Series 9 Issue #2 - The Foxy Seven

Far away, in a secret lab in San Diablos the megalomaniac Crorq, the twisted Mr. Holzenbein, and the Stardroid Terra look over an old project, only recently rediscovered...

Terra: Hm. I'm not impressed at all Crorq. I don't see what's so special about any of this.

Crorq: Just hear them out, Terra.

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: Thank you, Crorq. As ever, you are a bastion of wisdom!

Terra: *humph*

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: And you as well, Terra. I hope you'll see the value of this project after this experiment is over.

Mr. Holzenbein: I had heard rumors about this place even before you involved me. Producing super soldiers, is it?

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: That's right. We had a General very excited about it until Nth disappeared on us.

Artilleryman: Okay guys, how about you fill me in on what exactly is going on here. Working for the Galactic Council is a career highlight, but I'd really like to know what's going on.

Clawman: (Appearing from out of the shadows) Indeed.

Artilleryman: WHOA! Clawman!? You - you're still alive!?

Clawman: And you're as obvious as ever.

Artilleryman: Heh. Well, we all have our own style. But - man! Why haven't I heard from you before now? We all just assumed you died in the War!

Clawman: I thought I could do better on my own. And, by the way, I have.

Artilleryman: Wow.

(The group walks towards a new area filled with tubes and control panels.)

Artilleryman: Aw crap. There goes my good mood.

Omniman: Artillery! And ... Claw!?

Clawman: Oh, boy.

Omniman: Welcome! Welcome my friends!

Golemman: Golem miss Artillery. Golem miss Claw. Golem thought Claw was dead!

Clawman: Yeah. I had a good thing going there.

Artilleryman: Oh, man, in the tube, is that ... ?

Omniman: Yes, Chimera. It looks like the surviving members of the Evil Eight are all here.

Golemman: Golem so happy.

Omniman: Me ... me too, Golem. Me too.

Clawman: (Oh brother.)

Artilleryman: "The surviving members"? Not that I blame you, but aren't you forgetting about Cleave?

Cleaveman: Down here! Down here!

Artilleryman: CLEAVE!?

Clawman: You're a Metool?

Cleaveman: Yeah.


Artilleryman: AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

Cleaveman: It's not funny!

Artilleryman: AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Cleave. But this is ... *snort*

Clawman: What in the name of Wily happened to you, Cleave?

Cleaveman: I just ... I just tried to make it on my own. The RPD took my weapons away when I joined as a medic during the war. And over the years I couldn't afford custom pieces as I was shot at and blown up. Getting Joe parts or even Monking parts wasn't so bad, but eventually the well dried up and I got stuck in the lowest model they had. But look! I have my pickax back! I'm still Cleaveman!

Artilleryman: AH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

Cleaveman: It's not funny!

Omniman: Artillery, Cleave, Chimera ... and even our long-lost Claw. It's like ... it's like all my dreams are finally coming true! If only War was still alive to see this!

Golemman: Golem miss War.

Clawman: Whatever. What gives, Crorq? I can understand bringing Artillery into this, even though he's about as subtle as a used car salesman. But why these guys? And why on Earth did you bring Chimera into the mix!?

Crorq: The job's just that big. We needed a team and, well, who better than your old teammates?

Clawman: Anyone.

Artilleryman: Yeah, I mean, Cleave's a Metool now.

Cleaveman: HEY!

Terra: Also, we're conducting an experiment.

Artilleryman: Oh boy.

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: Several years ago, former General Alan Reno commissioned me and a man I knew only as "Nth" to create a super-soldier based on alien DNA. This soldier would be the template for a new army. However this new soldier was unstable. He quickly broke free from our control and went on a rampage and Nth disappeared shortly thereafter, taking most of our research with him.* The project was quietly discontinued.

(*The Sinister Six / X-Force crossover, Year of the Fox)

Crorq: This is where I came in. I hate a mystery, so I was troubled by the sudden appearance of an unknown creature bent on annoying me.* Since I've been promoted to the Council, I've made it my business to look into it and found that he was connected to the Pyrofoxie program. And as annoying as that creature was, I must admit I'm intrigued at the possibility of maintaining a team of my very own.

