The Business of War

Sao Paulo Cannot Stop


Scenario B
Participants:
Vulcan (RPD)
Tech Tyrants (C)
Fatal Five (W)

Location: Sao Paolo, Brazil
SA Troops: 1541
RPD Troops: 2201
Wily Troops: 899

“Autodromo Interlagos”, Cidade Dutra.
December 2nd, 20XX.
05:20 p.m.

As Naop guided his team through the foliage decorating the race track, he couldn’t help to wonder why Dr. Cossack had sent him there instead of Mexico City, which was also in serious trouble. He guessed the reason was an alternate objective, other than fighting the enemy and protecting civilians. Also, the doctor probably knew that if Naop were to go to Mexico City, his spiritual homeland, he wouldn’t be able to keep his cool. He would stay there, fighting, until he either saved the entire city or died trying.

Not that war wasn’t something to get serious about, but Naop knew that specific places DID matter, when one has to coldly think about strategies. There will always be sacrifices during war. Thus, he understood that the presence of his team was more needed in Sao Paulo, as the doctor had assessed.

The robots Astro Man, Pirate Man, Ground Man and Tengu Man, stood or levitated atop the pine trees, scouting the city before them. They were at the western border of the “autodromo”, looking at the peaceful residential neighbourhood that was just beyond the tall fence. They had avoided the main entrance to the track for security reasons. Although there was no race going on, the SA or the RPD could be patrolling the area. The point was to remain hidden as much as possible to avoid any direct confrontation.

“Have you guys been here before?” he asked Ground Man and Tengu Man, who were never too far from each other. Both of them originally South American.

“Not in my life time, boss.” stated Ground Man, while Tengu Man limited himself to an answer with the movement of his head. There was no point in asking Pirate Man, he had probably never been in South America at all.

“What’s the mission here?” the pirate asked, not too worried about it.

“Well, we should be finding that out soon enough…” just then, Naop’s communicator “rang”. “Told ya… Astro Man here, what’s up doc?” he answered the call.

“Naop, is everything well?” the Russian scientist sounded concerned.

“Of course! Who do you think we are? Besides, we’ve seen no action yet.” Naop was partly trying to hide his own insecurity.

“Well, that confirms my theories. You haven’t seen any signs of battle because all the factions are gathered at the factory complex, about a mile and a half north off your current location.” The doctor made a pause for Naop to realize he was sending a map for him to project using holograms. When the hologram was seen, he continued. “The satellite readings indicate that most of the enemy troops are already deep inside the complex, each of them trying to gain control over the factories.”

“What is so important about these factories?” Tengu Man interrupted.

“They are robot and computer factories.” The Tyrants remained silent. It was clear now, their mission was indeed an important one. Whoever managed to get their hands on those factories would get a major boost in the resource department.

“Understood, doctor.” Naop finally spoke. “We will try to salvage as much as we can, but if the situation is too complicated, we will forfeit the battle and sabotage the place, so it cannot produce anymore.”

“Are you sure you’re up to it, Naop? Their numbers go beyond thousands in this city.”

“The good doc, always worrying too much for his family’s sake”. Naop thought. “I’m not lying to you, doc. Seems like it’s gonna be hell over there, but we will accomplish our mission.”

“Good! I suggest you take the long path, through the residential area, to reach the entrance to the factory complex at the ‘Socorro’ subprefecture.” A few intermittent light dots on the map indicated the suggested route, along with the mentioned entrance. “The battle is happening deep inside the complex, which is about 3 miles long. So you will easily gain access through the front gate. Of course there is always the possibility of guards on patrol, but they should be too busy to send any reinforcements if you show up.”

“We only need to disappear after each surprise attack we manage to nail.” Ground Man suggested.

“Good luck, Technological Tyrants. I’ll be here if you need me. Cossack over and out.” The doctor was very helpful indeed as a navigator.

“Roger, doc. Naop out.” And with that, the team jumped over the fence, and into the war…

--------------------

Sao Paulo - Residential Area
December 2nd, 20XX
05:30 PM

The five robots were standing in a small circle. Behind them, a horde of various robots was beeping or emitting small noises, waiting for the fight. The buildings were covered with traces of explosions, and many other proofs that the Scissor Army raided on this area of Sao Paulo.

