SNL Part 3 - Celebrity Jeopardy!

By: Gauntlet (aka Shadowman)

Gauntlet: Excellent. Those foolish friends of mine do not see the opportunity this event presents. I know for a fact that many, many people all over the world watch SNL every weekend. By hijacking the show, I now have the opportunity of a lifetime. I will play a subliminal message while the next sketch airs..... it will then place a strong suggestion in all our viewers..... and then my dream will come true .......

Needlegal: And what dream is that?

Gauntlet: AAHHH!!!!! Was I talking out loud again?

Needlegal: 'fraid so, bro.

Gauntlet: Damn. I gotta watch out for that.

Needlegal: Care to fill me in on the rest of your "evil scheme"?

Gauntlet: Oh, very well. The message will be .... to ship me their copy of Superman (second series) number 25!

Needlegal: What?

Gauntlet: I have every issue of the Superman series from 1987 onwards ... except for number 25. I cannot find that anywhere! Everywhere I turn, Superman number 25 eludes my grasp. Well no longer!

Needlegal: And here I though you were gonna get everyone to give you their money....

Gauntlet: Bah. I have all the money I want thanks to me *whips out device* counterfeit money machine!!

Needlegal: Of course.....

And so, the music starts and the game show begins!

Gauntlet: Good evening. This very special Celebrity Jeopardy is hosted by I, Gauntlet! And will feature many "Famous" guests from all across Megaman teams! First up, is Andon, also known as Elecman on the Sinister Six.

Andon: Good evening, Gauntlet.

Gauntlet: Next up is Stoneman from Darkman's robot Warriors!

Stoneman: Yo.

Gauntlet: And lastly, is a Dragoon from the far future, Ben the Magma Dragoon!

Ben: Hello, Gauntlet.

Gauntlet: And now for the categories.

(The categories appear!)

Gauntlet: And the categories are.... Robot Maters, Old cartoon shows, sock puppets, Anime, Famous Da Vincis, colors that rhyme with "mellow", and quantum theory.

.....

Gauntlet: And let's just replace "quantum theory" with .... puppies.

Stoneman: Good call, Gauntlet.

Gauntlet: Alright, let's begin with meeting our guests. Let's start with Elecman here. Andon, tell us a little about yourself.

Andon: Well, I'm currently affiliated with the Sinister Six. I'm going to donate most of the prize money to charity.

Gauntlet: That's very socially conscious of you.

Andon: Thank you.

Gauntlet: And here we have Stoneman.

Stoneman: I'm gonna also donate the money to charity. The Stoneman needs money foundation. Haw-haw!

Gauntlet: Quite amusing. Now, meet -

Ben: Let's get this over with already!!

Gauntlet: Our ill-tempered friend is right, we should get moving. Alright, since Stoneman won the draw, he goes first.

Stoneman: I'll take puppies for 500, Alex.

Gauntlet: That is not my name.

Stoneman: It is now .... Alex.

Gauntlet: (This is gonna be a long say) The answer is ...... "Dog Food."

...

Andon: Odd....

(Ben rings in)

Ben: Things a puppy eats!

Gauntlet: Oh, I'm sorry, but the answer needs to be in the form of a question. That's minus 500 points for you. Stoneman, care to go again?

Stoneman: Alright ..... I'll take .... Famous DA Vincis for 500.

Gauntlet: "This is the most famous DA Vinci.

.....

Gauntlet: Oh, common. You gotta know this one.

(Andon frantically presses his button, but no sound chimes in)

Gauntlet: And your time is up. The answer was LEONARDO DA Vinci

(Stoneman chimes in)

Stoneman: Who is Leonardo DA Vinci!

Gauntlet: Ugh. Just pick a different category.

Stoneman: ... Kay ... (need an easy one).. I'll pick .....Robot Masters for 500!

Gauntlet: Alright. "This robot master is shaped like a train".

....

Gauntlet: Anyone?

...

...

Gauntlet: Stoneman you MAY want to guess this one.

Stoneman: Who is Mars!

Gauntlet: What' NO!

Ben: Chargeman!! It's Chargeman!!

Gauntlet: Dammit, your answers gotta be in the forum -

Andon: Who is Chargeman!!!

Gauntlet: You gotta use yer buzzer!

Andon: But it doesn't work!!!

Gauntlet: Well, time is up now players! Stoneman, it is still your board.

Ben: Dammit, Gauntlet! Give the rest of us a turn!!

Gauntlet: I would if any of you would answer right!!!

Stoneman: I pick.... Colors the rhyme with "mellow" for a hundred!

