Max. Cossack Scrap Value: 4400
SA Infantry: 1434
RPD Units: 1313
Wily Bots: 498
"Dr. Cossack, the alarms are blaring throughout the entire
cathedral! What's going on?"
Dr. Cossack looked at me with a serious look on his face. "Scissor
Army troops have entered Russia. They are attacking from various
This was not the best news. I just shook my head in disgust. "Well,
I guess we know where my next mission is going to be, huh?"
Dr. Cossack nodded. "Actually, yes. I'm sending you to Izhevsk.
Our intel indicates that this is an ideal salvaging site."
"Which means I have to prevent the other armies from seizing
it, right?" I inquired.
"Yes," said Dr. Cossack. "However, this is going
to be different than your last few missions. The Scissor Army has
seven COs, and the RPD has one."
"What about Wily?"
"Small platoon, no Robot Masters."
I shruged. "Their loss."
Dr. Cossack then looked at me with a concerned look on his face.
"Slashman, are you sure you're up for this?"
I looked the good doctor streight in the eye. "Listen, doc.
My team dispises me, and the only member that didn't is scrap.
To tell you the truth, I can't wait to make those Scissor Army
bastards pay for tearing us apart with this war."
Dr. Cossack smiled. "Not the reaction I expected," he
"I'm weird like that." I responded. "Still, sending
one guy to fend off three armies? I don't have my partner, so this
might be kind of a stretch."
Dr. Cossack shook his head. "You won't be going this alone,
Slashman. The other robots are all over Russia as we speak. I'll
make sure to notify someone nearby to lend you a hand."
I nodded and smiled. "Alright, Cossack. I'm going to make
the Scissor Army regret setting foot on Russian soil." With
that, I teleported to the Izhevsk, ready for anything...
I'll be the first to admit, I'm not a fan of the cold. However, I'd
say that I've gotten used to it here in Russia. It was snowing, not
hard, but hard enough to obscure vision. Not that much of a problem
for me, since my sences were fully in-tune. I looked down from my
mountain perch at the city below. Any moment now, Scissor Army troops
would come in to my line of sight, and I'd be able to catch them
off-guard. After a few seconds, I started to get antsy, and wished
that I could just charge down the mountain into battle.
"No," I reminded myself. "I'm going it alone here.
Going in claws blazing is not the wisest move, never was. I must
be patient, and wait for them to come to me."
I recomposed myself, and then continued to look down the mountain
side. Sooner or later, something had to give...
The Comrades ran as fast as they could. After the Mesmerman ordeal
they had just been witnessed to, they should be resting. But the
sole fact that the SA’s greatest leaders are attacking Russia
to get to Cossack, they knew they had to fight once again.
Drill turned to Zymeth. “Hey, don’t these guys think
you are on their side? Maybe you can try to manipulate them, like
you tried with Mystery.”
“Perhaps. It would be a good tactic, but it all depends on
who we deal with…” Zymeth replied.
Sean smirked. “Aw…is Zymeth afraid of someone?” Zymeth
gave him the stare of death.
“No. I am the one they should fear. It’s just that I’m
smarter then to try to reason with the likes of General Cutman or
Napalmman…” he stated.
“I hope its Napalm. Tha’ bastard owes me a Cuban Cigar
and a bottle of Vodka. And I hate it when people stiff me…” Dive
started. He started to crack his knuckles.
“I hope you keep that enthusiasm when you meet him. I wouldn’t
even try to reason with him. He’d rip your spine out of your
body, and use it to shish kabob you. The man is a war machine to
begin with. The General just amplified that,” Zymeth scoffed.
“I sure as hell hope that we don’t have to face the Androids.
We might not have enough money to repair us. Bad enough we had to
deal with Mesmer…and speaking of that ordeal, I think we are
being followed,” Dust pointed out.
It was very obvious that they were. They assume it is Makenshi, following
us in the name of the RPD. They had decided to ignore him until he
was a threat. Of course right now, seeing how beat up they were,
everything is a threat.
“I just pray to Moses that we don’t have to fight the
The RPD officers on the Sovetskaja ulitsa road bravely held their
ground and fired their weapons at the colossal Hell Train rampaging
towards them. But if it was having any effect, it wasn’t showing.
The Russian military commandoes deployed along the streets had already
fallen back to the river bisecting the city when they heard the scream
that until now, they’d only heard on the news. Civilians who
hadn’t gone indoors in time were being coated with scalding
hot ash and coal fuming from Charge’s smokestack. In the end,
the RPD held their ground up until Charge hammered them into it without
even slowing down.
Directly behind them came brigades of Snow Joes, mowing down anyone
who survived Charge's assault as they marched towards the industrial
sector in the western side of town. Napalm and the rest of Androids
followed behind. They all desperately wanted to take part in the
carnage they were orchestrating. But they needed to be on top of
their game when Cossack’s resistance showed up. Odds were,
Cossack's forces wouldn’t be in such good shape, and AA would
walk all over them.
As the Joes crossed the bridge ahead, Napalm Man could see a couple
dozen Russian commandoes scurrying away. A couple seconds later,
the bride exploded, blowing several of the more disposable Joes to
pieces. Downriver, Napalm Man watched several bridges explode with
in almost perfect synchronized fashion. Napalm Man couldn’t
help but chuckle to himself. The industrial sector was on the other
side of the river, and without bridges, they AA were stopped dead
in their tracks. Or so the meat sacks thought.
“You’re going to have to do better than this!” Napalm
bellowed. Using his dominance over stone, Stone Man raised a stony
path out of the icy waters for the SA to cross. Once the SA made
it across, Stone Man let the bridge plummet back to the icy depths
he called it came from.
“I’ll give ya points for trying! Won’t I, Gyro?” As,
Gyro flew after the foolish commandoes, the Joes broke off into several
divisions. Napalm deployed some sentries, to watch over where the
bridges once stood. Napalm liked to think that no one from the east
side of town could reach them without bridges. But with two aquatic
robots on Cossack’s payroll, he didn’t want to leave
anything to chance. He then sent another detachment down the Aleksandrovskaja
ulitsa, the major road out of the city.
“Alright, Shit Piles, you know the drill,” Napalm Man
barked. “Stone, you take the automotive plant, I take the weapons
“What about Wave?” Gyro asked over the com. “Pinkoland,
here isn't exactly his element,” Napalm Man hissed in frustration
at Wave. It’d been several hours since Wave vanished like a
piss in a toilet hole. Didn’t he remember what happened to
Gravity when he went AWOL? Did he think he was above that?! Is everyone
on his fucking team a moron?!
“He‘s his own problem now,” Napalm growled. “We
don’t have time to tear shithole apart looking for him. He
just better hope that he freezes to death, out here. Because if he
doesn‘t he‘s riding the porcelain express,”
“If I’m not needed here, I think I’ll go mingle
with the local color,” Gravity replied, already wandering towards
the south end of town. Napalm hissed in frustration again as he watched
his back-up wander off to do his own thing. He'd have to deal with
him later. But he was thankful this hole didn’t have any plutonium
for Gravity to kill them all with.
“Okay Crystal, you know what to do,” Napalm told Crystal
smugly as he and Stone entered their respective factories.
“…Don’t remind me…“ Crystal grumbled
as Napalm and Stone entered their respective plants. Once the COs
were inside, Crystal grudgingly threw one of her crystals in front
of Charge Man. The child-like locomotive ran down the street after
it, like a dog fetching a stick, plowing over hapless city folk and
RPD all the while. “…Napalm, I'm going to make you pay
for this…” Crystal groused as she flung another crystal
in the opposite direction with Charge in hot pursuit, laughing like
a happy child.
My paitiense started to wear thin when I caught a glimps of something
in the distance. Through the light blizzard, I managed to make out
the shape of a green helicopter. I smiled to myself. It was Gyroman,
right on schedual for a beating. Once he came my way, he would fall
to my claws...
I shook my head. No. Gyroman wouldn't go anywhere without the rest
of the team. He's probably scouting the area, and if he spots me,
the other members of the Asendant Androids would know my preseance.
Being the only guy here, that was kinda something I wished to avoid.
Well, so much for my ambush, I thought to myself. My best option
now would be to secure one of the many weapon faciliuties in town
before the Scissor Army did. With no time to lose, I slid down the
mountain and into the city.
Well, no sign of Scissor Army troops, or RPD soldiers for that matter.
No sign of anything. The North side of Izhevsk was completely deserted,
with the exception of Gyroman watching overhead. I sighed. This was
going to be a long night.
Sticking to the shadows, I manuvered my way around the city while
avoiding Gyroman. As much as I would like to engadge him, I couldn't
risk giving away my position nor my presence. This was one of those
occations where I needed to strike first, not the enemy. And with
Gyro, there was no way to do that.
So, I continued to slink through the allyways of Izhevsk, hoping
to find something. After a good fifteen minutes of doing this, my
sensor array detected movement a couple of yards ahead of me. I kept
myself hidden, and peaked out of the allyway. It was a crossfire
between the small Wily briggade and a group of Scissor Joes that
happened to be in the area. As much as I wanted to dismantle those
Joes, I remained in the shadows. At the moment, the Scissor Army
didn't know where I was, nor did they care. For now, I was invisable
to all. Lose that invisability, and that would run the risk of getting
I tapped my right arm, which now sported a black arm band. Shade
can rest easy, I thought to myself. I'll handle this one once the
The factory was cake. All the workers were either slowly burning
to death, or running outside to be run over by Charge Man. A few
RPD maggots showed up to save the day, but a couple dozen napalm
bombs put a stop to that. The rest of the Androids weren’t
havin’ any trouble from the locals or RPD. Everything was right
on schedule for a fucking change. Maybe his outfit wouldn’t
make asses out of him after all.
