Series 9 Issue #3 - What's Old is New


Andon: Hello, Mechanical Maniacs readers. This is the one and only Andon - Elecman of the Sinister Six here to welcome you to a long lost adventure that you just have to read. You might wonder why you're seeing me introducing this adventure. Well -

Odin: Excuse me, friend, I don't mean to intrude, but don't you think you should cede the floor to me? After all, this is my glorious introduction to Sinister Six fame!

Andon: I think not, friend. In the time this takes place you have yet to assert yourself as Elecman!

Leon: Hey, guy? It might be even better if I do the introductions. After all, well, I'm on both teams. As Leon, no less!

Odin: No, it's not appropriate at all.

Andon: Indeed, friend. You don't even get introduced until much later on. Best let one of us handle this.

Leon: But ... it's totally ... *humph* fine!

Andon: Now -

Odin: Hold on! We haven't settled this yet!

Narrator: That's it, I'm taking over.

Odin, Andon: But - !

Narrator: You had your chance. Now step aside and watch a professional at work. Now where were we? Ah yes. The Sinister Six were at the height of their fame when the evil original Iceman - Iceman Red - attacked Megalopolis. Red had gained godlike powers and was about to collapse the timeline when Gary stopped him thanks to the link they shared. In the crater left after their battle the rest of the team found their very own Transmetal Armors, but Gary was gone without a trace.*

(*All this happened in Ice VS Red)

Narrator: And now that you have some backstory let's peer at the Sinister Six as they battle their strangest foe yet ...

Spiderman: I have you now, Sinister Six. Your reign of terror is over!

Tim: What a revolting development.

Andon: I keep telling you! We're not that Sinister Six!

Spiderman: You can't fool me, Electro.

Andon: I'm Elecman not Electro. I keep telling you that!

(Spiderman webs Andon and flips him into Jason.)

Jason: Ooff!

Andon: Apologies, my pointy-headed friend.

Jason: Look, this guy is seriously messed up. He doesn't recognize us. Can we pummel him and get this over with?

Andon: But he's a hero! I love Spider-Man!

Spiderman: The feeling isn't mutual, sparky.

Andon: Now look, Sparkman is a totally different robot. You really have to respect the naming convention in our series. Sometimes it's all we have!

Spiderman: I'm just glad my old pal Iceman isn't here with you guys. I heard rumors that he'd gone bad and joined the Sinister Six, but it looks like my amazing friend's still on the side of good. (Unlike you - what the heck happened to you, Firestar!?) Actually ... (counts) aren't you missing a guy? There's only five you you.

Tim: Oh that tears it!

(Tim pummels Spiderman into the ground)

Tim: We're not those guys!

IRA: Yeah! Get it through your skull! And for the last time, I was never some chick named "Firestar"!

(IRA shoots his Firestorm and Spiderman barely dodges.)

Spiderman: H-hey! Careful! Someone could get hurt!

(Tim punches Spiderman into the sky.)

Tim: Say goodbye, Gracie!

Spiderman: Hey, spiders swing, not flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~!

(Spiderman disappeared into the distance.)

Tim: Good riddance.

Andon: Aw, we could have talked things out.

Tim: No we couldn't have, Andon. That creep wasn't even the real Spider-Man.

Andon: (mumbles) He coulda been.

Tim: No, that was a robot.

IRA: He had six arms, Andon.

Tim: And more importantly, no hyphen.

Andon: I'm sure there was a time Spider-Man had six arms. And you didn't really have to lose it on him, Tim.

Tim: Yeah, well, I'm sick of the "can't you count" cracks.

Jason: Me too.

Tim: We can't replace Gary.

Jason: I know, I know! But ... I mean, what's the point? We keep on fighting these battles, but without Gary around it feels like we're just going through the motions. I think it's time, you guys.

Tim: What? But ... we can't. I mean, we beat Red and we helped the Mechs beat Bizarro and the Decepticons.*

(*All this happened in Series 4)

IRA: That's all true, but there's so many teams now. Without an Iceman, what are we? The "Sinister Five"? Let's face the fact, nothing's been the same without him. I'm sure he would have had a blast fighting Spiderman.

Tim: But he left this armor for us. We're just gonna let it go to waste?

Andon: We can leave them with the Mechs for safekeeping. Their base is heavily fortified against assault. They'll definitely keep it safe until we can find a new team of heroes to take our place.

Tim: Some heroes we turned out to be.

Jason: Are you kidding, Tim? After all we've accomplished? From saving all of reality to stuff like our friends' housewarming party, we fought a lot of great battles and had a lot of fun.

Andon: And we inspired a great many to follow in our footsteps. We became household names (even if the more villainous Sinister Six outstrips our fame sometimes).

IRA: Goodbyes are always hard, but I think it's time.

