Arching the Androids Part 2

By Geoff (Sparkman)

(In the previous, ahem, "adventures" of the Ascendant Androids, they ran afoul their, ahem, "deadliest" arch nemesis, Arch! The bane of existence towards the defunct Mega Man 5 team, Darkman's Robot Warriors! Alas, the phenomenally misguided criminal genius mistook the Androids for his old rivals and resumed his "diabolical" schemes against them, but only barely inconvenienced them. And if anything, made life better for them. Napalmman, oblivious to Arch's animosity, offers him a chance to be friends, which Arch was on the fence on. However, elsewhere in the Wily Underground, Doc Robot and the WRF sit around a table, plotting their next caper...)

Doc Robot: Barrageman, Multiman, Expressman, your adventuring party enters-

Expressman: Doc, I thought we were supposed to be referring to each other by our character names.

Doc Robot: ...Oh. Right. Phelia, Argus McFist and J-05H, your party enters the line to sign up for the local guild. It stretches all the way to the castle gate. You think you'd be in line for (rolls some random dice) hours, if not days. Yes, you will!

Expressman: Booorrring! Are there any guilds we can sign up for without waiting the better part of five years?

Doc Robot: (rolls random dice) Indeed there is! Yes! Yes! The noble Thaleles guild, which keeps the peace and maintains order by-

Multiman: Beating up deadbeats and troublemakers? Slaying monsters terrorizing the city??

Doc Robot: ...Handing out citations and addressing complaints from the citizenry!

...

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman thinks this campaign is uninspired.

Multiman: Yeah, c'mon, Doc! You're a better DM than this!

Doc Robot: I'm sorry! I thought we were playing Dr. Mario tonight! I had no time to prepare, so I've been improvising! Let's see you do better! Can you, huh?

Expressman: Doc, how hard is it to send a bunch of orcs to attack the city? Even the Mechs could think of a story like that!

Doc Robot: You take that back!

Multiman: Yeah, Doc. I thought you prepped this campaign weeks ago. You said all you needed to do was Xerox us some character sheets on our new copy machine.

Doc Robot: Is that so?

Expressman: Hey Doc, you seem like you've been off your game ever since you came back from the copy machine. What's up?

Doc Robot: Truth be told, I'm not really in the mood for Dungeons and Dragons. I'm just stalling long enough for everyone else to get into position.

Expressman: ...What's that supposed to mean...?

(Suddenly, Doc Robot nonchalantly shoots all three of them with surprisingly powerful bolts of electromagnetic energy from his hands!)

Multiman: AGGGHH!!

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman cannot move!

Expressman: Doc?! What gives, man??

Doc Robot: You'll never know. But don't worry. It's nothing personal.

Multiman: Alright Doc. I dunno what's gotten into you, but I ain't laughing!

(A copy of Multiman who had gone to the kitchen for some chips flies into the room and tries to pummel Doc Robot. But his fists go through him like he's not even there. The WRF are all freed from their paralysis and assume battle stances.).

Multiman: ...Okay, this is getting weirder and weirder...

Expressman: UGGGGGHH!!

(Multiman turns around to see one of his copies unleashing a dark cracking web of electromagnetic energy at Expressman. The web binds itself around Expressman, trapping him in a net of energy!)

Expressman: AGGGHH!! What the hell?!

Multiman: ...That wasn't one of mine.

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman demand to know assailant's identity!

????: Here's a hint!

SWISHSWISHSWISHSWISH!!

(A sudden flash of movement slashes all three of the WRF across their faces).

Multiman: OOOWWWWW!!

Expressman: ARGGGGHHH!

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman is screaming in pain. Unit Barrageman is screaming in pain.

Multiman: Grrrr!!! As soon as we find you, we're going to kick your teeth in!

????: We told you, this is nothing personal. You just have something we want.

????: And look at the bright side. You're about to join the winning team. You and the rest of this underground.

