Series 9 Issue #23 - Sharkman Saves the Day

It's a cold, dark day in Monsteropolis ... the Mechs are in a gruelling Underground poker tournament and it isn't going well for them. Snakeman is at the table and the other Mechs can only stand by and watch as he faces this challenge alone.

Topman: (Through internal radio) You can DO this, Snake!

Shadowman: (Through internal radio) Just remember what I always say: it doesn't matter how you win ... just so long as you win!

Snakeman: (Mumbling) Shut up, guys, I can't concentrate....

Starman: It's getting tense in here. You can just feel the tension in the air...

Oilman: Grrr...

Bass: How can this be!? I'm the strongest there is! I cannot be beaten!

Oilman: As long as I come out ahead of the Mech ...

Sparkman: (Through internal radio) Don't worry, Snake. We got your back.

Snakeman: (Mumbling) You'll get me busted.

Magnetman: (Through internal radio) Like it matters. Everyone in this joint is a damn cheat.

Geminiman: (Through internal radio) Well, obviously. Just look who we're up against.

Flashman: You won't win this time, Magic.

Magicman: I literally can't lose this tournament. You get that, don't you!?


Needlegal: Don't be such a sore loser.

(With the Mechs occupied elsewhere, Quint is lost in the corridors of the Wily Underground, looking for urgent help....)

Quint: What's going on? I can usually find them anywhere.

Punk: Well, lookie here, Reggie. Just look who it is.

Reggae: Hee hee hee! Who is it, Punk?

Punk: Why it's Nerd-int!

Reggae: Hee hee hee! Nerd-int! Good one!

Quint: Uuuuuugh. (Is that supposed to be a pun? It didn't even make sense.) I don't suppose you could direct me to the Mechanical Maniacs, could you?

Punk: Well, we could. But why would we?

Reggae: Yeah! Why would we?

Punk: This is a private area and I don't remember you getting cleared to just wander around here. What even happened to you!?

Quint: Same thing that happens to everyone! I was rebuilt!

Punk: A likely story. You're never around, NERD-int. And I say that means you're a traitor and a spy!

Reggae: A traitor AND a spy!

Punk: And we don't take kindly to traitors. Or spies.

Quint: Uh ...

(Suddenly, Sharkman steps in front of Quint, shielding him from Punk.)

Sharkman: Punk! Heya, dood!

Punk: Sharkman!? Why aren't you at the tournament with the others?

Sharkman: lol, wut?

Punk: Ugh, never mind. Why did I even ask?

Sharkman: Just chillax, dawg. I know this guy. He's cool.

Reggae: Oh he is, is he?

Sharkman: Would I lie?

Punk: No. You're too stupid.

Sharkman: HEY! I resemble that remark! Eh hee hee hee hee! (Bursts into fits of giggles.)

Punk: Ugh! Just ... keep an eye on him.

Reggae: Yeah!

(Punk and Reggae storm off, trying to find someone else to bully.)

Quint: Thank you. Now -

Sharkman: You want some of this? (Sharkman offers Quint a toke off his joint.)

Quint: What? I don't even know how you .. I mean you're a robot. No. No! There's no time to lose! Where are the Mechanical Maniacs? We have a crisis in time!

Sharkman: What, another one?

Quint: Yes, another one. Now where are they!?

Sharkman: I dunno, guy.

Quint: GAHHH!! But ... I need help! It can't just be me and my companion!

Sharkman: What, that other Hardman not working out?

Quint: What? No, Sarah was a jewel. Brave and strong. She - she's gone now. I don't have ... I don't suppose ...

(With an exasperated sigh Quint enlists Sharkman in his cause. They enter the Time Skimmer and find...)

Kenta: YOU!

Sharkman: Hey, angry Magnetman! I remember you. See? I can remember things!

Kenta: What is this scum doing here!? I thought you were going to enlist my friends for aid, not one of our most loathsome enemies.

Sharkman: Aw, shucks. I missed you too, lol!

Kenta: Shut up!

Quint: There's no time, Kenta. The universe itself is at stake and everyone else I ran into was a sodding git.

