Series 9 Issue #6 - Disney Princess

The city of Monsteropolis - capital city (probably) of whatever country it's a part of. (The USA? Probably.) A multi-levelled metropolis that's menaced by the Mechanical Maniacs! Or, at least, that's what the shadowy leaders of the entire galaxy would have you believe. Said rulers now meet at their temporary base of operations - Robot Police Headquarters! There they discuss pressing affairs of state ...

Crorq: This. Is. BLASPHEMY! What in the world prompted you to feed I, CRORQ, original instead of extra crispy?!

Shakeman: S-s-s-sir! I-I-I-I w-w-w-well just yesterday you said that you wanted original because -

Crorq: SILENCE!!! Guards! Take this waste of metal away...for EXCECUTION!!

Shakeman: No! Noooooooooo!

(Mr. Holzenbein leans in and whispers something to Crorq.)

Crorq: ...What? "Right to a fair trial"? When did they change THAT?! Those INFIDELS!!

Tar: I don't feel it is worth it, Crorq. You'll just have to train someone else. And you seem to like this little pet of yours regardless.

Crorq: True. Inadequate as he is, Shakeman is superior to my previous lackey.

Terra: (Mumbling) At least you have lackeys. All my lackeys are on Jupiter. And do you think any of them'll give me chicken wings if I asked for it? Forget it.

Crorq: What was that?

Terra: Nothing.

SWAT bot: So I don't get ta kill nothing?

Crorq: *sigh* No. Not today.

Shakeman: *whew*

SWAT bot: Aw, I got my claws all spread out and everything. Come on, Betty. We'll find you some protesters to snack on.

Betty: Woof!

(The guard walks out of the room and returns to his chamber.)

Trio: Enough of this foolishness. We have yet to complete our agenda. Tar, how goes construction of our Ivory Tower?

Tar: We're running out of elephants again. And the Lion Men grow weary of elephant meat.

Trio: You know what to do. Clone some more!

Mr. Holzenbein: Must it be made of real ivory?

Trio: YES!

Mr. Holzenbein: It's getting expensive to clone all those elephants. And to keep PETA off our backs.

Tar: Just let our Lion Men continue to handle PETA. They are a delicious distraction (heh heh heh).

Trio: Our plans proceed well. With Energen in short supply the city will fall into our hands.

Princess: (Yawns) And then will we actually be able to rule someone? And I mean ,like, really rule them? Make 'em grovel and eat dirt and kiss our shoes?

Trio: Yes, all that and more. It shall all be mi - ours!

Princess: Swell.

Trio: Now, on to other pressing matters. It seems as if one of you keeps on raiding the snacks and eating MY Cheetos! Crorq. I'm looking at you!

(At the end of the meeting, Princess and Ra Moon travel in a nondescript car to the outskirts of the city, on one of the lower levels of Monsteropolis...)

Princess: You know, I thought being more open about being overlord of the planet would invite more ...romance? Excitement?

Ra Moon: I'm glad it didn't. I like it quiet.

Princess: WELL, I DON'T!



Ra Moon: Enough. It matters not. Our quest is worth some ... discomfort.

(The car pulls up to a derelict building. The three exit the car (Ra Thor carrying Ra Moon) and go inside.)

Junkman: Boy howdy! Well if it ain't the great members of the Galactic Council!

Princess: (Covering her nose) Junkman. Fantastic.

Ra Moon: This Wilybot has what we seek. You do, don't you?

Junkman: Oh, by golly I do! I've been hanging on to this baby for years! Found her lying in the scrapheap. Looked just like some old bit o nuthin', but I have it and I dusted her off an I -

Princess: GIVE IT HERE!

(Princess snatches a cartridge from a surprised Junkman.)

Princess: This is it! This is really it!

Junkman: *ahem* My finder's fee?

(Ra Thor pays Junkman.)

Junkman: Oh, yes, this will do nicely. But, like I told you, it done broke. Dat dere Game Genie is all busted up like.

