By: Gauntlet (aka Shadowman)
Today, the Mechanical Maniacs are in a dusty city in Mexico! Being very careful not to drink the water, the 'Maniacs walk around aimlessly and quite frustrated.....
Magnetman: The Chromaton particle tracker Magma Dragoon gave us stopped working. I think the batteries are dead.....
Snakeman: And you figured going forward would be the best idea..... Idiot! Now we're lost!!
Magnetman: Oh, shut up!
Needlegal: Well, at least we managed to convince MD to help us at all. He was pretty pissed off.
Xelloss: Yes, I wonder what could have made him so upset?
Needlegal: Apparently your very presence instills rage into all dragons.
Bender: Yeah, yer all beginning to piss me off!
Hardman: Tell me again why Bender's following us?
Bender: Oh, so you forgot, eh? You needed a new member to replace that Lennon guy until he comes back and I needed dough! A match made in heaven!
Sparkman: Remember though, we don't have any cash on us. You'll have to wait until we get back home to get yer money.
Bender: Yeah well, the longer I wait, the more the price goes up!
Needlegal: You don't think we could just make one quick stop home??
Bender: What's the matter, cutie? Afraid you'll lose yourself to my robotic charms.
(Needlegal fires her Needle Cannon!)
Needlegal: GET YER HANDS OFF ME!!
Bender: OW! You little -
Gauntlet: Alright, chill out! We're all tired, hungry, and worst of all, broke! But let's not delve into petty bickering!
Topman: Yeah! Here, have some gum.
(Topman gives a stick of gum to Bender and Needle. They open it up and throw the wrappers on the ground.)
Bender: Maybe the squirt's right! Maybe -
Someone: What the Hell do you think your doing!?
The 'Maniacs, Bender: ?????
Someone: You dirty litter bugs! Quickly! Planeteers! Destroy the garbage before it's too late!
Gauntlet: Oh no! It's those eco-terrorists, the Planeteers*!!
*Given five magical rings, the Planeteers are comprised of five young people who use their power to save our planet! Their rings control one of each element - fire, water, wind, earth, and heart.
Gi: We are NOT terrorists! We are freedom fighters!
Wheeler: I'll get it! FIRE!!
(Wheeler shoots out fireballs from his ring, but the wrappers are caught in an updraft and fly out of his reach!)
Linka: NO!!! Comrade Wheeler did not get the wrapper!
Ma-Ti: Our planet has been HURT! It screams in pain!
Hardman: Um, aren't you just overreacting a little bit? It's just one tiny wrapper!
Kwame: "Just one tiny wrapper"....... Yes, that's how you city-folk always think, isn't it? Well, let me tell you something! If everybody in the entire world thought that it was "just one tiny wrapper" and just threw all of their trash out like that, the entire world would be covered in your filth! Dirty litter bugs! Don't you have any idea what you just did!
Hardman: This place is already -
Kwame: You just don't know when to shut up, do you!? I wasn't finished yet!
Kwame: Alright, maybe I was finished.
Hardman: This is a city. A really dirty city in fact! Just look around! It's already pretty polluted!
Wheeler: So you think that makes it right to make it even more dirty? Is that it!?
Bender: What's eating your shorts, kid?
Gi: Wait! Perhaps they can be reasoned with! Ma-ti -
Ma-Ti: I see your plan, Gi I will use my power of heart to go into their hearts and see if there is any hope for them. HEART!!!!
(Ma-ti's ring glows brightly!)
Magnetman: Is this supposed to be hurting us?
Ma-Ti: NO!!! I .... I cannot find anything! They ... they have NO HEARTS!!
Gauntlet: It's not that surprising. We are robots.
Kwame: What kind of monsters are you!?
Gauntlet: Not monsters..... Robots. Maybe your rings just can't read our robotic hearts.
Ma-Ti: They are devils!
Hardman: this is getting old fast! Well, guys, sorry about the littering! Boy did we ever learn a lesson today! Never littler again!
Linka: For the good of the planet they must be recycled!
Bender: I don't like the sound of that!
Hardman: That's really not necessary! We were just leaving!
Wheeler: I'll take care of this! FIRE!!!
(Wheeler shoots out fireballs, however, they have little effect on the 'Maniacs!)
Bender: Aw, for Pete's sake...
Gauntlet: Listen, we really don't have the time to fool around with you guys.
Gi: Then make time, litter bug!
Hardman: Alright, it's time for HARD KNUCKLE!!
(Hardman uses his Hard Knuckle and tosses the Planeteers far away!)
Hardman: Have a nice trip!
Needlegal: No puns, John.
Hardman: What's wrong with puns?