(Unknown to the Six, the scene's being watched by Dr. Wily's faithful henchman Doc Robot. Soon Doc Robot returns to his master at Skull Castle... )

Wily: So they decided to break up!? I didn't have to lift a finger!?

Doc Robot: Yes, Master!

Wily: And you're sure that Spiderman robot didn't destroy them? I mean, I put a lot of effort into that one. I thought it was fairly clever.

Doc Robot: I'm sure, Master! They didn't even talk about you at all.

Wily: No? Oh. I suppose the fact that they've finally been defeated is really the only thing that matters. Now all we need to do is defeat the Mechanical Maniacs, my rebellious Warriors, the Metallic Mercenaries, Cossack's Comrades, and of course that blue dweeb Mega Moron. And ... ugh. I need help.

Doc Robot: Master! The Six left their armor behind at the Mechanical Maniacs' base!

Wily: Yes ... yes! We can't steal it right away, but at the rate those do-gooders get into trouble I'm sure it's just a matter of time before their base is unguarded. And when it is ... eh heh. Ahah. MWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

Doc Robot: Erm ... Ah hah hah hah! Oh Master, that's to die for. (Did he tell a joke? I don't get it.)

Narrator: Not long afterwards, Bizarro Shadowman hatches a scheme of world domination and tries to form his own Mega Man 3 team using the original members of the Mechanical Maniacs. Wily is caught in the crossfire and is finally captured and sent to the Robot Prison. * However, it doesn't last long. We now turn to Skull Castle (one of them, anyway) to see what the mad doctor is up to...

(* It happened in Series 5: The Unnamed)

Crowd: We love you, Wily...

Welderbot: It's official. I'm going to hear that in my frickin' sleep.

Wily: Would you rather be out there, chanting with them?

Welderbot: Is this any different?

Wily: Oh, quit your whining. It's not like you'll have to listen to this much longer. I'm sure the Mechs are doing something about it as we speak. Otherwise, they would've noticed my brilliantly engineered escape in the midst of all this chaos. Speaking of which, for once everyone here played their part wonderfully.

Doc Robot: (beaming) Thank you, Master! Thank you!

Welderbot: Sure, anytime, bud. Your wish is my disappointment.

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman has procured the heads of the Units known as the Evil Eight.

Expressman: Including that jackass, Artilleryman.

Multiman: I'm glad they're shut down, I can't take their whining. With the way Arty freaked out you'd think we'd let him rot in there (although we should have).

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman agrees.

Wily: And you, Bass, I'm glad to see you taking some initiative and bringing me the Sinister Six's armor! Recovering them was the only good thing to come out of being enslaved by that cheap Shadowman knock-off!

Bass: Yeah, it was a piece of cake.

Wily: However, I am a little disappointed that the armors were in such sorry shape when you brought them to me.

Welderbot: What are you complaining about? I'm the one who's actually fixing them.

Wily: But no matter! Once I get done with them, I'll have the best team of them all eating out of my hand! All I need are just the right personalities and everything will fall into place!

Welderbot: Great! All you need is a volunteer or two willing to throw their hat in the ring! Any ideas where to look? (hint hint)

Wily: No need to look anywhere! I already know exactly who I want to serve as my faithful Sinister Six. (Dr. Wily gestures to four bodies hooked up to Bombman's, Gutsman's, Cutman's, and Elecman's armors) I'm glad to finally have use out of my redundant "Quickie" robot. And if that traitorous prototype hadn't run off I would have had use for her in this as well. I can't believe she joined up with those loathsome Mechs.

Welderbot: Your new dream team is made up of dead guys??

Wily: They're not dead! Not quite. I mean, they're heavily damaged robots and while they may be beyond Light's overrated skills, they aren't beyond mine.

Welderbot: This one is. (Welderbot pokes the body hooked up to Bombman's armor) And he's human too. Can't repair that.

Wily: Oh really? It's nothing that this can't fix! (Wily holds up a Phoenix Magicite.)

Welderbot: Where did you get that?!

???: Let's just say Wily knows a guy. Namely me.

Welderbot: So now we're getting help from Peter Pan's shadow?

Nth: I have a name. You may call me Nth. And to answer your earlier question, I had a hand in recruiting some of this Sinister Six.

Wily: They were all close friends to the original Sinister Six up until their "untimely passing".* Naturally, they were overwhelmed and intimidated by my genius in life. But a little brain-boxing here, and little neurosurgery there, and everything will sort itself out!

(*In Ice VS Red)

Welderbot: I don't see anyone stepping up to be Iceman or Fireman.

Nth: The Sinister Six has always rallied behind "Gary" as Iceman. He's always had a certain pull on them. Wherever he goes, they follow. It's one of their strongest memories and instincts. As long as he's at the reigns, the rest will follow.

Welderbot: And ol' hot-head?

Wily: I had trouble finding a suitable candidate for him. But as it turns out, I had one all along!