(*Series 8, Out FOXed)

Mr. Holzenbein: Crorq was wise to involve me on the project. My own ... unique experience involving the creation of robotic companions made this project fascinating. In fact the uses of these soldiers outside of combat is tantalizing.

Terra: So I'm the last to know about this?

Crorq: We're hoping for your support after this trial run.

Clawman: I can't say I care about the history lesson. Bottom line: this makes me more powerful?

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: Of that you are assured.

Clawman: Well ... alright.

Artilleryman: If you're actually paying me to give me a power boost I'm all for it. But that guy (points to Chimera) is nuts. Giving him even more power is a stupid idea.

Crorq: Oh, don't worry about him. I've placed a control chip in him. He will co-operate.

Omniman: It's ... it's finally happening. We're a team again!

Artilleryman: Temporarily.

Clawman: Don't get carried away.

Back at the Wily Underground, the Mechs are looking over their new base.

Shadowman: I'm not getting carried away. This place sucks. It's even worse than the old warehouse. And it's definitely no Ark.

Magnetman: What old warehouse? And what Ark?

Shadowman: This is just a dilapidated flat.

Needlegal: It's not so bad. In its prime I bet it was quite the catch. It's big enough or all of us, after all.

Shadowman: In its prime, maybe. But now it's just a run-down mess. Spark just got electricity running and we still don't have a proper CR chamber. It's a piece of junk. And now we have to live here thanks to that smug yellow piece of -

Magnetman: Hey, you're not the only one who has it bad, mister. That yellow slimeball built me to be what I am! And now, not only am I out of the RPD, but I'm a criminal!


Needlegal: And?

Magnetman: And what?

Needlegal: And being angry doesn't help because ..?

Magnetman: (grinning) Naw, I'm plenty mad too. This junk heap of a base doesn't help at all.

Topman: Well, this junk heap of a base is all we have now, so we'll just have to make the best of it.

Geminiman: And look, we're far, far away from the downtown core, so it's nice and quiet.

Magnetman: Because everyone here hates us.

Geminiman: Well, sure, but it's not like we have the Sinister Six for neigh -

(Topman clamps a hand down on Gemini's mouth.)

Topman: DON'T YOU DARE! Saying something like that will just bring them here!

Magnetman: That's ridiculous, Top. They ain't Beetlejuice. Unless ... are they?


Geminiman: Oh, now, don't get carried away. Sure, we've been caught up in unfortunate situations, but nobo-

(Topman clamps a hand down on Gemini's mouth.)

Topman: Noyoudon't!

Geminiman: (Rips Topman's hand away) Oh, stop it. Nothing will happen if I say nobody's obsessed with us!

(The building is rocked by an explosion as someone attacks from outside.)

Topman: You just had to say it, didn't you?

(The Mechs rush outside to find Hardman and Sparkman battling a group of foxes.)


Shadowman: I told you.

Needlegal: Chimeraman? *snicker* is that you?

Chimera the Fox: *ROOOOAAAAARRRR*! They'll PAY for turning me into this!

Omni the Fox: At least we're a team again!

Artillery the Fox: "At least" nothing! This is embarrassing!

Hardman: HEY! I happen to think being a fox would be pretty cool. And, if I may say, that being de-aged helps bring out the innocence of -

Artillery the Fox: BITE ME! (Artillery aims his Long Tom Cannon and shoots Hardman across the Mechs' lawn and straight into the flat.)

Topman: OUR BASE!

Sparkman: Aw man, I just finished getting the power up and running on that.

Artillery the Fox: Hey, that ... that worked a lot better than before.

(Hardman emerges from the rubble.)

Hardman: (muttering) Well, now that I'm alone it's time these fellas got to know what a certain mischievous fox thinks about their -

Snakeman: Hey, Hard, you okay?

Hardman: Huh? What? Yes. You go ahead and fight these copycats, I'll catch up.

Snakeman: I have some snakes battling them already. I think it's better if we stick together.

Hardman: Yeah, okay. But you go on ahead and I'll catch up.

Snakeman: Um. Noooo, we'll stick together and find someone to fight.