Princess: Oh, don't worry. (Princess pulls out several other versions of Game Genie and Game Shark.)

Junkman: Those look just as busted as mine.

Princess: Ra Moon? Care to do the honors?

Ra Moon: Finally. To be forgotten. The dream of everlasting sleep ... undisturbed by anyone! It can be MINE!

Princess: Romance! Adventure! Ass kicking!

Game Genie: I AWAKEN!

Junkman: Oh me, oh my.

(Shortly afterwards, in the Wily Underground, at the Mechanical Maniacs' base...)

Topman: Say, Hardman, does anything feel different to you today?

Hardman: I can't say that it does, Topman.

Topman: I just can't shake the feeling that something's ... off.

Sparkman: (Bursts through the door and struts into the room) Hello, Topman. Hello, Hardman.

Topman, Hardman: Hello, Sparkman.

Sparkman: You know, you two, something's been on my mind lately.

Hardman: That seems mighty dangerous for you. (Hardman lets a loud fart rip through the room.)

Sparkman: Did you ... just ...

Hardman: *ahem* Never mind. What were you thinking?

Sparkman: ♫ Well, everyone knows - ♫

(Shadowman appears in a puff of smoke with Energen Cubes in his hands.)


(Shadowman runs up the stairs and slams the door behind him. Shortly afterwards, there's a loud knock on the door. Sparkman answers the door.)

Multiman: Sparkman! What an honor!

Sparkman: (Flexes his muscles) it is isn't it, Multiman?

Multiman: We're looking for that filthy ninja - Shadowman!

Sparkman: Shadowman?? What did he do?

Multiman: He stole Energen Cubes from the royal vault!

Sparkman: The swine!

Multiman: Indeed! Riff Raff like him thinking he can steal from the royal food court! Have you seen him?

Sparkman: Afraid I haven't my good sir.

Multiman: Uh huh. (Eyes narrow) Then you wouldn't mind if me, myself, and I come in, would you ... ?

(Hardman lets loose another loud fart!)

Topman: WOAH!

Hardman: Oops. (Blushes.)

Topman: I'm sorry, my friend here has gas.

Multiman: Yes, yes, be that as it may I - WHOA! That stench.

Sparkman: Yes, it's quite the ... odor. Honestly, I don't know if it's manly or just disgusting. Sometimes these things overlap! (Spark slaps Multi on the back - hard.)

Multiman: Ooof! Yes. I - I - oh. Um. You know what? That street rat's probably somewhere else.

Multiman: Gotta agree.

Multiman: Oh yeah.

(The Multimen all take off as quickly as possible.)

Sparkman: HAW! Looks like we should rename you - how's Stenchman, eh?

Hardman: Heh. Yeah. Stenchman.

Topman: Aw, don't let him get to ya, Hardy ol' buddy old pal.

Shadowman: (Making his way slowly down the stairs.) ♫ Riff raff?
Street rat?
I don't buy that! If only they'd - ♫

WHOA! That smell!

Hardman: Sorry.

Geminiman: Hello there, dear leader.

Shadowman: Oh, hey, Geminiman.

Geminiman: I see you've managed to snare us a few scraps for our dinner.

Shadowman: Oh yeah. Well, it's what they had. Everybody's suffering thanks to that energy crisis.

Geminiman: Indeed. Although I must say, your leadership has led us all far from the pride lands.

Shadowman: I'm doing my best.

Needlegal: (From upstairs.) ♫ AHahah~ ahahah ~ ahahahahahhhhhhh ♫

(From out of nowhere a bunch of Pipi come in and start to sing.)

Topman: Aw, ain't that lovely?

(Immediately, one drops oil on Geminiman's head.)

Geminiman: Enchanting.

(Needlegal dances down the stairs and the birds all fly around her.)

Needlegal: Good morning, everyone.

Hard, Top, Shadow: Good morning, Needlegal.