Kenta: We're in a time machine Just go back to an earlier point and recruit someone else then! Why not find Classi? I miss her. Or Hadrian or -or ANYONE!

Quint: Time is relative, my friend. When the time stream itself is threatened there is no "earlier point," it all happens at once! We must go into the past and stop whoever from doing whatever it is they're doing!

Kenta: Baka.

Quint: Why must you be so disagreeable?

Sharkman: Dood. I know what you need. (Pulls out some clear bags with joints in them) Doobie snacks!!!


Kenta: No one will miss him. I guarantee it.

Eventually the team arrives in the past and Quint tracks the time distortions to their focal point somewhere in a city far away from Monsteropolis. It's a bright and sunny day, but they're in a bad and poorly maintained neighbourhood.

Kenta: Explain to me how exactly we're finding these distortions.

Quint: The Time Skimmer is able to track down distortions to an approximation of where they originate.

Kenta: And when we fix them, these distortions should dissipate?

Quint: Yes.

Kenta: Then how did you track them in the first place? I thought time happened all at once, so these distortions should disappear and we should never be able to detect them in order to track them in the first place!

Sharkman: Whoa! You just blew my mind. Hey, wait a minute. I recognize that joint... (Sharkman stares intently at the joint in his hand.) ...Yeaahhh, it's the one I'm smoking now, that's where I know it from... (Looks up at the surrounding scenery.) Hey, wait a minute. I recognize THAT joint.

Kenta: What? Have you found our distortion?

(Sharkman dashes off to what he's seen.)

Sharkman: It's a Blockbuster video! This was da bomb, yo!

Quint: Really!?

Sharkman: Really. Me an my bros used to spend so much time here! We always browsed through the movie aisle, renting out things on a whim. Aw, I miss these things. Whadya say we blow this mission off and rent Police Academy?

Quint: You're serious, aren't you?


Sharkman: Dood, Blockbuster was the shit! Netflicks is like ... lol, wut? I mean .... like who can use that complicated thing, amirite? And you don't get what you pay for! People will always want, like, the CD it came with. And it can double as a coaster!

Kenta: I told you we should have gone back for Classi.

Quint: Now listen here! We have serious work to do and we can't waste time loitering -

(Three familiar figures stroll leisurely out of the Blockbuster...)

Artilleryman: Aw, it's all in good fun. I mean, Netflicks is alright, but I still want the physical copy on my shelf. Plus I'm really into special editions and cool box sets and you can't get that on Netflicks. Right, Bizarro?

Bizarro Shadowman: Wrong, my enemy! And me am total expert in knowing what Netflick is.

Clawman: At least you didn't rent out those VHS tapes ...

Quint: ...

Kenta: ...

Artilleryman: ...

Sharkman: DOOD! Bizarro, I thought you died!

(Sharkman hugs Bizarro tightly.)

Bizarro Shadowman: uh...

Sharkman: You! I never told you how awesome you are!! Aw man, the guys will be stoked that you're still around!

Clawman: Hey! Hands off our newest recruit!

(Clawman tears Sharkman off Bizarro and shoves him angrily to the side.)

Bizarro Shadowman: Wow! Me love over-affectionate friend. Me always hang out and have good times with Sharkman.

Sharkman: Dood, that's right! Like the time we... erm ... and that other time ... ehhh ...

Artilleryman: He's speaks in the opposite, you skeev. You were never even close!

Kenta: And this is the past. Bizarro is long dead!

Bizarro Shadowman: Me are?


Artilleryman: We're your new team, Bizarro! The Evil Eight REBORN!

Clawman: That's right, these jerks just want to make sure you meet certain death.

Sharkman: Ah HAH! You morons, Bizarro Shadowman didn't die. He's right there!

Kenta: Urusai!


Kenta: What are you people even doing here?

Artilleryman: Oh, what? Like you guys aren't nostalgic for Blockbuster Video too?

Sharkman: Yo, see!? I knew it, I'm not the only one. These guys called me stupid!

Clawman: Both of you are idiots.

Bizarro Shadowman: Me never wanted to go too.

Clawman: *sigh*

Kenta: I will crush the both of you immediately and end this farce!

