By: Gauntlet (aka Shadowman)
On the back of a beat up of pickup truck lie the Robot Masters known as the Mechanical Maniacs! With their teleporters broken, they had to walk, crawl and hitchhike their way to the Superhero Convention in Metropolis. Now, they hope to blend in among the superhero elite and find their own place in the world.....
Hardman: You know, I was part of a lot of Megaman Teams before. The Elite Eight, the Legendary Eight. But this is the first team that's ever had to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
Geminiman: I don't see why I can't just use the Gemini Force ....
Needlegal: Because it still smells like ass from when we rammed it into the Golgothan!*
(Series 3, Issue 4)
Geminiman: I don't smell a thing.
Needlegal: You don't have a nose.
Gauntlet: Besides, your part of a team now. If I - that is to say - if WE all have to ride in the back of this pickup, so do you!
Magnetman: I still can't believe that the Gorillaz geep was stolen while we were in that restaurant! Who could'a stole it!?
Sparkman: I think Torch did. He's always trying to get on our nerves.
Snakeman: I think the police probably found it.
Gauntlet: Oh, who cares! Look! We've arrived!
(The Maniacs arrive in the city limits and are dropped off by their ride. They then go explore the city of the future!)
Sparkman: Woah! This place is amazing!
Needlegal: Yeah. Y'see, Braniac 13, and evil robot from the future, upgraded Metropolis recently so the whole city's centuries ahead of our time!
Gauntlet: Our time being 20XX, naturally.
Needlegal: Sh'yeh. We save a helluvalot on calendars. We Megaman people.
Topman: Do you think we'll be able to meet Superman, Gauntlet?
Gauntlet: With our luck? We'll probably meet Bizarro, The Cyborg, Strange Visitor, or some other super-smuck before we meet the real Superman.
(Suddenly Gauntlet trips over a sewer-grate)
guy: Sorry! Definitely sorry!
Snakeman: Who are you?
guy: Me? I'm sewer Urchin. A super-hero y'know.
(The 'Maniacs introduce themselves)
Sewer Urchin: You're who again?
Gauntlet: I'm Gauntlet.
Sewer Urchin: OH-boy, that's no good. Definitely bad. Definitely.
Gauntlet: What? Why??
Sewer Urchin: Um, nevermind. I gotta get to the club now. Buh-bye!
(Sewer Urchin then disappears into the sewers again.)
Magnetman: What a weird guy.
Needlegal: This coming from Magnet the Mighty.
(Suddenly, Rita Repulsa crashes into a wall near the 'Maniacs!)
Thor: Aye Verily! Thou hast not the strength to defeat mighty Thor!
Tick: Or The Tick!
Wonder Woman: Or even Aquaman for that matter. Go back to the sticks where you belong!
Rita: AAAAHHHHHH!!!! I have a headache!
Wonder Woman: Common, lets get back to the club. We'll miss Batman dancing.
Tick: Egads! The things that man'll do while drunk!
(Wonder Woman and Tick run off!)
Thor: Aye! Thou yonder! Art thou super-heroes?
Snakeman: Yeah! We came here for the convention!
Thor: The Odinson dost not recognize thee. What ist thine names?
(The 'Maniacs introduce themselves)
Thor: Gauntlet thou sayest? Hm. Thine is not from nearby ist thou?
Gauntlet: Well, we did just come from the Megaman universe.
Thor: Follow the Odinson! Thor will lead you to the Coco-bongo Club! All the heroes are there!
(And so, Thor gets the 'Maniacs into the exclusive club. Meanwhile, in a nearby and yet more shady part of Metropolis, a gang of villains confer...)
Galvatron: So, everything's ready, then?
Mystery man: Yes, we'll show those heroes how REAL villains operate!
Galvatron (thought): Hh. For some reason that voice always puts me on edge.....
Mystery man 2: This plan is ingenious, Galvatron!
Galvatron: Thank you, but I cannot claim all the credit for it. Old Transformer reruns greatly inspire me!
Mystery man 3: POOPIES!!!!
Mystery man 4: Why is that idiot here!? He's been senile for years now!
Mystery man 2: He was once a great villain! We're hoping some adventure will bring out the evil I know resides whitin him!
Mystery man 3: I poop my pants!
Mystery man: I hope your right.
(And now, at the Coco-bongo...)
Thor: This is the masked avengers table. Here Batman and Die Fladermaus are trying to se who's the better fighter. Although Batman appears a bit intoxicated.
Batman: I got the Joker, Two-Face, and the Penguin! Who the Hell do you fight!?
Die Fladermaus: That's none of yer business you phony! I bet your all hideously deformed under that mask too. Don't get many dates do you, Batty?
Batman: Yer asking for it, Maus!
(As Batman gets ready to fight, Maus backs away!)
Die Fladermaus: Woah! No need to get physical here, I'll just be on my way!