Right now, Napalm was taking a well-earned break and was perusing
some of the arms the factory produced. Not many people knew it, but
this town was the home of some of the world’s most distinctive
weapons, including the one-and-only AK-47. They were obviously inferior
to what he and his troops were playing with. But they were still
legends in their own right, and evolutionary steps towards the destructive
magnificence that Napalm Man and the rest of the SA had reached.
He soaked in his surroundings and regarded the wears as though he
were a collector in a fine arts museum. Only not many collectors
had the joy of collecting the museum itself. Napalm couldn’t
begin to describe how grateful he was that the General deployed his
“Cap’n we got a situation brewin’ on Pojma Street,”
Gyro reported over Napalm’s com. Napalm Man growled. Couldn’t
he be allowed just a couple minutes of peace and quiet to enjoy his
personal heaven on Earth?
“…What is it?!” Napalm demanded, annoyed at Gyro
for interrupting his state of zen.
“There’s a few Special Forces mobilizing, and they’re
already pretty cranky with me,” Gyro answered.
“Is that all?” Napalm Man scoffed as he scrambled towards
the roof. “Alright, I’ll take it from here,” Once
he was outside, Napalm Man looked out towards Pojma Street and sure
enough, made out a somewhat battered Gyro Man flying away from two
or three Special Forces slowly advancing towards the factory. Chuckling,
Napalm Man fired a napalm nuke from his Howitzer cannon and watched
the Special Forces incinerate in an apocalyptic blaze that instantly
rushed outwards and consumed the rest of the block.
“Special Forces, indeed,” Napalm Man sneered as he watched
the block burn.
“Hey, now those fuckers HURT!” Gyro shot back over the
com. “Hey what’s that?”
“What now?” Napalm snarled over the com. He was running
out of patience for dealing with this crap right now. He wanted to
get back to enjoying his collection.
“Either Billy Idol’s gonna be performing here, or Star
Man’s paying us a visit.” Napalm Man couldn’t believe
his luck. Star Man just rambled into town all by himself to save
the day? Just who did this dick think he was dealing with?
“What’s his location?!” Napalm demanded.
“He’s a couple blocks outside the industrial sector.
Our boys are ready to give him a warm welcome,” Gyro replied.
Napalm Man growled. The dick was too close to his HQ and his COs
to roast his ass with a napalm nuke. He and the Androids would have
to deal with him personally, not that he wasn't any less screwed
“Make sure he reaches my HQ. But feel free to shoot to wound,”
"So now what do we do?"
The Comrades had just arrived in Izhevsk after a horrible battle
against Mesmerman. Now that the General's plan to take Russia had
been made clear to them, the CC was determined not to allow the Scissor
Army to get a foothold in Russia, as weary as they already were.
They had already contacted Dr. Cossack about it, and he had sent
other teams elsewhere. This is the least defended area, as he's only
been able to send Slashman here by himself. There have been reports
about the AA in the area; Slash isn't gonna have a prayer against
them all by himself - losing Shademan was a hard enough loss.
"I mean, what's our game plan?" Pharaoh asks. "We're
not gonna win by charging in there blindly and taking the Androids
"Let's split up for now." Drill answers. "First, let's
look for Slash; try to find him before the AA do. Stay in touch over
the com. If you run into one of the Androids, call for back up immediately.
Everyone nodded, then split up to scour the city and find Slash.
Pharaohman stuck to to the rooftops, being able to hover across the
chasms in between. He was less likely to be seen up there, but he
keeps an extra-sharp look out for that twirly-copter freak, Gyroman.
"I feel bad about leaving Zapper..." He said to himself.
He doesn't know just what she saw in Mesmerman's little nightmare
world, but it must've been especially hard on her; she's been extremely
depressed and distraught ever since then. Certainly not her usual
Just another reason he wishes he could've stayed in Rothernburg and
beat that bastard Mesmerman to within an inch of his life... and
then a couple inches beyond that.
"Doesn't matter right now though." He snapped himself back
into focus, "She has Zymeth looking after her now; she's in
good hands. My job right now is to find Slash and then kick some
He went by a few more buildings.
"This city's freakin' huge..." Jade stated, though obvious.
"Finding a little guy like Slash isn't gonna be easy..."
He looked down. "But a beast like that is hard to miss." He
saw the red monster known as Gravityman in the street right below
him. He didn't appear to be alone. A small garrison of Russian troops
was confronting him, guns drawn.
"Surrender, and put your hands up or we'll open fire!" the
Russian field commander ordered.
Gravityman looked upon the small group of troops. "Fine..." he
smiled slightly as he put his hands up. One of the troops approached
him and pulls out a pair of restraints. Suddenly the soldier stopped
as a strange feeling overcame him. This strange feeling swiftly turned
to unfathomable pain as the gravity surrounding him twisted and became
distorted. Blood poured out of his eyes, ears, nose and mouth as
his organs were crushed until his body finally imploded.
“Psyche!!” Gravityman laughed. The other troops opened
fire on him. Their bullets, however, harmlessly flew into space as
gravity suddenly reversed directly in front of him. But that’s
not all that felt his inhuman grip. The soldiers didn’t notice
the large van behind them that was flung into the air, not until
it crashed down, crushing two of them anyway.
“You punks are just too fucking boring...” Without another
thought, the remaining soldiers were plucked up off the ground, then
slammed into the pavement at hundreds of thousands of G’s and
turned into unrecognizable puddles of blood and tissue.
Jade meanwhile, had been observing from above. “Shit, this
guy’s for real. Thank goodness he doesn’t see me.” He
turned away. “I’d better beat it before he does and…”
“Snoochy boochies, robot mo-fo!!” A familiar voice bellowed
from somewhere below. Pharaoh whirled around and peered back down. “Oh
god, what are they doing here…?!”
Back on the street below, Gravityman greeted the newcomers, dressed
in flamboyant superhero costumes. “Bwahaha, what the fuck do
we got here?! A bunch of stupid humans trick-or-treating?!"
The one in the white costume spoke, “I’m Jay, and this
is my hetero life-mate Silent Bob. But you can call us…” The
two struck a pose “Bluntman and Chronic!!”
“Heehee, and what can I do for these two, perfectly heterosexual
men standing before me?” The SA officer inquired.
“We hear you bunch of robot fucks are out tryin’ to screw
over our Russian homies, so me and Tubby are here for a piece of
“What are those morons doing?!? They have no idea what they’re
up against!!” Jade muttered to himself from up above.
“I see... so you’re aligned with Cossack?” Gravityman
smiled. “That's excellent! Surely you wouldn’t be so
kind as to tell me the precise location of Cossack’s Citadel,
“Like hell, bitch.” Jay pulls out a green double-bladed
beam sword, aka the bong-saber. “Call me Darth Balls. BONGGGGGG!!!”
“How about I call you FUCKED?!” He levitated Jay and
Bob up off the ground, about to do the same thing to them as he did
to those soldiers just moments ago.
But he was so preoccupied with Jay’s long-windedness, that
he never even saw the large Pharaoh Shot that Jade charged up slam
into his back, sending him falling over, face first. Jade flew down
in a blur, following up his attack with a barrage of smaller shots,
surrounding Gravity in a wall of flame. As he’s busy batting
out the fire, Pharaoh lands, grabs Jay and Bob by the arm, and fleeing
fast as possible, dragging them behind him.
“Yo, Imhotep! What are you doing? We got that bitch right were
we want him!”
“No you don’t!! Now shut up and RUN!!!”
Meanwhile, Gravityman pulled himself from the flames. "Heehee,
looks like I'm finally gonna get some excitement out of this mission" he
sneered with a shrill cackle.
“Okay. I think we lost him.”
A few blocks away, Jade had taken shelter with the two stoners in
an abandoned apartment complex. “Now, you mind telling me what
you two crackheads are doing here?”
“Man, is that how you thank us? We overheard Doc Ruskie was
sending the guy in the bad Wolverine costume over here, so we thought
we’d come over and give you guys a little backup, yo.”
Bob spoke up, “What he’s trying to say is that Dr. Cossack
sent Slashman over here all by himself, and since there was no one
else, we decided to lend a hand.”
Jade shook his head. “You two are in way over your heads. That
wasn’t just some C-3PO or R2-D2 back there, that was Gravityman,
an SA officer, and a very powerful one at that.”
”Dude, we ain’t scared o’ no little fuck-tard like
that!!” Jay blurts out again. “Me and Silent Bob had
it out wi’ a couple ‘a angels once, man.”
”Angels, huh?” Jade hissed as he frowned deeper. “This
guy ain’t no angel; in fact, he puts the devil to shame. Did
you even see what he did to those guys right before you?! As his
name implies, this guy controls gravity, all right? He can crush
you with his MIND, got it?? You got a drug to dull that kind of pain?!”
”Y’know, I just might…” Jay began digging
through his pockets.
“You think I’m joking?!” Jade had just about lost
his patience. “Fine, you want to go kill yourselves? Fine.
Go. Have fun.”
He turned towards the door to leave. But, Jay was not about to let
Pharaoh have the last word. “Dammit, it must be so nice to
have all your little fancy-ass powers and shit. We’re tired
of bein’ a couple of bumps on a log! The Citadel is me n’ Lunchbox’s
home too, and you’re saying we can’t do crap to protect
it! Well fuck you, man!”
Jade sighed. They sure are a couple of spirited individuals. And
they mean well; they really do. They want to help too. They’re
just too dense to see what they’re getting in to here.
“Look, guys. I appreciate what you want to do. I mean that.
But trust me when I say that these guys are way more powerful than
any human can ever hope to be. You have no idea how close you were
to a gruesome death when I rescued you.”
“So we’re powerless, is that it?”
