Series 4 Issue #19 - The Epilogue Written by the Author who Hasn't Written an Epilogue in a While (volume 1)

The day starts off, at night (wow, such an unexpected change!!!) at the local bank, where mischief is afoot.

Mischief: I'm a foot!

There, we see (well, not we so much as 'we', 'we' being you, you being the reader. We're not actually in this part of the story...) a masked hoodlum making off with a wad of cash.

Masked hoodlum: Damn! This cash is in a big wad! How am I supposed to separate the bills without tearing them!?

And so, he goes back to the bank and gets regular bills. Before he leaves, however, he leaves this card.

You've been burgled.
Robin Hood

The next day, back at the base...

Tim: *yawning* Hey guys, turn on the T.V. I wanna see the news.

Top: Lennon...?

Gemini: Razz...?

Spark: Jon...?

Magnet: Hex...?

Snake: Hadrian...?

Hard: Psycho...?

Needle: Gauntlet...?

Gauntlet: Tim...?

Tim: Huh? Oh... Yeah, sure... *leans over to turn on T.V.* Wait a second! You guys should be doing some stuff around here. I mean, you ARE our guests, and we've given you food and shelter and...

Gauntlet: Tim, do you mind? We're trying to watch this.

Tim: Oh, sorry. *stays silent for a few seconds* ... WAIT!

Gauntlet: I'll tell you what. You said you needed the garbage taken out, eh?

Scott: Right.

Gauntlet: Nightmare...?

Top: Lennon...?

Gemini: Razz...?

Spark: Jon...?

Magnet: Hex...?

Snake: Hadrian...?

Hard: Psycho...?

Needle: Scott...?

Scott: Huh? Oh... Yeah, sure... *takes the garbage out*

Tim: *getting angry* Look, you guys, you'd better start pulling your weight around here, or you guys are going to get kicked out!

Snake: Tim, here's a buck. Shut up.

Tim: Excuse me?! I will not be insulted by some little-

Gemini: Tim, here's two bucks. That makes three. Shut up.

Tim: Why you little-

Suddenly, there is a Knock at the door.

Knock: Let me in! It's cold, and this teenager across the street is giving me a funny look.

Spark: Sorry, Knock, we don't have any more spare rooms.

Knock: Oh.... well-

Hard: We said scram.

Knock: Oh... okay... *sad violin music plays*

Needle: Glad that's over. And I guess we learned something today.

Gauntlet: So soon?

Needle: Knocks are people too, and people have emotions! When you sent that poor knock into the streets, sad violin music played. Sad violin music ALWAYS plays when someone is sad. And furthermore-

Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

IRA: *washing dishes* Nightmare, could you get that? My hands are kinda soapy.

Top: Lennon...?

Gemini: Razz...?

Spark: Jon...?

Magnet: Hex...?

Snake: Hadrian...?

Hard: Psycho...?

Needle: Gauntlet...?

Gauntlet: IRA...?

IRA: Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure... *opens door*

IRS guy: IRA? This is the IRS. We're doing an Initial Robbery Interrogation around the blocks surrounding the bank. There was a robbery last night.

Top: *laughing* Wait... so let me see... *laugh* The IRS is doing an IRI on IRA? Does anyone else find this extremely funny?


Top: I'll shut up now.

Magnet: What is this about?

IRS guy: Well, last night a masked hoodlum took a large sum of money from the bank, and now we're trying to recover it.

Gary: *coming from upstairs* Hey guys, you'll never believe this!! I woke up this morning, and there was a bunch of money under my pillow!!!

IRS guy: *stares at Gary*

All S6 and MM: *stares at Gary in shock*

Gary: ... what? Did I say something wrong?

IRS guy: Gary Martin, you're under arrest for bank robbery.

Gary: Eep.

Gemini: Wait! He's innocent!

IRS guy: How are you so sure of that?

Gemini: He was bugging the hell out of me last night. He kept spraying water in my face when I was trying to sleep!

IRS guy: Sorry, I need actual evidence. If you can't bring me that, then this guy's going to jail for a long time.

Gauntlet: And if we can get said evidence?

IRS guy: Then his name will be cleared.

Andon: Alright guys, we've done enough for you. Now it's your time to repay us. You have to go out and find us some evidence. We'll work on the documentation. You guys go do some sleuthing. So go!

Top: Lennon...?

Gemini: Ra-

All S6: GO!!!

And so, marching in the desert...

Spark: Why are we always lost in the desert?

Needle: And why do these epilogues always involve us walking? I'm starting to get callouses on my feet.

Snake: Hey, you think you've got it bad, I have to room with this guy! *points to Top*

Top: Hey guys, let's sing a song for the trip! Lalalala! LAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Magnet: My, I'd so like to hurt you right now.

Top: What, do you not enjoy my singing abilities?

Hard: You're joking, right?.... He's JOKING, right?

Gauntlet: Look! What's that!?

Gemini: A plot?

Spark: A joke?

Needle: A cameo from a famous celebrity?

Leonardo Decaprio: No such luck. It's just a clue.