Topman: Look over there. It seems like such a friendly store. Allow me, the spinning demon, to go in and grab up some batteries. Meet me over there (Top gestures at a gas station convenience store a few meters away).
(The 'maniacs go and Topman walks into the store.)
Needlegal: How do you think he'll do?
(Gunshots are heard and Topman runs out of the store!)
Sparkman: "Friendly", eh?
Magnetman: Stand aside! Let Magnet the mighty take a turn!
(Magnet barges in the store. His voice is loud and can be heard by the 'Maniacs.)
Magnetman: ALL RIGHT, BUDDY! THIS IS MAGNET THE MIGHTY!! SHOW ME THE BATTERIES I REQUIRE NOW!!
SFX: BAM! BAM!!
SFX: BAM!! BAM!!!
(Magnetman runs out of the store with the owner in pursuit!)
Bender: Well, that was a waste of time.
Magnetman: An animal! That's what he is!
Bender: Alright, you amateurs! Now watch a pro!
(Bender walks into the store.)
Snakeman: Think he made it?
Magnetman: I hope not. That'll make us look bad.
(Then Bender walks out of the store.)
Xelloss: Look! It appears Mr. Bender was successful!
Bender: Well, guys, it wasn't easy, but I managed to get the goods!
Needlegal: great! Gimme the batteries!
Bender: Batteries? Why would I steal that?
Sparkman: .... Because that was the point!
Bender: Well, I saw the batteries there. But I figures "screw this" and stole myself some booze!
Needlegal: You WHAT!?
Bender: And don't think I'm sharing! This here's Bender's booze!
Hardman: Well why don't we get Xelloss here to get it. He pops in and out all the time!
Snakeman: Yeah! Go get it, Xelloss!
Xelloss: Oh, no. I don't think I can do that.
Snakeman: And why not!?
Xelloss: Well, I don't think my superiors would appreciate me helping the "forces of good" as it were.
Snakeman: Oh, really?
Xelloss: Besides! This is your adventure! Don't you feel like doing these important bits? I'm just here to tag along for the ride.
Snakeman: Alright, then Gauntlet you try! Your SUPPOSED to be the sneaky Shadowman!
Gauntlet: me? Well..... since we have no choice.
(And so, the stealthy Shadowman sneaks into the back way of the store.)
(a few minutes pass.......)
Needlegal: He's been gone an awfully long time.
Xelloss: You don't suppose he's run off, do you?
Bender: He better not have! I haven't been paid yet!
Topman: Let's go in after him! He could be in trouble!
(The Mechanical Maniacs, Bender, and Xelloss burst into the store!)
Hardman: Looks like mister mysterious got himself caught!
Needlegal: Well, well, well. I see you're no ordinary shopkeepers are you?
(There, in the room is a black portal along with Quint and Doc Robot! Gauntlet is tied up.)
Doc Robot: Dammit, Quint! I told you we shouldn't have stayed to gloat!
Quint: Nevermind that! We gotta get him through the portal.
Hardman: Won't happen chuckles.
Quint: Oh, no? I have a few friends who would love to have a word with you!
(From the back room, out steps Bizarro Shadowman, Torchman, and King!)
Bizarro Shadowman: This time you'll live .... forever!
Torchman: You'll pay for all those times you tortured and desecrated me!
Gauntlet: Dammit, Torch, that never actually happened!
Torchman: It did! You tortured me for days! Only my best friend Fireman saved me from your evil clutches!
Gauntlet: That never happened either!
King: Although I really don't care about you, I was promised an entire world to rule once I kill the rest of you like I killed Nightmare and Topman!*
(* Series 2, Issue # 21)
Xelloss: Oh, I see! You were the shop keeper in disguise! That would explain why none of the Mechanical Maniacs could steal batteries from you. And you were all waiting for Gauntlet to show up so you could capture him! Well, mystery solved.
Needlegal: But why only Gauntlet I wonder?
Quint: You'll be wondering while in your grave, woman! Everyone, attack!
(The gang of villains attack the Mechanical Maniacs! Bender runs for cover while the the rest of the robots fight back!)
Torchman: You'll pay for the pain you have caused me!!
Needlegal: You idiot!! We fought back against YOUR attacks!
(Needlegal shoots Torch with Needle cannon and sends him flying!)
(King used his ax to slice at Topman and Hardman! He manages to slice the slow moving Hardman, however Topman skids out of the way and delivers a barrage of Top Spins to King!)
Topman: You'll pay for hurting me and killing C.J.! (Well, in one reality at least).
King: You both had it coming! You are worthless robots!
(King sends the two flying with his X attack!)
(Bizarro Shadowman is fighting Snakeman, Sparkman, and Magnetman!)