(Another Pipi drops oil on Geminiman's head.)

Geminiman: "Good morning" indeed. You delight us all with this display.

(Magnetman dashes into the room.)

Magnetman: Needlegal!

(Sparkman immediately shoves Magnet aside.)


(Sparkman scoops up Needle's hand and kisses it.)

Needlegal: Oh! Uh, hey, Magnet.

Magnetman: You look lovely as ever.

Needlegal: Oh, um, thanks.

(Spark puts his arm around Needle.)

Sparkman: You know, I don't know what it is about today, maybe it's the light or maybe my intelligence has finally caught up to my good looks, but I can't help but think of the future.

Needlegal: (Gently prying Spark's arm off of her) That's a very healthy attitude, Sparkman.

Sparkman: I'm stranded in this world and in this underground, but it needn't be alone! There's a robot master I have my eye on! A lovely little creature that's been right under my nose this whole time.

Needlegal: I'm sure you and Topman will be very happy together.

Sparkman: Yes, me and - TOPMAN!?

Topman: *pfft* You wish.

(Needlegal ducks out quickly.)

Needlegal: I promised ... um ... Wave Woman that I'd meet her later for diner! Can't stop! Gotta run!

Sparkman: Oh, that clever minx!

Magnetman: It seemed to me that you were trying to force yourself on that fair maiden.

Sparkman: Force myself? Nonononono. I'm Sparkman!

♫ Right from the moment when I met her, saw her,
I said she's gorgeous and I fell~ ♫

Magnetman: Don't like where this is headed.

Sparkman: ♫ Here underground there's only she,
Who is beautiful as me.
So I'm making plans to woo and marry 'Delle ~ ! ♫

Magnetman: WHAT!?

Shadowman: MARRY MY SISTER!?

(Snakeman slams open the door and barrels into the room.)

Snakeman: Well. CONGRATULATIONS! You've woken me from my beauty sleep.

(Elsewhere Needlegal shops at the local hobby (and salvage, and thrift) store ....)

Junkman: ♫ Look at dis trove,
treasures untold!
How many wonders can one storefront hold?
Looking around here, you'd think...
Sure, price ain't everythin'! ♫

Needlegal: Now, now Mr. Junkman. Don't you think a lot of these things are really expensive for what they are?

Junkman: Boy howdy, I do not think so! These are some gen-u-ine collectables. Look at this here.

Needlegal: It looks like a burnt-out, old game cartridge.

Junkman: This ain't no ordinary cartridge! This changed the course of one young lady's life. Yessir, it's a gen-u-ine collectible. All my wares are gen-u-ine collectibles!

Needlegal: (Giving a good natured laugh) "Genuine collectibles?" I see spare parts from police bots in the back. All anyone has to do to get any of this stuff is explore a bit topside.

Junkman: HUSH!

(A puff of smoke clouds the area.)

Expressman: I am the terror that runs in the night! I am the gum that sticks on your shoe. I am Expressman!

Multiman: *sigh*

Expressman: Now, did somebody say "topside"?

Multiman: (Shoving Needlegal aside) It looks like we have a repeat offender.

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman dislikes repeat offenders.

Junkman: Oh no! Please, don't!

Needlegal: What's going on?

Expressman: I see new wares in this gentleman's store. That means this man has violated the new law governing the Wily Underground for the second and last time!

Needlegal: "New law?"

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman has contacted Doc Robot!"

(With a flash Doc Robot appears before the group.)

Junkman: Now, I don't want no trouble.

Doc Robot: Junkman, what is going on here? I thought I told you all this is no longer allowed!

Junkman: But - but it's my junk!

Doc Robot: It's from the surface and the surface is forbidden! You know that! Everyone knows that!

Needlegal: I didn't know that.

Expressman: Hush, you.

Doc Robot: I make very simple rules to keep order until master returns and I expect those rules to be obeyed. And if this is the only way ... so be it!