(Multiman and Barrageman stagger to their feet, looking for their unseen assailants. But all they can see is upturned furniture, Dungeons and Dragons rulebooks and character sheets scattered along the floor, and the shadows around them, growing larger and darker as they swallow them up.)

(Elsewhere, in slightly less sinister territory, the Androids are all enjoying a custom-game of Shadow Hunters.)

Crystalgirl: (rolls some dice) Alright, looks like I'm off to the Hermit's Cabin. (draws a card and hands it to Gravityman).

Gravityman: (shrugs) Nothing happens.

Crystalgirl: ...Interesting...Napalm, you're up.

Napalmman: (rolls some dice) Looks like I'm Hermit's Cabin. (draws a card and shows it to Starman).

Starman: Nothing-

Napalmman: And I'm attacking Crystalgirl. Screw you, Crystal. (rolls some dice)

Starman: ...Happens...

Crystalgirl: You dumb bastard! I could be on your team!

Napalmman: Don't care.

Arch: Does he ever do anything other than attack random people?

Napalmman: Do I need to?

Crystalgirl: Would you stop it, Asshat?! After all, you're not you...

Napalmman: Then who am I, Crystal bitch?!

(Crystalgirl flips her hidden character card, revealing it to be that of Napalmman).

Crystalgirl: (points at Napalmman) I'M YOU!!

Napalmman: (points at Crystalgirl) AGAGGAHH!! NO! YOU'RE ME!!

Arch: Wait!! You're not him, Crystal!

(Arch flips his hidden character card, revealing Crystalgirl).

Arch: (points at Crystalgirl) YOU'RE ME!! AGAGGAHHH!!

Crystalgirl: NO! I'M NOT ME!! NOW I'M YOU!!

Napalmman: NOW I'M HER TOO!!

Napalmman, Arch, and Crystalgirl: (pointing at each other) AGAHAHGHAHHGAHH!!

Stoneman: Ha! You're catching on to how we do things around here, man! (High fives Arch).

Arch: Thanks! Since it's my turn, I'll use my ability to do an extra two damage on my next attack, which is coming at you, Asshat!

Napalmman: Hey, hey, HEY! You don't get to call me that, yet!!

Gyroman: Don't listen to him. You can.

Arch: ...And I just did six damage to you!

Napalmman: You're shitting me! You killed me!!

Crystalgirl: (flips Napalm's identity card) He's Bizarro Napalmman! That makes him the other shadow character we needed to kill!

Arch: We won??

Crystalgirl: We sure did! Thanks, Arch! (high fives him)

Arch: You-you're smiling...

Crystalgirl: What can I say? You put me in a good mood.

Napalmman: I'm not smiling!! I hate Bizarro Napalm!! His gimmick isn't worth the sweat off Centaurman's horse crotch!!

Gravityman: Don't you mean you love Bizarro Napalm? And his gimmick is awesome?

Napalmman: Oh shut up! What kind of retard are you, coming up with a character that only works if he gets treasure?! I didn't get a single piece of treasure the whole damn game!

Gravityman: That's what happens when you do nothing but randomly attack people.

Napalmman: I was pissed!

Gyroman: Yeah, well I got killed by what turned out to be friendly fire! From you! We get enough of that crap from Chargeman!

Starman: Whatever. Are we doing another round, or aren't we?

Arch: Not that I'm not having fun, but shouldn't we be taking over the world or something? I would've figured at the very least, Crystalgirl and Stoneman would be pulling Jewelman apart like a wishbone, or something.

Stoneman: Hey good point, why haven't we thought of that yet?

Crystalgirl: I wanted to, but I was worried you thought that would've been too cliché for us.

Arch: That doesn't answer my question.

Gravityman: You really think you're up to wholescale slaughter on our level?

Arch: ...I-I gotta try, right? I mean, we are friends now. I should try to take an interest in other things you like.