Welderbot: (Hopefully) You do??

Wily: Of course! He was already serving as my Heatman! All I had to do was copy his personality into Fireman!

Welderbot: ... Oh... . Good for you... What's so special about him?

Nth: For starters, I have it on good authority that Heatman was one of the greatest warriors a hundred years from now. Why wouldn't Wily want two of them at his disposal?

Welderbot: ... What makes you so sure?

Nth: Where do you think I came from? Part of the reason I'm here is to make sure the future turns out just the right away. You'd be amazed at how shaky the timeline is. Just having the right person as Bombman and Fireman makes a huge difference in the future.

Welderbot: Great. But Wily, you uh, you do realize this future outcome may not be the one you want.

Wily: Oh, please. I'm the greatest genius of all time! As if I could lose.

Nth: I can guarantee you that Wily and his creations will be instrumental. In a way you can say he'll become mankind's savior (through his creations anyway).

Wily: Naturally!

Welderbot: Riiiiiiiiight. But that still doesn't explain why you chose the rest of these clowns.

Wily: You haven't been at this as long as I have. For me, this is personal. And it's time I make it personal for them!

Welderbot: Guy, that is the most vengeful case of nepotism I've ever seen in my entire life.

Wily: I'm sick of your backtalk! Just keep working on repairing the Sinister Six's armor!

Welderbot: Hey, I did not sign up for this to just be a Welderbot. Unless I'm Fireman or some other guy - and I mean right now - I'm not fixing anything!

Doc Robot: The armors are all fixed, Master!

Welderbot: What!?

Wily: Excellent. Look, Welderbot, I have work to do. For now you'll just have to be patient.

Welderbot: But - !

Barrageman: Come along now. Quit being redundant.

(Multi picks up Welderbot and brings him to more of his kind, all running around the ship working at various stations.)

Doc Robot: Are we really gonna place him on a team, Master?

Wily: That guy? Doc Robot, after all these years I know what it takes and Welderbot doesn't have it. Now - is everything ready?

Doc Robot: Ready, Master!

Expressman: I've got everything hooked up, Boss. Their damaged bodies are all set to be replaced by the Transmetal armor, including the human.

Multiman: The body of Ben's personality chip is set. He really wasn't thrilled about this.

Wily: He always had a stubborn streak.

Nth: I have the Magicite adapter ready. It should call to Rich's soul just long enough to shunt it into Bombman's body. After his soul is transferred to his robot form our techno-organic technology will be able to turn him into a full human once more if he so chooses.

Wily: Good for him, but irrelevant to me. Go!

(Machines hum and lights flicker and energy courses through the equipment in Wily's lab.)

Wily: How are the inert robot form faring?

Doc Robot: Their systems are being restored and defragmented as I transfer them to your own systems. I am isolating memories of Gary and storing them on a separate hard drive.

Wily: Good! Good!

Multiman: Fireman's doing well. As you figured, he'd be the easiest since it's just a simple personality transfer. Activating the armor itself is a little tricky, though.

Wily: My algorithms can handle it. Nth? What of Rich?

Nth: The Phoenix Magicite is being pushed as far as it'll go. His soul has been away for a long time, however.

Wily: Upping the power!

Doc Robot: The minds of the deactivated robots have finished transferring. Shell personality subroutines are filling in missing pieces in their systems.

Multiman: I'm almost done -

(A surge of mystical energy surges through the Magicite and into the systems, jolting Multiman and shattering the Magicite.)

Multiman: Whoa!

Nth: Sorry about that! It's under control.

Wily: You fool! You had better not have messed anything up.

Multiman: The systems here had a jolt, but I think everything's alright.

Doc Robot: Lucky lucky! The personality repairs were completed. I'm now activating the Transmetal armor around their damaged bodies.

Multiman: I'm all done here. Fireman's set.

Nth: I think that little jolt may have been exactly what we needed. Rich is with us, his soul in the system. The Bombman armor has replaced his human body. I think ... yes! He can revert to a human form! (I say revert, but it's more like his old body was replaced by a robot and his human form is all new).

Wily: Yes, yes (I don't care). I want you to scan his memories as well and isolate all those of Gary and add that to what we've already gathered.

Doc Robot: Added, Master! I am compiling all memories and personality traits to our double. I am also adding in known details of all adventures and accounts.

Nth: My part in this is over. Good luck, Wily. Try not to make anything you regret. (Nth disappears).

Wily: Bah! Good riddance. Well with that meddler out of the way it's time to wake up our new recruits!

(Wily flips a switch and the five new members of the Sinister Six awaken.)

Erik: What's going on? The last thing I remember is a whole bunch of Neo Dragoons coming at me.

Rich: I feel real funny.

Britt: Wait, Rich!? Is that you!?

Rich: Quickie!?

Odin: It seems the army of Neo Dragoons couldn't stop any of us.