(Snakeman is struck from above by a whirling pickax attack.)

Cleave the Fox: "Someone's" just found you!

Snakeman: (while parrying an attack) And you are?

Cleave the Fox: Aw, dammit. I'm CLEAVEMAN!

Snakeman: Cleveland?

Cleave the Fox: Stop kidding around! You remember me.

Hardman: We do?

Snakeman: Look, your voice rings a bell, but I just can't place you.


(Battle rages on!)

Claw the Fox: This form is much swifter than expected.

Shadowman: (using his sword to parry Claw's blades) But it doesn't have much strength. What are you even doing here? Isn't it enough that we've lost our home and are forced to live underground like rats!?

Claw the Fox: I have to admit, I hold a bit of a grudge against you guys for all the times you've defeated me, but this isn't a personal vendetta. We've been sent by the Galactic Council to take you out of the picture.

Shadowman: (avoiding Claw's kicks and punches) The Council? And by that, you mean Crorq, don't you!?

Claw the Fox: Crorq was the one who approached me, yes. Although he was accompanied by -

Shadowman: (sending out a flurry of Shadow Blades) I'M GOING TO KILL THAT ROTTEN PIECE OF GARBAGE!

Claw the Fox: WHOA!

(Meanwhile Needlegal fires at Golem.)

Needlegal: Hah! You're just cute now, Golem. I almost hate to do this.

Golem the Fox: Golem not cute.

Needlegal: Why don't you just run away?

(Golem tries to punch Needle, but winds up tripping over his own feet, unused as he is to his new body).


Omni the Fox: This ridiculous form has increased my already formidable endurance tenfold! None of your attacks can harm me.

Geminiman: Your defence is truly impressive. I congratulate you on your obtaining such a power.

Omni the Fox: And soon we will take over the world for the glory of Dr. Wily! Wherever he is! We're a team again!

Artillery the Fox: Temporarily. And quit it with the "Wily" talk - he's dead!

(Artillery dodges tops Topman throws at him and fires large powerful explosives at Topman, who manages to avoid it all.)

Artillery the Fox: Hey, stand still so I can blow you up!

(Artillery fires his souped-up Pyro Cannon at the spinning robot, but Topman deflects them all.)

Topman: I don't have to dodge those weak-ass attacks, Arty.

Artillery the Fox: Then dodge this!

(Artillery takes a moment to power up and then fires a while hot lazer at Top who madly dashes out of the way.)

Artillery the Fox: AH HAH HAH HAH! Run! My particle cannon is even more powerful now!

Sparkman: Is it time to get worried yet?

Magnetman: Now son, this fight might seem a tad lopsided, but there's no need to fret.

Chimera the Fox: You ... all of you ... I BLAME YOU FOR THIS TOO!

(Chimera breathes a large, blue fireball at the pair. Magnetman uses his shield to block most of it, but some manages to get through and burns the two robots.)

Chimera the Fox: You're both on my list. You, the Council, Wily (if he's still alive) - EVERYONE! I want to see everything BURN!

(Chimera breathes more fire at the pair.)

Magnetman: (with his hands in the air, visibly concentrating) Maybe you aught to worry some.

Sparkman: What the hell!? This is my first time meeting you. Magnet's new too.

Chimera the Fox: I don't care I don't care I DON'T CARE! BUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNN!

(Chimera gathers his energy for a moment and lets loose with a super powerful burst of flame! He aims for the Mechs' new home and burns it utterly to the ground.)

Sparkman: Aw man! There goes our new place!

Magnetman: This boy's nuts!

Artillery the Fox: WHOA! You almost hit me!

Chimera the Fox: So what!? But I'll bet if I focus my energy enough, this control chip won't be a problem any more. Ehehhehehehehehehhh...

Artillery the Fox: Wait, is he right?

Needlegal: Um.

Golem the Fox: Golem worried.

Omni the Fox: Have a care, Chimera -

Chimera the Fox: Stuff it, Omni. I'm gonna take everyone out. I didn't ask to have "fox" added to me, but I'll use every ERG of power I have to bring the house down!

Pyro da Fox: Did someone say bring a house?