Napalmman: If you think you're up for it. But first, I need a minute or two to hash out an invasion plan. Crystalgirl, hand me my thinking puppies.

Arch: ...Your what...??

(Crystalgirl hands Napalmman a sack full of puppies. He pulls out a little pug that licks his face.)

Arch: ...What are you going to do with those...?

Stoneman: Shh! The asshat's concentrating!

Napalmman: Hmmmmm...

(Napalmman absently tears the pug's head off)

Puppy: YIPPPP!!

Arch: OH MY LORD!

Starman: Silence! Everyone knows that you do not interrupt an artist while he's painting a masterpiece.

(Napalmman stomps a poodle beneath his treads.)

Poodle: YIIIIPPPPE!!

Napalmman: ...That could work...

Arch: STOP!!

(Napalmman pulls out another pug, leveling his cannon at its head...)

Arch: Arby's! ARBY'S!! WE WANTED TO GO TO ARBY'S!!

Napalmman: Quiet! (shoots the pug) I got it! Tonight's the night we go to Arby's!

Gravityman: Brilliant!

Crystalgirl: Good thinking, Asshat!

Arch: It was my idea!!

Napalmman: I don't recall you dismembering a pug for inspiration.

Arch: ...Am I going to have to disembowel someone in order for you guys to listen to me?

Gyroman: Don't worry! We're all going to help you pop that cherry!

Waveman: C'mon guys! There's no need to make him uncomfortable!

Napalmman: Shut up, Wave. Nobody asked you.

Arch: Wait a minute. Wave?? You're back?

Gravityman: He is...?

Starman: He left...?

Waveman: Uhhhh...What do you think...?

(The Androids barely give Waveman a disinterested glance and shrug.)

Napalmman: Huh. So he did come back.

Crystalgirl: I told you he would eventually. Pay up, sucker.

Napalmman: Hang on. He could turn around and leave again. You don't fucking know.

Waveman: Yeah, I'm glad to see you, too.

Gyroman: Wait a minute. Why are you back to wearing your old armor, Wave?

Gravityman: Don't be stupid, he's always had his old armor.

Gyroman: No, like he's actually wearing it. Rather than keeping it deep inside the monstrous, watery mass his swarm of nanobots conjures up.

Starman: Is he?

Gyroman: Am I the only one who's taking the time to actually LOOK at Waveman?

Crystalgirl: That's not our fault.

Chargeman: No! Hello-copper man right! Also, water bot no laugh or giggle at dumb jokes. And no try to eat Charge's toesies! Something no right!

Crystalgirl: ...Actually, that is a bit out of the ordinary.

Napalmman: And Waveman doesn't stick up for nobody! You assholes are right! This shit doesn't add up at all!

Waveman?: Hm. Guess you guys aren't as stupid as I thought you were.

Starman: Hmmmmm, I wish we could say the same about you, dear "Waveman". So spare us this charade and show us your true face.

Arch: Uh guys? If that's not Waveman, then it's probably-

Napalmman: Who gives a shit. Nail his ass!

(The Androids all bombard not-Waveman. But as soon as the dust clears, they see there's nothing there).

Stoneman: Alright, what's going on here?

Crystalgirl: I don't know. But whatever it is, I hate it.

(A mysterious voice echoes throughout the Androids' base)

????: Ahhh, my od friends...It's been far too long...

Crystalgirl: Look, Scarecrow. Can you cut the mysterious villain crap? Arch milked that cow for all it was worth.

????: And what makes you think I'm Scarecrow?

Crystalgirl: Because you're trying to mind-fuck us, and conjure up some sort of fear of killing our own teammates?

Stoneman: ...It could be Mesmerman.

Crystalgirl: You know what? Fuck it. Let's just say it's both of them. One of them is bound to be right.

????: Interesting theory...

Gyroman: The voice is coming from over there! Shoot it!

(Gyroman fires away at what he thinks is the source of the voice).