Ben: Wait, Odin? Rich? Britt? Erik? You're all .. and I'm ...

Ben: (Whirling towards Wily) YOU!! You cloned me! And made me ... Fireman!?

Multiman: Here it comes.

Ben: That's awesome!!

Multiman: Huh?

Ben: And you brought some of my pals back from the dead!? I can't believe it. This is great. This is ... wait. Something's not right here.

Expressman: (Whispering) I'll say. Heatman would have burnt you to a crisp over this.

Wily: (Whispering) Maybe it's the control chip.

Ben: Wait. Who is that?

Odin: Uh ... who's who?

Ben: Don't tell me you can't see it. That gleam in his eye. That malicious smile.

Bass: Don't look at me.

Doc Robot: Um ...

Ben: Wait. No. Okay. Okay, it's gone. Kinda freaked me out there for a second.

Multiman: Um, you don't suppose that power surge...

Wily: Quiet!

Odin: There's just one of us missing.

Erik: (In a quiet voice reminiscent of the wind) Our fallen friend.

Ben: Right. Gary.

Wily: Actually ...

Doc Robot: It's complete!

Wily: Great timing, Doc Robot. Turn him on!

(Doc Robot flips a switch and a familiar voice greets the room.)

Gary: Hey, guys. It's been ... wow, this is weird.

Odin: Gary?

Erik: (In a quiet, windy voice) It cannot be.

Ben: (Grabs Gary and lifts him in the air in a huge bear hug.) GARY!? It's you, isn't it? It is!

Rich: Well, Doctor Frankenstein brought me back to life, so I guess it's not surprising he managed to bring Gary back too.

Gary: Um ...

Britt: Wait, something's different about him.

Ben: You're right.

Gary: Guys .. I don't know how to say this ...

Wily: He's not quite "Gary". I used your memories of him and all the information available to create this new version of him. He remembers all of your interactions and -

Gary: Enough with the explaining, cueball. Any way you slice it, I'm not quite Gary, but I'm still me. Don't let baldie put you off on that fact. I'm still me and you're all still my friends.

Erik: Yes. Yes we are!

Ben: Aw, hell. I'm just glad to have you back any way I can get it.

Rich: Glad to have you back too, pal. I'll make an all new action figure in your honor!

Odin: We'll fight well together, my friend.

Britt: But ... he's not ...

(Gary looks sadly at Britt.)

Britt: No. You're all right. Welcome aboard, Gary!

Gary: I gotta say, I never expected you to save us, Wily. Thanks. You're one of our greatest villains, but you really pulled our butts out of the fire.

Wily: Don't mention it. I'm glad I could help.

Gary: Well, if you guys could give us all a ride to Megalopolis I'm sure we'd appreciate it.

Wily: Oh, I don't think so. You're all working for me now. It's high time you live up to your name!

The Six: WHAT!?

Gary: You may have brought us back, but you can't boss us around you big bald baldy pants!

Wily: Oh yes I can. Fireman, fetch me a glass of water, I'm thirsty.

Ben: I will not fetch you a damned thing! (Leaves and returns with a glass of water). What the heck!?

(Ben dumps the water on Wily's head.)

Wily: How rude. Fireman, fetch me a towel.

Ben: Not on your life. (Hands Wily a towel) Damn it! (Fireman burns the towel up.)

Wily: (After giving Ben a glare) You all are once again my property. I've put control chips inside your heads so you have no choice but to obey my commands.

Erik: I should've known this was too good to be true!

Doc Robot: You work for Master now! That's a dream come true in and of itself!

Welderbot: (sneezes) Horseshit!

Expressman: Get out of here!! (Shoos Welderbot out.)

Gary: ... Alright, what do you have in mind... ?

Odin: WHAT??

Britt: We're not honestly standing for this, are we?

Gary: I hate to say it guys, but he's holding all the cards. Alright, butt breath. Don't make us beg now.

Wily: I thought you'd never ask!

(Later... )

Britt: I can't believe we have to find a date for that creep!

Erik: I can't believe he can't just settle for getting rejected on mehharmony.com, like everybody else.

Odin: We all know this is just a test run to see if his new control chip works.

Gary: Oh, it does. But no one says we have to do the job WELL. We're just going to get him a blow-up doll and call it a day.

Rich: It could be his new robot master: Inflatable Woman.

Britt: I don't want to think about what her power would be.

Welderbot: Don't worry, guys. Finding a woman's not THAT hard. Just stand aside, and let the professional show you how it's done.

Erik: ... I don't recall inviting you...

Welderbot: What?? Who says you can't outsource this job, am I right?

Odin: ... I don't think Wily's going to be okay with that...

Gary: Sorry, nothing personal. But you're kinda the seventh wheel around here.

Welderbot: Alright, fine!! No skin off my nose! If anyone needs me, I'll be the guy drowning in strippers!