One of the robots - a grey-colored one, his eyes covered by a blue visor-, was examining a holographic map. After a few minutes, one of his colleagues -looking like a a badly rebuilt Doc Robot- spoke up :

"Where do we go now, oh mighty leader ?"

Riff - the grey one- sighed. You could never do a thing without Warpman arguing or just ranting.

"For the last time, we'll take control of the factories. Something tells me there could be interesting stuff for you in there..."

Warpman suddenly looked interested.

"Yep. There could be some batteries we could adapt onto you." Warpman's inner structure had rather faulty energy systems, which made him dependent on refueling.

"Alright. Once we arrive at the factory, we'll split into two groups, and will divide the goons in two squads. Remember the mission, Lento ?"

The dark green behemoth blinked once as he assimilated the request. He was a good soldier, but the other Fatal Five had learned with time that Lento wasn't good when it went to the first move.

"Lento covers Warpman and Karasû. No worry using heavy weapons - human beings already evacuated from area."

"Good. You may meet some of Cossack's lackeys on your way, and watch out for the RPD and the SA. Meanwhile, Staccato and I will secure the factory."

"Fatal Five, let's go !"

--------------------

Sao Paulo - Residential Area
December 2nd, 20XX
05:35 PM

The Tech Tyrants proceeded with caution. PirateMan and GroundMan advanced through the sidewalks, making sure no people had been left behind by the RPD, who had already evacuated the area. Meanwhile, TenguMan and AstroMan stayed airborne, looking out for possible threats.

Suddenly, Naop heard a woman screaming from around the block, he signalled everyone to prepare for battle, and hastily approached the scene: a middle-class home. A Scissor Army Joe had a woman by her hair, and was dragging her across the front yard, while her children were by the door, screaming and crying. She told them to stay away.

Without hesitation, Naop launched one of his floating orbs, completely wiping out the robot’s head. He then proceeded to see if the woman was doing ok, but as soon as he approached, the woman screamed and backed away, afraid of him. “I’m here to help, lady!” the TT leader stated. But the woman’s only answer was in the form of Portuguese cussing. “¿Habla español? ¡Vengo a ayudar!” Naop insisted, but the woman slammed the door on his face.

Resigned, Naop turned around, surprised to find a whole platoon of SA Joes pointing their weapons at him. “Heh, I bet you think I’m screwed.” Naop chuckled. The Joes looked at their leader confused, but he signalled them to stay put. “Bad news boys, ‘tis a hologram.” Naop badly quoted a famous robot master, while his fake AstroMan hologram vanished from the Joes’ views.

Without panicking, the smart robots made a different formation, with two rows of them with their back against each other. Too bad that their doom’s harbinger was coming from below and they didn’t see him coming…

Lyonskar, otherwise known as GroundMan, emerged from the ground with full force, morphed into his more compact state, drilling through the bodies of several Joes, halving their numbers.

Unwilling to give up, and reacting surprisingly quickly, the remaining “Scissies” reformed in front of GroundMan and fired their weapons. But their shots were repelled by GroundMan’s compressed body, designed for drilling through the hardest materials.

When he finally straightened up, a figure emerged from the same hole he had emerged. Aku, the team’s PirateMan, jumped as high as he could, firing mines that detonated on contact. Only a quarter of Joes remained.

Again, they kept their cool, and resorted to a more defensive tactic, hiding behind mailboxes, news stands, traffic lights and other urban objects. But in spite of their cover, a spiralling blade cut through most of them. Kusa, or TenguMan, was as reliable as always. His Tengu Blade had almost finished the job.

Three lonesome Joes remained, but this time, they were the ones who were surrounded. “Drop your weapons.” GroundMan ordered, but the robots didn’t even flinch. And just as their arm cannons started humming, another floating orb greeted them on the face, one by one, as if jumping from one face to the next one.

All that was left of the platoon were 30 dismembered robots. Naop looked at his team with approval. “Well done. 30 out, thousands to go…” their mission was far from over. “Let’s hurry and hope that they’ve still got their hand full with the factories.”

The Tyrants resumed their run through the residential area. The Factory entrance could be seen a few blocks ahead. Meanwhile, the family they had saved stood by the window, watching them, half thankful, half full of hatred

--------------------

Sao Paulo - Factory Complex
December 2nd, 20XX
05:47 PM

"Another one for the corpse pile..."

