so, do you!? X-Force - REUNITE!

(The X-Force raise their hands with a bright flash of light!)

Spark: Arg! Can't see!

Jet Stingray: Water Shooter. (A stream of water erupts from Jet Stingray and strikes Sparkman!)

Split Mushroom: MUSHROOM LASER! (A red beam shoots from Split Mushroom and hits Needlegal, knocking her out!)

Web Spider: Looks like yer goin' down again, Mechs!

(Suddenly, the X-Force is hit by bombs from behind them!)

X-Force: Gaagh!!

Drill Ma'am: Mwa-aha-ahah! Let's get 'em, guys!

(Drill and the Maniacs hit the X-Force with all they have!)

Magma Dragoon: X-Force...RETREAT!

(The X-Force disappear!)

Top: Thanks for comin', Drill.

Drill Ma'am: Hey, no problemo! You know, according to my charts Magnet is due for a little check up! Hu-heh!

Snake: Oh, man...could you at least use some Novocaine this time?

Drill Ma'am: Heh...what fun would that be!? I am a dentist~! And I enjoy the career that I picked! I your dentist~! And I get off on the pain I inflict! I thrill when you chill in my hospital! It's swell though you tell me I'm malicious! I am a dentist! And a suc-CESS!

Gemini: Something's not quite right. Everybody's been spontaneously bursting into song. There must be some kinda disease going around.

(The very next day...)

Snake: MAN! That plant is HUGE! You are some gardener!

Magnet: Why thank you. I call it Audrey 2!

Gauntlet: Hey, there is money to be made here. I'm gonna put up an ad!

Spark: So, how'd your dental appointment go? Drill can be quite the sadist.

Magnet: It...went fine!

Gauntlet: You hear she vanished some time last night? Right off the face of the globe! Probably went to Vegas or something with your bill payment.

(Elsewhere...)

Magma Dragoon: Look at this..."Magnet's amazing new plant, Audrey 2!" Imagine our wealth if we stole this...

Frost Walrus: Let's go for it!

(And so...)

Gauntlet: Magnet...

Magnet: Yeah?

Gauntlet: How would you like...to be...my son? How would you like to be my own adopted boy? (I never liked him much before, but count the cash that's in the drawer! I've got no choice- I'm much too poor-) Say yes.

Magnet: What for?

Gauntlet: Magnet, I want to be your dad! I'll gladly treat you like my blood and my own flesh.

Magnet: Like Ozzie Nelson, Dave and Rick?

Gauntlet: Like Honey Fitz and take your pick!

Magnet: Then kiss me quick, I'll be your son!

Gauntlet: Don't make me sick, just be my son.

Gauntlet & Magnet: Gauntlet & Son! Sounds great. Three words with the ring of fate.

Gauntlet: So say you'll incorporate with me a florist's dream come true, Gauntlet and his boychik, you- What business we'll do for F.T.D.

Gauntlet & Magnet: Like Andy Hardy and the Judge. Like Zeus and Mercury Like Dumas Fils and Pere!

Magnet: In trouble sickness and in wealth.

Gauntlet: We'll share the plant and share the wealth! I'll call my lawyer-

Magnet: Call me son.

Gauntlet & Magnet: Gauntlet & Son, that's that.

Magnet: Officially I'm your brat!

Gauntlet & Magnet: Consider the matter closed and done. Now to the world let's stick Our Senior and Junior shtick.

Magnet: Through thin and through thick!

Gauntlet: Through sloppy and slick!

Gauntlet & Magnet: Through kiss and through kick! Gauntlet & Son!

(A few days later...)

Gauntlet: I can't believe it, it couldn't be happening! Pinch me girls, it couldn't be happening! All of a sudden, suddenly success comin' outta the blue! I put a sign up right in the front window! An advertisement right in the front window! "Stop in and see the amazing new plant Audrey 2!" And the really remarkable thing is that people - they do! Magnet that twerp of a klutz finally did something right! Audrey 2 drives him nuts, what a blessing this wonderful plant should exist and should rake in the bucks for me hand over fist!