Scooby: Ra roo?

Man from Blues Clues: Hmmm. It's a picture of a couch. And we know what that means! *winks to camera* It's time for a song!

Snake: How does a picture of a couch mean it's time for a song?

Man from Blues Clues: Bark bark woof. La la la. Woof woof bark. Loo loo loo.


Man from Blues Clues: I'm leaving.

Magnet: Hey, his singing came in handy!

Gauntlet: So... we have a picture of a couch. What could it mean?

Hard: Wait! What's that written on the back?

Gauntlet: "This couch belongs to Robin Hood, the culprit of last night's bank robbery, who lives on 385 Pine Lake Street. Cheers."

Gemini: This could be the evidence we need!

Magnet: But why just get evidence, when we can bag the criminal?

Hard: Yeah, let's save Ice's name by catching the real crook!

Spark: Let's go!

Top: Hey, guys! I just realized something!

Gauntlet: What is it, Top?

Top: The guy who left this photo might have some connection to the bank robbery last night!

All: >_<

And so, at 385 Pine Lake Street...

Gauntlet: *busting down the door* Robin Hood! We know you're here!

Robin Hood: Ah, hello gentlemen! How good of you to stop by! How can I be of service to you on this lovely day? Cheers!

Snake: Cut the cute crap, crumbag. Where'd ya stash the cash, hide the loot, jingle the old jangle?

Needle: Jingle the old jangle?

Robin Hood: Alright! You've found me out! But I had to do it! Don't you understand?! I steal from the rich and give to the poor!

Gauntlet: The bank might be rich in itself, but it's just a collection of many poor people's money. So, by stealing from the bank, you're stealing from the poor AND the rich! And besides... once you've taken from the rich, doesn't that make them poor? So, wouldn't you have to give it back to them? Your entire creedo lacks logic.

Robin Hood: I'll tell you what lacks logic. THIS! *turns into the alien from Dreamcatcher*


Alien: You think you've won this day? I am but the first of many! Soon we will all be here! Soon you will all be dead!!!

Needle: But, don't you need to travel all this way and come back with an army? So, by then, since it's such a far distance, won't you not have come back until about 300 years from now? How is that SOON?

Alien: I- uh... SHUT UP!

Gauntlet: Hey! Nobody talks to my sister that way!

Alien: Oh yeah?

Gauntlet: YEAH!

Alien: You want a piece of THIS, bitch?!

Gauntlet: Oh, you did NOT just call me what I thought you called me!

Alien: Oh yes ah di-id!

Spark: Are either one of them gonna fight or are they just gonna use uppity teenage girl slang?

Gauntlet: Oh, no you di-in!

Alien: Oh yeah? Well yo mama so stoopid, she open up a can of whoop-ass on herself!

Gauntlet: HEY! That doesn't count! The can didn't have a label on it.

Alien: *smirks*

Needle: She thought it was Campbells Chunky Soup, okay?!

Top: *turns to camera* The only soup that's guaranteed to contain at least 2 real vitamins! Now with 25% more sodomonocalcium quadrahedrobicarbonate!

Gauntlet: And besides, don't you be talkin' bout mah mama!

Alien: Oh yeah?

Gauntlet: YEAH! *shadowblades alien, killing it*

Gemini: Geez, didn't that take long enough.

Hard: Hey! We have proof now! Let's go back and free Ice!

Back at the county jail...

Jason: So you see, it was really the alien, disguised as Robin Hood, who took the money. So Ice is free to go.

IRS guy: Then where did you get that money from?

Gary: You wouldn't let me explain. See, I said the money was under my pillow. Well, last night, when I was brushing my teeth, the super-expensive gold one fell out, so I put it under my pillow. I guess the tooth fairy wanted to be fair, so she paid me with interest.

IRS guy: I see. But one question still eludes me....

Tim: Shoot.

IRS guy: Why are you all dressed up in silly costumes? Is there a parade I don't know about?

All: >_<

Andon: Yet again, fame evades us.

And so, the S6 and the MM return back to their snug little base.

Magnet: Well, I guess everything worked out right after all.

Snake: I guess.

Needle: And we learned something too.

Gauntlet: Take it away sis!

Needle: Lennon...?

Gemini: Razz...?

Spark: Jon...?

Magnet: Hex...?

Snake: Hadrian...?

Hard: Nightmare...?

Top: Gary...?

Gary: Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure. The moral of the story is: Wait. How do they keep DOING that?!

Needle: I guess the moral is that you should never convict someone until they're proven guilty...

Gary: Actually... *snickers* I WAS the one who robbed the bank!

All: ...

Gary: That dreamcatcher alien only robbed the bank after I had gotten most of the money!!! *bursts out laughing*

All: ...


Top: Well, until Dreamcatcher aliens stop saying 'cheers' and speaking with british accents, we are... THE MECHANICAL MANIACS!


No dreamcatcher aliens were harmed during the making of this epilogue.


Musashiden Razz as .....
Hexlaser as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Hadrian Howell as .....
    Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Jonathan S. as .....
Gauntlet as .....


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