Arch: Guys, I know who it is. It's-

BLAM!!

Arch: AGGGHHH!!

(Arch slumps to the ground as a bulky red robot with a smoking cannon emerges behind him).

Darkman: Hush. Nobody likes it when you spoil a surprise.

Napalmman: Darkman? Should've fucking guessed. Still got nothing better to do than piss off Mega Man 5 teams?!

Darkman: I'm not the only one, am I right, Arch? At least we all have a history together. Unlike Arch, who couldn't tell one team apart from the next.

Arch: Aggghh...Darkman...Leave them alone. They're my-

(Darkman's hands glow with dark energy and he fries Arch with another electromagnetic burst).

Arch: ARRRGGHH!

Darkman: I always knew you didn't have what it took to beat these wretches.

Gyroman: HEY!! Nobody treats our little buddy like that!

(Gyroman bombards Darkman with his mini-arsenal of gattling guns. But Darkman simply laughs and folds his arms, unaffected).

Gyroman: ...This usually works...

(Suddenly, the Darkman in front of Gyroman disappears as the real Darkman appears behind him and shoots him in the head.)

Gyroman: GAAAAHHH!

Darkman: Did you really forget that illusions were my original specialty? Or that I've had time to improve upon them?

Gyroman: Oh, you're a funny guy, alright! You know what happens to funny guys? Funny things!!

(Gyroman fires a barrage of sidewinders at Darkman, who starts cursing and swearing at Gyroman).

Darkman: What the fuck are you doing, Peter Pan?!

Gyroman: Huh?

(Darkman flickers out. And in his place is an annoyed Napalmman, glaring back at Gyroman).

Napalmman: JESUS H CHRIST!! I'M ON YOUR SIDE!

Gyroman: ...That'd be worse if it happened to somebody else.

Crystalgirl: Though I hate to admit that Darkman's illusions have gotten better...

????: Oh please. We're just toying with you. And you know it.

SWISH!!!

(Gyroman drops to his knees in pain as something slashes him across the face!)

Gyroman: OWW!! SON OF A-!

????: And there's plenty more where that came from!

(Another figure steps forward revealing...)

????: Ahhhh, now THIS has been a long time coming!

Stoneman: General Cutman?!

Napalmman: He's fucking back?!

Gyroman: ...Again...?

Crystalgirl: ...Sigh, of course he is.

General Cutman?!: I am far worse than General Cutman! I am General PAPER Cutman!!

Gravityman: ...Really? PAPER Cutman...?

Starman: What shallow, unimaginative mind would ever conceive such a useless robot? He's even got doodles on his forehead!

Gravityman: What is that doodle, a penis...? (examines doodle) Yes. Definitely a penis.

General Paper Cutman: SILENCE!!

SWISH!!

(General Paper Cutman flings his paper cutter at Gravityman and Starman, giving them a nasty paper cut!)

Starman: ARGGGGGHHH!!

Gravityman: SHEAAAGGHHH!!!

General Paper Cutman: Still think it's silly? Wait 'til I put some lemon juice on that! Then you'll know what TRUE pain is!

Gravityman: Ohhhhh yes! YES!! This is exquisite!!

General Paper Cutman: What?! That's supposed to hurt, you weirdo!

Gravityman: It does! More than anything I've felt before! Oh, it still stings! Why haven't I experienced anything like this before?!

Napalmman: Because nobody's been stupid enough to attack us with paper!

Gravityman: Ohhhh! I've been missing out! Hit me again! More! MORE!!

General Paper Cutman: Enough! Ah, I can't tell you how long I've waited for this moment! It took me years, decades for me to unfold myself! With my teeth, no less! But now, no I have you all right where I want you!

Chargeman: Stupid paper man! We no Darkman's Robot Warriors! They gone. They gone long time! We Ascendant Androids! Duuhhhhhhh!!