(Doc Robots eyes glow menacingly as he uses Thunder Beams and Thunder Bolts to destroy Junkman's junk stand!)

Junkman: No! No! My junk!!

Needlegal: How can you be so cruel! Junk is all he has!

Doc Robot: Needlegal, it's for his own good!

Needlegal: How could you!

(Needlegal storm off crying. A little while later, Topman and Hardman catch up to her.)

Needlegal: Oh, Topman. It was awful. Doc Robot just destroyed all of Junkman's junk! And he's made a new law that forbids us all from going to the upper levels!

Topman: That's horrible!

Hardman: I'll say! They don't make any deodorant down here.

Needlegal: Oh, now what'll we do!? If we're forbidden from going topside, how will we even survive?

Topman: Aw, you worry too much. Listen, me and Hardy - we developed this new philosophy. Hakuna matata!

Needlegal: Hakuna matata?

Topman: ♫ Hakuna matata! What a wonderful phrase! Hakuna matata!! Ain't no passing craze~! ♫

(A short time later, the rest of the Mechs go looking for Needle, Top, and Hardman.)

Magnetman: They gotta be around here somewhere.

Sparkman: I'll say. How unlike anyone to run from a beauty such as myself.

Geminiman: (Flatly) Indeed. Why not ask those fellows if they've seen her.

(The Sinister Six mull around.)

The S6: ♫ Hi ho, hi ho. It's off to work we go. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Hi ho! Hi ho! ♫

Shadowman: Excuse me!

Sharkman: What? Who's there?

Oilman: It's our bestest friends, the Mechs. What do you people want!?

Wave Woman: Aw, don't be so mad, Oil! Maybe they wanna hang out. (^▽^)

Torchman: You meddlesome Mechs are just tr-tr-trying to stop us from digging our tunnels and earning our pay!

Oilman: Stop being ridiculous. Nobody cares about your useless tunnel idea.

Torchman: My tunnel idea is grand! Fantastic even!

Blademan: Now guys, just try to get alon .... alon ... alon ... *ACHOO!!!!!*

(Oilman wipes spit from his face.)

Blademan: Oh my, excuse me!

Oilman: You're excused.

Shadowman: Man, is it just me or are people acting really funny today?

Geminiman: Astute observations like that are what makes you leader instead of anyone else.

Sparkman: We were wondering if you've seen my bride to be - Needle!

Sharkman: Bride to be! You're getting married!? Dood! Dood!

Magnetman: The lady hasn't said "yes."

Sparkman: Details, details.

Wave Woman: I think I saw her, Top, and Hard, all running up a corridor that leads to the surface.┐('~`;)┌

Shadowman: The surface!? Oh, no!

Snakeman: What? I wouldn't mind going to the surface. (There's hardly any animals down here and this whole "snake helmet" look is so 1990.)

Shadowman: When I was dodging Multiman I heard him talking about Doc Robot's new law. We have to catch up to her. She's in trouble!

Magnetman: Needlegal's in trouble?

Sparkman: My beloved is in trouble?

Geminiman: My carefree day is in trouble?

Shadowman: Come on, everyone, let's go!

(As the team race away, a Multiman emerges from a corner.)

Multiman: Needle's breaking Doc Robot's law, is she? We'll see about that!

(Elsewhere, a short time later, Needle, Top, and Hard have nearly snuck to the uppermost level of Monsteropolis...)

Hardman, Topman: ♫ Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna matata!
Hakuna-- ♫

Needlegal: We don't really need to keep on singing this, do we? You've said nothing but "Hakuna Matata" for hours now!

Hardman: Have we?

Topman: You know, big guy, I do believe she's right. My, how time flies when you're having fun.

(A puff of smoke obscures the area.)

Expressman: I am the terror that runs in the night! I am the -

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman will have that which is known as fun! When unit Barrageman metaphorically kicks your lower rear plating!

Expressman: *ugh* What? No! No, you ruined it!