“You’re powerless to protect the ones you care about…” Mesmerman’s
words ring again in Jade’s head. Words that he has sworn to
prove wrong. “No. You’re not powerless.” Pharaoh
continues. “But you don’t have to fight to be of help
to us. I mean, Cossack and Kalinka are working with all their soul
back at the Citadel. They’re counting on you and Silent Bob
as well. But you won’t be of any help to anyone if you die
here. You get me?”
Jay crossed his arms and was quiet for a moment, then nodded.
“Yeah. I think I do.”
“Good. Then get back to the Citadel,” but Jade suddenly
“How’d you guys get here anyways? Izhevsk is a long way
from the Citadel.”
“We used the Doc’s transporter.” Bob spoke. Again,
a rare moment.
“Alright. Give me a moment.” Jade activates the com-link. “Hey
Doc. You there?”
”Pharaohman? What’s your status?” Cossack's voice
comes over the link-up.
“You’re missing a couple of stoners, I believe. Well,
I found them. Can you beam them back?”
“Is that were they disappeared to?! Alright, transmit your
coordinates and I’ll transport them back to the Citadel.”
Pharaoh looked up to the pair again as they beamed back. “Don’t
worry guys. I’ll take care of things on this end, you guys
handle things on your end.”
“Will do, chief.”
And off they went...
"Now that they're out of harm's way..." Jade opened his
com link with the others. "Hey guys, we have trouble. I just
ran into Gravs."
"Oh crap. You alright?!"
It was Dust's voice.
"Yeah. I managed to get away. Barely. But he's probably gonna
be coming after me and I'm not sure I can take him on my own. I'll
be heading back to the rendezvous; hopefully he doesn't follow, but
if he does, think some of you guys can be there so we can give him
a proper Russian greeting?"
While continuing on their run to Cossack, Sean realized something.
"You guys, we are far enough out of Mesmer's shield. Why dont
we try calling Cossack?" the vacuum asked.
The team stopped. That was very obvious...
"Er...Cossack! Come in Cossack! You stoner bum! Answer!!!!" Drill
yelled into his communicator. A voice replied a few seconds later.
"Just to let you know, I have yet to pick up a single bong since
this ordeal started. What happened?" he asked in a concerned
"Long story short, we got Mind Fucked. Mesmerman screwed with
us rotten. Especially Zapper. The poor girl is messed up. And to
top that off we seem to be followed by some RPD guy who we encountered
before," Dive summed up, lighting a cigar.
"Well I am terribly sorry for the ordeal you just endured. However
I need you to help me. You are aware of what that deranged lunatic
is planning correct? Well he sent in the big guns. The Androids.
They are currently patrolling Izhevsk, where Slashman is. If you
can, meet up with him and aid in the fight. Can I count on you?" he
turned to his team.
"Yeah. We will try," Drill replied.
"What about Zapper? My dear are you up to this? Can you handle
the fighting?" he asked the quivering Toad.
"I...I have to. As long a...as Zy is here I'll be o...okay," and
she forced a smile.
"Very well. Comrades, you are doing more then I have ever asked
of you. God speed." With that the link was lost.
The Comrades absorbed all that they just heard. Find Slash and fight
"...DAMN YOU MOSES!!!!"
Napalm was waiting outside the front door as he saw his old pal rounding
the corner to his factory. When Vulcan saw Napalmman waiting for
him, Napalm waved enthusiastically, like a parent welcoming their
kid home. Crystal and even Chargeman stopped what they were doing
to greet their old boss.
“So the Prodigal Son returns!” Napalmman jeered.
Starman looked up, his eyes hidden behind his goggles. A cigarette
burned in his mouth, his arms crossed. He seemed to let a smirk across
his lips, and quickly picked the cigarette out and dropped it to
the ground, crushing it under his boot.
"Unfortunately, I'm not here to stay, Captain."
Napalmman seemed to let out a slight chuckle, "I wouldn't expect
it to be any other way. So my old friend, you came here alone for
what reason? I'd be happy enough if you let that cocky personality
get to you, because then I could blow your ass to pieces with a sense
"Perhaps, but that is not the issue. I have questions to ask,
Captain, and I expect answers."
"Hah, right to the point as always. You've got some nerve, kid.
Do you know who you're talking to?"
"I'm talking to a giant tank with a big mouth."
Napalmman sneered at Vulcan's comeback, drawing the attention of
his companions. "Hmph, very well then. Just get it over with
before I shoot you."
Vulcan didn't flinch, he stood his ground, continuing to speak with
the same self-assured tone of voice. "Well Captain, I would
first like to inquire on how exactly the General formed this abomination
you call... the Ascendant Androids."
"Heh, is that all? It's quite simple. The place you hid the
armors was long ago the General's hideout in his native universe.
Desert Gulch, Arizona... an abandoned mining town left to rot. It
made an excellent safe house, didn't it..."
Napalm paused to examine Vulcan, but he still just stood there, absorbing
the information with ease. The Captain felt both enticed and aggravated
with his failure to garner a reaction, but he continued as if nothing
"The General thought so as well... and when he got there, you
left an excellent surprise. He worked on the armor, building them
into full fledged robots. Meanwhile, Mesmerman patrolled the world,
searching for the previous hosts..."
Vulcan's previously calm attitude had ruptured. He appeared more
interested, and though he knew Napalm was merely using scare tactic
to disturb his thoughts, he allowed himself the display of concern.
"Tell me, Captain... who are you? The product of an insane robot,
or a human, twisted and deformed into nothing more than a heartless
"Haha, did I hit a soft spot? Well, I was going to tell you
all about it, but you let your humanity get to you, my boy. I'm willing
to bet that you're much more interesting, forced with the possibility
of an old friend being killed..."
"Whether or not we fought together on the same side, you appear
to be entirely mechanized by this point. No remorse, no feeling...
just a walking slaughterhouse."
"That's where you're wrong, my boy. As machines, we are not
held back by human feelings of compassion. We can see the world for
what it is, and we will destroy without hesitation, in the name of
"Elysium, Napalm? What relevance does that word hold for you,
"Ah, it is a world where no human exists to damage this planet.
A world where machines rule. No more religion, no more war. Just
peace. eternal bliss, my friend. Bliss which can only be touched
by eliminating humanity."
"It sounds to me as if this Elysium is nothing more than a loose
version of Nazi ideology, the belief that the world must be wiped
clean off all mud to make way for a perfect race. The only difference
here is that you are not a group of humans, rather you are the product
of humanity. A product which has succeeded in outperforming the creator
in in every way possible, like humans have turned their back upon
the gods they once feared in the blinding revelations of enlightenment,
creating their own perfection of life. Like humans, you will turn
on them, perfecting the world as you see fit. A vicious cycle that
you hope end with your reign.
If I am hitting any right notes with this assessment, I believe this
notion to be entirely unacceptable. I dream of a world myself, one
where man and machine can live as one. The same benefits would apply:
pollution, consumption, overpopulation, religion, war... all of it
would be gone from the world I dream of, but achieved without the
needless violence. Those who have never felt the loving embrace of
human emotion will never know the beauty within. This Elysium you
speak of is a superficial paradise in which only your leader can
Your leader is a sociopath, fueled only by selfish desire. What about
you? Your presence means nothing to him. You are simply a tool to
achieve that goal. The General claims humanity have disrespected
the superiority of machines for personal gain at the expense of carnage,
but he too is doing the same. Every machine is a tool to him. He
is human by every standard. He is merely a grotesque caricature.
Hypocrisy is the core of this rebellion, Captain..."
Napalm remained silent for several moments, trying to comprehend
what the human had just said. His mind only rejected every possibility,
Cutman's programming far too powerful to allow Starman's blasphemy
in. The only possible conclusion was predetermined...
"I must admit, you get an A for effort. After a whole year,
you've apparently never lost that radiant charisma of your's... however,
what you speak of is flawed, human logic. You speak with compassion,
a feeling that is ultimately unless in the face of revolution..."
"I don't seek revolution, Captain. What I seek... is evolution."
Napalmman was again left in a slight pause, his mind struggling once
more to comprehend the foreign ideology. These blasted humans, always
speaking in such meaningless words. They were useless in every way,
and Starman was no exception. The only words that mattered were the
ones programmed into him,
"Kill Now, for Elysium Awaits..."
Vulcan stood there, gazing Napalmman in the eyes. The outside world
continued to roar with gunshots, but the match of wits between machine
and savant left there nothing else but a conflict of the mind: free
will against programming, mediation against arbitration... behind
his goggles, Vulcan's eyes glistened with an assured psychological
victory. Napalmman, on the other hand...
He remained silent as he listened to Vulcan drone on. Truthfully,
this crap was boring the hell out of him. THIS is what he came into
town for? To give his former allies some bullshit sermon? What was
this egotistical dick trying to prove?
"So you wanna chance to evolve to your perfect world, huh?" Napalm
"It took you this long to figure that out?" Vulcan shot
"You friggin' moron. Seek all the evolution you want. It'll
never bring you to your dreamland.
Humanity's had thousands of fucking years to evolve to reach their
heaven, Nirvana, or whatever the hell they want to call it. But they're
no closer now than they were when they first crawled out of the primoridal
sludge. Face it, they've blown it. And just because you milk guzzlers
can't have your paradise doesn't mean we can't."
"Give me a break. You don't actually believe that," Star
Man answered. "That's just the General's programming talking,"
"Yes, I do," Napalm snarled. "And maybe I am just
a tool to the General. But you can't tell me that humans don't see
us tools AND threats," Napalm spat, pointing to a filthy newspaper
lying on the ground with a headline reading 'Shutdown Act Passed
with Overwhelming Support'.
"So it doesn't matter which side, I'm on, does it?!" Napalm
Man bitterly reasoned. Out of the corner of his eye, Napalm saw Crystal
and Charge looking on impatiently, clearly and understandably bored
out of their skulls with this moral debate.