(Welderbot storms off in a huff.)

Britt: ... Okay, where do we start?

...

Erik: I have no idea.

Ben: Me neither.

Rich: I could make a gigantic action figure ... ? I got nothing.

Britt: Ummmm ...

Odin: Don't look at me! I'm much too honorable for that kind of thing.

Gary: Yeesh. Let's just follow the Welderbot. Wherever he's going is good enough for me. If nothing else, I'm sure he knows the cheapest place to buy Inflatable Woman.

Britt: Just so you all know, I'm so going to cut a small leak into her.

Odin: Wait, didn't you just say he's the seventh wheel?

Gary: Yeah, well, when it comes to being a perv he seems to have a leg up. Come on, gang! Let's just be sneaky about it.

(The Sinister Six all follow Welderbot to Heaven's Night Strip Club)

Rich: Just for the record, I could've thought of this.

Erik: Well next time, speak up sooner. Alright, I say we break up into twos and work different parts of the room.

Britt: (Grabs Gary's arm) Dibs!!

Gary: Agh!! Not so tight!

Ben: (Tags Rich) Any idea where to start?

Britt: Any part where that obnoxious Welderbot isn't. Let's just get this rejection over with. I'm really not comfortable being here.

Gary: Oh come on! I'm not eyeing any of the dancers!

Britt: ... Yet.

Odin: Well, I'm not happy with how the women are treated here any more than you are. So Gary, try not to prank any of the dancers here.

Gary: No promises.

Stripper: Wait a minute, Gary? Gary from the Sinister Six??

Britt: (Grabs Gary's arm tighter) Who's asking??

Stripper: Oh my god, I thought I'd never meet the living legend in person! (Shakes Gary's hand) Hi, I'm Alexia! (Giggles)

Britt: (Smacks Alexia's hand away) Keep it above the waist, sweetie!!

Alexia: Oh, you must be his girlfriend. (Shakes her hand) You are sooo cool for bringing him here. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have the guts to bring him to a place like this. I'd watch him like a hawk!

Britt: You don't have to tell me!

Alexia: Oh look at this! You brought the rest of the Sinister Six, too! This is like a dream come true! Onyx! Come here! You won't believe this!

(Another stripper comes out of a private dance booth)

Onyx: You called Alex-Oh my god, it's the Sinister Six!!

Alexia: I know!! Isn't this awesome??

Erik: Well, I'm glad you're excited, but we have a request-

Onyx: Wait, wait. Hang on. Wait 'til Dakota gets here! She's crazy about you guys!

Rich: ... And you aren't... ?

(Another stripper comes over from the bar and joins the others)

Dakota: You guys called?

Alexia: Guess who just showed up? (Points at the Sinister Six)

Dakota: Well, stand aside, girls! These guys and gal are MINE. (Grabs Britt's hands tightly.)

Britt: Uhhhh...

Gary: Who's the cheating hussie, now? Haha!

(Alexia, Onyx, and Dakota all grab the Sinister Six by their arms)

Alexia: You six. In the VIP room. NOW.

Odin: But-

Onyx: No. The heroes of Monsteropolis deserve the best. And we're going to give it to you.

Dakota: Except you two (Points at Gary and Britt). We would never come between you two. And know you're the envy of all of us.

Britt: You're damn straight we are!

Onyx: Oh no! I forgot! Bailey's upstairs with a client, right now!

Ben: ... There's a fourth one now... ?

Alexia: One for each of you strapping singles! But don't worry! She is the "sexy one"!

Rich: Well, praise the Lord!

Dakota: AND she's a Christian!!

(Before any of the S6 can object, the strippers all drag them up to a lavish private room upstairs and treat them to a show.)

Rich: I'm just going to say it, this is a GREAT start for our team.

Erik: Yeah, I figured this'd be more of a Sisyphean ordeal. And I'm almost certain Wily did, too.

Ben: ... Should we ask what Britt and Gary are doing in their private booth?

Odin: Probably not.

Gary: (Pops his head back in) Oh, get your heads out of the gutter! We were just playing Gameboy! But as long as I'm here...

(Gary reaches for Bailey as she bounces in front of him, but Britt reaches around and grabs his hand)

Britt: You thought I wouldn't -

BUZZZZZZZZZ!!

(A handbuzzer in Gary's hand goes off in Britt's)

Britt: AHHHH!!!

Erik: Heh! That's our Gary... !

Gary: I dunno. Doesn't seem as funny as it used to... Wonder why...

Odin: ... Well, as much as I hate to spoil the good time, but we have to do what we came here to do.

Bailey: What's this?? The illustrious Sinister Six needs our help??

Alexia: Why didn't you say so??

Rich: ... Thank you for spoiling the ride, Odin. But yes. We could use your help with something.

Odin: And before you get your hopes up, we're here looking for a date for Dr. Wily.