(The three Mechs whirl about!)

Needlegal: It's the Wily Return Force! They've found us!

Expressman: That's right. And you're coming back with us, you mischievous mechanical menaces!

Multiman: There's no need to make this ugly. Just come quietly.

Needlegal: Stay back! I'm warning you!

Topman: Needlegal, Hardman, RUN!!

(A chase ensues. From off the ground, Needlegal picks up a frying pan and slams it into a speeding Expressman's face as he races by at high speeds.)

Expressman: GAHH!!! What - what hit me..?

Barrageman: Stand still, Mech!

(Topman skiddishly evades Multiman's blasts.)

Topman: Can't we negotiate? We just wanna go topside for some laughs and supplies, that's all.

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman will have what is known as the "last laugh" once Unit Topman is rendered inert! - GAH!!

(Barrageman is hit with a frying pan by Needlegal.)

Needlegal: Ohhhh, take THAT, you big bully!

Barrageman: Unit Needle should not have done that!

(Barrageman shoots wildly, damaging the structure of the buildings around them. Top and Needle manage to dodge quickly as a ton of bricks fall on the roof.)

Hardman: G-g-g-guys ... HELP!

Multiman: Rip him open!

Multiman: Take him back, guys!

Multiman: Finally! No more Mr. Nice guy. No more pretending to get along! I'm kicking your ass!

Hardman: Oh! Oh! Oh!

(Hardman lets out a large fart.)

Hardman: Oh, excuse me! I get gassy when I'm nervous.

Multiman: By Wily! That stench!

Multiman: What the heck!?

Multiman: How can I smell with no nose!? It makes no sense!

(The Multimen all pass out.)

Hardman: (Looks sad) Awwww.

Topman: Don't look so down, Hardy! Your stench saved us all!

(Right on cue, Princess crashes down to the ground and slams Hardman through a wall.)

Princess: I don't think so!

Hardman: ACK!

Topman: Hardy!

(Princess blasts Topman through another wall.)

Princess: Fuck off!!!!

Needlegal: Y-you're so violent!

Princess: And you're not. Not anymore. AND THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM! YOU'RE THE PRINCESS! YOU BITCH!!!

Needlegal: I don't understand.

Princess: You don't yet, but you will. Yer coming with me!

(Princess grabs Needlegal and flies off! At that moment, the rest of the Mechs arrive on the scene.)

Magnetman: (On a rearing, snowy white horse) Needlegal! Where are you?

Sparkman: (Shoving Magnetman out of the way) Out of the way, you! Needlegal's mine!

Shadowman: Ugh, you guys ...

(A bunch of robot mice all gather 'round the heroes.)

Mice: ♫ Needlelly, Needlelly
Night and day it's Needlelly
You're a princess, you're my girlfriend,
Do policin', do the thievin' - ♫

(Snakeman kicks the mice and uses Search Snakes to eat them whole.)

Snakeman: SHUT UP! You small, useless things! You're good for nothing! I can't even make a pair of gloves out of the lot of you! Not even gloves!!

Shadowman: Singing mice? You know, there just may be something really wrong going on here.

Sparkman: The only thing wrong here is the lack of attention paid to my glorious physique.

Geminiman: The only thing wrong is that I'm not in charge of the Underground.

Topman: Guys, you're too late.

Hardman: She took her.

(A little while later, Princess crashes back into RPD HQ.)

Concreteman: Aw, man, I have to fix that, don't I?

Princess: SHUT UP!

Galaxyman: Hey, that's Needlegal!

Tornadoman: So they finally captured one of those traitors.

(Princess stalks the corridors with Needlegal in tow.)

Needlegal: You're hurting me.

Princess: I'll do a LOT more than THAT, girlie!

Crorq: (Uncharacteristically gliding through the halls.) Ahhhh, if it isn't a poor, unfortunate soul for our dungeon.

Princess: Yeah, yeah.