I pointed at the body before me, it's eyes still open wide with fear. One of the SF units obeyed, quickly walking off with both halves over to where the rest of the victims were...

I looked up, toward the sky... I could still hear the gunfire, even from this far away. The horizon glowed with a descending sun. The once proud industrial area seemed illuminated with the twilight. It chills me to the bone, to think just what may become of the world...

The battle is almost done, though...

We had the upper hand from the start. Most of the machines the RPD deployed here were Special Forces. The only things other robots could handle were some Wilybots and a large number of 'Scissor Joes.' Which is good, since I'm the only Robot Master on the site... ugh.

Damn that Crorq. I'm certain this was all just a test. He probably knew there weren't any bosses; the Special Forces would have been able to handle that all on their own with human officers. He just wanted to assess my ability, I suppose... heh, well I hope he saw what he wanted...

Shit I'm tired... it's not the strength of the SA Joe that hurts, it's the numbers. I'm relatively unscathed, though. The SF units are, surprisingly, very efficient at defeating their enemies and protecting their superiors. I picked a good side...

"Starman, Sir, should we continue searching for survivors."

I looked toward the Policebot speaking to me, I had gotten lost in yet another trance...

"Yes," I responded, "Please do..."

He gave me a salute and another "yes sir" before marching off. I pulled out a cigarette as he walked off, snapping my fingers to ignite a flame. I didn't have to snap my fingers to make a flame, but it was a habit...

I inhaled the cancerous smoke, no care in the world for organic health concerns. Ages ago, I probably would have given a crap about that, but now I'm a Robot Master... I'm all too human, though. I still get addicted to substances like humans. It's a nice detail, though. It makes me feel all the more comfortable...

I finally exhaled. It felt so much better to just savor the moment. It wasn't something I could do very often, though. The middle of a fight is no time to be enjoying your 15th cigarette in a row.

I'm looking around, feeling more calm, less anxious... most of the factories around me still stand. The SA seems interested in taking over more of them to produce Joes. Shit, they even went after a Special Forces manufacturer. I wonder how that's going... it'd be bad if the SA could make Special Forces robots.

I take a last breath, dropping the butt of my cigarette to the ground, stomping on it. Another Policebot was stepping up behind me. I hoped he had found a survivor, so I lifted my head to face him, but out of the conor of my eye, I could see silhouettes sneaking by...

I activated the scope on my goggles... Wilybots.

"Sir, we found a survivor, she appears to be going into labor..."

"Get a medic to deliver the baby," I replied, giving him no time to finish his sentance. "After that... call some of the guys up at the front for backup."

"Sir, what's wrong?"

"Wily sent a couple Robot Masters..."

"Goodness, I'll get right to it!"

He hurried off to follow my command, probably in order. But damn it... that factory was vulnerable. I couldn't let them take control. The situation could not be helped any further. I reached to my side, grasping Engetsu for the first time in two hours and without thinking, I was off...

--------------------

Sao Paulo - Factory Complex, Entrance
December 2nd, 20XX
05:50 PM

Karasû was the first to notice something.

"Someone's coming at us, people ! Hurry and split !"

Riff and Staccato nodded and dashed into the factory complex, followed by a swarm of Metools and other automatons. In the meantime, Warpman teleported to a building above the three remaining defenders.

"Good guess, Karasû ! Hide and be ready to strike !"

Lento and Karasû ran to the floor of said building, one prepairing his Slowdown Cannon, the other concentrating on an attack spell. Meanwhile, Warpman started to aim at the newcomer, ready to launch a bomb anytime.

--------------------

Staccato and Riff were standing inside the complex, some of the smaller bots already patrolling around.

"What are thee orders, mylord ?"

"The main part of the factories is the command unit; If we take it, we'll have a map of the area, and full control over the factory chains. I'll take two Sniper Joes and run for it. Take the remaining goons and stop anyone coming in. When I have the map, head to the area I'll indicate you."

"Our very goal ? Warpman's components ?"

"Exactly."

"I won't fail my mission, mylord !"

As his leader rushed to the upper point of the building, the knight-bot headed to the south-eastern entry, ready to greet any intruder with lead and iron.

--------------------

Sao Paulo - Factory Area, Sewers
December 2nd, 20XX
05:50 PM

AstroMan and TenguMan had both gone into the factories’ sewers. They didn’t like it, since they were designed to fight in open areas. Fortunately for them, they didn’t plan to do battle down there. It was just the easiest way to get into the complex.

