The Business of War

Eye of the beholder


Scenario B
Participants:
Tenguman & Clownman (RPD)
Mysteryman (SA)

Location: Bath, Illinois
Max. Cossack Scrap Value: 8518
SA Infantry: 1578
RPD Units: 968
Wily Bots: 755

Clown and Tengu were in deep this time. They both knew it.

They were always the odd ones out in the RPD. They never really felt like they were a part of the team. And now they felt even more out of place than ever.

“Sweet idea,” began Clown, “let the RPD scour the town while we infiltrate the base.”

The two ducked down another hallway as Nightshade Joes ran past them.

“How was I supposed to know there’d be so damn …. Many of them down here!?” spat Tenguman back. Still, he felt a tight knot in the middle of his stomach.

They didn't know where they were. On their own they had discovered a faint signal from Nowheresville Idaho. Hours of work showed them that is was a Scissor Army signal and they were delighted. After the last complete disaster that was laughably called a mission they were eager to prove themselves. They went straight to Crorq.

He’d thrown his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chickens at them.

“INNNNNFIDELS!” cried the massive yellow robot, “How dare you think of suggesting a mission to me!? You who’ve failed at everything you do! You’re made of crap! Get out of my office!”

Tengu had snapped and responded with a curt remark. The next thing he knew he had awoken in the medical bay. He had been shut down.

“Let’s face it,” said the goblin-based robot, “We’ve lost all their respect. If we ever had it to begin with…”

Clown, however, remained hopeful. “You know, there’s a new Watcher around …. We might just consider going over that bulbous idiot’s head on this one.”

The Watcher was a young Mexican lady who’d been assigned to the ‘Maniacs recently. It looked like even those perfect goodie-goodies, the Mechanical Maniacs could be brought down a peg or two.

“What do you things want?” asked Amatista. Apparently she did not like robots.

“To stick a large pipe up Crorq’s shiny metal ass!” said Clownman loudly and proudly. Amatista smiled. She didn’t like robots in general, but she held a special place of hatred for Crorq.

As a Watcher, Amatista had connections. In the end they got a sizable contingent of troops. However, they were all retired Officer Robots or the blocky kind of Officer Bot. All of them required handheld guns. All of them were considered to be old technology.

Clown smiled and patted Tengu on the back. “Don’t worry. We’ll make do. And when we carve the SA a new one, that pompous windbag’ll have to admit we did great!”

Tengu’s recollection was interrupted with shots from Spittor Joe. He was hit, but not lethally. He responded with a Tornado Hold and blew the offending robot. Clownman followed the attack with a barrel-roll assault and knocked over a bunch of similar Joes like bowling pins.

“We have to get out of here! Call the troops!” called Clownman. Tenguman already knew that. Why didn’t they think they would need them?

When they arrived in Bath they found nothing unusual. No ruined buildings … no dead bodies … there were some hundred Wily bots in the area, but they were far off and made no attempts to disturb the town. The mayor even asked them to leave! Said they were disturbing the people’s peace of mind!

“He says that nobody would bother with this place,” said Tenguman sadly. This was their worst defeat yet. They had gone over Crorq’ head, brought a thousand troops (even if they were walking pieces of scrap metal) and … for what?

“No! There was a Scissor Army signal!” shouted Clownman. “We just have to find it!”

The RPD has searched for week and it was Clownman and Tenguman who found it. A remote transporter located in an unoccupied house. In the basement.

Naturally they thought their “army” would be useless here. Naturally they could handle anything the Scissor Army threw at them! They’d show everyone at the RPD what they were made of! They charged in!

--------------------

Clown grimaced. The teleportation chamber had been too heavily guarded, so they couldn’t go back that way. Once again, in desperation, he tried calling for help. No good. The building they were sealed in must be too shielded. Or there was a generator around it. Whatever it was they couldn’t get a signal out.

They headed upwards. There really was little places left to go. There were too many Joes here. Just too many …

They were attacked by a squad of Nightshade Joes! There was a fierce exchange of fire, but Tenguman was heavily armoured. He managed to fend them off.

“That was a close one, eh, Clown. Clown?”

He turned to see his partner. He’s been shot several times. He wasn’t nearly as durable as Tenguman …. He was showing signs of fatigue. Finally he collapsed. Tenguman caught him and supported him with his own weight.

“Sorry about this, man,” said Clown weakly.

“Hey, don’t worry! I’ll get us outta here. It might not be sneaky, but …. Well that’s fer Shadowman. This is more my style!”

Tenguman gathered up his energy and roared upwards. It drove right through the floor, scattering a few Spittor Joes doing paperwork.