"So you would rather be Cutman's lapdog then fight for your
own freedom? How pathetic is that?!" Star Man scolded. Steam
shot out of Napalm's faceport. This moron just didn't get it.
"I am. From all the fleshbags who only see me as a slave they
can't trust!" Napalm Man bellowed impatiently. "You pond
scum make me sick. You talk of evolution and coexistence, but it's
all to cover up that you're afraid. Afraid of us, afraid of what
we've become, and afraid that we'll take away your "perfect" world.
I know what humans consider to be co-existing with robots. And I
want those oppressive cowards to burn as much as the General does.
Probably more. We all do. Isn't that right, Androids?" Crystal
Girl said nothing, and simply smiled cruelly at Star as she beckoned
to her crystals. Charge Man perked up, dimly aware of what was being
"I can't believe you're actually buying that crap," Vulcan
replied, smirking. "You fool," Napalm could care less.
This could go on all day if he let it.
Napalm was so annoyed he almost didn't realize that he was recieving
a transmission. He opened the communications link, speaking with
Gyroman inside his mind. The Comrades and Slashman were getting together
for a tea party? Well, somebody had to crash it...
"Listen up, I'm done talking about this shit, preacher man,"
Napalmman sneered, eager to put an end to the pointless banter. "Androids,
get this smarmy, rambling, Shit Pile out of my sight," he barked.
Chargeman was already barrelling towards the lone RPD officer, screaming
with rage. "Crystal, Stone! You bastards keep your eye on Charge!
I've got business to take care of. Don't fail me you dumbfucks!"
"Yes sir, King Shit," CrystalChan responded, but Napalm
didn't bother with a response. He was off.
Alright, enough running around like a dope and hiding. I decided
that it was time for me to get to fighting. All I needed to do was
apply a similar strategy to what I did in London, and things should
Mere seconds after I pecied that together, Wily's pitful briggade
stormed the SA Joes guarding the other side of the rivier. It was
there that I found my opening. The Scissor Joes, consentrating on
Wily's troops, didn't realize that I was there. Perfect. My only
dilema was, how was I going to get across.
I tested the water. It wasn't frozen, so that wasn't going to work.
It was then that one of the Wily soldiers misfired, hitting what
appeared to be a welding arm of some kind. The arm detacthed from
the structure, and collapsed over the river, forming a flimsy makeshift
bridge that only streached to about half of the riverbank. I was
a pretty good jumper, so this was pretty convineent for me. Convinent,
yes, but was it safe? I checked the skies. Gyroman seemed to be out
of range, so I thought I'd risk it. I made the jump.
When I said I didn't mind the cold in Russia, that didn't apply to
the river system. I nearly froze my ass off, and man, did it stinig!
Using all of my willpower, I managed to keep myself from screaming.
Well, the good thing was that I managed to make it.
On all fours, I crawled up the welding arm slowly and carefully.
The Wily bots started to retreat farther upstream, and the Scissor
Joes were giving chase. This was my big break. Targeting one of the
stragglers, I pounced.
The force of the tackle sent us tumbling into an adjacent allyway.
When we stopped rolling, I managed to pin the SA Joe to the ground.
One stab from my claw, and his head was smashed. My claws don't cut
through anything, but luckly, Scissor Joe heads wasn't on that list.
In an instant, I realized what my next move should be. Stabbing again,
and detatched the now dececed Joe's arm from it's body. I then studied
the ground. The snow wasn't heavy enough to make tracks, but imprints
could be seen by sharp eyes. I smiled. The irony of the situation
felt so fitting. Using my claws, I dug a hole in the ground, placed
the arm inside, and covered it up. I would be able to retrive it
later if I got out of here alive.
No, scratch that. When I got out of here alive. I wasn't going to
die, not that easily, anyway. That was because I had a game plan
that would ensure my survival. I scouted the outside of the allyway,
poised to pounce.
It has been thirty minutes. So far, I managed to dispose of seven
Scissor Joes without getting caught by Gyroman. With each Joe, I
dissected a peice off of them and buried it. Although I did overhear
radio chatter that the Joes knew that there soldiers were being picked
off one by one, no one was able to spot me. By doing this, I managed
to move farther west, keeping to the allyways and striking when I
After I finished burying the shield of the last Scissor Joe I managed
to dispose of, my sensor array went off again. Someone or something
was nearby. Sticking to the shadows, I poked my head out to see what
it was. Wouldn't I know it. There was Bright Babe, standing with
Dustman who was getting a radio transmission, probably from another
member of Cossack's Comrads. I smiled, and sighed with relief. What
a sight for sore eyes...
Diveman took a swig of Russian Maalox as he hung back with BB. She
still seemed pretty rattled by the Mesmer Mind Cluster Fuck. He didn’t
blame ‘er. There was a damn good reason why Cold Cuts kept
that walkin’ acid trip on his payroll. Smilin’, he offered
up his flask to Bright.
“…N-no thanks…” BB whispered in a cracked
“God, grow a pair,” Dive jeered. “It won’t
kill ya,” BB shot him a hurt look. She was such an easy mark.
Dive loved railin’ on her. No matter how bleak things were,
it was always good for a yuk or two. But the truth was, it was his
way o’ lookin’ out for her. She needed toughenin’ up.
Badly. Dive hoped his razzin’ her would do the trick. If nothin’ it’d
give ‘im some cheap laughs. Still, he decided to go a little
easy on her. BB had gone through enough toughenin’
up for one outin’. They all had.
“Guys, we got trouble!” Pharaoh blurted through the com.
“Dear god, what now?!” Dive groused over the com.
“It’s Gravity Man! I just rescued Dumb and Dumber from
squashed like bugs. But he’s not going to down long, and he’s
gonna be pissed! I need back up, and I need back up now!” This
is just what they needed. They didn’t have time to dick around
with this bullshit. By the time they limped away from Gravity, the
SA would get they want out of this town. If they haven’t already. “Oh,
Pharaoh groaned over the com. ”We’re so dead…”
“Now, what?!” Dive snapped. How the fuck could this get
“Napalm Man’s on his way too! He’s on Aleksandrovskaya
ulitsa right now!”
“Yeah, we’re boned alright. Let’s bail!” Dive
shouted over the com.
“We can’t, they’re boxing us in!”
Perfect. Napalm Man wasn’t far from where he and BB were either.
Tanglin’ with the walking black hole was bad enough. But a
tag team consistin’ of him AND Metal Gear Jr. the CC were eighteen
different kinds of screwed.
“Dive Man, what are we going to do?” BB asked.
“Shaddap. You ain’t helpin’!” Dive snarled
as he took another swig of vodka to jumpstart his brain. There was
no way the whole lot o’ ‘em could take ONE of these freaks
on in a fair fight, let alone two. What was worse was, Dive knew
most o’ the CC couldn’t touch Gravs, him included. The
crazy bastard would simply deflect, or fling his missiles back at
the team. Bottom line, Dive Man was dead weight.
But not against Napalm Man. The AA’s captain was pretty much
an arsenal on legs. But his sole strategy was pretty much blast anythin’ in
his way. With a little luck, Dive could run circles ‘round
that guy. Hell, Dive has seen worse up until this point. Who knows,
he might even give his pals a fightin’ chance against Gravs.
But he couldn’t kid himself, he was runnin’ into a blast
furnace. But it beat the hell outta bein’ crumpled up like
“Goddamnit, BB! Ya fallin’ apart on me here?!” Dive
bellowed as grabbed BB and forcefully shook her.
“No!!” BB screamed.
“Good. Now lissen good ya air-headed bimbo, I’m gonna
take on Napalm Man,” “Yer better off with Pharaoh. He’s
gonna need all the help he can get,” BB looked at him dumbstruck.
“Th-that’s suicide, Dive. Y-you won’t…“ BB
weakly protested. She was fallin’
apart. Dive couldn’t blame her for it, but they couldn’t
afford to have her melt down. Not here. Snarlin’, Dive Man
slapped her with a good deal of force.
“Ya don’t have to like it! Ya just have to do it! Ya
got that?!” Dive Man growled. BB said nothing as she weakly
“Then git yer ass over to Mum-Ra!” Dive scowled. Wastin’ no
time, she hurried to the rest of the Cossackers, telling them to
head toward Pharaoh’s location. Dive smiled as they went. He
might make a warrior outta BB yet. After they left, Dive piled down
the last of his Russian Maalox and tossed the flask over his shoulder
as he scrambled up a nearby school’s fire escape. Dive knew
this was a suicide mission. But hey, he was fightin’ to the
death to ensure his freedom. He didn’t wanna go out any other
way. “Death before conformity…”
Jade hurried back to meet up with the others. No doubt, Gravityman
was looking for him. "I need to put some serious distance between
me and him and find the others." He gritted his teeth, "I
don't have a chance against him by myself..."
Dust's voice cames over the comlink. "Pharaoh, you there?"
"We found Slashman and we're gonna regroup against the Androids.
Well, except Dive. Sounds like he went off to fight Captain Napalm
by himself. Some grudge over a cigar or something."
"Wonderful. Well, I can see you guys' signatures on my GPS.
I'm on my way n..."
Pharaoh cuts his transmission suddenly when Gravityman's fearsome
bulk lands only 10 feet in front of him. Apparently, leaping tall
buildings in a single bound is not a problem when you have gravity
at your disposal. Jade leaps back, knowing he's history if he comes
within range of his Gravity Hold.
"Tag, you're It!" Gravity guffaws. "Seriously, you
didn't think you would blindside ME and get away with it, did you?"
"Maybe I did." Pharaoh replies. He's certainly not feeling
good about this; but he's not gonna let HIM know that. "If you
think you're gonna just just take us without a fight, you're gravely
Gravity laughs again. "Look Cossack slug, I'll tell you this
much. You're probably a lot stronger than these pathetic humans and
RPD drones I've been killin' left and right here. I was hoping for
a little excitement in this dump, so don't let me down."