General Paper Cutman: Who cares about Darkman's Robot Warriors? Everyone knows you're the Mega Man 5 team to beat! If I can beat you, that means I effectively could beat them! Besides, you'd still get the same treatment as everyone else regardless who you are.

Crystalgirl: Really? None of you guys are going to shoot him. Fine. I guess it'll be-

SWISHSWISHSWISHSWISHSWISH!!

Crystalgirl: OWWWWWWWW!!

Gyroman: AGGHH!! SON OF A-!!

Napalmman: FUUCCCKKK!!! GODDAMNIT ALL!!

Stoneman: GAAAAHHH!!!!

Chargeman: OWWWWEEEEE!!

Gravityman: HEY!! You missed me!

Darkman: (hands crackling with electromagnetic energy) Don't worry, I'll fix that.

(Dark lightning and energy crackles around Darkman as he flings eight glowing balls of crackling electromagnetic energy that engulf each of the Androids (even Chargeman), immobilizing them!)

Napalmman: AGGGGHH!! As soon as we bust out of these piece of shit plasma lamps, we're going to rip your spine out and impale you with it, you General Cutman wannabe!!

General Paper Cutman: Wannabe?? As cool as he was, General Cutman gave himself his rank. Unlike him, I have a real army at my command!

Napalmman: What?! Yes he did! It was the size of small nation, you jackass!

General Paper Cutman: Oh? Was it anything like this...?

(As the dark electromagnetic orbs hold them in place, dozens of other paper robots drop through the ceiling, and burst through the windows and doors).

Paper Joes: Kill now!

Paper Airman and Paper Doc Robot: For Papelysium awaits!

Paper Torchman and Paper Walkman: Kill now!

Paper Mechanical Maniacs: For Papelysium awaits!

Crystalgirl: Oh lord. Were we really that repetitive?

Stoneman: We didn't chant it THAT much...

Chargeman: It kind of catchy...

General Paper Cutman: See?? Totally different from General Cutman!

Gyroman: Totally different?! It's almost word-for-word!

Starman: Lack of originality aside, this. Is. PREPOSTEROUS!! Where did these all vermin come from?!

Napalmman: ...The fuckin' copy machine...! You used it to make copies of all the Underground?! You fucking maniacs!!

General Paper Cutman: Thank you for acquiring that, by the way. With that machine, and all these cast away robot masters down here, I have everything I needed to raise my army! And now, my old enemies, and soon the whole world will quake before my might! Ha! Let's see General Cutman top that!

Gravityman: That's all he did! All the time!

Crystalgirl: And his plan was better than yours!

General Paper Cutman: We'll let history be the judge of that! After all, I'm the one who's holding all the cards.

Paper Army: KILL NOW!! FOR PAPELYSIUM AWAITS! KILL NOW! FOR PAPELYSIUM AWAITS!

General Paper Cutman: ...I really should've taught you some other battlecries.

Gyroman: Dude! They're fucking paper! What chance do you think they have against a real arm-

SWISHWISHWISHSWISHSWISHSWISHSWISH!!

Gyroman: AGGGGGHHHH!! MOTHERFUCKER THOSE THINGS HURT!!

Gravityman: Excuse me, but why does he get another turn?! I've been waiting very patiently, thank you very much!

General Paper Cutman: Enough!! Take them to the Xerox machine. The sooner they join the fold, the sooner we can launch our attack on the surface world!

Crystalgirl: Is this really how it ends for us?! Trapped in floating plasma lamps from Spencer's while paper copies of us destroy the world before we can?!

Stoneman: We're stuck in these electromagnetic nets and those paper cuts really HURT. We're not going anywhere.

Chargeman: ...This shittiest way to die. Ever. Charge saaaaaddd...

Arch: NOT SO FAST!!

(Arch is back on his feet, holding his paint gun and his cucumber launcher in each hand).

Arch: Nobody does this to MY friends!

(Arch fires his paint gun at Darkman, making him a blonde!)