(Kenta exerts his great power and Artilleryman, Bizarro, and Clawman go flying into the wall of a nearby building. Artillery lets loose with his Electro Net, stunning the magnetic Robot Master.)

Kenta: Uryahh!

Artilleryman: Thought you could pull a fast one on us, Mech? I don't think so!

(Clawman follows up with his Raging X attack, slicing away at the stunned Magnetman while Bizarro throws Shadow Blades at Quint, who struggles to dodge.)

Clawman: We should scram. The mission's complete.

Artilleryman: Too right! Bizarro! Let's bounce!

Bizarro Shadowman: Hello!

(The three leave as Sharkman helps Kenta to his feet.)

Kenta: What was that!?

Sharkman: Wut wuz wut?

Quint: Why didn't you help?

Sharkman: Oh. OH! I just sorta spaced, dood. It was nice seeing Bizarro again. I missed him.

Kenta: AGH! What!? You must take this seriously!

(A strange duo then come out from the Blockbuster...)

Sparkman?: I mean, you can't find these tapes anymore, so it's not a total loss, but I told you, you didn't calibrate this correctly. Of all the times and all the places you could have set it you set it for - uh oh.

Hardman?: And I told you I - eh?

Sharkman: Hard!? Spark!? Sick threads, dood!

Kenta: And who are you supposed to be, exactly!?

Sparkman?: We're, uh ...

Hardman?: We're Gamma's Disciples. You don't know us.

Quint: Wait, that can't be right. I knew Gamma's Disciples -

Hardman?: Oh, it's right! We took over the name with them gone. We're it.

Sparkman?: And what are YOU doing here? I thought the Sinister Six had disbanded.

Sharkman: Dood, you just blew my mind.

Quint: He's, uh ... part of Gila's Gladiators. He's ... new. You don't know him.

Kenta: And I am part of, uh, the Three Team. You also don't know us.


Hardman?: Well, I believe you.

Kenta: I believe you too.

Quint: So we all believe each other, then. Good!

Sharkman: Yeah good!

Kenta: Excellent.

Hardman?: Just stay out of our hair.

Sharkman: Only if you stay out of OUR hair!

Quint: Come on. We can use the Time Skimmer to get a bead on Artillery and his friends.

(The trio retreats to Quint's time machine and Quint uses the controls to track down the fleeing members of the Evil Eight using their energy signatures.)

Quint: We can still track them if ... Sharkman!?

Sharkman: Wut? Oh, man I feel so weird. It must be that primo weed I got from Plantman.

Kenta: What!?

Sharkman: It was made under, you know, a red sun lamp and it got Superman really, really high. So I must be, like, super high! Hee hee hee!

Quint: Oh no. Nonononono.

Kenta: This is exactly what I've been saying! This fool is overconfident!

Quint: I mean ... wait, what?

Kenta: His shameful display is because he is overconfident of victory. Pull yourself together!

Sharkman: I'm ... apart?

Quint: You don't see it? Sharkman's been altered! The timeline's changed!

Sharkman: No, you're changed. I'm the same as I always was.

Kenta: Unfortunately so.

Quint: No, he's not. Time's been altered and both of you have been affected. But that means I can calculate where the alteration comes from and ... I have it! We're in luck, it's happening as we speak!

Kenta: How can it happen "as we speak" if you say Sharkman has already been changed?

Quint: You've got to think four-dimensionally! If an event is very likely to occur, ripple effects can start to happen even before the actual change happens. Right now Sharkman's timeline is in imminent threat and we're already witnessing the changes.

Sharkman: Exactly. lol, wut?

Quint: It doesn't matter. It seems we're being brought to some kind of stadium ...It seems to be broadcasting something ...

Gauntlet: Yo all! This is Gauntlet.

Needlegal: And this is his spectacular sis, Needlegal.

Gauntlet: And on this episode of Big Battles we're joined today -

Torchman: It is I, you meddlesome fool! TORCHMAN!!!!!!!

Needlegal: (Whispering) Uh, why are we doing this again after so long? With him?

Gauntlet: (Whispering) I just want to try to bury the hatchet now that his team's abandoned him.* If we don't even try then he could come back to pester us forever!