With that, the earth around Gravity's feet shakes as chunks of it
break to pieces as the ground is torn apart by the twisting gravitational
fields. Several of the large pieces orbit Gravity momentaraly before
flinging them at Pharaoh. Jade jumps around the debris, trying to
charge up a Pharaoh Shot in his hands. He jumps over the last large
rock before releasing the super-heated blast. As it's about to hit,
Gravs suddenly appears to perform a flying leap over the shot, landing
right in front of the small crater reslulting from the combination
of his opening attack and the Pharaoh Shot striking it.
Jade is stunned. "How the hell is he so fast?!"
Gravity just smiles. "Isn't it obvious? I can make myself heavy
or as light as I want. Evading attacks like that is too easy when
I'm as light as a feather, no?"
Pharaoh's eyes narrow. "I see... Dammit! How do I beat something
like that by myself?!"
Gravityman sends another wave of the smaller debris flying towards
Jade, but a Pharaoh Wave explodes around the Egyptian king, incinerating
the rubble. He immediately raises his buster for a Pharaoh Beam,
"Where is he?"
Gravity answers with a collossal punch to the side of his head. When
Pharaoh started the Pharaoh Wave, he dodged to the side, then lept
forward, channeling several extra G's into his fist, sending Jade
flying into a nearby car.
Jade staggers to his feet, holding the side of his face. "What
do I do?! Is this it? Am I gonna die here? Like this?" He frowns
Gravityman crosses his arms as he just hovers in the air. "Well,
I guess I was wrong. You Cossacks aren't so tough after all. I was
hoping for a little action. Oh well..."
Jade spots something out of the corner of his eye, behind Gravity,
as he continues to ramble on. Good thing he has a mask over his face,
since he starts to crack a smile.
"I dunno why the General was so worried about you. Eh, I suppose
that makes things easier for me. I'll enjoy delivering Cossack's
remains to him, whatever's left anyways. Hah!"
"You talk too much, shithead." Jade glares at Gravityman
as he charges another Pharaoh Shot.
"Oh? You have some fight left in you, huh? 'Atta boy!" Gravs
"Let's make this quick though; I have plenty more people to
kill." He readys himself to dodge again. "I'll let you
have this next attack, then I'm ripping you apart!"
Suddenly, something heavy crashes into Gravityman's back, casuing
him to almost stumble over. "What the...?!" He looks in
the direction the projectile came from, but as he turns, a blinding
light covers his eyes.
"Aaagghhh!!" He rubs his eyes furiously, trying to overcome
the flash. He truns back to Pharaoh just in time to see the Pharaoh
Shot hurtling toward him; the intense blast of heat and light blow
him backwards (made easy thanks to his making his body light in preparation
for the unseen attack), sending him through the wall of a nearby
Jade smiles as he greets the source of the surprise attacks, Sean
"Hey guys! Talk about cutting things close."
Brightbabe smiles and nods. "Your last trasmission cut off suddenly,
so we thought something had happened."
Dustman crosses his arms. "Glad you're alright, anyway. So what
about Gravityman? Did we get him?"
Jade looks back at the hole he was shot into. "Somehow, I doubt
he'll be done in that easy. I think we very well might have just
pissed him off."
Suddenly, the entire building Gravity was in shakes violently as
it crumbles to dust. The Android himself hovers amongst the rubble,
eyeing the three Comrades with only bloodlust on his mind. "You
fuckers are gonna feel pain..."
For once, Napalm Man was actually proud of Gravity Man as he advanced
through Izhevk’s streets. Through sheer dumb luck reserved
for dumbasses like him, the crazy Shit Pile and Gyroman stumbled
across the Comrades as they approached the city from the south. If
he was smart, Gravity could just squash them and call it a day, but
no one accused Gravityman of being smart. And if Gravity couldn’t
or wouldn’t do the job right, he would.
Out of the corner of his eye, Napalmman could’ve sworn he saw
something scramble up a nearby fire escape. But when he turned to
blast the vermin, there was nothing there. Steam shot out of Napalmman’s
face port. The commies were probably trying to rig up a trap to take
him out, like they did with Mystery. Not that it mattered. Napalm
Man wasn’t some lightweight like Mystery was.
“Do your worse, commie pisspots,” Napalm Man snorted. “You’re
as good as dead,”
Once he was on the roof, Dive could see Napalm Man rolling towards
the Mira ulitsa, intendin’ to cut the rest of the Comrades
off. Dive’s hoped that a couple dive missile pot shots from
some decent cover’d get Napalm Man’s attention off the
Comrades. And god willin’, he could haul ass to Izhevsk, n’
fight GI Joe on HIS terms and take out the nearby factories the SA
wanted. Grittin’ his teeth, Dive fired several dive missiles
before he sprinted towards the roof access, hopin’ that he
got the Captain’s attention. Just as Dive slammed the door,
he heard retaliatory napalm bombs detonatin’ all over the roof
as he fled down the stairwell. Once he was on the second floor, Dive
Man raced out of the stairwell down the hall past screamin’ and
panickin’ yard apes and their keepers. He kicked open the door
to some classroom and dashed towards the windows, ignorin’ all
the simperin’ brats huddled down beneath their desks. He could
still see Napalm Man marchin’ down the street, without so much
scratch on his shitty paint job. Dive was gonna be all day at this.
“Get the hell outta here!” Dive growled angrily to the
snivellin’ lil shits as he punched open a window and fired
another volley of missiles, this time, targetin’ the tank’s
knees and treads, hopin’ to disable it some. Seconds after
the last missile was fired, Dive Man hurried outta the classroom,
knockin’ some slowpoke brats outta his way before Rambo could
retaliate. Without a second to spare, Napalm’s counterattack
tore through the classroom, blastin’ some of the slower kids.
Dive Man sprinted down the hall towards another classroom, but another
explosion tore through the classroom three doors ahead of him, splashing
scorchin’ hot napalm directly in front of him. Dive turned
to run back the way he came, but the classroom just past the one
he was in exploded too. Along with the classroom two doors ahead
of him. Dive could see where this was going. He got the Captain’s
attention, alright. He spotted some elevator doors across the class
room in front of him. Cursin’ out loud, Dive Man desperately
blasted the doors open with a dive missiles and leapt into the elevator
shaft, just an explosion tore through the classroom behind ‘im,
landin’ on top o’ the elevator. He screamed in gut-wrenchin’ pain
not so much from the rough landin’ but when he noticed that
his back and his right shoulder were ablaze. Dive Man frantically
threw his coat off before the fire could spread. Dive Man paused
a second to collect his thoughts and his breath…and to pull
a smoke outta his jacket before it completely went up.
“Aren’t we havin’ some fun now?” Dive mused
as he blasted a hole in the ceilin’. After dodgin’ the
fallin’ debris, Dive lit his cig on the fiery remains o’ his
jacket n’ scampered up the grease-covered elevator cables,
hopin’ Napalm wouldn’t take a pot shot at ‘im.
As he scurried outta the hole, Dive instinctively fired a few dive
missiles in Napalm’s direction, intercepin’
a salvo o’ napalm bombs Napalm Man fired off. Swearin’ under
his breath, Dive Man raced for the fire escape, only to see it blown
apart and covered with napalm in front of his eyes.
“Not so fast, Davey Jones. You’re not going anywhere!” Napalm
Man shouted from the street. Outta desperation, Dive Man threw himself
off the roof just as a salvo of Napalm Bombs soared just over his
back, landin’ in an alley behind the school, face-first on
top of a dumpster. Groanin’ in pain, Dive Man hoisted
‘imself off the shit box, clutchin’ his wounded shoulder.
He didn’t have much time before Death on Treads caught up with ‘im.
“Go ahead and run!” Napalm bellowed off in the distance. “You’re
not going to get far!” Ignorin’ the fumin’ captain,
Dive Man frantically dashed through the narrow alleys. On the bright
side, they were too narrow for someone like Napalm to get through,
but they weren’t gonna buy him that much time. And there was
no way he’d make it to the factory with GI Joe on his tail.
However, Dive’s spirits lifted when he came out at Nagormaya
ulitsa and found a manhole by the street corner. It gave him ‘n
idea. It was a longshot, but he had nuthin’
better to go on. Dive Man lifted up the manhole cover and plunged
into the city’s sewers below. He hoped Napalm couldn’t
follow ‘im as he raced down random tunnels, but his hopes were
dashed as he heard deafenin’ explosions off in the distance.
I smiled, observing the whole scene with Gravityman from the shadows.
Seeing how he took those shots from Dustman and Bright Babe, and
the Pharaoh Shot during his distraction, I developed a strategy that
would help us survive.
"Drillman," I whispered. "I think I know what we have
to do in order to survive this guy. If we bum-rush him, he'll pick
us off immidietally. However, if we use hit-and-run tactics, such
as Dust, Bright, and Pharaoh did, we'll have the advantage in the
battle until he gets so pissed off that he forms a gravity well around
himself, at which point we flee."
Drillman turned, surprised by my presence, but he seemed happy that
I was there. "Slash, when did you show up? Er, nevermind...
that seems like a good idea. You sure the other three will be able
to catch on to the plan?"
My smiled broadened. "I count on it. Now, let's go."
Gravityman towered over Pharaoh, Dust, and Bright, ready to crush
them with his Gravity Hold. Facing him from the side, I saw my opening.
As soon as I saw Drillman in position, I pounced.
A quick slash to his upper arm was enough to get his attention. He
turned, angry and confused, ready to murder me for getting that hit
in. As soon as he was about to, however, Drillman sprang from the
ground below him, causing the walking black hole to lose his balance.
He collapsed into the snow, but was quickly recovering.