(Sound chimes in!)

Gauntlet: Oh good. A daily double. How much are you gonna wager.

Stoneman: I think I'm gonna play it safe..... I'll wager zero dollars.

Gauntlet: Splendid. And, bringing you this audio daily double is Topman from my own Megaman 3 team.

Topman: Alright now! Oh, your one lucky guy. This is easy. Here's yer question. This is the only color that rhymes with mellow! See? And I'm the color! Common!

....

Stoneman: I'm gonna go with "yellow.

Gauntlet: Good. That's right.

Stoneman: So how many points do I get?

.....

Gauntlet: You get no points.

Stoneman: But I guessed right!!

Gauntlet: You didn't wager any money!!!

Ben: Dammit, Gauntlet! We're your fiends! Lay off us!!

Andon: I seriously think my buzzers broken. Who would have broken my buzzer?

(Ben snickers)

Ben (thought): With Andon out of the running this whole contest should have gone to me!!!

Gauntlet: I *was* going easy on you! Look at the topics! Why, this ... you know what' Let's just skip to final jeopardy.

Gauntlet: And the final topic is ...... oh joy . "Things Doctor Wily built".

Ben: Finally a topic that's easy!

Gauntlet: Yeah, great. The question is..... "name one thing that doctor Wily built".

(The music comes in....)

Gauntlet: It can be any thing. Perhaps it can be a stage robot...... maybe even a robot master! Or even a certain Castle!!!!

(The music stops).

Gauntlet: Alright... let's walk over to Stoneman. You wrote ... my name. "Gauntlet". That's nice. But wrong.

Stoneman: But Wily built you!!!

Gauntlet: If you mean he built "Shadowman" that would be wrong too. Shadowman was a spy robot Wily STOLE! Besides which your answer must be in the form of a question. And you wagered ..... oh that's reeeeeeaaaaal classy, Stone.

Stoneman: Bite me!

Gauntlet: And now for Andon. You wrote.

.....

Gauntlet: Nothing.

Andon: My pen didn't work. Nothing of mine works!!!!

(Ben snickers.)

Andon: IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT!?

Ben: It was the only way I had a chance!

Andon: If I wasn't nonviolent, I'd hurt you.

Gauntlet: And Ben wrote down, "Who is Sigma?" Well, Wily didn't build Sigma.

Ben: YES HE DID!!!

Gauntlet: .... no, Doctor Cain built Sigma.

Ben: Oh, you think your SOOOOOOO smart! You get all your answers off a card!!!! You wouldn't be so smart without the card!!!

Gauntlet: Oh, common! EVERYONE knows Cain built Sigma!

.....

Stoneman: Uh-oh. Ben's losing it.

(Suddenly Xelloss appears!)

Xelloss: Well, well, well. Look what's going on over here! Oh boy, it looks like no one won after all! Isn't that a shame.

Stoneman: Yeah, it's a big shame. What are YOU doing here? You weren't invited.

Xelloss: And no one answered correctly either! This wasn't a very entertaining jeopardy, if you ask me.

Ben: NO ONE ASKED YOU!!! YOU JERK!!!

Xelloss: Oh, I see what's going on. Your mad because you did the worst out of everyone! Well, I guess I can't blame you. I'd be embarrassed too if I said Doctor Wily built Sigma.

(Ben erupts into a rage!)

Ben: THAT'S IT!!!! YOUR TOAST!!!

(Ben shoots flame at Xelloss, making the entire set catch on fire!, but Xelloss dodges the blasts!)

Ben: Xelloss!! Xelloss!! I'll get you!!!!

Gauntlet: Hey!! Careful!! This wasn't even a real Jeopardy game!!!

Ben: AAAAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!

Xelloss: Oh, dear. Did I say something wrong?

(Again Ben shoots out massive amounts of flame, and again and again Xelloss dodges!)

Gauntlet: NOOO!!! MY EQUIPMENT!!!

Needlegal: Looks like your plan to get Superman number 25 went bust!

Gauntlet: Xelloss! He did this on purpose!

Xelloss: Why, what makes you think I did that?

Gauntlet and Needlegal: Xelloss!?

Gauntlet: How'd you get behind us!?

Ben: DAMN YOU, XELLOSS!!!!

Xelloss: Whop, gotta go!

(Xelloss vanishes as Ben fires a huge fire blast, toasting Needlegal and Gauntlet!)

Needlegal: Ouch.

Gauntlet: I hate that Xelloss.

Andon: Geez, Ben. Calm down!

Ben: Grrrrrr ....... I HATE HIM!!!!!

The End