(Pyro clobbers Chimera with a house alarm in the shape of a dog house.)

Cleave the Fox: Look! It's ... it's ...


Cleave the Fox: I don't know who that is.

Snakeman: Then why even talk!?

Pyro da Fox: I'm Pyro da Fox! Yes, Pyro da Fox, embodiment of fun and whimsy. Always here to make a grim situation bright and to add optimism to a grim world. Pyro da Fox is a mischievous character who -

(Pyro is knocked aside by Chimera)

Chimera the Fox: SHUT UP! I don't care who you are; you're on the list now!

Shadowman: You know, every time I see Pyro I feel like I'm forgetting something. It really, really bugs me.

Snakeman: Say, where's Ben? He was here a minute ago.

Shadowman: Oh, who cares. All I can think about is how that giant yellow trashcan sent these losers after us. And they destroyed our house! AGAIN! Hard's probably in the slag or something.

Pyro da Fox: You think you're something special? You're just a rip off of me!

Chimera the Fox: That's a funny thing coming from you.

(Chimera uses his great strength to pulverize Pyro into the ground. Pyro uses his eye lasers to try and get Chimera off, but even at close range Chimera withstands the blast.)

Chimera the Fox: Maybe you are the original, but you know what? Originality's overrated. I don't know or care who you think you are, but to me you're just LUNCH!

(Chimera opens his mouth wide and swallows Pyro whole.)

Chimera the Fox: Okay. That was tasty. Surely nothing will go horribly wrong after I swallow the powerful little kid in one gulp.

(Right after saying that Chimera explodes and Pyro emerges with gunk all over him.)

Pyro da Fox: YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT! THAT WAS SOMETHING I - erm - well - that is to say that's something I think someone else who was an immensely powerful and handsome robot from the future did back in his misspent youth.

(Chimera responds by punching Pyro into the ceiling.)

Chimera the Fox: I don't care! You're mah dinner!


Chimera the Fox: And now I un-exploded!

Pyro da Fox: You can't un-explode! You exploded and that means I won!

Chimera the Fox: Oh, stop sulking.

Pyro da Fox: I am not sulking!

Needlegal: The maturity level here just took a giant drop.

Claw the Fox: I'm beginning to remember why I avoided you people for so long.

Omni the Fox: RALLY! We can finally destroy the Mechs!

(Topman Top Spins Omni into the ground.)

Omni the Fox: TRAITOR! How could you, Spin?

Topman: Oh, just shove it, Omni! (I was Spin for all of two minutes, geez) What do you possibly hope to gain by picking a fight like this? Can't you just let it go!?

Omni the Fox: NEVER!

Shadowman: That's right! I'll never let go of my rage either!

Omni the Fox: The Evil Eight will be restored! We'll find a new War! A new Spin! Glory awaits!

Shadowman: And I'll kill Crorq! Kill him! KILL THAT SLOB DEAD!

Omni the Fox: You ... you understand me now, don't you?

Shadowman: I do. I really do.

(Topman Top Spins the both of them)

Topman: You both need to quit it!

Artillery the Fox: (Managing to snag Sparkman is his electro net) HAW! I got one!

(Sparkman supercharges the net and fries Artillery)

Sparkman: I'm SPARKman, genius. Spark! As in electricity!

Cleave the Fox: I've tried to kill you! Multiple times!

Snakeman: Lots of people have tried to kill me. It's part of the job.

Cleave the Fox: I was on the Evil Eight!

Snakeman: Oh that was about 20 years ago.

(Needlegal kicks Golem aside and charges at Artillery)

Golem the Fox: HEY!

Needlegal: (I don't have time to waste on you) Arty, you jerk! I'm gonna kick your ass!

Artillery the Fox: Ah hah hah hah hah!

Pyro da Fox: You're going down, bonehead!

Chimera the Fox: No, you're going down!

(Chimera flies over to Cleave and gobbles him up.)

Cleave the Fox: HEY!

Chimera the Fox: I need a pick-me-up, and nobody'll miss you!

Cleave the Fox: H-hey!

Claw the Fox: Well, it's true.

Chimera the Fox: Nobody'll miss you either.

