Hardman's Bar

Chapter 30


Doors are something that happens to other people. Especially when I’m not in the calmest state of mind. It’s safe to say I wasn’t at the moment when I crashed through Cassandra’s door, her door frame, and a generous portion of the wall around it.

Had Cassandra been the Queen Mesmerman had referred to? It almost made sense. She was a good friend and one of my best employees. But if that was true, who was the King he spoke of?

Thought processes grinded to a halt as I beheld the apartment. No signs of a struggle, so noticeable damage (other than what I’d just done) and no blood on the walls. Not even a threatening note or some sort of obvious clue. All of this flew in the face of the other thing I was seeing.

“Dr. Wily,” I growled at the German scientist, “what are YOU doing here?”

Wily looked a little disheveled. He had a can of Pepsi in his hand and a startled look on his face. He probably hadn’t expected me to show up as loudly as I did. “Ach, vhy do you let zis moronik tank vander around all on its lonesome?” He demanded of the other occupant of the room.

Gauntlet smiled. “Just to annoy you.”

“Boss?” I looked around. Aside from Wily and Shadowman, I was the only one here. “What happened to Sparkchan?”

“She’s catching up with the others,” Gauntlet shrugged. “Calm down, Hard.”

“Vat is zis vun’s connekshun to zese desturbances?” Wily asked like I wasn’t even in the room. Wily’s voice was supplied with a thick, almost suffocating German accent.

“The girl who lives here works for him,” Shadowman told him. “But down to business…”

“Ah,” Wily muttered, “ya. Bisunez.”

I stood there dumbfounded as Shadowman continued. “For the next 24 hours, Wily’s Warriors, the Evil Eight, the Sinister Six, and the Mechanical Maniacs are entering into a non-aggression pact. No violence at all between any of those group’s members. Albert Wily and the team known as Drastic Measures understand that they cannot participate in the mission before us.”

“Ya, ya, I got it, you ninja ninny,” Wily said dismissvely. “Zis vuld not be ein problem if I chust had control over all of you anyvay. Zis nonsense vuld already be solved.”

“Noted,” Shadowman nodded. “Do me a favor and catch Hardman up on current events. I’ve got to help the others stop Shademan.”

Gauntlet disappeared without another word, leaving the German scientist little time to protest, which he did anyway. Wily’s once burning passion for world domination had been blunted by both years of failure and cynicism. Nowadays, he relegated himself to mixing up trouble when the News got slow and making sure no other evil geniuses tried to move in on his territory. Say what you will about the old coot, but I always thought he had some trick up his sleeve he never told us about.

The lab-coated old man turned to me, adjusting his skull tie and clearing his throat. “Vell, vat do you need to know?”

“Oh, THERE’S a list,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Let’s start with you. Why’re YOU here?”

“Ah, revisitink you first quvestion. Vell, simply put, I am out to put an end to ein great evil.”

“Great evil?”

“Ja, it is a very noble sing to do zese days, I’m told.”

“You never do anything like this unless there something in it for you.”

“Vat I get out of zis deal is unimportant, alzo I vill be grateful zat I vill not haf to rebuild Golemman AGAIN zis evenink. Blasted moron.”

“Okay, why’s everyone after Shademan? I haven’t even SEEN him recently.” Come to think of it, he’d been missing for a long time now. Even before the arsons started. Drastic Measures might have mentioned they were looking for him…

“Shademan is but ein link in ze chain zat vill lead us to our perpetrator,” Wily told me matter-of-factly.

“Huh?”

He sighed. “Zink. Shademan is ein vampire, a creature of ze night. Ergo, he is much more vulnerable to ze vhiles of evil energy.”

“He is?”

“Yes, he is, now shut up,” Wily shot at me, clearing his throat. “Now, zis Mesmerman I haf heard so much about vas supposedly loaded up vis ze shtuff, correct? It stands to reason zat our mutual enemy haz access to a large amount of it as vell, vhich attracted ze impressionable attentionz of ze friendly neighborhood vampire, ja?”

“I guess that makes sense. So is he being mind-controlled?”

“More like ‘bought off,’” Wily huffed. “Razzer like a drug addict. Anyvay, he’s conceeling ze identity of ze mastermind behind ze Mesmerman und Cityman attacks, zo he must be captured and quvestioned, you see?”

“Okay, fine, but what’s this about some alliance?”

Wily sighed. “It does us no good to put zis new foe out of our misery if ve’re all hittink each ozzer in ze meantime. Zince my minions from ze zeventh rebellion are, to use a phrase, emotionally involved, zey are not being allowed to help or hinder ze progress, while I personally am not allow to take advantage of ze situation. Evryone else is already chasing Shademan.”

“Okay, I guess that makes a sense, but why here?”

“Here?”

“I have a friend who lives here. Is she involved?”

“Oh, most undoubtably, I zink.” Wily chuckled.

“How?” I growled, wanting an answer.

“Who do you zink vas supplying our batty friend vis ze evil energy?”

Something slammed shut in my mind. I didn’t want to listen to Wily anymore. I started to turn to leave when his voice stopped me. “Don’t do anyzing shtupid, Hardman.”

“I won’t,” I said between clenched teeth. “And you should probably work on that accent some more.”

“If I feel I need to,” Wily shrugged, the thickness of his voice melting away in a heartbeat. “Don’t you usually talk with an accent too?”

“Only when I wanna,” I said as I left. I could hear the old man giggling to himself as I made my way down the stairs.

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