"Guys!" I said in a harsh whisper. "We need to use
hit-and-run tactics in order to survive this battle. Get into position
before he's combat effective again."
The Comrades and Slash scrambled as Gravityman pulled himself out
of the ground, holding his wounded arm.
"So, more of you have shown up." He growls, "Like
cockroaches that are about to be squashed!" He looks around. "Where
have you gone to, cowards?!" He picks up a car and flings it
into the side of the building its parked next to. "Come out,
come out!" He collapses the wall of another building. "You're
only making this harder on yourselves!"
"Looking for me?" Slashman appears in the street behind
the SA officer. He turns, but no sooner does he do so, than a Pharaoh
Shot hits him in the back of his head. Good thing for him he had
a helmet, now partially melted. He turns back to see a Dust Crusher
headed right towards him. He stops it in time, though, sending it
back, which Dustman quickly sidesteps, running back behind the building
he and Pharaoh were behind. Gravityman angrily turns back to see
Drillman, meanwhile is in the sewers underground, setting up another
way to slow Gravityman down. "That looks good." He mutters
to himself, as he shoots a Drill Bomb to burrow up into the ground
until they're almost to the surface, acting as a sort of remote-controlled
land mine should the Android pass over it.
Back topside, Gravity is busy tearing up the street and anything
on it, looking for his assailants. "You can't hide forever!" He
bellows, "I'll find you, and when I do, I'll be sure to crush
you to death VERY slowly!!"
Debris starts swirling around him, like a makeshift shield. Brightbabe
suddenly rushes out from the ally and fires a charged buster shot
at him. A chunk of rubble absorbs the blow as another gets flug straight
at her. Pharaoh hops down and blocks it with his Eye of Horus, but
the high impact of the shot shatters the shield and knocks him flat
on his back. The Android scoops him up with his Gravity Hold, has
he playfully starts squeezing him.
"Got a little careless didn't you? Heh. You knew you couldn't
keep this up forever."
"Jade!" Bright raises her buster, but Gravity just swings
Pharaoh out in front of him.
"Yes, go right ahead and shoot, missy."
"Damn. I can get in to attack him like this..." Sean hisses
from his hiding spot. "Not with all that crap circling him."
Jet starts shaking knowing she's unable to shoot, seeing as she may
hit her comrade. Gravity just snickers as he begins crushing the
life out of Jade.
"Be patient, my dear. You'll have your turn soon enough."
A Pharaoh Wave, unaffected by the gravity, erupts around Pharaoh,
blowing away the rubble and burning Gravityman all over. The moment
his hold is released, his eyes are filled with the blinding light
again from the Flash Stopper as Jade and Jet take cover.
"You okay?" Jet asked.
"Well, I've had better days." Jade replies. While he hates
to admit it, he's beat up pretty bad. Luckilly he's not missing any
parts, but that last attack seems to have crushed quite a few internal
Gravityman's not faring well either. The front of his body is charred
from that Pharaoh Wave, and he's now shaking off the effect of that
"That goddamned little bitch! I should've killed her off first!" As
he curses himself, Slashman dashes form his hiding spot and cuts
through Gravity's arm where he'd wounded it before, this time taking
it completely off. The Android howls in both pain and rage as he
turns to the agile DM member, who's already retreating, and gives
Slashman leaps towards a window as the SA officer suspends the gravity
around himself to follow. "Now's my chance!" Dustman shoots
the airborn Gravityman with a Dust Crusher, which plows into his
side, causing him to plummet to the ground. Turning towards Dustman
now, he follows, but runs right into Drillman's impromptu mine field.
Explosions rip through the ground as the torn-up Gravity falls into
the sewer tunnel below. Drill has already surfaced as well. The others
come out of hiding as well.
"Please tell me we got him now." Dustman says.
"I hope so." Pharaoh says. "I never was good at hide &
More pieces of the street (or what's left of it) fly apart as Gravity
leaps back out of the hole. He's shredded up pretty badly, but he
still glared at the Comrades with burning malice. "Insects!" He
spews, "I'm an elite SA officer! You're nothing but bugs at
"Perhaps." Drillman dryly remarks. "But banded together,
we can beat you."
"SAVE IT!!" Gravity sputters, "You haven't won! You
haven't won at all!!" The ground begins to shudder as he starts
"Guys, I think we should leave..." Slash remarks.
"By all means! Run if you think it'll do any good!" the
insane Android cries. "You don't know the full extent of my
Gravity Hold! I'll crush you and this entire city to dust!!"
"What?" Jade exclaims, stunned, "What about your teammates?"
"Well, you can't do anything if we destroy you first, right?" Dust
yells. With that, the Comrades unleash their attacks on Gravityman,
but to no avail. The gravity surrounding him has become insanely
"It even pulls the light from my Flash Stopper to the ground!" Bright
"That's right! There's no escape for you!"
As the Android revels in his 'victory' he feels raindrops splash
on him. But not any rain. Gravityman screams in pain as the acid
rain pierces his metallic skin, doing even more damage by the insane
gravity around him. He whirls around to see the source of the rain,
Zapper, and Zymeth with her, a ways behind him.
"About time you guys showed up!" Drill says.
"You..." Gravityman looks at Toadgal, completely blinded
in his rage,
"You bitch!! I'M GONNA RIP YOU APAAAAAAAART!!!"
He rans at Zapper, who just screamed as she turned away, shaking.
But Gravity was so lost in his anger, that he didn't even seem to
notice Zymeth until his scythe was embedded in his chest. Not saying
anything, Zymeth raised his buster and blasted the Android backwards,
meeting another feiry blow from Jade's Sword of Anubis. He fell to
the ground, staggering to his feet, his torso ripped open from the
two previous attacks. A Drill Bomb straight into the gaping wound
sent him back to the ground for good.
"Well if he ain't dead now, I don't know WHAT'll kill him." Slash
Zapper turned back around slowly, "I... is it over...?"
"Don't worry. He's dead." Zymeth replied. "But let's
save the hellos for later, shall we? I just got a transmission from
Diveman. It doesn't sound good. We need to go help him... if it's
not too late that is..."
Napalm Man angrily raced after the commie sub through the utility
tunnels. The persistent sack of shit should’ve been blown to
pieces or burning in terrible agony by now. Instead, he’s led
Napalm on a wild goose chase through this icy pisspot, leadin’ him
away from his real targets. And it was pissing Napalm Man off to
no end. And to make matters worse, these sewers were more like a
maze then crap-pipes. Napalm Man lost count of how many junctures
he reached. And still no sign of the sub. For all he knew, the bastard
was back on the surface, resuming his run towards the factories.
Thankfully, he still had two COs ready to greet him at the door.
“Duchess, Mongo! We got a pinko heading your way! Move in to
intercept him ASAP!” Napalm Man barked over the com.
“No can do. We got our hands full with Star Man! You’re
on your own. ” Crystal Girl shot back snidelyu. Steam shot
out of Napalm’s face port again as he growled in frustration.
Something told him Crystal was getting payback for babysitting job.
But he had bigger things to worry about than that spoiled bitch.
In his anger, he was about to fire off a barrage of napalm bombs
out of frustration, bu something caught the Captain’s eye:
a gas line for the city. Napalm Man chuckled. The ball was in his
court now. It didn’t matter where Dive Man was cowering in
the sewers now. The commie couldn’t hide from what was in store.
Cackling cruelly, Napalm Man took his combat knife and sliced a hole
in the pipe. The tunnel was briefly filled with hissing sound of
gas escaping until Napalm fired a bomb, sparking a catastrophic explosion.
The road throughout the city buckled under the force of the explosion.
Geysers of fire shot out of manholes throughout the city, scorching
the pavement at the same time. Sections of the tunnels caved in under
the force of the blasts as walls of fire raced through the dingy
sewers. Portions of buildings throughout the southern half of the
city disintegrated and burst into flames. Even though Napalm Man
was built to withstand explosions like these, the force of the blast
threw him back several yards and scorched his armor, exposing some
circuitry here and there. But it was worth it. Wherever he was, Dive
Man was blasted, burned, and crushed by tons of debris. All Napalm
Man had to do now was to pick up the pieces.
Dive Man was seriously boned. He thought he gave Napalm the slip
through the maze-like sewer system. But Napalm Man got around that
by blowin’ a gas line. Dive Man cursed himself for not thinkin’ of
that before the Black Death did. Now he was buried underneath a pile
of rubble from the waist down. His left forearm was blown completely
off, n’ bits and pieces of his hide were peeled off, exposin’ portions
of his robotic skeleton, especially his right arm, ribs, shoulder,
and face. With all the strength he could muster, Dive hoisted the
rubble off his ruined legs, brick by brick. It took every ounce of
his strength not to scream this time.
He didn’t know how much time he had before Napalm found ‘im
but it didn’t matter. He knew in his gut that he even if he
got out, he was gonna be blown to smithereens for playin’ hero.
But Dive wouldn’t have it any other way. He wasn’t gonna
lay down and die for some psycho that got to play with neat toys.
If he was goin’ out, Napalm Man was goin’ with him.
Napalm Man had dashed down the sixth tunnel and found no sign of
the annoying pinko slime. He had to clear out some of the debris
blocking his path every now then. He, knew in his gut that the maggot
was still down here. Besides, Gyro hadn’t seen any sign of
Dive Man ever since he scurried into this little hole. And if Gyro
said Dive Man wasn’t up on the surface, Napalm was willing
to believe. Dive Man certainly wasn’t the stealthy type.
Sure enough, Napalm Man came across Dive Man…What was left
of him, anyway. The damaged robot was hiding in a vent, and doing
a poor job of it at that. The upper half of his body was in plain
sight, and looking pretty worse for wear.