Following a map of the sewers, Naop finally signalled Kusa to stop. They had arrived to their destination: a medium sized manhole, the nearest one to the command office of the factory complex. The building was a few stories high, and if Dr. Cossack was right, the key to their success was inside.

Slowly removing the lid, Tengu man took a look outside of the manhole. He saw several RPD bots running towards the entrance of the complex, and when they passed by, he signalled his leader. “The coast is clear.”

Both robots hurried out of the manhole and towards the entrance of the building. Stealthily, they stood at each side of the sliding doors, and counted to three before barging in, smashing the crystal doors with their weapons. “Halt!” a robot that resembled a knight greeted them, along with a bunch of mechaniloids. “I cannot allow you to go any further.”

“We’ll see about that, medieval boy.” AstroMan retorted, while Tengu trashed the place with a Tornado Hold, getting rid of the small fry. “Can you handle him, Kusa?” he asked his teammate, referring to Staccato, who was now alone.

“Sure thing, boss. You go ahead.” TenguMan was confident on his own abilities.

“Okay then, see ya at the top.” And with that, yet another of Astro’s holograms vanished in mid air, leaving a confused Staccato behind.

“Let’s get this over with, you’ve already failed guarding this building. My boss can levitate, you know? He’s probably at the top by now.” TenguMan said, with a cocky tone.

“Perhaps you are right, laddie. But my lord is also at the top.” Staccato was also confident on his leader.

--------------------

05:55 PM

Naop came crashing through a window of the top floor, a penthouse office, quite luxurious. The racket he made by doing so had probably alerted any of the enemies bellow that happened to be looking up, but he didn’t care, he didn’t plan to stay there for long… or so he though.

Three buster cannons greeted him in the face. “How did you know I was here?” the Wily-bot Riff, asked a perplexed AstroMan. He was sided by two Sniper Joes.

Naop did the robotic equivalent to a gasp, he had gotten careless. His negotiation capabilities would be put to the test. He noticed the Wily insignia on his enemy. “Look man, I didn’t even know you were here. Can we talk this out?”

Riff took a second to consider the situation, and then asked. “What are you doing here then, if you didn’t come to stop me?”

“Look, I know you’re on Wily’s side. I don’t care what you’re after, I just came here for the factories’ blueprints.” Naop was being honest. He didn’t want the guy to believe him though, he only wanted to distract him.

“Well, that’s going to be a problem, since we’re after the same thing.” Riff’s cannon started humming, but one of Astro’s orbs hit him in the head, making him back away, quite stunned. When he regained his senses, he noticed his Joes on the floor.

“Look, man…” Naop said from the distance, using the opportunity to go near the office’s computer. “Let’s cooperate. Both of us can have a copy of the blueprints”.

“Mhp… how do I know you won’t backstab me or get in the way of my objective?” Still stunned, Riff tried to aim at AstroMan once again.

“Let’s face it, I know you can’t take over the factories. The RPD and the SA are already at it. I just want to do some sabotage, and you obviously are after something more specific.”

“Fine then, let’s both jack in.” The blow had been a strong one, so the disoriented Riff had no choice but to comply. As they plugged into the computer and Naop typed in a few commands, they kept a close eye on each other.

While the download was in progress, Naop opened the file. Both of them finally dropped their guard and looked at it. They both had identified their objectives. “Where do you plan to go?” Naop curiously asked.

“None of your business.” Riff coldly stated, regaining his stance.

“Fine, fine… I get your drift.” Naop shrugged. “Just don’t go near this place.” He pointed at the southern tip of the factories.

“Hehe…” Riff chuckled. He thought Naop was quite peculiar, how could he keep a friendly tone towards someone that had tried to kill him?

“Oh… one other thing, you should probably tell your guy down there to drop the fight and proceed with whatever you have planned.” Naop suggested. Riff looked a little confused, but understood the point.

--------------------

06:05 PM

The clash of a Tengu Blade and Staccato’s foils was very audible. Both warriors were unwilling to step back. No one seemed to have the upper hand. But suddenly, Tengu got a message through his com-link. “Yo, Kusa. Drop the fight and go to these coordinates as quick as possible. Support Ground and Pirate by creating a distraction.”