Darkman: NOOOOOO!!!

(The yellow paint seeps inside Darkman's glass skull, disrupting his control over electromagnetic energy).

Starman: At last!! Freedom! And above all else, retribution...!

Gyroman: Good luck. I don't know about you, but my paper cuts still sting like a bitch.

Arch: Looks like you guys could use a pick-me-up!!

(Arch fires cucumber sandwiches towards the Androids.)

Napalmman: Now that's what I'm talking about!!

Chargeman: Yummy sandwiches!! Yaaaaaayyy!!!

Paper Shadowman: GAHH!! Cucumber sandwiches!

Paper Torchman: And they're actually eating them! How revolting!!

Paper Walkman: AGGHH! It's got allergy-free mayonnaise! It's even worse than the pink meat slush Arby's uses for their sandwiches!

Crystalgirl: Thanks Arch! You're the coolest!

Arch: You're-You're smiling...

Crystalgirl: It's what you make me do, Arch.

General Paper Cutman: What are you fools waiting for?! GET THEM!!

Paper Airman: I'm not going anywhere near no cucumber sandwiches!! Are you trying to poison us?!

General Paper Cutman: GRRRRRR!!!

(General Paper Cutman throws his paper cutter at Paper Airman, slicing him in half).

General Paper Cutman: BRING ME THEIR HEADS!!

Arch: Go ahead and try, motherfuckers.

(Arch reloads his paintgun as he stands before the paper army.)

Arch: C'mon, cheesedicks! Are we going stand all goddamn day, or are we going to fight?!

Paper Army: RAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Stoneman: ...I'm starting to think Arch has been hanging out with us too long.

Gravityman: Us or just Napalmman?

Stoneman: Either, I suppose.

General Paper Cutman: GET THEM!!

(The paper army rushes forth, headlong into a volley of yellow paint. Instead of turning them blonde, they simply fall to the ground as yellow pieces of paper. The Paper Sinister Six all hit him with paper versions of their attacks, giving him super stinging paper cuts. But Arch retaliates with a volley of cucumber sandwiches!)

Paper Bitman: They ain't payin' us enough for this shit! I'm outta here!!

Napalmman: You ain't going nowhere, asshole!

(Napalmman incinerates the Paper Sinister Six with a Napalm Bomb. The rest of the androids have regained their fighting strength and attack the paper army with full force! General Paper Cutman angrily smacks Darkman.)

General Paper Cutman: Why aren't you doing anything, colonel?!

Darkman: I-I'm trying! The yellow paint is interfering with my illusions and my control over electromagnetism!

General Paper Cutman: Then what good are you?!

(General Paper Cutman slashes Darkman's face with a paper cutter and runs off).

Darkman: AGGHH! That really, really hurts....!

Crystalgirl: He's getting away!

Starman: Oh, he can try...He can try...

(Starman soars after him, his star crash blazing bright as he burns through the paper Dream Team.)

Napalmman: What the fuck?! Why didn't you do that sooner?!

Starman: Have you no concept of dramatic timing? A true star shines through in the end!

Stoneman: Why didn't YOU torch them with your Napalm Bombs?

Napalmman: I HAD A FUCKING PAPER CUT, AND IT FUCKING HURT!! THAT'S WHY!!

(Meanwhile, Darkman tries to get up, but looks up to see the Androids and Arch staring down at him.)

Gravityman: Going somewhere...?

Napalmman: Alright, I got dibs on his skull.

Crystalgirl: The crotch is mine...

Chargeman: Charge want medulla oblangata!

Arch: No!! I brought him down, I should be the one to torture him!

Stoneman: ...Are you sure you're up for it?

Arch: I told you, I have to take an interest in the things you guys enjoy. And torture and sadism is one of them!

Napalmman: ...Alright, knock yourself out, kiddo.

(Arch kneels down beside the terrified Darkman, grinning evilly).