(*Back in Series 2's It's a party in my mouth - and everyone's invited!)

Needlegal: (Whispering) Nobody would do that! Nobody's that obsessed! Nobody but you, anyway.

Gauntlet: (Whispering) It'll be good practise for the X-Force Live stint we plan to do. And I've had these guys lined up for a long time - this is a thing that's happening!

Torchman: Today we - but mostly I - am broadcasting to you live from the Thunderdrome in Bartertown! It's a wretched, miserable place fit for scum like my two co-hosts.

Needlegal: I hate you.

Torchman: The feeling is mutual, Mech. For my fans at home, who are no doubt watching, our contestants are fighting a cage match with no holds barred and no mercy!

Gauntlet: That's a slight exaggeration.

Torchman: Welcome to a new edition of Thunderdrome! When we fight, we do so here! Two men enter. One man leaves.

Needlegal: Or in this case ... team!

Crowd: Two men enter, one man leaves. Two men enter, one man leaves. Two men enter, one man leaves. Two men enter, one man leaves. Two men enter, one man leaves. Two men enter, one man leaves. Two men enter, one man leaves. Two men enter, one man leaves.

Needlegal: Or team!

Torchman: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls ... dying time is here.

♫Ginyu Force rules! Ginyu Force rules!♫

Recoome: I'm ... RECOOME!


Burter: I am ... BURTER!


Jeice: YOW! I'm JEICE!!


Guldo: GULDO!!

♫Ginyu Force rules! Ginyu Force rules! Ginyu Force rules! Ginyu Force rules!

Captain Ginyu: GINYU!

Recoome: Five!

Jeice: At!

Burter: Once!

Guldo: To!

Captain Ginyu: Gether!



(Roses appear in the background as the crowd cheers.)

Gauntlet: They -

Torchman: Are the enforcers to their Lord Frieza's will! They are feared throughout the galaxy! They are ... THE GINYU FORCE!

Needlegal: We gathered -

Torchman: Annnnnnnnnd their challengers!

(Electric guitar is heard playing throughout the stadium.)


Black Ranger: You think you're tough? Don't make me laugh!

Blue Ranger: Your performances were peculiar and preposterous!

Yellow Ranger: We're the real deal while you guys are pale imitations!

Pink Ranger: And nobody buys cheap knockoffs.

Red Ranger: We'll chew you up and spit you out! We are the ...

Power Rangers: POWER RANGERS!

Needlegal: Tee-

Torchman: Teenagers with attitude, these meddlesome fools fight for that goodie-good Zordon! Still, for some reason they win anyway, so give a warm Thunderdrome welcome to ... THE MIGHTY MORPHING POWER RANGERS!

Pink Ranger: That guy seems awfully familiar ...

Jeice: I'd like to get "familiar" with you, love. After the battle, would you care for a coffee or something?

Pink Ranger: What? Are you coming on to me?

Yellow Ranger: He's kinda cute, Kim. You should go for it.

Burter: Sounds like you've already won a prize, Jeice.

Blue Ranger: But Kim! They're evil!

Pink Ranger: We'll just have to beat the evil right outta them.

Gauntlet: That's the spirit! And on band we have -


Gauntlet: (Glares at Torchman) We have Geminiman, Sparkman, and Darkman's Robot Warriors' Gyroman together again for the first time! They topped the charts for Dr. Wily and now they'll top your hearts - COLD STEEL!!


(Cold Steel begins to play a rockin' tune.)

Black Ranger: I've got this!

Needlegal: The -

Torchman: Black Ranger has started to dance and - wait. This is a dance off!?

Needlegal: We tried to tell you!

Torchman: Of all the lame ... so nobody's going to die!?

Gauntlet: No! We kept -

Torchman: This is a travesty to the Thunderdrome! A travesty!

Crowd: Boooooo!

Needlegal: Oh "boo" yourself!

Captain Ginyu: You're good, but you're not Ginyu Force good! Jeice!

Jeice: Right, Cap'n!

Needlegal: Jeice is now going head to head with the Black Ranger! He -

Torchman: Nobody cares! Do we!?

Crowd: Booooooooo!

Red Ranger: What's with this crowd!?