Sparkman: No good! He's adapted to my spark shots and your Search snakes!
Magnetman: Hah! My missiles stopped Borg before, they'll do it again!
(Titanium 91 fires his missiles at Bizarro and they break though his shield for a time, however......)
Snakeman: It bounced off!
Sparkman: Great. Now he's adapted to the Magnet Missile too.....
Bizarro Shadowman: Mwa-ha-ha-ha-hah!!! Now me am weakest there is!!
(Bizarro then attacks with a barrage of Shadow Blades!)
(Meanwhile, Needlegal closes in on Quint!)
Needlegal: Alright, buddy! You had this coming! NO one calls me 'woman'!!!
Quint: Bring it on! With my futuristic powers, none of you shall - !
(Needlegal then shuts him up with Needle Cannon!)
(Quint is knocked out by Needlegal's merciless pummeling!)
Needlegal: That'll show you to pick on a poor defenseless girl!!
Bender: Who's defenseless?!
Xelloss: Have you forgotten about that other one?
Needlegal: "Other one?"
(Needlegal is blasted by the Gemini Lazer!)
Doc Robot: ME!! Why does everyone forget me??
Bender: That's gotta hurt!
Needlegal: Owwwwww~ Damn it Bender, help us you coward!
Bender: It's not in my contract.
Xelloss: Well argued, Mister Bender.
Bender: Shut yer trap!
Doc Robot: Friends of theirs!? I'll get you too!
(Doc Robot throws several Metal Blades at Xelloss and Bender! Xelloss avoids it by disappearing leaving bender to take the full assault!)
Bender: OOOWW!! Aw, my body's all shredded! I better be paid extra for this!
Doc Robot: Damn it ... WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE!?
Xelloss: Right behind you Mister Docman!
Doc Robot: AHH!
Doc Robot: I'll get you!!
(Doc Robot then fires weapons wildly! Pharaoh Wave! Dive Missiles! Oil Stream! Copy Vision! But Xelloss merely disappears and avoids the blasts! The shop is falling apart because of all the shots!)
Magnetman: Quickly! If we use Bizarro as a shield he won't have time to adapt against these varied attacks! Grab him!
Bizarro Shadowman: Ha hah! Bizarro am too slow to be not grabbed by - !
(Suddenly Bizarro gets hit with Doc Robot's Doppler Attack and is rendered unconscious!)
Doc Robot: AHHH!! Stand still!
King: Why don't you stand still, fool! Your beating us instead of the 'Maniacs!
Doc Robot: What? Oh, geez.... (looks around) I did get a little carried away....
King: "A LITTLE"!?
Someone: Well, well well.... look what we have here.....
King: Who are you!?
Someone: I am their powers combined, I am Captain Planet!
(Needlegal in the confusion has untied Gauntlet and is attempting to rouse him.)
Needlegal: Don't these planet guys have anything better to do?
Doc Robot: I don't care if your Captain Kangaroo! Beat it! We got work to do!
Captain Planet: Ah, I see what's happening.
Needlegal: You do? Then you're here to save us from these evil villains?
Captain Planet: Hah! You'll never trick me THAT easily, litter bug! I see that you're all villains plotting some massive plot which will ultimately destroy our planet!
Topman: How in the Hell did you come up with that!?
Captain Planet: And in the name of the planet, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil - and that means you!
Gauntlet: Agh! You got that from Sailor Moon!! You copycat!
Xelloss: Um, your really one to talk, Mister Gauntlet.
Gauntlet: Shut yer trap! No one asked you to talk.
Doc Robot: Hm.... this really isn't going to plan very well. Everyone retreat!
(The villains gather up their unconscious comrades and fall back into the black portal! It seals behind them after they leave.)
Captain Planet: Hah! Your accomplices have fled seeing your inevitable defeat!
Snakeman: I have had just enough of you!
Captain Planet: And now it's time for -
(Gauntlet then chucks a barrage of Shadowblades at C.P.!)
Gauntlet: Alright, let's just beat this joker up!
(Needlegal fires her Needlecannon!)
Sparkman: It can't be too hard to beat Captain Carrot!
(Suddenly, Captain Planet turns into fire and rips through the 'Maniacs!)
the 'Maniacs, Bender, Xelloss: agh!!
Xelloss: Oh, my! It seems Captain Planet is more power full than we thought!
Magnetman: Is - is that the best you got!? Hah! It takes more to beat us!
(Captain Planet then creates an earthquake and begins leveling the building!)
Bender: Holy crap!
Snakeman: He's bringing the whole place down on top of us!?
Magnetman: Ha ha hah! You think this will stop Magnet the Mighty!? This little inconvenience!? So what if we're buried, we're robots! We'll just dig ourselves out you second rate hero! Hippy freak!
