By: Ben aka Magma Dragoon
(The XFTV Studio Lot Sound stage 12)
Ben: Ah welcome normally you'd be expecting a witty if not hilarious sketch with Will Ferrel and the rest of the SNL crew. But they have been er detained and their writers too so I no choice but to say this: Live from X-Force City, it's Saturday Night
(The beginning starts then abruptly stops)
Andon: (Comes in with a glass of pink lemonade) Hold it, isn't it midnight?
Ben: Yeah. So?
Andon: Wouldn't that mean it should be Sunday Morning Live, technically it's Sunday.
Ben: Again I ask, so?
Andon: Isn't it false advertising that you call it Saturday Night Live when it's really Sunday?
Ben: Do me a favor Andon can you watch my fist?
Andon: Sure thing (watches Ben's fist)
(Ben punches out Andon who falls face first on the floor)
Ben: As I was saying Live from X-Force City it's
Andon: (Gets up) Ugh, you know Ben violence doesn't solve problems with like what they did to Hey! (Turns to the crowd) With what's happening in Afghanistan
(Ben runs off to the coffee and donuts stand where SanityisOverrated and Gauntlet are hanging out.)
Sanity: so I said Screw you I already have four
(Gauntlet and SanityisOverrated laugh loudly)
Gauntlet: Ben, I thought you were doing the intro.
Ben: Until Andon came on the set and lectured me about the political incorrectness of the show.
Sanity: Why don't you just punch him out?
Ben: Did that and he recovered too quickly, we have to save the show before our ratings drop!
Gauntlet and Sanity: Oh yeah!
(30 seconds later on-stage)
Andon: It's an outright outrage what George W Bush and Tony Blair are doing to innocent Afghans just to get one man
(Ben, Gauntlet and SanityisOverrated come on stage behind Andon.)
Andon: (turns around) Hey dudes? What's up?
Ben: If it's any consolation we're really going to enjoy this
(Ben smacks Andon on the head with a bat then Gauntlet ties him up and SanityisOverrated duct tapes his mouth)
Ben: Okay put him in with the rest of the cast
(Gauntlet and SanityisOverrated carry Andon's unconscious body into a dressing room with the rest of the SNL crew)
Will Ferrel: Hey! Can I go to the john? I can't hold it much longer.
Gauntlet: Sorry once the show's over you can go to the can
Will Ferrel: But
Sanity: No buts
Chris Kattan: Will you at least give us something to eat ol' Horatio is going crazy and starting to eat the carpet
Sanity: Well Here's a half eaten donut enjoy! (Throws the donut on the floor) (Slams door as the cast frantically tries to get the donut with their teeth)
Crowd Member 1: You Rock!
Ben: As I was saying
Live from X-Force City, it's Saturday Night!
Jonathan: Thank you and thank you So guys how would you like some pies?
Jonathan: The people speakth (Throws some pies that are actually decorated land mines with whipped cream instead of explosives.)
(Members of the crowd get covered with whipped cream)
Jonathan: Oh you need some seltzer to wash it all down? (Sprays the crowd with some seltzer)
Jonathan: (Brings out a ball and does his balancing act) Ya' know it's hard to run your own circus but I have to say
(A tiny wind-up car comes out the cast comes out)
(Gary pops the ball with a needle and the rest the cast grabs Jonathan and get back into the car)
Gary: Ah, as you all well know our favorite Clown is the best trapeze swinger in the land isn't he?
(Set changes as a trapeze trap is revealed)
(On one podium the wind-up car stops and Jonathan with Ben comes out.)
Jonathan: Heh, this is going to be a piece of cake
Gary: To make this act more menacing we have special turbines that will generate gale force winds. Don't worry the crowd will be protected by a force field
Jonathan: WHAT?!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?
Ben: We'll certainly try (Gets into the wind-up car and leaves)
Gary: Clown Man will have to try to hit four targets while trying to avoid hover bombs that will be caught in these winds Are you ready Jon?
Jonathan: NO! GET ME THE #$*@ OUTTA HERE!
Gary: Start the turbines!
(The act starts as Jon is picked up by the wind and grabs onto the trapeze bar)
Jonathan: Mommmmmmmmmmmieeeeeeee .
(Jonathan hits a target)
JONATHAN = 1
Gary: Isn't he great folks?
(In one arc hits two of the targets)
JONATHAN = 3
Gary: Okay guys! Full power to the turbines!
Jonathan: Did he say full powerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ?
(Jonathan screams as he narrowly hisses the hover bombs then hits the last target)
JONATHAN = 4
Gary: He's done it Still he's no King of the Pranksters (Pulls out a remote) heh heh heh (presses the button)
(All the bombs close in on Jonathan and explode)
Jonathan: (Mumbles) Just wait until next April Fools Eskimo (faints)