Crorq: ♫ I admit that in the past I've been a nasty.
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a - ♫

Princess: SHUT UP! (Storms off)

Crorq: Well! I never.

Needlegal: The Council seems to be acting a little ...

(Needle glances in rooms as she's dragged along.)

Terra: Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

Jewelman: If I say "me" again, you'll hit me, right?

Mr. Holzenbein: Allow me to help you. I will do anything you ask!

Terra: Then I want you to find the most beautiful and give me his or her heart!

Mr. Holzenbein: It will be done, my queen. Um ... do we have any idea who's on that list?

(And ...)

Tar: ♫ I'm gonna be the mane event.
Like no king was before.
I'm brushing up on looking down.
I'm working on my roar! ♫

Ra Moon: ♫ Thus far a rather uninspiring thing. ♫

Tar: ♫ Oh, I just can't wait to be king! ♫

(And ...)

Trio: Ahhhhh. Finally!

(Trio plunges into a swimming pool full of golden and silver coins.)

(Princess throws Needlegal into a room full of clutter. Ra Moon follows shortly afterwards bring carried by Ra Thor.)

Ra Moon: Good evening, Princess. I see you've found your quarry.

(Ra Moon is placed on the ground by Ra Thor who cringes in pain.)


Ra Moon: Enough, Ra Thor.

Needlegal: What's happened to you all? You did something, didn't you?

Princess: Yes and you're gonna fix it. I don't know how, but I hope it's bloody.

(Princess picks up the Game Genie cartridge. The room's bathed in a swirl of lights and smoke effects worthy of a major motion picture from the early 90s!)

Game Genie: Wooaaaaaahh-hah hah hah! Oh boy, getting outta that cart never gets old. Hey, who's the pretty lady?

Princess: Needlegal. You said that she's the princess of this story, right?

Game Genie: Well, yes, that's what you wished to know.

Princess: (Grabs Game Genie's head and pulls it close) Then I wish you'd FIX THIS!

Game Genie: (Momentarily turning into a red Phoenix Wright) OBJECTION! You have used up all three of your wishes!

Princess: But two of those wishes were the same - I wished to be a Disney Princess! And neither time worked!

Game Genie: (Turns into a red Comic Book Guy) I believe the exact words were "I wish I was in a Disney movie" which you undoubtedly are, even if it is not in the capacity that you'd like. Furthermore, you wished it twice, and that counts as two wishes.

Princess: FUCK!


Ra Moon: And I don't suppose you're inclined to allow me my wish yet, are you?

Princess: Not until mine's cleared up.

Needlegal: What's going on?

Ra Moon: Princess wished life were like a Disney movie, feeling she should naturally be the star. However, Princess hails from an alternate reality and it seems the Game Genie has no effect on her whatsoever. She had hoped to bully the genie into somehow transferring your role to herself, but it is for naught.

Game Genie: I tried to tell her that, but did she listen? Naw.

Princess: There HAS to be a way!

Needlegal: You could just try acting nice.

(Princess slaps Needle.)

Princess: Who asked you!?

(The building is rocked by a loud crash.)

Princess: What now!?

(Outside, the Mechs get off of a damaged and very stolen car.)

Sparkman: You drive like a Maniac!

Geminiman: Then he's on the right team, isn't he?

Snakeman: Those fools should have gotten out of my way!

SWAT bot: Trespassers!

Officer bot: Sick 'em, boy!

K-9: Grrrrrr

Snakeman: Oooo. I wonder if I couldn't fashion that cute doggie into a new hat?

Magnetman: (On a rearing white horse) Focus, pardner! We have to rescue Needlegal!

(More Officer bots and SWAT units pour out of RPD HQ.)

SWAT bot: I don't think so. You're going down, criminals!

Officer bot: You guys give us all a bad name.

Topman: (Dodging plasma blasts) I'm not sure frying pans are gonna cut it this time, guys.