“Roger that, boss. But how do you suggest I talk my way out of this guy’s grip?” he asked.

“His boss up here has given him the same orders, just leave him be.” Naop answered.

Both TenguMan and Staccato looked at each other in the eye for a few seconds. Then, they backed away at the same time. “Well fought.” Staccato praised.

“Same to you, man.” And with that, both robots made haste, rushing towards opposite directions.

--------------------

06:07 PM

From the distance, through a pair of binoculars, StarMan had been watching the fight of the two robots at the command building’s lobby. On his way to the factories' entace, he noticed the robot crashing through the windows of the top floor and decided to investigate. Being an office building, its importance had been overlooked by both the SA and the RPD, but he was now regretting that.

He commanded a few of his men to follow him, while the rest went after Tengu and Staccato. He would surprise whoever was at the top, hoping that his men were able to stop the people at the entrance.

--------------------

06:15 PM

Somewhere else, inside the sewers…

GroundMan and PirateMan were resting, leaned against the grimy walls. Their eyes closed, as if meditating. But soon, they snapped open.

“Lyonskar, Aku…” the com-link of both Tyrants echoed in the dampness of the place. “Your objective is the factory that produces Special Forces units for the RPD. These are the coordinates…”

“Roger, boss.” GroundMan said, while processing the information.

“I’m sending you the blueprints as I download them myself, but it seems you’ll have to dig your way inside. Kusa will create a distraction.” Naop warned them.

“No problem.” PirateMan boasted. “You can count on us. But what are you going to do?”

“I have the feeling it’s going to get a little crowded in here, so I might have my hands busy for a while. I’ll have to teleport if things get tricky. Anyway, good luck guys.” Their leader knew that his entrance into the office building would attract attention. His teammates were worried, but they trusted him enough to do as they were told.

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Sao Paulo - Factory Complex, Command Office
December 2nd, 20XX
06:20 PM

90% Downloaded...

“Gee… this file is heavy.” Naop joked, at his temporary accomplice. Riff remained silent.

92% Downloaded...

“Anyway… do you have a plan?” asked the Tech Tyrant’s leader.

“What for?” the Wily-bot asked confused, but it was already too late…

93% Downloaded...

…the doors of the office slammed open, and a smoke grenade was instantly thrown inside. The room was soon filled with a thick layer of smoke, completely blocking the view. By the sound of the footsteps, Naop knew they were in trouble.

95% Downloaded...

By the time the smoke had cleared, the 30 or so RPB bots had taken positions, surrounding Naop and Riff. The leader of the Fatal Five prepared his weapon, but the situation seemed hopeless. The download was in progress, they couldn’t move away from the computer.

Everyone remained still.

96% Downloaded...

Still at the entrance, leaned against the door frame, a human-looking officer ignited a cigarette. He was obviously the leader. Both, Naop and Riff, were clueless as to why the RPD would send a human officer after them. Perhaps they could use that to their advantage…

“Yo, Mel Gibson…” Naop shouted at him, before the bots could even threaten them. Vulcan chuckled in response, but said naught. “Is there a way we can reach some ‘agreement’? I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” Riff noticed that Naop’s left hand (the one that was not jacked into the computer), had started glowing with a purple hue, hidden under the desk.

97% Downloaded...

“Agreement? What could I possibly want from a madman’s lackey and a rebel’s pet?” Vulcan mocked them.

Naop was slightly amazed. He knew that Riff’s allegiance was quite obvious, due to the blatant insignia on his shoulder pad. But how could that bum possibly know he was with Cossack? Well, he certainly was no SA officer, so it could be deducted.

98% Downloaded...

“If you know so much about us, you probably know your kids here mean nothing to us.” The hologram robot master boasted. “Why not settle this with a few green ones under the table?”

“What the…?!” Riff couldn’t believe his ears. “Bribery? Are you out of your mind? We’re doomed, this settles it.” He whispered audibly to Naop.

99% Downloaded...

“Fools…” Vulcan tossed his cigarette after exhaling the last puff of smoke. “You better start taking me seriously. Blast the computer!” The order had been given, and without hesitation, the police bots opened fire…

100% Downloa...

The computer was busted, along with part of the desk. Riff and Naop protected themselves from the blast, hoping that the download had finished on time. By now, Naop’s hand had become visible.