Captain Planet: "Second rate"!? "Hippy freak"!?
(Captain Planet then transforms himself into a tornado ripping the store to shreds and sucking everyone into the air!)
Magnetman: Mwa-ha-hah! So what if we're up in the air?
Needlegal: Shut up Magnetman! Your not helping!
Magnetman: What? Oh, am I making the poor little Captain Planet angry? Oooh I am SO scared!
Captain Planet: Grrrrrrrr.....
(Captain Planet then makes the tornado erupt in flames scorching the Mechanical Maniacs!)
Bender: YEOW!!! HOT!!
Gauntlet: Aw, dammit! Look at what you did, Magnet!!
Magnetman: Is that the best you can do? You little -
(Captain Planet, as the fire tornado, with the Mechanical Maniacs, Bender, Xelloss, and what remains of the store hit the gas pumps next to the store. The area erupts in an explosion as the gas lines hit the fire! But that's not all.... Now the underground gas lines of the store have been caught in the inferno and they also explode! Flames spread quickly as the enraged Captain Planet continues to move through the city destroying building after building in an attempt to shut Magnetman up!)
(Several hours later, the city stands in ruin and the 'Maniacs lie in defeat.)
Gauntlet: Way to go, Magnet.
Magnetman: Aw, he's not so tough.
Captain Planet: And now that I have taught you litter bugs a lesson, I will now give you .... your punishment!
Snakeman: BEING INSIDE THAT FIRE TORNADO THING AND GETTING BLOWN UP WASN'T PUNISHMENT ENOUGH!!!??
Captain Planet: No. I now give you ..... this!
(Captain Planet hands Gauntlet a piece of paper.)
Gauntlet: What? A .... ticket?
Captain Planet: Yes.
Gauntlet: It's $500!
Captain Planet: For the littering.
Gauntlet: *looks around the destroyed city* .... yeah....... sure....
Captain Planet: Now turn yourselves over to the nearest police station pay the ticket there! The power is yours!!!!!
(Captain Planet then erupts in a blast of light and fire light trails fly towards the east.)
Xelloss: So, are you going to pay the ticket?
(Gauntlet rips up the ticket)
Gauntlet: As if!
Bender: Alright, I've had enough of all this! No amount of money is worth this trouble.
(Bender then walks off.)
Topman: You know what the worst thing about this situation is?
Hardman: Getting beaten by Captain freakin' Planet?
Topman: Close. We went through all this trouble .... but we never got the batteries we needed!
Hardman: Oh yeah.
Gauntlet: OH!! Why did you have to bring that up!!!??
Xelloss: Yes, about that.... I've been thinking.....
Xelloss: Well, Mister Sparkman there is a living battery. He produces electricity. Couldn't you simply plug the device into him?
Sparkman: Well, no that wouldn't work because.....
Sparkman: You see I think it might ....
Sparkman: Aw, dammit.
Gauntlet: Oh for crying out loud!! You mean to tell us we coulda done that from the start of this worthless day!!
Sparkman: I guess so.
Hardman: You know, I've been on alot of Megaman teams and -
Gauntlet: Shut up!
Xelloss: Don't be so upset Mister Gauntlet! Everything turned out alright at the end!
Gauntlet: YOU! You ... knew how to fix it all along didn't you!? DIDN'T YOU!?!
Xelloss: Well, no!Not at first anyway.......
(Gauntlet chucks 5 Shadowblades, but Xelloss disappears and avoids them!)
Xelloss: Did I do something wrong?
(Gauntlet chucks more Shadowblades, but Xelloss avoids them all!)
Snakeman: Hm.....I guess things turned out all right after all ...
Gauntlet: GET BACK HERE XELLOSS!!!
Needlegal: Yeah, and we learned something too....
Xelloss: Really, I think this all turned out for the best, don't you!
(Gauntlet continues to try and hit Xelloss.)
Needlegal: We learned that Captain Planet is pretty frickin' strong. Even if he is pretty ridiculous looking and stupid. And we learned not to underestimate our enemies just by how ridiculous they look. And ... and ....
Hardman: This whole mess is putting this jester in a bad mood.....
Needlegal: AND NOTHING! THERE'S NO GOOD HERE! NO GOOD AT ALL! WE WERE BLOWN UP FOR NOTHING!!!
Gauntlet: XELLLLLOOOOOOOOSSSSSS! I'LL GET YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!!
Topman: Well, until Gauntlet actually does, we are .... the Mechanical Maniacs!
Sean as .....
Jacob as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Jonathan as .....
Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Titanium 91 as .....
Gauntlet as .....