Recoome: Maybe they need some powerful moves from Recooooooooooooooome!

(Recoome starts to ballet dance.)

Yellow Ranger: I won't let you upstage Zack!

(Trini starts to dance somewhat well.)



(Cold Steel continues to play, but looks nervous as the crowd starts fighting.)

Gauntlet: God damn you, Torchman!

Torchman: RIOT! RIOT!!

Needlegal: This is the worst instalment of Big Battles ever!

Guldo: Should we start fighting, Captain?

Captain Ginyu: No! For the glory of Lord Frieza and our own pride we have to establish our dominance in choreography! We will serve these amateurs AS A TEAM!

(The Ginyu Force start dancing all together.)

Blue Ranger: Hey, those guys are pretty good.

Red Ranger: But we have more POWER! BRING IT, TEAM!

(The Power Rangers dance all together.)

Torchman: Let your voices be heard, audience! Call for blood!

(Chimeraman crashes through the Thunderdrome and tackles Torchman.)

Chimeraman: I'LL GIVE YOU BLOOD!

Torchman: Who the devil are you!?

Chimeraman: Someone who plans to give the audience what they want!!

Gauntlet: This has gone totally nuts!

Needlegal: And a dance competition!?

Gauntlet: Okay, I thought it'd be a good match up, but it was lame. Who wants to cheer on a bunch of guys doing lame-ass poses? Not me!

Needlegal: You wouldn't catch me dead doing anything like that - ever! So do we help Torch?

Gauntlet: Help that jerk!? Let's just get outta here and try to forget we ever tried!

(Chimeraman spews corrosive green flame at a surprised Torchman.)

Torchman: You use flame against me? You DARE!?

Chimeraman: Grrrr....

Torchman: You look mighty, but looks are deceiving! For none are mightier than the original flame robot! Yes, that is I - TORCHMAN! And no flame attack is more worthy of one such as I than my TORCH ARM!

(Chimera takes the attack head-on and deals out blow after blow with his claws.)

Blue Ranger: Should we try to help that guy?

Red Ranger: Help him? That jerk was heckling us the whole time. Besides, we have our own fight.

Captain Ginyu: I admire that concentration! Men! Show them who has the best choreography!

Ginyu Force: RIGHT!!

(The Power Rangers and Ginyu Force continue their dance-off, even though they're surrounded by fighting, the music has stopped, and no one is even paying attention.)

Cleaveman: (After hopping closer to the fighting arena.) Chimera! The Mechs were here and you flew right past them!

Chimeraman: I didn't see 'em, just this windbag.

Torchman: I don't know who you are or who you think you're dealing with, but my bag is full of righteousness and fury! A fury that will -

Cleaveman: Seriously!? They were right there!

Chimeraman: I saw a round ... thing and some guy dressed in red and black: I don't know who you're talking about -

Cleaveman: THAT WAS THEM! Didn't you recognize -

Chimeraman: SHUT UP! I'm teaching this loser a retroactive lesson in humility! And after I'm done with him, I'll move on to the rest of them!

(Torchman tries to dodge, but Chimeraman is too fast. With serpentine speed he dodges Torchman's attacks and rams him into the cage's wall.)

Torchman: ACK! If - if you strike me down, I will rise more powerful than -

Chimeraman: (Grabs a hold of Torchman's neck) Oh, I am so enjoying this. I know you don't know who I am or what you've done to earn this. In fact, you haven't even earned this beat down yet - that war's years away from now. I don't care.

Cleaveman: Chimera? We're going beyond a little payback. I think you're actually going to change time here.

Chimeraman: I don't care, Cleave. Him and his have this coming.

Torchman: I - ack! Like a phoenix I will rise form my own ashes! I will ... I will ...

Chimeraman: I know about the backups, Torch. I know where you keep them. You won't always have them, but you do right now and I'll break them, your pals, even Crorq down and end all of you.

(From out of nowhere a large steel beam crashes on top of Chimera.)

Kenta: You are truly mad to play so recklessly with time, beast!

Chimeraman: Magnet!

Torchman: Magnet? *cough* Where!?

Kenta: Enough out of you. (Kenta drops another beam on the injured robot, knocking him out.)