Needlegal: Wow. Never thought Batman wouldn't be able to hold his liquor.
Batman: YOU DON'T KNOW ME!
Thor: And over at this table are several mighty warriors! They are the X-men!
Cyclops: Actually none of us are the real X-men. We're all from different uniververses.
Cyclops: I am from a universe where Wolverine never existed. We avoided World War Two in that reality.
Rouge: I am from a reality where Jean Grey never became Phoenix. We avoided 10 retcons and 20 bad plots that way!
Marvel Girl: I'm from an alternate reality where all the Malibu crossovers actually happened, and Professor Xavier never turned into Onslaught, and Mr. Sinister never existed, and Tony Stark never turned evil and he was not replaced by a teenage version of himself, and Wolverine never lost his adamanteum and - and - and it's still exactly the same as this reality!
Colossus: Aye! I am from a reality where there are no bagels!
Magnetman: That's enough to make an alternate reality?
Colossus: .... Aparently so, comrade.
Thor: Aye Verily! The X-Men's alternate universes make even the Odinson's head spin like Hella's wretched top!
Topman: What? Izzat a crack?
Cable: Yeah, I know my life's a living joke. I mean..... what the hell am I supposed to be anyway? I just get by, day by day ... lookin' grim and givin people Hell if they bug me!
Green Arrow: So, now I'm alive eh? Wish someone'd make up their Goddamn mind!!!
Flash:At least your the only Green Arrow. Black Flash, Kid Flash, Dark Flash, Lady Flash, Flash 1, Flash 2, Future Flashes, even frickin' IMPULSE!! Know what I'd like? Just one GODDAMN FLASH THAT'S WHAT!!!
Marvel Girl: You think you have it bad? I don't even know if I'm the real Marvel Girl sometimes!
Spiderman: Yeah, well, I know I'm Spiderman! I do know! I'm not the clone. Never .... the clone. Never was the clone, never will be the clone.......
Marvel Girl, Flash, Green Arrow, Cable: ......
Spiderman: HEY, I'm not sure if it really even happened! No evidence to suggest it happened. Maybe it was all a dream. A horrible, horrible dream .....
Thor: Ahoy my righteous friends!
Superman? "Ahoy"? *snort* What are you? Some kinda pirate??
Topman: Hey, is that Superman!?
Superman?: Superman!? Yeah, you'd think it was that pretty-boy wouldn't you. It's always, "Oh, Superman gimme yer autograph!" "Oh Superman come and save me!" Oh Superman this and Oh Superman That! Makes me sick!
Thor: No, that is not the man of steel. That is Player 2!
Player 2: Damn straight.
Hardman: Player 2??
Player 2: Yeah, Player 2. Y'see, a long time back, there was this Superman arcade game. And it just happened to be 2 players. Hence "Player 2".
Magnetman: But ... wouldn't that make you Superman?
Player 2: Ugh. No. Superman is the last son of Krypton. Superman has a secret identity. Superman has a girlfriend. I'm just a palette - swap! So, at the end, Superman goes with his movie-star girl to his deluxe Park Avenue apartment, and what do I get?! I'm just a fucking PALETTE - SWAP!!!!
Snakeman: Are you drunk, Player 2?
Player 2: You bet I'm drunk! Being a video game character means I get about as much invulnerability as frickin' Super Mario! I can get drunk!
Snakeman: But... your like Superman....
Player 2: Hey, I can hear people dying all the time, every minute of every day! I gotta be drunk!
Thor: Come, heroes. Away from this ....
Player 2: I CAN HEAR YOU, THOR! I GOT SUPER HEARING YOU BLOND FRUIT!!!
Thor: Thor dost not hear thee. Art thou a fly that swoops near Thor's godly ears? Mayhap a speck of dirt?
Player 2: Grrrrrrr....
Flash: So, Thor, who are these guys with you?
Tick: They look spiffy! And shiny!
(Introductions are made.)
Player 2: Oh, Thor, you god damn idiot.
Jubilee: What are you some kinda moron? Get that guy outta here!
Thor: Why? Thor finds this situation amusing!
Someone: Hello, fellows! I have returned!
Jubilee: Too late.....
Someone: Hey, how are you guys? Hey, these folks new?
Aquaman: Actually, they were just leaving -
Someone: Shut it, Fish-boy.
Aquaman: Hey, you can't -
Green Arrow:Like the man said, give it a rest, fishy!
Player 2: SHUT YER HOLE YOU SON OF A FISH!
Aquaman: Dolphins are mammals, you dumbass!
Someone: So, who are you guys?
Geminiman: We're the Mechanical Maniacs. We come from the Megaman continuity of video games. I'm Geminiman.
Needlegal: I'm Needlegal.
Gauntlet: I'm Shadowman. But most people just call me Gauntlet.