Alexia: No problem.

Odin: Come on, please. We're already begging on our knees as it-Wait did you say 'yes'?

Dakota: Of course we did!

Onyx: Anything for our heroes!! (Kisses Odin on the cheek) Just tell him to meet us at our place at seven!

Erik: Wow. That was easy. We didn't even have to do a half-assed job with this.

Ben: ... I know. It's weird.

Bailey: ... Actually, we do have a confession to make...

Rich: ... You used to be guys? Honestly, we don't care. You're better than what he deserves regardless.

Alexia: Heehee, you're funny. No, it's just, we're not the richest of girls. We only have the one bed, and no couch, so he'd have to share it with all of us...

Onyx: ... And at this time of year, it's pretty hot and sweaty...

Dakota: ... And we can't even afford pajamas...

Bailey: Which means... (sigh... ) We would be... naked...

... ...

... ...

Erik: ... I don't think that's going to break his heart.

Dakota: Great!! We look forward to seeing him!

Odin: Great. Some heroes we turned out to be. We're still the unwilling slaves of Dr. Wily all over again.

Ben: And we hooked him up with five poor girls who are young enough to be his daughters.

Rich: ... There's four strippers here, Ben.

Ben: Well, what about that floating purple one with the wings that's giggling like a maniac and coming out of that swirling portal?

(The VIP room falls silent as Kefka emerges from the time portal before the heroes!)

Kefka: Well, that's where you're wrong, right there! I'm old enough to be Wily's father!

... ... ...

Rich: ... You know what? All things considered, he really is Wily's type. We'll throw him in with the rest of his new harem.

Kefka: Hate to burst your bubble, but I'm not joining anybody's harem. But I guess you could say you're joining mine!

(Kefka restrains the Sinister Six with electrical shackles.)

Kefka: Honestly, Dragoon! I'm shocked, SHOCKED you don't recognize me! Because I know your ugly puss anywhere! And to think I actually went out of my way and went through time for you.

Ben: What can I say? I guess I didn't miss you as much as you missed me, apparently.

Kefka: Don't worry, I kept your pen just the way you and your team left it.

Erik: We weren't ever in your collection!

Kefka: You are now! Who am I to say 'no' to you??

(Suddenly, the Welderbot enters the room)

Welderbot: Hey guys, hate to bother you, but could I bum a few singles off one of you-

(Kefka conjures up some more shackles and slaps them on the Welderbot)

Welderbot: What the hell??

Kefka: I just can't help myself. The more the merrier! Now let's find you all a nice new home!

(Kefka and the captured Sinister Six and Welderbot all disappear into the portal from whence Kefka came.)

Strippers: ... ...

Alexia: ... Well, this sucks...

(Kefka warps back in and slaps some shackles on them too.)

Onyx: AHH!! What the-?!

Kefka: Ah, I knew I was forgetting something! Sorry, ladies! That was really unprofessional of me!

(Kefka warps off with them, too.)

(The Six wake up shackled to the walls of Kefka's domain. The mad jester himself can be heard cackling somewhere beyond.)

Welderbot: Glad you guys could join us.

Erik: (In a voice reminiscent of the wind) The soul of this place disturbs me.

Rich: Why are you talking that way?

Erik: (In a quiet voice) I am the one once known as Windman. This is how I speak.

Rich: Well stop it. You're not Windman anymore.

Erik: *humph* Fine (for now). (With a grunt Erik breaks out of the shackles that hold him) Well what's up with this place? There's pieces of an ice cream store, a McDonald's, and that stripper's joint we were at. What gives?

Ben: It's like a modern art exhibition.

(The Six stare at him.)

Ben: What? I can't know about art? Screw you!

Odin: Hey, how about a hand here?

Gary: Yeah, I'm sick of hanging around.

Erik: Sure thing.

(Erik frees the rest of the Six and Welderbot.)

Welderbot: Thanks. Now I'm off to find me them strippers!

Ben: Those are supposed to be Wily's new girlfriends!

Welderbot: Not my problem! (Under his breath) Followed me to the stripper's joint didn't ya? After telling me to get lost, too. Lousy no good ... *mumble grumble* (Walks off.)

Ben: That guy has an attitude.

Britt: The fact that you can say that with a straight face ... .

Ben: Hey, did you see that?

Rich: Uh, see what?

Ben: it was like ... pure evil. Pure, squishy evil.

Rich: Uh, right.

Odin: I think we need to focus on escaping this prison.

Britt: And finding Wily a date.

Odin: (Visibly resisting the urge to agree) Yes... and doing that too (Damn these control chips!)

Britt: We don't necessarily have to give him those particular ladies. I say we kick Kefka's bony ass!

Gary: Yeah. After beating Red Kefka's a cinch, right?

Erik: Except you weren't there for that. You're just a copy, remember?