(Chimera gobbles Claw up too! Chimera explodes with power, engulfing the area in flame.)


Pyro da Fox: Uh oh.

Geminiman: Um, I think Chimera might be losing it.

Magnetman: Oh you think so, do you!?

Chimera the Fox: Fe fie fo fum! I'm gonna gobble you all up, yum yum!

Artillery the Fox: Why is he looking at us that way?

Omni the Fox: Now Chimera, remember - we are all brothers in the Evil Eight.

Chimera the Fox: More like Evil ...something that wants to be eaten! (Damn, I couldn't think of anything.)

Geminiman: Hey, do you think he'll just eat them all up for us?

Chimera the Fox: You're on the menu too.

Geminiman: *sigh* Of course we are.

Pyro da Fox: It looks like we'll have to join forces.

Needlegal: Whatever.

Shadowman: (thought) There's something about that fox I know I'm forgetting ...

Omni the Fox: For the sake of the future, I am loath to admit it, but we must .... team-up!

Needlegal: Then let's get this done!

Chimera the Fox: BRING IT ON!

(Later, in another part of Monsteropolis ...)


Artillery the Fox: I can believe it. You were totally out of control.

Chimera the Fox: I was not - aooowwwww. Oh, I don't feel so good.

Artillery the Fox: After the beating you took I'm not surprised.

Chimera the Fox: No, I really don't ... *GLLLAAARRRGHHHH*

(Chimera throws-up Claw, Omni, Golem, and Cleave)

Cleave the Fox: Finally!

Omni the Fox: Chimera! I can't believe you ate us!

Golem the Fox: Golem gross.

Chimera the Fox: Oh, whatever. You survived. And it didn't even help in the end.

Artillery the Fox: This is so humiliating. I hope you realize you cost me my pay, Chimera! (Well half of it anyway.)

Claw the Fox: We could always go back and try again.

Artillery the Fox: No, we failed. The end. Time to move on. We'll try again if we get paid more, but I ain't gonna try anything with these useless fox bodies. I thought they had some potential, but nope.

Golem the Fox: Golem don't like fox body.

Claw the Fox: You don't think we're stuck like this, do you?

Artillery the Fox: I hope not! Geez.

Cleave the Fox: I dunno, I could grow to like it.

Chimera the Fox: Oh you would, Metool-Man. Oh yes. I heard about that.

Omni the Fox: I suppose this means our brief affiliation is at an end, then.


Artillery the Fox: Well ... loath as I am to admit it, it was kinda nostalgic to work with you losers again.

Claw the Fox: Admiringly, some of your skills have improved.

Omni the Fox: Then - ! And you, Chimera?

Chimera the Fox: *groan* With the Scissor Army out of commission all I've worked for is down the tubes. I guess ... oh, I can hardly say it. I guess, until I get sick of you and murder you in your sleep, I'll work with you sometimes.

Omni the Fox: Then ... then we're back! WE'RE BACK! OH! OH! I can't believe it!

Chimera the Fox: On second thought, I'm outta here.

Artillery the Fox: Yeah, me too.

Omni the Fox: Wait! WAIT!

Cleave the Fox: You still got me.

Omni the Fox: WAAAAIIIIT!

(And elsewhere, Crorq and company review footage from the battle.)

Crorq: (While getting an oil massage from Shakeman) Oh, that was pathetic. I mean it started strong, but it didn't work out.

Terra: When I heard you were going to give them fox bodies I was jealous. Okay? I admit that. (Until I saw they were the size of a small child anyway.) But it looks like they just got consistently more goofy as the battle progressed. And the original - Pyro - he didn't impress me at all. What was he even doing there?

Crorq: I don't know, it didn't even seem necessary considering how it all ended.

Terra: I'm very disappointed.

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: But - we can try again! Chimera showed great promise. And you can see the process greatly empowered Artillery.

Terra: No. It's over.

Crorq: I agree. This was a tremendous disappointment, doctor!

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: But - !

Terra: We can't allow this facility to fall into anyone's hands. It could be quite dangerous. I guess it's time to have a little fun.

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: But you can't!

