Series 3 Issue #4 - Rita Repulsa Strikes Back

By: Gauntlet (aka Shadowman)

The tale begins on the moon, as Rita Repulsa, idiotic witch villain of the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers plots another scheme of world domination......

Rita: FINSTER! I need a monster! NOW!!!!!

Finster: To attack the Power Rangers, yes?

Rita: NO, PEABRAIN! I've just been informed that new heroes have moved outside their sheltered reality! Since the Power Rangers have proven to be too hard to beat, I'll destroy these strangers instead!

Finster: But, why exactly do you -

Rita: When have I ever needed a reason! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Finster: AAAAAHHH!

Eye Guy: You don't need a new monster! I'm still around! Let me -

Rita: YOU!? You FAILED! Your DEAD to me!

Eye Guy: Hey! I have feelings too!

Rita: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Eye Guy: Bu -

Rita: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

(Eye Guy runs away!)

Rita: You better not fail me this time Finster! Your so useless that I might decide to feed you to Pudgy Pig!

Finster: Now hold on! If it's so easy to come up with monsters to destroy whatever idiot your mad at then why don't YOU do it and stop screeching at people you disagree with!

......

Rita: You make an interesting point, Finster!

Finster: I do?

Rita: Yes. I think I WILL make a monster MYSELF!

(And so, Rita goes into the bathroom of her evil base.)

Finster: What in - ?

Rita: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Baboo: OH my! What horrid stench!

(Meanwhile, on the highway, far, far from civilization, The Mechanical Maniacs travel in their repaired Turtle Van and head towards their destiny!)

Snake: So it's agreed? We head for the super hero convention in Metropolis!

Gemini: We'll be a hit now that we're back at full membership. I'm glad Clown man took over the Hardman spot.

(Gemini gets hit with a pie.)

Gauntlet: I think that will change in time.

Hard: What? Why look at me?

(Suddenly someone teleports onto the road!)

Quint: My master commands you go no further!

(The Maniacs don't slow down.)

Quint: You cannot go further! If you do my master will -

(The Maniacs hit Quint and drive on.)

SFX: THUD!

Magnet: The moron.

Spark: No match for Magnet the mighty, hunh?

Magnet: Is that sarcasm I detect, Spark? Because if it is....

Needlegal: Hey, a hitch hiker!

Hard: Let's pick him up! Then we can force him to be our butler!

Gauntlet: We already tried the butler thing and now we have two lifelong enemies. But let's pick him up anyway!

(The Maniacs stop, pick up the hitch hiker, and move on.)

Hitch hiker: Thanks, guy.

Snakeman: No problem.

Hardman: Hey, buddy! Pull my finger!

Needlegal: So, where you headed to?

(The Mechanical Maniacs suddenly hit something with a loud SPLAT!)

Gauntlet: See what happens when you distract me from my important task??

Needlegal: UGH. What'd we hit?

Geminiman: I dunno, but it sure STINKS!

Rita: GREETINGS, FOOLS!

Magnet: Who?

Snake: It's that stupid villain from the first few seasons of Power Rangers. Ripty Repulsive!

Rita: THAT'S RITA REPULSA YOU MORON!

Snake: Well, sorry -

Rita: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Snake: GEEZ!

Rita: I've decided that the Power Rangers are a little out of my league. Their like over 'nyah*Rita levels his hand above his head indicating the Ranger's high status* while I'm a bit .... over 'nyah *Rita levels hand at about waist level*. And so I need someone I can destroy, someone in my own league!

Hardman: HEY!

Needlegal: Oh, she did NOT just say what I think she said!

Gauntlet: She just said we were lower than the POWER RANGERS!

Topman: She is so dead.

Rita: MANIACS! Meet my newest monster - THE GOLGOTHAN!

Needlegal: "Golgothan"? That's not a Power Rangers monster -

Rita: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! QUIET!!!!!

Needle: !

Spark (gesturing): Look! It's moving!

Gemini: Disgusting!

Golgothan: No one shall survive!

(Sparkman shoots Spark Shots at it, but it is unaffected!)

Spark: Damn that Shit demon! Damn him to Hell!!!

Golgothan: You will be cast down to Hell!

(Needlegal and Gauntlet try shooting their projectiles at it, but they get suck!)

SFX: POPT!

Needlegal: Damn!

(The Golgothan just pulls out the needles and Shadowblades.)

Golgothan: HA HA HAH! I an unharmed!

(The 'Maniacs then try all of their powers combined, but the Golgothan merely reassembles itself!)

Gauntlet: Shit!

Needlegal: Literally!