Riff overheard the RPD officer boast orders at his subordinates, but was more unexpectedly more worried by Naop’s word: “Jump.”

“What? What will you do?” By now, the shooting had started, but they had managed to get close to the window behind them, only getting minor hits using parts of the desk as shielding (which didn’t last long by the way). Riff had taken a few of the bots down, as well as Naop, using his orbs.

“Just go, man… jump out the window. Now!” Astro was loosing his patience.

“Fine then!” Riff jumped, but not before doing some shooting to cover Naop. And as he did, he managed to hear the name of the attack that Naop had been preparing…

“ASTRO CRUSH!!!”

Before Riff could get more than a couple of floors down, a titanic blast crushed the building’s penthouse. In fact the debris fell quicker than he did. When he was about to reach the ground, he grabbed onto a ledge, almost busting the joint of his right arm. After letting go, he ran away from the building, hoping to find his teammates... and strangely hoping the best for Naop.

Back at the top, the dust was almost clearing. The roof had been completely removed, and only two people were left standing, with the nothing but heaven above them. The dusk was beautiful, but neither of them had time to think about sunsets. Naop and Vulcan were alone, about to do an old fashioned duel.

“StarMan?!” Naop was dumbfounded to see the RPD officer still standing, protected by an array of shiny stars. “What the hell?”

“You thought I was a mere human? How conceited.” Vulcan’s weapon had become a bow, which also surprised Naop.

“Enough talk, Twinkle boy, show me what you’ve got…” he had made the mistake of taking him lightly, but Naop didn’t mean to lose any more time.

Four different AstroMen appeared around Vulcan. He was also taken aback, but he didn’t show it. What he had heard about the original AstroMan was less than pathetic… the guy was a wimp, and his holographic copies didn’t even look real. This guy however, was a different deal altogether. After a couple of spins around him, he couldn’t tell which was the real one for sure.

With their arms in front of them, each copy of AstroMan formed a plasma sphere and aimed it at Vulcan, and kept moving in circles at the same time. He too, prepared an arrow and made his shot…

The duel was over. Three AstroMan copies disappeared, but Vulcan kneeled on the ground. Both of them had been hit, but the plasma arrows had proven to be more powerful than Astro’s shots. A visible, round hole could be seen on Naop’s left shoulder, while Vulcan’s wounds were superficial.

Naop grabbed his shoulder in pain. “Damn… I never thought you’d manage to shoot two of us.” He admitted, referring to his copies. “And you got the real one too!”

Vulcan chuckled. And then, silence reigned for a few moments. “What now?” Naop finally spoke.

“Now you go to hell!” Vulcan reincorporated, shooting another arrow, only to see it soar through the sky, and into the horizon. The bastard had teleported away…

--------------------

“That was a close one, Doc.” Naop found himself panting, back at the Russian citadel. “What took you so long?” he looked up, to be greeted by the doctor and his teammates, who were all in front of a massive unknown robot.

“I’m sorry Naop, your team teleported in just a couple of minutes before you.” Dr. Cossack apologized. “I was busy moving our new acquisition.”

“Who’s the big guy?” Naop asked curiously, approaching them.

“A Special Forces unit.” PirateMan answered, quite proud of himself.

“No way! How did you manage to pull that off?”

“It wasn’t easy. We had to get to one of the large teleportation hatches at the factory, and then make a last minute detonation.” TenguMan explained.

“Look at him talk…” GroundMan interrupted. “He had it easy! We were the ones that bumped into those pricks, the Fatal something or other.”

“So they were after the same factory after all…” Naop concluded.

“Leave the chat for later, you need to go to the infirmary.” The Russian doctor pulled Naop by his uninjured arm. The robot master complied thankfully.

“You think the SA gained control of the factories?” Naop questioned, as they walked through the halls.

“Not a chance.” The doctor replied. “The RPD was well prepared to face them. It seems the SA didn’t have the proper leadership this time.”

Naop sighed. He was worried that his fight and the sabotage had taken a toll on RPD’s ranks. “I’m also worried about the other teams…”

“All in due time, my friend. First, get that wound checked.” The doctor insisted.

Naop didn’t mention it, but he hoped that the Fatal Five had gotten out alive. He had nothing personal against them, and Riff seemed like a nice guy… sorta.

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