Mr. Holzenbein: Actually, before you do I want to use this equipment one last time. Doctor, you are truly brilliant and I appreciate that. But ever since I heard the words "fox person" there's something I've wanted to try.

Dr. Nuji Yakasan: What? What's wth that look?

(Terra shoots Yakasan)

Terra: Now, now, let's not be unseemly. How about we just have some fun leveling this place to the ground, hm?

(And later, in the Wily Underground ...)

Needlegal: I just ... don't have the words.

Bitman: Howzabout ... "thank you." Howzabout that?

Geminiman: We already said thank you.


Blademan; Aw yeah, we kicked serious ass!

Sharkman: Dood! You were like *pssssshhhhhh* and I wuz like *freeaaahhhhh* *swivvvvv* and they wuz like "wuuuuuuuuuuuut!?"

Torchman: Indeed! This was a glorious day for the one, true Mega Man 3 team.

Shadowman: I'll kill you one day. Remember that.

Torchman: Yes, and I'll be reborn once more, stronger, faster better ...

Shadowman: Rrrggghhhh.

Torchman: But you know, I don't mind helping out my new neighbors. I'm not like you. Hateful and full of pettiness. I'm just bigger than you.


Wave Woman: It was fun playing with such cute foxes. But that Chimera one plays really rough. (´౪`)

Oilman: Still, you handled that well, Wave. A credit to us all!

Wave Woman: ゚・✿ヾ╲(。◕‿◕。)╱✿・゚

Torchman: Come, my fellows! It's time to tell the rest of the Underground of our adventure here. I'm sure Express, Quick, and the rest will love to hear our thrilling tale of how we put aside our hatred for our most loathsome of foes to save them from their own folly.

Shadowman: GOD DAMN IT! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!!!

Wave Woman: Scary! (´-д-`)

(The Sinister Six leave, laughing all the way.)

Magnetman: Geez! Those guys! They're really starting to grind my gears.

Hardman: Yeah, mine too.

(The team whirls around to face Hardman.)

Geminiman: Hardman! Where were you!?

Hardman: What are you talking about? I was right here the whole time!

Snakeman: No you weren't. I had my snakes searching for you the whole time.

Hardman: You might wanna get them checked out. I saw the whole sorry sight. How Chimera ate Claw and Cleave. Him growing super powerful and you guys, what's left of the Evil Eight, and that mysterious (but super fun) Pyro da Fox all teaming up to beat him ... and how the "Sinister Six" swooped in and ... well! I certainly don't have to tell you guys what happened. I couldn't believe it.

Shadowman: Don't. Remind. Me.

Magnetman: Y'know, that Wave Woman don't seem too powerful, but she did have some moves. And that Oilman... well! I didn't credit his power before, but - hoo boy! The way he -

Shadowman: I know.

Magnetman: But he really - !

Shadowman: I KNOW! I was there, I saw it AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

Sparkman: Well, I'd be tempted to crash and try to forget today ever happened, but I can't BECAUSE OUR BASE WAS DESTROYED!

Shadowman: I KNOW! It's all Crorq's fault. AGAIN!

Snakeman: Well, I guess things turned out all right...

Sparkman: You got a funny way of defining "all right."

Snakeman: We're alive, aren't we? We beat the Evil Eight, didn't we? Well, okay "we" didn't, but ... we're alive aren't we?

Sparkman: *humph*

Needlegal: And we learned something too....

Hardman: Speak for yourself, I didn't learn nothin'.

Shadowman: I learned an even deeper depths to my anger! That's what I learned!

Needlegal: We learned that absence makes the heart grow fonder. The Evil Eight broke up because they kept bickering and started resenting each other. But look at them now! Their past actions were forgotten and they worked together again as a team.

Sparkman: But Chimera wound up eating most of them.

Needlegal: Yeah, well, he's always like that.

Shadowman: I hope he choked and died. Crorq was a DAMNED IDIOT for letting that MONSTER go! Super computer? MORE LIKE SUPER PEICE OF -

Topman: Well, until absence makes us grow fonder for Crorq, we are ... The Mechanical Maniacs!


The End


Leon as .....
Raijin as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Ben as .....
    Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Sheriff (Kassidy) Mags as .....
Gauntlet as .....


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