Series 5 Issue #2 - Housewarming is a Dangerous Ritual

It's a fine day as the Mechanical Maniacs prepare their new fortress for a continuing ritual - the housewarming party! Meant to bring in good times and good memories, the Mechanical Maniacs have always had a housewarming party. And, although their last two bases were destroyed, they have a really good feeling that the Ark will have staying power.

Fireman: Alright! A party!

Hardman: Hey, Fire, I bet I know what you want! Come eeeeeerrrr....

Fireman: Uh, no thanks guy. I'm actually gonna try playing darts or something.

Hardman: eh?

Cutman: He's a recovering alcoholic.

Hardman: Recovering?

Cutman: Meaning he's stopped now.

Hardman: Whu?

Gutsman: Ahhhhh, what a great idea! Now WE can trash the 'Maniacs' place as revenge for being such lazy slobs! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaAH!!!

(The six gaze at Gutsman in bemusement.)

Gutsman: Aw, common! I ..... I need this!

Elecman: Now, now, Tim. Violence is never the answer! Just look! The guests are arriving already!

Shadowman: Zero X Phoenix, I'd like you to meet Nightmare Zero.

Zero X Phoenix: Heya.

Nightmare Zero: I actually know him.

Shadowman: Really? Small world.

Zero X Phoenix: Yeah.

Nightmare Zero: So, did you invite Warrior Zero X too?

Shadowman: Nah, haven't seen him in years.

Topman: Hey ..... It's Zero X Gold!

Shadowman: No, this is Zero X Phoenix and Nightmare Zero, not Zero X Gold.

Topman: What happened to Zero X Gold?

Shadowman: He was killed by Mega Zero X in a spacecraft incident.

Topman: Is the real Zero gonna be here?


Nightmare Zero: Who?


Piccolo: Hh. This party sucks.

Dinobot: Yessssss..... certainly not worthy of us! Team Badass!

Green Ranger: Screw you! I barely have time to be a Power Ranger let alone team badass.

Casey Jones: But you are not even really on our team ya Power Ranger!.

Dark Napalm: Hey guys.

Nightmare Zero: GWAHH!

Zero X Phoenix: Oh ..... it's you.

Nightmare Zero: So ....... big .......

Dark Napalm: So how are all of you guys doing this evening?

Nightmare Zero: Good.

Zero X Phoenix: Good.

Shadowman: Good.

Fahrenheit: Also good.

Dark Napalm: That's good.

(Awkward silence passes by.)

Dark Napalm: So you all saw my last flash -


(Nightmare Zero, Shadowman, Zero X Phoenix, and Fahrenheit all scream in horror and run away!)

Dark Napalm: Aw, common fellas. Don't be like that.

Topman: Alright, Kai .... you were invited for one reason and one reason ALONE! To BEYBLADE!

Kai: What?

Topman: That's right! You stuck up kid! I'll Beyblade you right here right now!

Kai: I don't think so.

Topman: What did you say!?

Kai: I don't wanna Bey-battle with a little kid like you. Now excuse me while I blow this popsicle stand. I gotta head to Toys R us and pick me up some of their new Bey Blade kits.

(Kai brushes past a sputtering Topman and leaves the party.)

(Super Koala and Pharon arrive at the party in an old, beat up car.)

Super Koala: I can't believe I got an invite!

Pharon: Yeah! This is so cool!

(Hardman stops S.K. and P. at the door)

Hardman: Hold it, fellas.

Super Koala: What's the problemo? We were invited!

Hardman: YOU were ..... but not him.

Pharon: Me? Hunh? Why - ?

Hardman: Because you freak me out, man.

Super Koala: But he's my bro! What's so wrong with him?


Hardman: Look, you want this to get ugly?

(Super Koala shrugs and walks in.)

(Pharon looks up as he sees Snakeman walk near the door.)

Pharon: Hey, Snake! YOU'LL let me in, right!

Snakeman: Uh, sorry, man .... but you're no Super Koala.

Pharon: But -

Snakeman: Gottago!


Pharon: What? What'd I do?

(And, inside........)

Clownman: Hey, Koala! Where's Pharon?

Super Koala: He wasn't allowed in.

Clownman: *phew* what a relief. That guy kinda gives me the willies!

Cutman: You said it!

Super Koala: What? What'd he do?

(Elsewhere, Dark Napalm continues his efforts to socialize with the rest of the Megaman Community.)

Heatman: So I say, " No way that's me, man! You better gimme that tape or I'll rip your heart out!"

CJ: Really? You said that to Gauntlet?

Heatman: Yeah, guy's not so tough. He's just a big -

Dark Napalm: Heya, guys!


Heatman: .......