Sparkman: You fools! Don't you know who I am?

(A cloud of smoke appears.)

Expressman: I am the terror that runs in the night! I am the pebble that's in your shoe. I am ... Expressman!

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman sees Mechanical Maniacs!

Doc Robot: YOU! You Mechs dare defy Doc Robot's orders!?

Officer bot: They've brought reinforcements!

Splash Woman: You're not alone!

Hornetman: The Sterling Sentinels are here to stand with you guys!

Tornadoman: Mechs! How dare you show your faces here, you traitors!

Hardman: We're not traitors!

Geminiman: Of course we are, you cretin.

Concreteman: I hope you're ready to be pounded into the ground!

Magmaman: The Scissor Army washout is mine. I'll show him who's really the greatest firebot of all time!

Galaxyman: Do - do we really have to fight them? But we were such good friends! Okay, maybe not that good, but we were pretty good acquaintances, weren't we?

Jewelman: Face forward, Galaxy! They're not our friends anymore.

Hardman: We're not?

Topman: RUDE!

Expressman: Back off! These aren't your people to punish!

Doc Robot: That's right! They are from the Underground and that is Master's domain!

Splash Woman: Hah! That's funny coming form a pathetic little criminal like you. You're all coming with us.

Doc Robot: What!?

Magmaman: Splash is right. You're right in front of our headquarters! We outnumber you losers. Why not give up now and avoid a lot of pain?

(Multimen immediately begin mass producing themselves in front of a nervous police force.)

Multiman: Not too bright, are you? You'd have remembered my rap sheet otherwise.

Expressman: And now for our secret weapon!

(The Wily Return Force all pull out frying pans and attack the RPD.)

Barrageman: (As he bats aside Galaxyman) Weapon: frying pan is surprisingly effective!

Expressman: What'd I tell ya?

Splash Woman: Arrest all of them!

Shadowman: Come on, guys, while they're distracted.

Magmaman: I'm not distracted! And none of you guys are getting outta this fight.

Hardman: Leave this to me, guys! Hey, Magma you picked the wrong guy at the wrong time ...

Topman: Mechs ... scatter!

(The Mechs scatter as Hardman lets it rip. The gas mixes with Magma's flames and the resulting explosion lights up the entire area. Both Hardman and Magmaman are blackened and weak on their feet.)

Topman: Hard, buddy, are you okay?

Hardman: Just peachy.

(Both fall to the floor.)

Magnetman: You know, it might have been easier if you guys just let me throw a ball. That always attracts the ladies.

Sparkman: Never mind the ball, let's find Needle!

(The Mechs enter RPD HQ and race to Princess' quarters.)

Magnetman: It's hard to believe we're coming back here as felons.

Shadowman: I know. This place has been home to us for so long.

Topman: You're forgetting, most of us haven't been cops for a long time now.

Snakeman: That's right. After you disappeared we all went our separate ways for 15 years.

Magnetman: Gahhhh! Dagnabbit, your history is just too dang confusing.

Terra: The Mechs? Here!? Stop them, my huntsman!

Mr. Holzenbein: Yes, my queen!

Terra: Why do you keep calling me that?

Sparkman: Get away from me, you oaf! (Sparkman swats Holzenbein aside and the Mechs storm past Terra.)

Terra: After them, you fools!

Trio: Och! I really don't want to get out of me money bath.

Tar: (Roars with rage) You'll not invade my territory without a fight!

Snakeman: Oh! You - you're marvelous!

Tar: That I most certainly am!

Snakeman: You'll make a delightful scarf! Get over here!

Tar: What?

(Snakeman unleashes Search Snakes at Tar, who struggles with them as Snakeman cheers them on from the sidelines.)

Magnetman: (Still on his white horse) Something has definitely gotten into that fella. And the rest. It can't be this easy to get past the Council.

Shadowman: What's affecting us and everyone else is affecting them too, probably. Don't complain about it, just use it!