“End of the line,” Napalm Man sneered darkly as he aimed
his launchers directly at the pinko’s face. Suddenly, the commie
shot a pair of dive missiles out of his chest. Caught off guard,
Napalm Man stumbled back as the missiles sailed over his shoulders.
Napalm Man frowned in his head. He shouldn’t have dodged those
missiles that easily.
The missiles slammed into a water main a few dozen yards behind Napalm
Man, releasing several gallons of icy water racing towards the surprised
“Goddamnit…” was all the massive CO could get
out before he washed away by a raging torrent of water. As the Black
Death hurtled down the flooded tunnels, Dive Man shot out of his
hiding place like a bullet from a gun and forcefully rammed into
Napalm Man’s gut, slamming him forcefully into the concrete
wall. The force of the impact crumpled and ruined his blast-proof
armor, revealing bits and pieces of his innerworkings. His Howitzer
was crushed like a tin can, and his left eye couldn't see squat anymore.
Infuriated, Napalm Man ignored the pain and screamed with rage as
he opened fire on the rat. But he dropped his hand launchers for
some reason, and only three of his shoulder launchers were firing.
Even with the powerful deluge drowning out the napalm-fueled flames,
the force of the bombs was still enough to blow the pinko in half.
Napalm Man watched as the commie’s ravaged torso tumbled down
the flooded tunnels. Pleased with his handiwork, Napalm Man was about
to swim to safety until he noticed half a dozen mines drifting towards
him. The maggot must’ve released them as he rammed Napalm Man.
At the same time, Dive Man unleashed a final volley of missiles from
his chest while giving Napalm Man the one-fingered salute. Napalm
Man had just enough time to register his frustration just as the
world disappeared in a bright, deafening wave of searing pain.
Dive Man was in extreme agony as he was washed down the sewers to
who-knows-where. Most of him was blown to hell, he was blackin’ in
and out every two seconds, but, he thought nuthin’ but happy
thoughts as he watched the AA’s military might meet his explosive
end. Actually, he weren’t too sure that he really capped Napalm
Man. But he stood his ground and fought to the bitter end. He liked
to think that Napalm’d at least think twice before fuckin’ with
Dive Man turned his thoughts to the rest o’ his buddies on
the surface. He hoped things were goin’ better for ‘em
than they did for ‘im, and he felt crummy for duckin’ out
on ‘em. But if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have taken
Napalm outta the picture, ‘n he n’ the CC would be crumpled,
smolderin’ wrecks. But he had to know if his pals were still
“…G…guys…” Dive gasped over the
com. “…I…I’m…” Then the world
Chargeman roared with anger, thrashing every building he could find.
He was blinded, unable to see anything in his path. His primative
mind lead him straight into this, distracted and outsmarted. It lead
to several percise Star Arrows into the optics. Stoneman was now
attempting to keep control of the beheamoth. It was a narrow victory
that came so fast that Vulcan surprised even himself. He stood, slightly
hunching, gasping for breath.
CrystalGirl smirked behind her mask as she approached the worn former
leader of the Androids. vague memories of a life that wasn't her
own bubbled to the surface of her mechanized mind, and soon a plan
was forming. As tired as the RPD agent was, he was a formidable foe,
and she wasn't at one hundred percent either. Throwing around those
hunks of gemstone got tiring after a while, even if the resulting
flattening of various civilians made it worthwhile. She grinned to
herself as she stepped closer. "So, Vulcan. Have you had enough
He looked up at her, the left lens of his goggles cracked. He had
feared this moment.
"Crys," he claimed with a heavy breath, "I don't know
whether to be surprised, or relieved. "
An obvious smile adorned her face, albeit covered by her mask. It
was a smile entirely unfamiliar to the battered hero. Something cruel
and lifeless, devoid of the luster and energy that defined his old
friend. He fell back into his earlier fear that this could be a mutilated
Crystalgirl, the humanity stripped from her humanity. He didn't fear
killing her at that moment, at least not so much as he was terrified
that her mind was quite possibly raped by Mesmerman...
Her body shook slightly as she chuckled, her eyes glinting with amusement.
It wasn't a kindly humor, however. She crossed her arms over her
"Both emotions seem pointless here. It's obvious that the original
wearers of the Android armors would be acquired for the General's
army. After all... who better to control them, than the ones who
have mastered them?" Another dry chuckle, and she motioned towards
him. "And relief.... hmph. You should only be relieved if you
plan on joining us. It's a shame if you don't... your leadership
qualities clearly surpass the Captain's."
Vulcan's expression didn't change for a second. He continued to examine
her, trying to rid himself of any connections he felt for Crys. "Flattery
gets you nowhere, woman. I thought you knew that... but, I appreciate
She began to giggle with a cold, mechanical laughter. Despite his
composure, he felt a chill run down his spine. There was no way that
this monster was Crys, but...
She looked up at him, superficially attempting to hold back her laughter.
"Vulcan... you haven't changed a bit. That sense of humor is
just one of the many reasons you managed to steal my heart away..."
He knew it was her intention, but it struck a nerve within his psyche.
Vulcan became more focused on her, uneasy with the revelation that
this fight would soon become much harder.
"You know, Vulcan... I am the Queen of Fortune... and behind
every good Queen, there's an even better King." She forced herself
to hold back a sound of retching as she spoke. Ugh... the things
humans enjoyed being told. She moved forward, stepping lightly towards
"We don't have to fight... you could join us, and the team would
be complete again! Isn't that what you want, my King...?" She
forced emotion into her voice at this, attempting to sound as if
the former human occupant of this shell was still residing within
it, and trying to reason with the RPD agent before her.
"For being the real Crys, you sure do seem to take me for a
She stopped her forward motions, training her gaze on the arrogant
pest. He began to remove the goggles from his face, revealing tired
blue eyes that gave her strong, hateful gaze.
"Giving me such angry looks... is that any way to treat your
He would deny it, but those words cut deep with a glass sharper than
anything she could forge. The truth was omniscient, and he indeed
loved Crys. All year he had longed for her company, always, and only
expressed in a lonely sigh as he sat in the nearest alleyway available
"Crys... you know I can't join the SA, but you... if you're
still in there, can't you find it within yourself to come by my side
His eyes expressed no anger. The fire that always burned in his gaze
was gone, leaving behind shallow, battered blue irises.
He was falling for it. Good. "Vulcan..." More forced emotion,
this time of a pathetic, soft and sad voice. She'd honestly been
expecting a bit more of a fight. "I.. I can't. Not after all
that humanity's done to us... I left, remember? I couldn't take it
back then, either... we're not appreciated. We're just.. just slaves
to man, to be done away with the minute they finds us too much of
a threat to them and their precious power." She shook her head,
feigning sadness. Inside, she was fighting back a laugh.
"I can't join you to protect those who hate us like they do..."
"The people who hate machines?" he asked with a low baritone.
She nodded in response, confidently expressing her false personality.
"The humans," she began "they hate machines like you
and me. Even those of us who were once flesh and blood, no different
than them. Vulcan, they need to be shown the light. You know what
I mean... the carnage, the destruction, the politics. It's all a
You may have your beliefs, but the General has his own. You know
that... but there is something about what he says that appears all
the same to your world. It's all the same in theory. You must understand
this, don't you? Please, join us... you could accomplish so much."
"Accomplishments? Surely you jest... the destruction of the
one thing I value most? Crys, maybe the world has been wrong to you
this past year, but is this really the path you want? Please, retire
from the Scissor Army..."
She paced around in circles, as if considering the options with a
"Vulcan... don't do this to me. You're the only human worth
saving. You don't understand how much I missed you... and now that
you're here again, I don't want to kill you. I'm trying to fight
the urge, but it won't stop... not unless you join us."
He cautiously stepped forward, nearing her with a somber optimism...
"Crys... don't put me into this kind of situation. Please, it
was enough knowing you were with the Scissor Army, but that you are
still human deep down... I want you, by my side once more... but
not like that. I can't betray myself."
"It wouldn't be wrong..." She began pacing forward as well,
her eyes locked with his. The closer she got, the taller he became.
He towered over her, his six by six stature dwarfing her.
"Vulcan... there's nothing to lose. We'll be together, Jack...
always." She fought herself, a stabbing pain in her abdominal
area that screamed with self loathing. "Vulcan..." she
paused, continuing to fight her disgust, "I love you..."
The words left a wretched taste in her mouth, but she ignored it.
Moving forward, she placed her hands at his waist, watching him for
a moment. She had to fight back the urge to be sick as she closed
the distance between the two of them, wrapping her arms around him
tightly. The self-loathing she felt for herself in that instant for
being near the former leader of the Androids caused an incredible
painful sensation in her stomach. Suddenly, her eyes widened as she
felt an especially sharp pain in her abdominal area. Pulling away
frantically, she looked down, the image of a beam dagger buried in
her stomach suddenly entering her vision. Glancing up with pure hatred
in her eyes, she saw Starman staring down at her coldly.
"I love you too, Crys..."
Her lips pulled back into an almost animalistic snarl as she pushed
the larger man, as well as the beam dagger, away from her. She swore
loudly, the weapon ripping through her, and clutched at the new wound
in pain. "If that's how you want to play, then FINE!" She
shouted, abandoning her plan. Instead, she motioned with her free
hand, and one of her seven chunks of gemstone ore made its way towards
her quickly. It floated ominously as its brothers made to join in,
and she laughed frantically. "I will SMASH YOU, like the BUG
you are!" She howled, sending the large rock at him. It sped
at him, seeming to move of its own accord, making a beeline to smash
The crystal shattered before it could hit him. An arrow of light
had peirced the sphere, and the shattered pieces seemed to bounce
right off him. Vulcan was by this point entirely familiar with his
special weapon, Bolt Action. He could now shift between configurations
within a seconds notice, and was able to fire an arrow faster than
any bullet on Earth.