Dark Napalm: You guys liked the Wily Show, right? I mean, people liked that fine.

Heatman: Uh .... yeah, I .....

CJ: Ummmmm

(CJ and Heatman both flee in terror.)

Dark Napalm: H-hey ...... I have feelings too....

(Dark Napalm feels something on his leg. He looks down to see Super Koala gnawing away like a rabid animal.)

Dark Napalm: Hey. I don't deserve that. I may look and sound kinda scary, but ...... I'm actually pretty -

Super Koala: Hissssssssssssss

Dark Napalm: *ulp*

(Dark Napalm is approached from behind by the only person as tall as he - Lysekoid.)

Lysekoid: Alright, that's it. Napalm, quit scaring everyone you big bully!

Dark Napalm: But I - I'm not TRYING to!

Lysekoid: Oh, so THAT'S how you're gonna be, eh? Well, you can go look menacing all by yourself then!

Dark Napalm: H-hey!

Topman: Needlegal! You've .... changed you're armor!

Needlegal: Yeah. I was always kinda bothered by the bulbous look So, I went in and tweaked it.

Geminiman: But .... you're so ..... so thin!

Needlegal: Yeah.

Geminiman: But based on the Transmetal armor I ..... uh....

Needlegal: Based on my Transmetal armor you extrapolated what, exactly!?

Topman: That you were an elephant!


Needlegal: SHUT UP!! I'll have you know I was NEVER fat, it was JUST MY ARMOR!

Geminiman: And I gotta say, it's a relief!


Needlegal: So you expected something ELSE!?

Geminiman: Ohhh .... THAT hurt!

Needlegal: Still ..... at least it beats all those lame "CANNON BALL" jokes I get at the beach in my old armor

Magnetman: WOAH! Needle, you look hot!

Needlegal: Thanks, Magnet!

Magnetman: Uh ....... so can I have a date.

Needlegal: No, Magnet.


Magnetman: Then can you at least pose for some entirely tasteful pictures?


Needlegal: What is it with you people!? Is the community FULL of horny guys!?

Snakeman: Woah! Hot stuff!

Zero X Phoenix: I can't breath!

Nightmare Zero: *whistles*

Clownman, Bombman, Hardman: HELLoooooooooooooooooo, NURSE!

Needlegal: Alright, form a line! You're all getting your ass kicked!

Sparkman: What the heck is a "Super Koala" anyway?

Super Koala: Well, I'm like a regular koala. Only super.

Sparkman: What, can you fly?

Super Koala: No.

Sparkman: Are you invulnerable?

Super Koala: No.

Sparkman: Do you have heat vision?

Super Koala: ....... Yes.

Gutsman: YOU have HEAT VISION?

Super Koala: Uh, sure. I use heat vision all the time.


Shadowman: Prove it! Use heat vision!

Geminiman: Yeah, prove it!

Super Koala: Hey, don't push me, buster! You want heat vision? eh?! I'll heat vision your freaking eyes shut or something!

Sparkman: Woah. That is one angry koala.

CJ: I'm just saying .... it makes no SENSE, man!

Fireman: What? Why?

CJ: A "fireman" PUTS OUT fires!

Fireman: ..... so?

CJ: So, shouldn't YOU put out fires?

Fireman: ......... I don't follow.


Fireman: Ah, I see. A common misconception. You see, I am THE fireman, but I am not A fireman. I don't really put out fires so much as start them.

CJ: ........ What?

Shadowman: FAN! Hey, it's Fanwgie!

Fanewgie: Er, you're pronouncing it wrong.

Gutsman: Yeah it's Fanwgee!

Cutman: I thought it was Faweegeie.

Shadowman: Fane-weegeee?

Gutsman: Fan-gwee!

Fanewgie: Yeah, it's very funny.

Topman: Hey, who's this?

Shadowman: It's Fan-gee!

Topman: Fan-what? What the Hell is a Fan-gee?

Shadowman: *points* he is.

Topman: I see. Hey, Fannie!


Gutsman: So, what the Hell happened to you, Fannie? Last time I saw you you were kinda ...... a twerp. Now you're all buff.

Fanewgie: First of all, my name is not Fannie. Second of all, I got an upgrade.

Shadowman: "Upgrade?" What, you got "Mega-steroids" or something? Ha hah hah!

Fanewgie: If you MUST know, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and before I knew it I had oversized and clunky body parts.


Shadowman: What?

Gutsman: Uh ....... G, Fan here is an *ahem* mech-cannibal. He goes around ...... eats other robots ...... puts their parts on himself....

Fanewgie: Yeah, so don't piss me off!

Topman: Oh, uh ....