Mesmerman: (Appearing out of nowhere) Mechanical Maniacs!

Topman: Mesmerman!? Here!?

Mesmerman: I've come to help you!

Topman: Say what?

Mesmerman: I've got no strings
To hold me down.
To make me fret, or make me frown.
I had strings,
But now I'm free.
There are no strings on me! ♫

(Mesmerman is knocked down by Topman and trampled by the Mechs as they rush past him.)

Mesmerman: Ow! Hey! Everyone's a critic. (Disappears.)

Ra Thor: (From outside Princess' door.) STAY WHERE YOU ARE!

(Ra Thor is also knocked down as the Mechs barge into the room.)


Ra Moon: Ra Thor, you fool! You were supposed to stop them.

Needlegal: Guys!

(Sparkman sweeps Needlegal off her feet.)

Sparkman: Needle! So glad to see you again. How about a kiss for thanks?

(Needlegal pushes him away.)

Needlegal: How about not?

Princess: How about you all DIE DIE DIE!!!

(Princess blasts the Mechs with energy and cackles wildly.)

Princess: Okay, I didn't get to be a Disney Princess. Who needs that shit?

(Princess blows the Mechs out of RPD HQ. They all land on their feet except for Hard who lands on his head. Princess flies above them with menace. She flips the Game Genie cartridge end over end as she floats above the scene.)

Needlegal: We need to get the Game Genie away from her. Then we can wish everything back to normal.

Topman: Good luck getting it from that crazy lady.

Shadowman: We need a plan or - or -

Princess: You need to think of some last words. With everything so sickeningly rated G I'm queen of the world!

(The ground rumbles and everyone looks around.)

Princess: Oh no. No no no.

Magnetman: Needlegal, don't worry. I'll save you!

Sparkman: Oh no you don't, Needle will be my bride!

Needlegal: What!?

(Waveman erupts from below atop a large geyser of water.)

Waveman: Let it go, let it go!
That perfect guy is gone! ♫

Shadowman: Waveman!?

Geminiman: I thought that imbecile was dead and replaced! Why can't any of those PC rabble stay dead!?

Waveman: Here I stand,
In the light of day!
Let the storm rage on!

(A large wave sweeps the entire scene, knocking everyone, including Princess and the Game Genie away.)

(Later, back in the Wily Underground, the Mechs are strolling down the street with broken bits of the Game Genie cartridge in Needlegal's hand.)

Geminiman: It seems Doc Robot immediately lifted his ban on going to the surface once the wish was lifted.

Shadowman: That means we're right back to where we started. Fan-friggin'-tastic.

Topman: Yeah ... at least we won, right?

Snakeman: I don't feel like a winner. I'm covered head to toe in lion fur. What was I thinking!?

Hardman: At least my gas is gone. Now I know how Gasman felt. What a revoltin' development.

Shadowman: *mumble grumble* We shoulda killed that yellow monstrosity when we had the chance. Next time ... next time ...

Needlegal: But ... oh, poor Game Genie. The way he screamed when Spark blew up his cartridge ... Why didn't you just set him free? It's what was supposed to happen!

Sparkman: I wasn't myself.

Needlegal: I think you were more yourself than usual.

Sparkman: Hey!

Snakeman: Well, I guess things turned out all right...

Geminiman: Not for Game Genie. Or Tar.

Topman: Who needs 'em?

Needlegal: And we learned something too....

Geminiman: If it's about being yourself, I swear -

Needlegal: We learned that living in a Disney world is no picnic. And we also learned the people around here really aren't that creative. Or meant to sing. In fact I wish I had never heard Mesmerman sing at all!

Magnetman: So dang creepy. I'll hear that haunting tune in my sleep.

Topman: Well, until we learn how to master the show tune, we are ... The Mechanical Maniacs!

The End


Leon as .....
Raijin as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Ben as .....
    Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Sheriff (Kassidy) Mags as .....
Gauntlet as .....


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