Hardman's Bar

Chapter 18


It was HUGE. That was all my mind could comprehend for the first few seconds. A massive behemoth of a robot that stood more than twice as tall as me, with massive, vice like hands and a robust, armored body. Then I noticed that it was cleaning a glass.

“Welcome to th’ bar,” it said in a heavy voice, like tanks colliding at top speed, “What’ll ya have?”

I took several more deep breaths before answering the hulk with a question of my own. “Who are you?” I rasped.

The… thing smiled at me, blank, lifeless eyes seeming to take me in. “Name’s Hardman.”

The name hit me like a bullet, for some reason. Almost like getting shot with liquid nitrogen in the heart. I took in a sharp breath, and let it out through clenched teeth. “That… that’s not possible,” I said eventually.

“Why not?” the thing asked, setting down the glass.

“I… I don’t know, but… it isn’t possible,” I said, shaking my head.

“Are you jus’ here ta start trouble, ‘cause it’s been a slow day,” Hardman said, placing two large hands on the bar and shoving it to the side. The entire thing splintered as it broke away from the floor and flew into the wall, where it became so much sawdust. “I’ve been bored, and I think I’d like ta beat on somebody fer a while.”

“Is your first inclination always to fight?” I asked, trying to buy time to catch my breath.

“Nah,” Hardman said with a shake of his head. “My firs’ inclination’s usually ta drink.”

“That isn’t true,” I rasped through dry lips.

“How would you know?” the massive robot asked me accusingly.

“’Cause I gave up drinkin,’” I said, again in that voice that wasn’t my own. Or was it my own?

“So YOU gave up drinkin,’” Hardman shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I did.”

I shook my head, remembering what Gauntlet had said. “But this isn’t… you’re not real. Yer not th’ real Hardman.”

“Oh, am I, now?” Hardman said with a lack of amusement. “Then what am I, might I ask?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know WHAT ya are, but I know fer a fact ya don’t belong here.”

“If yer so convinced of that, try and make me leave!” The robot shouted in anger, digging his feet into the floor to charge forward. The building shook as he thundered at me, making it difficult for me to keep my footing to try and avoid him as he raised a massive fist and brought it down like a meteor.

I avoided the fist, but barely, and I took one look at his armor and decided I couldn’t do much to it on my own, so I dashed away, trying to get some distance between him and me. The problem was that he was fourteen feet tall, with an arm span to match, and there wasn’t THAT much room in here. With two earth-shattering steps, he was on me again, the fist he brought around glowing with power.

I ducked the hook and went for broke, slamming my right fist into his knee, which was what I could reach. Oddly enough, I didn’t really feel any pain, and I left a hand-sized dent in his knee.

Maybe I could hurt this thing after all?

“ARGH!” He cried out looking at me with the fury of hell, and drawing his other hand back. “I’ll CRUSH ya, ya puny human!”

That glowing fist he brought down on me would have annihilated the state of Louisiana, but I somehow managed to catch his fist in both hands and absorb the shock of the blow on my own terms. As his other hand swung around for my injured ribs, I swore out loud and jumped backwards. ‘Hardman’ was big, but he was slow. Slower than I was, at any rate. I used the time he spent to recover from throwing his overpowered punches to move away from him again.

“Yer cheatin’!” He roared in disapproval. “Yer usin’ strength ya don’ have! Ya NEVER fought like this before!”

Before? When had I fought Hardman before? Had I? The murk in my brain cleared, ever so slightly. Something about this was off. I was right that this wasn’t Hardman, somehow, but this WAS someone else.

“HARD PUNCH!” The shouted words brought me out of my broken mind and back to the conflict. The massive glowing fist on the end of his arm shot toward me like a howitzer shell, and slammed into the wall behind me as I weaved to the side and returned with my own punch to his jaw. His head snapped around and he became unbalanced, so I took the opportunity to push him backwards.

“Give it UP!” He shouted, fully immersed in a rage. “No matter what, I’LL BEAT YA!”

“Get some better battle banter,” I scoffed, dodging another incoming punch. “You were EXPECTING me to be weak, but I came in ready for a fight,” I said, throwing my own punch that caught him in the shoulder as he tried to move out of the way. He regained his balance and threw another punch which I couldn’t move fast enough to dodge, so I did the only thing I could do.

Somehow, I caught his punch in one hand. The surprise on his face must have mirrored my own. We recovered the same time, and he threw his other fist at me, which I also caught with my other hand.

He roared, almost mindlessly, in hatred. “I’LL CRUSH YA!” He shouted at the top of his vocal unit.

“Maybe some other day,” I shot back. Literally.

Blood sprayed everywhere as my hands and forearms detached from my elbows and rocketed forward with a will of their own. A Hardman that was caught very off guard flew backwards, slamming into the wall, trailing twin rivers of blood from my arms. I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t feel any pain at all. The room shook as Hardman fell to the floor and my arms returned to me.

He got up slowly. “How… how can you STILL do that?” He seemed to be asking the floor. “Your mind was rewired, you shouldn’t have any conception of what you really are! You can’t even remember what you are! TELL ME! HOW THE HELL CAN YOU STILL DO THAT?”

I stood there in silence as he roared his questions at me. I really didn’t have an explanation myself, so I saw no reason to answer his ramblings.

“The memory of your old life was erased! You shouldn’t have ANY of your abilities! Your body should barely obey you!” Hardman shouted as he charged toward me. I waited for him to get close enough, and then took action, grabbing his thrown punch by the wrist and slamming my shoulder into him to stop his charge. His momentum pushed us both into the wall behind me, but this only gave me more leverage, and I grabbed his other arm at the wrist and spread them, bringing us up against each other.

“People aren’t ruled by their memories,” I said simply, “And you are NOT Hardman.”

My arms flew off again, this time in opposite directions, with firm grips on his own wrists. He screamed in a deafening volume of pain as his own arms came off his body, the left one at the elbow and the right one at the shoulder, and were torn away by the force of my own attack. He fell backwards, now seeming much smaller to me. The room in general seemed smaller to me.

Or had I suddenly gotten bigger?

My hands, not human hands, but blue, armored gauntlets, clicked back into place.

“I’M Hardman,” I said, looking down on my fallen foe, whose appearance had also changed.

“You’re just some pale imitation, Golemman. A sad, pathetic attempt to match me, created by evil energy and sustained by the madness of one man.”

Golemman tried to back away from me, a process made harder by his lack of arms. “But… I… I don’t understand… How did you… WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL SO POWERFUL?”

I looked at myself, huge, blue body and all. I felt myself smile.

“Mostly because I can count on the rest of the team to make it out, just like I did.”

I reached out and grabbed Golemman’s chest plate and hauled him to his feet. He whimpered, ever so slightly, as my other hand rested on his head.

“Goodbye, you pain in my ass,” I said as I fired the Hard Knuckle that beheaded my massive rival.

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