Gary: Uh, right. I guess my programming's just filling in blanks.

Kefka: (Appearing in midair) HAH HAH HAH! So, you've freed yourselves from my shackles! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!! Do you know how hard it is to find good shackles!? The place I bought those from went out of business!

Odin: Oh, so when you say we'll pay for that you mean literally.

Kefka: Obviously! When you're rude enough to break something that doesn't belong to you then you have to pay for it.

Rich: Well, we were all dead (Some of us more than others with me being human and all). We got no money to pay you back with.

Kefka: YOU CHEAPSKATES!

Rich: I've got a brother somewhere who might have some dough you can have, though. Just look for a guy named Kenta. See how well that works out for you.

Kefka: I might have expected this kind of treatment from the Mechanical Maniacs, but I expected better than this of the Sinister Six!

Erik: Yeah, well, we're new.

Ben: Enough! We're not gonna go quietly.

(Kefka slams the Six against the walls of their cell.)

Kefka: MWAH HAH HAH HAH! Good! That would be boring. Now I want some answers of my own. You stink of Magicite, fatso.

Rich: Hey!

Kefka: Where did you get it?

Rich: If I tell you that will you leave us all alone?

Kefka: Probably.

Britt: "Probably"!?

Ben: It's no skin off our backs if we tell you. It was - nnnnngghhh!

Kefka: Who??

Ben: It was - nnnnnggggffffff! WWWWNNNNNNGGGHHHFFFF!! OH WHAT THE !?

Odin: I think you forgot about the control chip.

Ben: Oh yeah. DAMN THAT WEASEL!

(The Six writhe in pain as Kefka hits them with lightning.)

Kefka: Not talking, eh? No problem! I'll track it down the old-fashioned way, as I planned all along. And you'll all stay onboard as my trophies! Once you're dead I'll plate you with gold and you'll decorate my throne room. MWAH HAH HAH HAH!

Ben: I really don't think so! (Ben blasts Kefka with fire.)

Odin: Indeed, foul clown. Have at you! (Odin blasts Kefka with electricity making him reel back.)

Gary: You can't stand against all of us, Kefka! I don't care how many fanboys you have! (Iceman creates a chainsaw of ice and slashes at Kefka.)

Kefka: You're getting to be little pests, you know that? How about this, then?

(Kefka's form wavers in the air and slowly resolves into ... )

The Six: Dr. Wily!?

Kefka:His image anyway, MWAH HAH HAH!

Britt: If you think this'll stop us from kicking your butt, you're sadly mistaken! ROLLING CUT-errr?

(Britt stumbles and fails to shoot her blade at Kefka.)

Kefka: MWAH HAH HAH HAH!

Odin: He was listening in on us.

Erik: (In a quiet voice reminiscent of the wind) Indeed. This is a true predicament.

Kefka: That's right, in this form you are helpless before me!

Ben: Aw, crud.

Kefka: And now I command you to do ... the Chicken Dance!

Ben: No! NOOOOOO!!!

(The Six start doing the chicken dance. Music plays in the air mysteriously as the Six seethe and dance.)

Erik: So humiliating!

Gary: Guys, this isn't the worst we've suffered (but I gotta say I can't think of what would be, compared to this.)

Ben: Not a word to ANYONE! This moment dies with us!

Kefka: Yes! Yes! Dance my pretties, dance! Dance to your DOOM! Everyone dancing mad!

Rich: I don't know what you guys are complaining about. This is kinda fun.

Kefka: Dance faster! FASTER!

(Kefka makes currents of magic flow into the Six.)

The Six: GAAAHHH!!!!

Rich: Yeah, okay, this is getting painful.

Odin: And ridiculous!

Britt: Come on, guys, we gotta focus here.

Erik: All I can focus on is the Chicken Dance!

Ben: I never got into situations like this on the X-Force. Never, never, ever!

???: That's a lie. I know! I know it's true!

Ben: You!! Who are you!?

Rich: Who me?

Ben: No, not you!

Britt: Do you mean me??

Ben: NO!

???: You'll never be free of this, Ben.

Kefka: I hope you're not ignoring me and the very real danger you're in.

???: Dance! Dance like the puppet you are!

Ben: You .. you're evil. Pure evil! Double and Sigma don't even come close!

Kefka: Thank you, I do try.

Ben: Who are you!?

Muffinman: I am the Muffin Man! Fear the Muffin Man!!!

Ben: MUFFIN MAN!? MUFFIN MAN!?

Kefka: What the !?

(Ben starts to miss steps in his dance as his mouth begins to froth.)

Ben: Muffins ... Muffins!

Britt: Gary, you know him better than me, does he do this often?

Gary: I can honestly say this is the most disturbing he's ever been.

Kefka: You!! Stop with the muffins! All of you, dance! Dance until you die!!!