Snake: This is no good.

Rita: And now .... Magic Wand! Make my monster grow!

(Rita then hurls her magic want to the ground causing the Golgothan shit demon to grow to enormous size!)

Gauntlet: It's a good thing we're robots! We can turn off our sense of smell!

Gemini: we need some sort of plan to take down that thing!

Spark: Well, there is one way. Back when Gamma was destroyed, I tried to tap into other giant robots we could possibly use. But there was only one I could tap into......

Snake: Then call it - quick! We're running outta time here!

Hitch Hiker: You won't be calling anything!

(Hitch Hiker then bursts out of his Pretender Shell to reveal....)

The 'Maniacs: GALVATRON!!!

Galvatron: That's right! Now that your attention is diverted between this beast and me, you'll surely be -

(The Golgothan then steps on Galvatron.)

SFX: SPLAT!

Top: Ew.

Needlegal: That'll be hell to get out of all that shiny armour.

Hard: I'd hate to be him......

(Spark then summons the giant robot...)

The 'Maniacs: CYCLOPSIS!?*

*Cyclopsis is an evil robot in Power Rangers. Despite the fact that it comes from that show, it's actually pretty good. It's blades cut off the Megazord's arm and Dragonzord's tail.

Spark: Yeah, it was the best I could do.

(The 'Maniacs get on board!)

Needlegal: Dammit, this thing may look impressive, but it's still made of cardboard!

(The Golgothan charges - very slowly and the Maniacs maneuver Cyclopsis back.)

Magnet: You know, that thing may be hard to defeat, but it's pretty slow. Is there any attack on this thing that can possibly take that shit monster down?

Gemini: Actually ... I have an idea .....

Hard: Really? Holy cow, I didn't know you had it in you!

Gemini: Shut it! Spark can combine all our teleporters into the Gemini Force and we can use Cyclopsis to launch that into the Golgothan!

Gauntlet: Good! Let's do that! Meanwhile. I'll try to hold it off!

(Galvatron then bursts out of the Golgothan!)

Galvatron: Fool! For that humiliation, you will be -

(The Golgothan then flecks Galvatron away with a disregarded piece of shit.)

(Cyclopsis then battles the Golgothan until Gemini gets the Gemini Force stuck inside it! Then he teleports it into the Volcano at Hawaii!)

Gauntlet: Roasted shit. It's gonna be a bad day in paradise....

Rita: NO! My monster! You destroyed it! You'll PAY! later. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I HAVE A HEADACHE!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

(Rita teleports away.)

Top: That went well.....

(Suddenly Galvatron returns, maddened with rage!)

Galvatron: You will be destroyed this day, Mechanical Maniacs!!!

(The 'Maniacs then use Cyclopsis' giant hand to swat Galvatron far, far away!)

Magnet: You know..... once we replace all this cardboard with real metal, this thing could be pretty powerful.....

Someone: We were told you jerks would be here!

Snake: Who-?

Gauntlet: IT'S THE VOLTRON FORCE!*

*Voltron - king of robots. Each of the 5 members of the Voltron Force pilot a mighty robot lion that all combine to form VOLTRON - defender of the universe!

Keith: We're sick of you guys stealing our "giant robot" idea! That was our thing WAY before you ever came along!

Top: What's wrong?

Needlegal: They think we're the Power Rangers because we're inside Cyclopsis!

Magnet: Uh-oh.

Keith: Form Blazing Sword!

(Voltron forms the Blazing Sword!)

The 'Maniacs: This is gonna hurt.

(Voltron cleaves Cyclopsis in two and it explodes, propelling the Maniacs far, far away!)

......

Later, the Mechanical Maniacs sit on a dusty street......

Gemini: Well, I teleported the 'Force back. But it'll take weeks to get this stench out!

Spark: Better it than us.

Snake: Hm.....I guess things turned out alright after all ...

Needlegal: Yeah, and we learned something too....

Gauntlet: And this time, what?

Needlegal: Giant robots suck.

Gauntlet: Indeed.

(Suddenly Quint appears from out of nowhere!)

Quint: You shall rue the day you messed with -

(Hardman shoots a Hard Knuckle at Quint knocking him out!)

Top: Well, until we become giant robots ourselves, we are .... the Mechanical Maniacs!

THE END

Cast:
Sean as .....	Sparkman	Jacob as .....	Snakeman	Psycho Magnet as .....	Needlegal
Jonathan as .....	Hardman			Nightmare as .....	Topman
Lennon as .....	Geminiman	Titanium 91 as .....	Magnetman	Gauntlet as .....	Shadowman