Cyber Peacock: I'd hand over those bucks if I were you!

Gauntlet: The X-Force!

Slash Beast: That's right! Ya can't take on all of us alone! SLASH BOOMERANG!

(Gauntlet dodges!)

Gauntlet: Aw, fer cryin' out loud...I didn't ask for this!

Cyber Peacock: Eat OIL STREAM!

Gauntlet: Hey, since when can Cyber Peacock do the Oil Stream attack!?

Cyber Peacock: ...Since ALWAYS!

Gauntlet: NO! You're not the X-Force at all! You're the Demonic Nine!

Slash Beast: THAT'S THE SINISTER SIX!!!!

Magma Dragoon: (Whacks Slash Beast upside the head) Quiet you fool! We are not the Sinister Six or the Demonic Nine! Who are they? Are they the one and only true Megaman 3 Team and the only true Sinister Six?

Gauntlet:...

Magma Dragoon: Because if you think we are the much underappreaciated PC robot masters and that I am Torchman in disguise, well you are totally mistaken!

Gauntlet: Yeah, nice cover up there. Really believed that. Why not just get lost?

Split Mushroom: NEVER! I, Gemini Red, will crush you! GEMINI LASER!

(Gauntlet teleports back to the Technodrome, but the X-Force follows him! All the lights are off and it is pitch black.)

Frost Walrus: I cannot believe you let our identities slip, Sharkman!

Slash Beast: Aw, gimme a break Doc Robot!

Someone: Well, well, well...look at what we have here...

Storm Owl: Gauntlet!! Show yourself!!

Someone: You are looking nice as can be!

Web Spider: What're you talkin' about Gauntlet?

Someone: You're looking mighty sweet~!

Storm Owl: G-G-Gauntlet!?

Someone: No, it ain't Gauntlet - it's me!

Audrey 2: Your friendly Audrey Two! This plant is talking to you!

Split Mushroom: Are we dreaming this??

Audrey 2: No. And you ain't in Kansas either! Do me a favor and get me some water, buddies. I'm reeeeaaaaal thirsty! Come on and get me a drink!

Magma Dragoon: I-I don't know If we should~!

Audrey 2: Hey little guests be nice!

Storm Owl: You - you just want water right!?

Audrey 2: Sure do, I'll drink it straight.

Jet Stingray: Your branches are looking a little dry...

Audrey 2: Don't need no glass or no ice.

Slash Beast: I'll - I'll get the can!

Audrey 2: Don't need no twist of lime!

Cyber Peacock: Here we go~!

Audrey 2: AND NOW IT'S SUPPERTIME!

(Audrey 2 then eats the X-Force and grows to gigantic proportions. It gets out of the Technodrome and starts going on a rampage!)

Needlegal: Is that Audrey 2!? Magnet, what the hell did you feed it!?

Magnet: Only that sadistic dentist, Drill Ma'am...and our butlers, Sigma and Megaman Juno...

Snake: That thing eats people!?

Gemini: Let's get it! GEMINI LASER!

(The Mechanical Maniacs fire their weapons at Audrey 2, but it has no effect!)

Better wait a minute. Ya better hold the phone. Better mind your manners. Better change your tone. Don't you threaten me, son. Ya gotta lot of gall. We gonna do things my way or we won't do things at all.

Ya don't know what you're messin' with. You got no idea. You don't know what you're lookin' at when you're lookin' here. Ya don't know what you're up against, no, no way, no how. You don't know what you're messin' with, but I'm gonna tell you now!

(Get this straight!) I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad. I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and it looks like you been had. I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, so get off my back, 'n get out my face, 'cause I'm mean and green and - I - am - bad.

Wanna save your skin, boy? You wanna save your hide? You wanna see tomorrow? You better step aside. Better take a tip, boys. Want some good advice? You better take it easy, 'cause you're walkin' on thin ice.

