Mechanical Maniacs: Back on the Beat
Plus 'Maniac Mechanica!'

By Hadrian (Hardman) Howell

The Cliche Job (AKA: Why we hate the FBI)

I crept as quietly as I could around the building, which admittedly wasn't VERY quiet but at least I could be said to be making an effort. Shadowman was talking in my ear, although since I knew my part of the plan, I wasn't really listening.

"I want a clean hit on this one, guys," he was saying. "If these guys are as dangerous as intel suggests, we can't afford to let this go on for very long."

"Would you relax?" Snakeman (Snakeman! Of all people!) sighed over the comm. "After the General and Mesmerman, these guy will be a cakewalk."

"Overconfidence has worked against us in the past," Magnetman intoned in response.

"Yeah," Snake admitted, "but what're the odds that'll happen again? It's not the Sinister Six in there, you know."

"I actualy feel safe in the knowledge that if we DO start to get our butts kicked, Hardman'll come in through the back wall," Topman put in, giving me a reason to grin.

"Wait... that makes you feel safe?" Geminiman asked.

"Sure!" Top replied enthusiastically. "It'll give them a WAY bigger target to shoot at."

I sighed. Of course that's what he meant.

"Cut the chatter, people," Shadowman said levelly, although I could almost hear the smirk on his face. "Snake, kill the lights in three, we bust in on four. Ready?"

There was a round of affirmative answers and then Shadowman gave the count. On 'three' I heard something fizzle inside and there were a bunch of surprised shouts, followed almost immediately by a heavy banging sound and a massive amount of shouting.

"You've got the right to remain silent!" Shadowman shouted over the chaos, loud enough I could hear him through the back wall of the building.

"FBI! Put your hands in the air!" another commanding voice shouted at the same time.

The noise inside abruptly halted.

After a lack of noise and action, I click on my comm. "So... d'ya want I should come 'n 'r not?"

"By all means," Shadowman replied in a strained tone.

I took two steps and was on the other side of the wall, much to the shock on the men in the suits who were gathered around tables loaded with black market weaponry. "Yo," I offered their shocked expressions.

"What the hell is going on here?" one of them, probably the leader, demanded of Shadowman.

"Yeah, see, that's what I want to know," the ninja robot countered. "We're here under RPD orders to bust up an arms dealing ring. Surprise, surprise, it looks like the FBI IS the arms dealing ring."

"This is a cover!" the man shouted back, "We're investigating the same arms dealers, but your intrustion will probably set our investigation back months!"

"Yeah, I'm not buying it."

"WHAT?"

"Back to where I was at, you have the right to remain silent, but anything you say, like that little outburst a while ago, can and will be gigglingly used against you in a court of law or a rough approximation thereof. You have the right to an attorney, and if you're broke and can't afford an attorney, well, tough sh-"

"You can't arrest federal agents!"

"I haven't seen a badge yet, either."

The man fumbled for his wallet and flashed something at the leader of the Mechs, who snatched it out of his hands before he could squirrel it away. "Hmm... let's see here... Terry Borgna. Yeah, THAT sounds real. Hmm... I can see where the gold paint on this badge is starting to chip..."

"What are you talking about?" Terry shouted, completely at a loss. The other people in suits weren't moving to help him, either, probably because the Maniacs had them completely surrounded.

"I'm talking about adding 'impersonating a federal officer' to your list of charges, chuckles. Hey, Snake," Shadowman said offhandedly, popping the badge out of the man's wallet (and thirty bucks, but I don't think anyone else caught that) and tossing it to the green robot, "that look real to you?"

Snake grinned, barely looking at it. "Nope."

Terry was sputtering, his face red. "Y... you... you... you can't DO THAT!"

"Oh, I most certainly can," Shadowman smiled. "Hard, Top, Magnet, take our finely dressed felons down to RPD HQ and book 'em. I'm certain Crorq will be VERY interested to hear about a bunch of FBI impersonators trying to step on our toes."

"Yes, Boss," I rumbled, herding the suits closest to me towards the door. I was pretty sure we didn't need to cuff them, most of them had white faces and looked about ready to cry, but Magnet took care of it anyway.

We hadn't taken a vehicle to get here, so it was going to be a long walk back to HQ. As we left, I heard Spark address Shadowman.

"That wasn't very nice," she told him.

"Well, historically speaking, the FBI haven't been very nice to me, either."

"Wait," Needlegal spoke up for the first time all day, "so they really ARE feds?"

"Nope," Shadowman grinned.

There was a short silence, and Topman skated up next to me as we walked. "Well, now I don't know WHAT to think."

"It's simple," Snakeman said, coming up behind us, "The federal agents here are all actually legitimate, except for the ringleader, who was actually using the 'cover' to move illegal weapons around with his superior's permission. The trick is that he was actually selling the weapons and pocketing the profit like any other arms dealer, and his team was being kept in the dark about the whole thing."

Topman and I looked at each other, then at Snake.

"That's SIMPLE?" I asked.

"Well, as simple as it gets these days."

=== ===
The End!
=== ===

And now, we return to a small bit of insanity already in progress...

Maniac Mechanica!

Hardman: Woo! Well that was fun!

Magnetman: Completely unexciting.

Topman: Seriously, where do you get your ideas? The trash cans of Hollywood?

Needlegal: I'm going to have to agree with the kid's toy.

Topman: I wish you'd stop calling me that.

Needlegal: Tough.

Shadowman: I thought this was supposed to have some bearing on the story.

Snakeman: Yeah, we were apparently ALL misinformed about that one.

Needlegal: So Hardman can't stick to a plan. Does that surprise anyone?

Shadowman: Not at all.

Hardman: ... I don't see YOU guys doing any writing, let alone short stories.

Magnetman: I'm more of an epics person.

Shadowman: Epilogues are more fun.

Topman: I don't write nearly enough...

Geminiman: Eh, I've been busy lately.

Needlegal: Wait, what? Writing? You mean, like, for the site? We can DO that?

All except Needlegal: ...

Sparkchan: Ahem... well, I think we're all burned out a little from BoW.

Snakeman: Yeah, SOME of us didn't disappear in the middle of it.(Just at the very end...)

Magnetman and Hardman: ... Well... er... uh...

Snakeman: Oh, yeah, this is going swimmingly.

Needlegal: You really expected it to go any other way?

Topman: Well, until some originality is injected into the story, we are... the Mechanical Maniacs!