Ben: I - I - I ... . I MUST STOP THE MUFFINS!!!!

(With a surge of power Ben breaks free of the dance and starts to shoot fire everywhere.)

Ben: DIE! THE MUFFIN MUST DIE!!

Rich: He's broken free of the control chip!

Erik: If Ben can do it, so can we. Concentrate, Sixlets!

Kefka: Oh no you don't! I'll kill you before you do!

(Kefka takes aim at Britt and lets a blast of magic loose.)

Gary: WATCH OUT!

(Gary breaks Kefka's control and dives in front of the blast, taking the full brunt of the blast.)

Gary: AAAAGGH!!

Britt: Gary!

Odin: Oh, you did not just do that.

Rich: You messed with the wrong robots, buster!

(In a rage the Six break free of their control chips and attack the mad clown.)

Kefka: (Discarding the Wily disguise) Why are you all rushing just to die!?

(The entire place shudders.)

Odin: What was that??

Ben: (Still shooting frantically) Muffinman ... Muffinman ... Muffinman ...

Britt: It must be Ben! His constant attacks are destabilising the dimension!

Kefka: What!?

Odin: I'll give him a helping hand! You guys keep Kefka busy!

(Erik, Britt, and Rich all attack Kefka while Odin and Ben attack the surrounding landscape.)

Kefka: No, no! This can't be happening! You people can't be responsible for all this!

Rich: That's where you're wrong, jerkface. We're the New Sinister Six and we can do whatever the hell we want!

(Rich pulls out an extra large bomb and blows the area away in a large explosion!)

Kefka: YAAAHHH!!!

Erik: Hang on! This place is coming apart at the seams!

(In a flash of light Kefka's dimension dissipates and the Six find themselves within the remains of the stripper joint they were just in with the missing strippers looking on in pure confusion.)

Odin: We did it!

Ben: We did do it ... the Muffinman's gone! He's gone, guys!

Erik: Uh, yeah, he's gone. And we're back home.

Erik: How's Gary holding up?

Britt: Are you okay?

Gary: Yeah, I just need a good old E-Tank. Actually, I'm better than okay. That blast really jogged my memories. I remember everything now!

Ben: You couldn't stand much more brain damage.

Gary: You're one to talk. No, I mean, I remember everything. More than just the memories you guys gave me. My memories - my soul - was within this armor the whole time!

Britt: What do you mean?

Gary: I remember it all now. I was fighting Red. There was no way out: I was trapped. We were being drawn into total entropy. But I still wanted to leave you guys a parting gift - the Transmetal Armor. That's when it hit me: if I could leave armor behind, why couldn't I leave my consciousness behind too? I put myself into the armor just as my old body was torn apart along with Red's. So I'm me! I'm back! Properly back! Not a clone, not an imitation, just the original in a shiny new package!

Ben: Awesome!! I knew it! I knew that Red couldn't keep you down!

Erik: This is amazing!

Rich: Wow ... could you run that by me again? I didn't quite get it.

Erik: Say ... what happened to that Welderbot guy?

Rich: I dunno, I lost track of him. He's probably around here somewhere.

Odin: It's unlikely we'll see him again.

Gary: Speaking of seeing someone again, I think we should make our way back to our "new boss".

(Back at Skull Castle... )

Wily: Noooo! Put that down! It's a delicate experiment!

Britt: Whoops! (Drops Wily's delicate experiment.)

Ben: Hey, this isn't still important, is it?

Wily: That's my Doctor's certificate! How did you get that!?

Ben: (Burns up the diploma) Whoops!

Wily: Ack! All of you stop! Why don't you obey me!?

Doc Robot: Master needs help!

Expressman: Eh, he brought this on himself.

Multiman: Agreed. Reviving the Sinister Six? What kinda dumb plan was that?

Barrageman: Unit Barrageman concurs.

Bass: The last thing we need here is more junk robots.

Doc Robot: But - but -

Erik: Well, it's all over. And we learned something too.

Ben: Wait, what?

Erik: We learned that -

Ben: No, man, not like that!

Erik: Huh?

Ben: That's the Mechs!

Rich: Some heroes we turned out to be.

Erik: Yeah we're not household names yet!

Ben: No, damn it!

Odin: You ruined it, Erik!

Erik: Aw, come on. We can do it over, can't we?

Gary: It sure is good to be back.

Britt: And just think of all the great adventures we'll have in the future!

Erik: Some heroes we turned out to be.

The Six: JUST GIVE IT UP ALREADY!

Cast (the present):

Leon as ... ..
Sparkman
Raijin as ... ..
Snakeman
Psycho Magnet as ... ..
Needlegal
Ben as ... ..
Hardman
    Nightmare as ... ..
Topman
Lennon as ... ..
Geminiman
Sheriff (Kassidy) Mags as ... ..
Magnetman
Gauntlet as ... ..
Shadowman

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