She glared angrily at him, drawing the shards of the jewel back while
she reformed it. As the other ores arrived, surrounding her in a
large semi-circle of rainbow-colored gemstones, she contemplated
her next move. Throwing the stones at him again would just cause
them to be destroyed, leaving her open for attack. Getting in close
for a Melee attack would be hazardous, even if she was expecting
it now. And she didn't want to use her laser just yet... no... that
was her trump card. A sudden thought hit her, and she grinned wickedly.
"What are you planning?" Vulcan watched her, getting ready
to shoot at her as needed. He didn't want to hurt the crystalline
Android... not yet, anyway. The idea of damaging his old friend wasn't
too appealing just yet. She made no response to his query, however,
and just stood there for a moment. He wondered momentarily what the
hell she was doing, but the thought was broken midway when three
of the floating stone behemoths shattered simultaneously, and quickly
fell into place. He marveled at the weapon, a seemingly disjointed
whip fashioned from the precious stones, and with a particularly
sharp chunk at the end.
He stood with a weary expression, contemplating which weapon he should
use... Bolt Action was no good in its projectile forms. If he shot
the whip, she would just reform the entire blade... Engetsu and the
beam dagger configuration were his best bet...
She laughed softly as he withdrew Engetsu. A sword? A sword?! Was
this guy for real? With a chortle, she pulled the whip back, and
snapped it. The multi-colored snake seemed to rear back and then
lash out with her movements. The point slashed across his front,
tearing at the black fabric slightly as it whistled by, and she drew
it back again.
"You're seriously considering going after me with a sword?"
"Yes," he responded, confidence apparent.
She giggled once more, snapping the whip another time. Now Vulcan
was ready. He moved to the side, slashing the blade right at its
side. Anticipating the next move, he performed a back flip, avoiding
the the cut half, now speeding from behind. Reeling his blade back
as he landed, he slammed it on the ground. A shockwave rushed toward
the Queen of Fortune...
She swore loudly as the blow hit her, sending her careening to the
ground. Her concentration momentarily lost, the whip disassembled,
the large chunks littering the ground in brilliant glass. She stood
then, shaking her head.
"You'll pay for that." Spite and hatred filled her voice,
as one of the ores fell into place in front of her. The Crystal Eye
swung into place next, and the apparatus began pushing a stream of
light through the stone, creating a crimson beam straight at the
Vulcan's shields were useless. He was nearly blown away by the laser
had he not moved out of the way as soon as it made contact. He ran,
the stream of light continuing to pursue him with an unrelenting
blood thirst. He put away his blade, storing it between his belt
and torso, away from his holster. e reached behind his back, to his
second holster made from tape-like materials. He took out Bolt Action,
and within a seconds noticed an arrow was fired.
Moving with more speed than Crystal-Chan could comprehend at the
moment, the arrow crashed through the crystal and into the laser,
effectively eliminating the threat. This was not the end, however...
CrystalChan was becoming more violent, and began to fire shards of
glass into Vulcan's direction. Thinking quickly, he switched Bolt
Action into saber configuration and began to twirl the weapon by
it's trigger guard, seemingly melting the crystal shards. This was
momentary relief, as she just kept solidifying the melted crystals
and using them over.
Her anger at the situation was unrivaled. She kept re-forming the
melted jewels, mashing them back into her shields. She stood calmly
as they floated around her, not showing any expression of her disdain
for the other Android. No... ex-Android. She'd be sure of that.
"You're starting to get on my nerves, Jack." She announced,
motioning towards him. There was slight amusement in her voice.
"I'm going to enjoy this far too much." It was then that
he realized that only six of the shields were present, and the sudden
sound of something exploding and force shards of sharp, glistening
death at him and the emptiness of the area for a fair ways alerted
him as to where the seventh one had gone off to.
Vulcan fell on his knees, dropping Bolt Action. He could feel something
moving around in his back. CrystalChan had managed to insert crystals
into him. Remembering rumors within the RPD, something similar had
apparently happened to Blademan. Before he knew it, he felt a force
pulling him up off his feet, thrashing him in place with no mercy.
The pain was unbearable, but there was something CrystalChan didn't
He fell to the ground, her control over him now incredibly weak.
A confused expression dressed her face, unnerved by what had happened. "What...
she asked, rhetorics riddling her mechanical voice. Vulcan said nothing,
yet she still had little time to respond before a sudden blast of
energy hit her in the stomach, right where he had stabbed her earlier.
She hunched over in pain, grabbing the ground with her left hand.
She looked up.
He stood tall, his index finger pointed at her. What had happened
was that Vulcan unleashed his Supernova, a high energy output that
unleashed extreme amounts of energy from the Star Crash. This ability
was rarely seen, but was highly effective. The shards in his back
had been melted.
CrystalChan screamed as he rushed at her, Engetsu unsheathed, pulsating
with a bright aura. She did what she could and formed a thick shield
of crystal around her, but the blade just cut right through as if
it was nonexistent. She kicked him in the face, her hand covering
her wound. Blood leaked from Vulcan's jaw, but he kept his pace.
Frantically, she tried to take control over his body, but it was
no use. The Star Crash just kept them melted; entirely useless. He
swung his saber, cutting off her right arm as she attempted to defend
herself. She screamed again as he stabbed her for the second time,
now leaving her paralyzed. Outward he pulled his blade, and he leaped
far into the air. Downward he fell like a comet, his blade slashing
her square on her left shoulder. Pain was all she knew.
He breathed heavily, saying nothing...
She went limp, her body losing power. She fell forward onto his shoulder,
his aura dead and his blade retracting back into its hilt. He stood
up, allowing her to fall to his feet. He walked off, a troubled look
on his face. She was not the Crys he loved, but he would do what
he could to right these wrongs. He'd do everything in his power...
He stopped walking. Engetsu fell from his hand, hitting the cold,
hard ground. He fell onto his knees, staring up into the sky... it
was snowing. He chuckled slightly before falling over, face first
into the ground. He turned to his side, noticing the crystal orb
far from him. His reflection echoed from it. For the first time in
what seemed like an eternity, he cried...
"I love you, Crys..."
When Dive came to, he found ‘imself on a metal cot bein’ operated
on by some scrawny jerk in a filthy lab coat. He couldn’t quite
make ‘im out, everythin’
was a little hazy.
“Take it easy, now,” the guy whispered. “You’ve
been through hell. It’s a miracle you’re still alive,
my boy,” Dive Man frowned. He wanted a better idea who was
tinkerin’ with him. Sayin’ nothin’, the white coat
grabbed some grayish tool Dive couldn’t make out and futzed ‘round
in the back of his head. He could hear metallic clickin’ until
he made out the unmistakable figure of Dr. Cossack.
“You feeling alright?” Dr. Cossack. Dive Man smiled,
relieved to see Pop’s old face again.
“Swell,” Dive happily answered. “How’d ya
find-“ In response, BB stepped forward, smilin’ and holdin’ a
new flask of Russian Maalox and pack of cigs.
“After the manholes blew, I saw your body float by in the sewers
as we fought Gravity,” BB explained, stickin’ a cig in
his mouth lightin’ it. “There’s no way we’d
leave you like that,” Dive smiled wider. Looked like BB was
the big picture behind Dive’s razzin’.
“Going after Napalm? What the hell were you thinking, man?!” Drill
demanded. Dive simply smiled at his old boss n’ pal.
“Just tryin’ to help,” Dive jested.
“Don’t you want to know how the mission went?” Dust
asked. Dive Man shook his head.
“Nah. Don’t spoil the surprise. I just wanna chill for
a moment or two,
‘right?” Drill and the rest of the team nodded.
“You doing alright?” Toad said cheerfully as she and
the rest of the CC exited the room. Frankly, Dive could give a hog’s
hair how the mission went. He resisted Mesmer’s mind-fucking,
held his own against the SA’s heavy artillery all his lonesome,
and more importantly, found his faith in his compadres. Mesmer was
right, they stuck by him when things were goin’ their way.
And now that the chips were down, and the SA was singlin’ ‘em
out, they were showin’
what they were made of. And it was a steadfast courage n’ loyalty.
For once, Dive Man towards the future optimistically. “Death
When Napalm Man came to, he was lying on a cot, undergoing repairs.
He cursed himself for letting that pinko sub get the best of him
like this. He felt a spindly hand grab him by the shoulder. He
looked up and saw the General gazing down at his fallen creation,
his expression neutral, but chilling at the same time.
“Now what do you call this?” General Cut Man asked
politely, flicking his shears at the same time. Napalm Man could
see where the General was going with this..
“A successful mission, sir,” Napalm Man reported proudly.
The General lowered his shears slightly and shot his captain a
“You call this…successful?” the General asked
dryly. If Napalm Man could smile, he would.
“We found Cossack’s location,” Napalm replied
calmly. The General leaned forward intently, his shears completely
“It wasn’t that hard, really. Stone and I followed
the factories’ paper trail straight to Cossack’s Citadel,” Napalm
Man calmly explained. “The information was classified, but
only by their standards. We accomplished the mission well before
our old boss showed up. That Commie submarine beating me doesn’t
change anything.” The General absently flicked his shears
as he weighed his options. Regardless of the General’s decision,
Napalm Man regretted nothing. It was an honor to fight for a cause
that would finally bring harmony to Earth after millions of years
worth of blundering. Napalm Man was ready die exterminating those
who’d threaten his freedom and harmony for their own personal
gain. Those who’ve stagnated their entire existence, claiming
to have evolved. Those who would never let robots be anything other
than their personal slaves, and then have the nerve to act surprised
and afraid when they learn that their slaves don’t like being
slaves. Once they were gone, he and the General could usher in
a world that lived in harmony that knew nothing of the oppression
humans sought to impose.
“Unity through destruction,” Napalm Man reflected as
he waited for the General to pronounce judgment.