Shadowman: Ah, I ..... see. Well, of course there's been MANY uh ..... cannibals. You got Lector and ..... um ..... well, I will just be over ..... THERE *points* so, if you'll excuse me.

Topman: Yeah, me too.

Classi Cal: So, you come from the planet Krypton.

Super Koala: Oh, *pshhhh* totally. Yeah, Earth's uh ...... yellow sun gives me my super powers.


Classi Cal: Ummm ..... I don't think I really believe you, hun.


(All of a sudden, Dark Napalm begins convulsing and contorting in unnatural positions! A crows gathers around the fearsome robot as he gets up with an evil gleam in his eye......)

Dark Napalm: Ahhh ..... it's so good to be back .....

Classi Cal: "Back"?

Nightmare Zero: You left?

Dark Napalm: FOOL! I am not "Dark Napalm"! I am ...... wing commander STARSCREAM!

Shadowman: It's Starscream's GHOST!

Fahrenheit: Shit! He has control of Dark Napalm!

Super Koala: What're we gonna do!?

Dark Napalm: You will die, pathetic fools! Bow to the weapons contained within this body! Be defeated with -

(Suddenly a burst of flowers erupts around the gigantic body of Dark Napalm!)

Dark Napalm: Plant Barrier? PLANT BARRIER!?

Snakeman: Although Dark Napalm appears deadly, he must be ........ really messed up inside.

Dark Napalm: NOOOO!!

(As Starscream screams in Dark Napalm's body, Snakeman makes a call....)

Needlegal: Hey, who ya gonna call?

Snakeman: Who else?

(Within seconds a car bursts into the Ark carrying .....)

Stoneman: Anyone call for the Ghostbusters?

Starman: Or Starman's elite ghost hunting squad, as is printed on our stationary.

Gravityman: Dammit, we're not calling ourselves that!

Shadowman: You're ..... alive! You're actually ..... alive!

Stoneman: Yup.

Shadowman: Where the Hell have you been all this time?

Stoneman: Uh .....

Starman: Hm......

Crystalman: Would "on the can" be an acceptable answer?

Shadowman: Sorry I asked.

Starscream: FOOLS! There is no escape!

(Starscream's ghost flies around menacingly. The Megaman Community members begin firing their weapons in a futile attempt at stopping the apparition!)

Cutman: It's not working!

Snakeman: Stop firing! Stop it! You're gonna ruin our new base!

Gutsman: Don't listen! Keep trying!

Crystalman: Guys, leave this to the professionals.

Starman: Let's do this!

(The Ghost Busters fire their proton weapons at the surprised Starscream!)

Starscream: What is THIS!? Let me GO!

Stoneman: Don't cross the streams!

Crystalman: Damnit, where's Waveman!? He should be helping!

Gravityman: He said he was our "getaway man" in case things went wrong!

Starman: We got him! Get with the trap!

Gravityman: You got it!

(Gravityman releases the ghost trap and in a flash of light Starscream's ghost is caught within it's confines!)

Gravityman: Success!

Starscream: Let me go! I demand it! I was Decepticon leader! For one brief, glorious moment I WAS LEADER OF THE DECEPTICONS! I demand to be release this astro-second!

Nightmare Zero: You did it!

Clownman: Way to go! You beat Starcream AND saved the base!

Snakeman: "Saved"!? Just look at the place! It's a complete mess!

Stoneman: Er ....

Snakeman: Get out! All of you! This party is OVER! Now LEAVE!


Snakeman: What? Didn't you hear me? I said GO! Now GO GO GO!!

(Snakeman shoos the guests away with a barrage of search snakes. Dark Napalm is the last to leave waving his hands in the air.)

Dark Napalm: No .... everyone ..... come back! I'm not scary!

(Dark Napalm collapses onto the floor.)

Dark Napalm: I .... I ..... LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEE!

Fahrenheit: Why did I even come here? I never even spoke to Gauntlet!

Super Koala: Worst. Party. Ever.

Snakeman: Well, I guess things turned out all right...

Magnetman: I guess...

Needlegal: And we learned something today too...

Shadowman: *hurumph*. Never call Darkman's Robot Warrior's for a ghost busting job right?

Needlegal: We learned that you all SUCK! Really, you all actually thought I was fat? Didn't I say it was the Transmetal Armor all along? Well, maybe NEXT TIME you'll believe me!

Magnetman: ....... I've always believed you.

Snakeman: Yeah, me too.

(Needlegal pummels Snake and Magnet with her Needle Cannon!)

Needlegal: LIARS!

Topman: So until Starscream and three other ghosts form the "robot busters," we are ..... The Mechanical Maniacs!

The End


Musashiden Razz as .....
Raijin as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Hadrian Howell as .....
    Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Jonathan S. as .....
Gauntlet as .....


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