Again! Before the Spittors knew what was happening Tengu thrust them through another floor! This time they landed in an armoury. Tengu grabbed a nasty looking gun and handed Clown another. What a find!

Again! They got to use their new weapons and were glad to have found them.

Again! Anotherr battle. But Tengu didn’t stop! Again! And again! And again!

Until Tenguman finally met with resistance he could not claw his way out of. His head hurt from the effort. His Tornado Hold was weakening from the constant effort. And now every Joe in the facility knew where they were.

But it should have worked! Eventually they should have made it to the roof! This place was high, but this had to be the ceiling! It had to …

Tengu’s eyes focused on something he didn’t notice earlier. Clownman frowned. In truth it’d been a while since he had a genuine smile on his face.

Dirt. It was coming down from the ceiling.

Clownman shuddered. “Tengu,” he began, “Just where did all this mist come from?”

It was Crorq, of all people, who finally greeted them. “Greetings, INNNFIDELS!”

“Crorq!?”

“My, my, my. It looks like you’ve managed to lose again.” Crorq laughed in his usual grandiose fashion.

--------------------

Mysteryman stood idly by and as Tenguman ripped Clownman apart. He laughed lazily. This was more like it. This is how it should be.

He had fallen from grace in the Scissor Army. Two humiliating defeats. Two torture sessions in the General’s “hospital”. He’d even been stripped of his rank as a commanding officer …. That hurt.

He’d been sent into an outpost in the middle of nowhere and set on a non-military mission. One of their Joe manufacturing facilities had been destroyed in the very first stage of the war. He was to build another. In secret. And he did. He had managed to find an old army base in Bath … a nice out of the way town. Nobody would suspect such a place. He tore down the above ground structure and set up teleportation as the only means in or out. The main entrance was in the town itself, but it was accessible from any Scissor Army teleporter. He hoped the General would see how ingenious it was to so successfully camouflage a base like this. Wily had spotted a signal (and , apparently, so did the RPD), but the fact that nobody had died (and a signal splitter) has thrown off pursuit. He might have been down on his luck now, but he was sure to rise in the ranks after this adventure!

Mystery was even getting better with his power. Tengu had seen through Crorq pretty quickly, so then he sent some illusionary Scissor Joes in to attack him. He sent a few real ones in there too for good measure. Wraithman told him he had to make things more realistic …. The Cossacks had told him the same thing. He’d overreached with Crorq, but the Scissor Army troops …. And disguising Clown as one of them …

Mystery let the illusion fall.

“Mysteryman! So it was you! The RPD will finally respect us when we beat the living snot out of you!”

“We? What’s this ‘we’ thing you’re going on about? You’re the only one here.”

Tenguman laughed. “I’m not falling for it you second-rate Mesmerman! Clownman’s right here!” Tenguman screamed a little and dropped what he thought was an inured Clownman. It had actually been an injured Scissor Joe.

Tenguman didn’t scream, however, when he saw the real Clownman. He had been so brutal to the Joes … so righteous. Did one of them say something to him? Didn’t one of them try to contort into something before he cut him apart?

Tenguman collapsed. His friend was in pieces.

“Aw, don’t worry about me!” said Clowman right beside him, “I’ll bounce right back. I bounce! It’s what I do!”

It was an illusion. Mysteryman was right there.

“And then we’ll kick Mysteryman’s ass! And prove how valuable we are to the police force!”

Tenguman picked up Clownman’s head. He’d done this to him. Was it that Joe who took a step backwards before he gutted him? Or was it the one who didn’t handle his gun too well?

“And then, when this war is over, you, me, and the rest of the team’ll have ourselves a nice, long vacation.”

That’ll be nice…

The illusionary Clownman put his arm around his friend. Tenguman could feel the hope just drain out of him. This wasn’t real. It was Mysteryman. Clownman was gone. And they were underground. And nobody was coming for them.

--------------------

“Where are they!?” screamed Crorq at an RPD officer.

“I’m told they went to Bath, sir!”

“I told them they couldn’t go!”

“Well, the troops are arriving back right now. They mayor finally had enough and had the governor order them back here saying it’s a waste of resources. He’s actually …”

Crorq heard his phone ring. The governor. Crorq’s display shone a bright red.

“Those INNNFIDELS! They have deserted! Those cowardly worms! Wherever they are….” Crorq’s LED face switched to an evil looking grin, “They have just been shut down. Nobody escapes the wrath of CRORQ! The MAAAAAAAAGINFICENT!

--------------------

An old man put the last bit of dirt on the two newest additions to Bath’s cemetery. He smiled as he looked down at the finished job. It was dirty work … and some people might not appreciate all the trouble he went through. But, at the end of the day, he did so like his job.

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