Chimeraman: I've been itchin' to tear into a Mech!

(Chimera drives at Kenta who barely has enough time to put up a barrier. In the meantime, Sharkman is fading away...)

Quint: Not good!

Sharkman: This feels like that time I had shrooms, man. I feel like I'm floating on air!

Quint: Kenta will lose. This is happening because he can't defeat Chimera on his own. I have to help!

(Quint leaves and Sharkman gets desperate.)

Sharkman: Yo, dude, this is wack! There has to be some doodad somewhere that can fix me.

(Sharkman desperately stumbles around the Time Skimmer until he stops before a large panel.)

Sharkman: I think I can feel something here. It kinda sucks. Like a strong cup of coffee getting you off a really great trip. But sometimes you need that coffee, yo.



Chimeraman: What?

Quint: I am the gathering storm! I am the one the darkness fears. When those who would do harm to this world hear my name, they quake in fear. They call me Quint! And I say - YEOWCH!

(Cleaveman had stuck his pickax in Quint's foot. Quint is jumping up and down trying to avoid the Met's attacks.)

Cleaveman: I got this guy covered. Gut that Mech!

Chimeraman: (Hissing with glee) With pleasure!

(Chimera breathes chemically treated fire at Kenta who cannot repel such an attack.)

Kenta: ACK! You are ... formidable.

(Chimera tries to pummel Kenta with his strength, but the robot master gains control and pushes the beast back.)

Chimeraman: You can't stop me, Mech. Not alone.

Quint: He's not alone! YOW! Stop picking at my shins!

Cleaveman: MAKE ME!

(Quint summons his Sakugarne and attacks Cleave, but ...)

Quint: Bollox!

Cleaveman: AH HAH! Met hat's good for just about anything!

(Kenta finally relents and Chimera flies in for the kill.)

Chimeraman: I'm going to enjoy this!

(Form out of the ground Sharkman bursts into the scene taking a bite out of Chimera.)

Sharkman: BONG, boy!

Chimeraman: What the crap!?

Kenta: Chansu!!

(Kenta grabs shrapnel from the ground and hurls it at Chimeraman with precision, tearing into the enemy robot while missing Sharkman ... mostly.)

Sharkman: Dood! I am on your side!

Kenta: It is time I finish this!

(Kenta grabs a hold of metal objects in the room and buries Chimera under tons of steel.)

Cleaveman: CHIMERA!!

Kenta: (Whirling to Cleave) And now for you, little pest.

(Chimera bursts from the rubble.)

Chimeraman: You HURT me, Mech! That actually hurt!

(Chimera looks at Kenta and then to Torchman and to Sharkman.)

Chimeraman: You know what? Screw this!

(With a roar Chimera flies in a circle and grabs Cleave. They leave as Kenta shouts a string of curses while throwing pieces of metal at their fleeing forms.)

Sharkman: Yeah, you better run!

Quint: Sharkman! You ... you should have been fading away.

Sharkman: Nah, I got that. I just -

Quint: You looked into the Heart of the Time Skimmer! And breached the Flux Capacitor and absorbed large amounts of chronal energy. I can't believe you survived all that!

Sharkman: Aw, it was nothing.

Kenta: Don't celebrate yet. They still have that bizarre creature and are all still in the past.

Quint: And there's the matter of how they got here.

Kenta: Enough talk! Let us track them down and eliminate their treat.

Quint: Kenta, we've talked about your level of violence before.

(At Skull Castle, Omniman and Golemman are confronted at the gate by Omniman's past self...)

Omniman: I can't believe this!! This was supposed to be a return to my glory years! This was supposed to be all I had dreamed and more! Since when was I ... such a stubborn ass!?

Omniman: The gall of you. Thinking you could convince me of any of that absurd story.

Omniman: I AM YOU!! FROM THE FUTURE!! I've already answered any question only I could.

Omniman: And you ruin it by telling lie after filthy lie. We lose our prestige to some kind of "Rescue Force?" That there will be some kind of large scale war perpetrated by "General Cutman?" That's ridiculous! I know Cutman and he's no general. He's a lumberjack turned superhero! He'd never turn heel like that. It's just ridiculous to think he could ever turn into that. And he kills Wily on top of it all!? What kind of idiot do you take me for?