Arch: Hahahaha!! You're going to beg for the Androids to finish you by the time I'm through with you!

(Arch pulls out some nail clippers and starts clipping his nails one by one!)

Darkman: .....

Arch: HAHAHAHAHA!! Those were too close to the cuticles! That last one even took some of the cuticle with it! And your suffering has only begun!

(Arch resumes clipping Darkman's nails, even going back to clip nails already clipped before!! Bastard!)

Arch: MWAHAHAA! You're right, guys! This really is a lot of fun! This feeling of power, control, and satisfaction all rolled into one!! I could really get used to this! HAAHAHAHA!! Now for the other hand!

Darkman: ....

Arch: Why are you being so quiet? Did you pass out from all the pain, or did you-

(Arch reaches for Darkman's other hand, but it comes off in Arch's grasp. He looks up and sees the Androids have already brutally dismembered Darkman, leaving only the hand Arch was about to clip).

Gravityman: Sorry, we were getting kind of bored.

Crystalgirl: But uh...'A' for effort....

Napalmman: The important thing is, these assholes are dead, and we can go back to playing a real game, like the 18+ expansion of Pandemic!

Starman: (Re-enters the room) Mmmm, far be it for me to be the bearer of bad news, but tragically, I'm afraid, nothing could be further from the truth.

Napalmman: Oh come on! You didn't get him?!

Starman: No, I did. (holds up General Paper Cutman's severed head). That's the good news.

Gravityman: Not really! He still owed me another paper cut!

Napalmman: What's the bad news?

(Starman slumps to the ground, his back covered in paper cuts).

Stoneman: ....Ow...

General Paper Cutman: The bad news is, while you were playing with a small scouting party, the real paper army has been amassing itself, and is now ready to finish what we started!

(General Paper Cutman points to thousands if not millions of paper robots marching out of Doc Robot's hideout!)

Gyroman: What the hell?! We killed you, you stupid paper doll!

General Paper Cutman: You think I only Xeroxed one copy of myself?! Fools! I have made enough copies of myself to cover the continents! Even General Cutman wasn't this-

Napalmman: Yes, he fucking was! You're literally doing everything he did!

Stoneman: ...And you still have a penis on your head.

Crystalgirl: ...It's not even that big.

General Paper Cutman: ...Go ahead and kill this copy! A hundred more of me will take my place!

(Napalmman obliges before turning to face the rest of the group.)

Napalmman: Grrrrrr, if we don't bust that fucking copy machine, we'll never hear the end of this crap!

Gyroman: How? As soon as we step out the door, we'll be covered in paper cuts, just like our "leading star" here.

Starman: I'll thank you not to laugh, plebian!

Crystalgirl: (Inspects Starman's wounds) And they're using lemon juice this time. They mean business.

Gravityman: That doesn't sound so bad to me.

(Gravityman is about to walk out the door, but Stoneman grabs him).

Stoneman: Can't we just Napalm Nuke it from here and call it a day? It's not like anything or anyone of value would be lost.

Napalmman: Except us, dumbass! Doc's hideout is too close to ours! No way I can nuke it without nuking ourselves!!

Stoneman: Who said we had to fire it from here? Let's just get out of range then nuke it. Done. Boom.

Napalmman: That's my fucking point! We're closer to the copy machine than minimum safe distance!

Gravityman: No, really guys. I got this.

(Gravityman tries to go out the door again, but everyone grabs him).

Arch: Uh, guys?! If all we need is to get to Doc's hideout intact, then I have an idea.

Crystalgirl: Oh?

Arch: It does require some teamwork, though.

Crystalgirl: Ah crap. We're screwed, aren't we?

(What is Arch's plan?? Can the Androids stop the rise of Papelysium? Will General Paper Cutman ever realize he's ripping off General Cutman hardcore? Will Chargeman find someone who loves him and truly understands who he is? All these questions and more will be addressed in the stunning finale!)

To Be Continued ...