Magnetman: And I'm Magnet the -
The 'Maniacs: ??
Someone: Why you good for nothing name stealer! Riding on the coattails of my success are you?! It FIGURES!!! Well, you messed with the wrong hero, chump! I'm GAUNTLET!!
Gauntlet: SAY WHAT!?
Gauntlet 2: That's right!
Gauntlet: Since when!?
Gauntlet 2: Since two months ago!
Needlegal: My brother has been gauntlet for years!
Tick: Geez, you got bad luck with names, Barry.
Gauntlet 2: Silence! The time for words has passed. Now it's time for mindless violence!!
(Gauntlet 2 swings his sword at Gauntlet, but he misses and gets it stuck in the wall!)
Gauntlet: Really, a guy named Gauntlet with a SWORD. Should wield Gauntlets!
(Gauntlet blasts Gauntlet 2 with his Gauntlets!)
(Gauntlet 2 then sprays mace in Gauntlet's face!)
Gauntlet: AGH! MACE! YOU CHEATER!
Gauntlet 2: NOW SAY I'M THE REAL GAUNTLET!!
(2 rams 1 into the wall and starts beating on him!)
Gauntlet 2: Say it! SAY IT!!!
(Gauntlet then catches 2's fist.)
Gauntlet: Stop that!
(Gauntlet then hits 2 with his extending staff in his gut and then uses it to give 2 a whack on his temple!)
Gauntlet 2: AGH!!!!
(Gauntlet then chucks 5 Shadowblades at 2, rendering him unconscious!)
Die Fladermaus: Whoa. Barry has bad luck with these title bouts.
American Maid: Shut yer trap, Maus!
Die Fladermaus: Make me, snow queen!
Green Arrow: Congratulations. Your now the official Gauntlet!
Gauntlet: Cool. Does that mean I get all of Barry's "Gauntlet" equipment?
American Maid: Well, you would. Unfortunately, Barry doesn't have any equipment. See, he once called himself the "Tick" and lost everything to another Tick. So, he has nothing.
Magnetman: Ah, well. We wouldn't be able to carry it around with us, anyway.
Topman: Now we can enjoy the party!
Stranger: I'm afraid not, gentlemen.
The 'Maniacs: ?????
Stranger: I am afraid I must have some words with mister Gauntlet. Regarding a certain ... catch phrase.
Gauntlet: Aw, shit!
Geminiman: What? What is it??
Stranger: You don't know who I am? Well, I'm not surprised. We live in very different worlds. I am Xelloss, mysterious priest. I'm afraid the phrase "Now that is a secret" belongs to me. And I take exception to mister Gauntlet using it without my permission!
Sparkman: Gauntlet! You didn't make that up!?
Gauntlet: Well, no.....
Topman: For shame, Gauntlet. For shame.
Gauntlet: Well, it's not like I actually say it all that much!
Gauntlet: Oh shut up!
Topman: If it bugged you so much, why didn't you go to us sooner?
Xelloss: Well, I thought I might try a little payback first.
Geminiman: Payback? What'd you do....?
Xelloss: Well, didn't you wonder how the Borg found you? Or why they came to Earth in the first place? Or why Bizarro Shadowman wanted to become a better villain? Or who gave Rita Repulsa the idea to attack you, who don't even know her! Or who told the Voltron Force that the Rangers were around, stealing their gimmick? Or who stole the Gorillaz geep?
Snakeman: THAT WAS YOU!?
Xelloss: Why, yes! Gauntlet just didn't stop saying MY catch phrase!
Snakeman: Why did you do that!? Why didn't you just come to us IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Xelloss: Why? Why do you think!? It was much more amusing!
the 'Maniacs: !!!!!!
Xelloss: Didn't the Borg cause trouble back there? And did you smell that Golgothan? I must say, I had a good laugh!
Needlegal: YOU JERK!
Xelloss: But enough is enough. It's time Gauntlet stopped using my phrase.
Gauntlet: You'll have to catch me first, Xelloss!
(Gauntlet then disappears in a cloud of smoke!)
Xelloss: Oh, dear. Why must they always make it difficult?
(Xelloss then disappears!)
Needlegal: I'm worried.
Hardman: Why? Gauntlet just finished thrashing Barry. This Xelloss guy doesn't seem half as tough to me!
(Suddenly Gauntlet flies overhead, crashing into the wall, and lands near the other team member's feet!)
Gauntlet: Ohhhhhhh. Ow.
Xelloss: So. Had enough yet?
Xelloss has just felled the resourceful Shadowman with ease! Just how powerful is this new adversary? Will Gauntlet have to stop saying his prized catch phrase? And what of Galvatron's mysterious allies? Are they somehow connected to Xelloss' appearance? Find out in part 2!
To Be Continued .....
Sean as .....
Jacob as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Jonathan as .....
Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Titanium 91 as .....
Gauntlet as .....