Ya don't know what you're dealin' with. No, you never did. Ya don't know what you're lookin' at, but that's tough titty, kid! The lion don't sleep tonight, and if you pull his tail, he roars. Ya say, "That ain't fair?" Ya say, "That ain't nice?" Ya know what I say? "Up yours!"

(Watch me now!) I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad. I'm just a mean green mother, a real disgrace, and you've got me fightin' mad. I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, gonna trash your ass, gonna rock this place, 'cause I'm mean and green and - I - am - bad.

Don't you talk to me about old King Kong. You think he's the worst, well, you're thinkin' wrong. Don't talk to me about Frankenstein. He got a temper, ha! He ain't got mine.

You know I don't come from no black lagoon. I'm from past the stars and beyond the moon. You can keep the bang, keep the it, keep the creature, they don't mean shit.

I got one style, major moves. I got the stuff and I think that proves you better move it out. Nature calls. You got the point? I'm gonna bust your balls.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. (Here it comes!) I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad. I'm just a mean green mother, a real hard case. You can't beat this trouble, man. I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, so just beam him up. It's all over, ace. I'm mean and green. (Mean green mother from outer space.) I'm mean and green. (Mean green mother from outer space.) I'm mean and green. (Mean green mother from outer space.) (Mean green mother from outer space.) And I - am - bad. Ah, ah, ah, ah.Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah.Ah, ah, ah, ah.Ah, ah, ah, ah.Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Needlegal: Well...this looks like the end! And after such a cool song too!

(Suddenly, Audrey 2 collapses with a painful sound!)

Audrey 2: AAARRRGHH! What's goin' on...Feellin' really bad...must've been someone I ate!...~~

(Audrey 2 dies on the spot and Gauntlet, Drill Ma'am, Sigma, Juno, and the X-Force crawl out from a hole in Audrey 2's stomach.)

Juno: Oh, deary me.

Sigma: That horrid monster has soiled us. How embarrassing~~.

Gauntlet: Never eat someone who can call razor-sharp blades at will.

Magnet: WHOA! I'm glad you're alright!

Gauntlet: STUFF IT! You're gonna have to fix all of the mess Audrey 2 caused by yourself! And no more plants for you!

Magnet: Man...

Gauntlet: And yer outta the family!!

Magnet: But PA!!

Gauntlet: Don't "PA" me, boy!

Gauntlet: And as for you "X-Force" guys...

(The X-Force are surrounded by the heroes!)

Web Spider: We give up!

Gauntlet: EVERYBODY FIRE!

(Everyone fires at the "X-Force" rendering them unconscious. They are picked up by the police and the Maniacs all receive a hefty reward...except for Magnetman.)

Snake: Hm...I guess things turned out alright after all...

Needlegal: Yeah, and we learned something too...

Gauntlet: And what is the moral for today, Needle?

Cast:

(Finale - Don't feed the Plants)

They may offer you fortune and fame,
Love and money and instant acclaim.
But whatever they offer you,
Don't feed the plants!

They may offer you lots of cheap thrills,
Fancy discos in Beverly Hills.
But whatever they offer you,
Don't feed the plants!

Look out!
Here comes Audrey II.
Look out!
Here I come for you...
Here I come for you...
Here I come for you...
Here I come for you...

Hold you hat and hang on to your soul.
Something's comming to eat the world whole.
If we fight it we've still got a chance.
But whatever they offer you,
Though they're slopping the trough for you,
Please, whatever they offer you,
Don't feed the plants!

Don't feed the plants!

Gauntlet: Now if only we could all stop bursting into song!

Top: Well, until we do, we are...the Mechanical Maniacs!

END
  Little Shop of Horrors - Just a click away!

Cast:
Sean as .....	Sparkman	Jacob as .....	Snakeman	Psycho Magnet as .....	Needlegal
Nobody as .....	Hardman			C.J. as .....	Topman
Gizmo as .....	Geminiman	Titanium 91 as .....	Magnetman	Gauntlet as .....	Shadowman