Omniman: No, it happened! You - you frustrating fool!!

Omniman: I don't need to listen to this from some kind of me wannabe. Away with you! And never return! And stop wearing some low grade version of my design: you cannot improve upon the perfection that Wily has created for me, so don't even try!

(The past Omniman slams the door on his future self.)

Omniman: I can't believe he did that!!

Golemman: Don't be sad, friend Omni. Still have Golem.

Omniman: Yes, but even so. This has been a disaster! Was I ever as stubborn as that? You'd think I'd have remembered.

Spin Woman: Aw. But it was a long time ago, wasn't it? v(=∩_∩=)フ

Omniman: Yes, I - I suppose it was. I think I just sort of ... immediately disregarded everything I didn't want to hear. But I'm not like that at all!

Golemman: Uh ...

(Receiving a signal that Omniman was finished with his errand, the other Evil Eight members teleport in.)

Artilleryman: So, all done?

Omniman: Yes, and it was a disaster.

Chimeraman: My mission was too.

Cleaveman: I keep trying to tell you. The fact that we're here is all proof of that. If you had succeeded, then our team would have never broken up before and Torch wouldn't have been alive and -

Omniman: Oh, shut up! It would have worked if only my past self wasn't so stubborn!

Cleaveman: Yeah, if only your past self wasn't so stubborn.

Artilleryman: My mission was a success. Bizarro's all fired up to join our team in the present day.

Bizarro Shadowman: Me make no difference!

Spin Woman: Yipee! We'll be such good friends! ( ^▽^)σ)~O~)

Clawman: Yeah, it'll be a rainbow of friendship. But we'd better scram before Quint, Shark, and old Magnetman get here.

Spin Woman: Uh, Sharkie's here? (´・◡・`:)

Sharkman: WAVE!?

Quint: There you are! Do you have any idea what you people are playing at!? The kind of damage you could cause!? You are messing with forces you cannot hope to understand!

Omniman: Like anyone cares what you say. You're not the boss of OMNIMAN!!!

Chimeraman: Yeah, that's right!

Bizarro Shadowman: Me surrender!

(Bizarro unleashes several Shadow Blades, commencing the attack.)

Kenta: Your foolishness could doom us all.

(Kenta unleashes a torrent of metal projectiles against their foes.)

Cleaveman: YEOW! (hides)

Spin Woman: Ahhhhh!!!

Sharkman: Wave! You disappeared ... yo, you joined the Evil Eight!?

Spin Woman: Uh, yes. (*pωq*)

Sharkman: But ... why!?

Spin Woman: Well ... Torchie killed Megaman! And he was a great hero!! 〴⋋_⋌〵

Sharkman: He did!?

Spin Woman: Yeah!! He said so anyway and, well, Megaman is gone isn't he!? o(╥﹏╥)o

Quint: (While trying to hit anything at all with the Sakugarne) Uh, yes. Yes, he's gone forever.

Spin Woman: Well, there you go! I can't be on a team with people who kill such a great hero! ヽ(o`皿′o)ノ

Sharkman: Dood, I think he was lying...

Spin Woman: No! Torchie never lies! He says so! (◣_◢)

Sharkman: Uhhh ....

Spin Woman: And now you face the wrath of the NEW SPIN WOMAN! ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

(Spin Woman lifts her arms out and turns around and around ... and falls flat on her butt.)

Spin Woman: So ... dizzy! @_@

Sharkman: Aw, dood. You left the team for real? Can't we still be pals?

Spin Woman: NAO!! So ... ANGRY at you guys!!   ˇ︿ˇ

Sharkman: Aw ... but ...

Spin Woman: I'll hit you when ... the world stops spinning around so much ... أ ̯ أ

(As Sharkman looks on he sees Kenta vastly outgunned despite Spin Woman's complete ineffectiveness. One by one the Evil Eight pepper him with various attack as Cleaveman keeps Quint occupied.)

Kenta: You COWARDS! Face me one on one!

Omniman: Maybe we should ... it would be honourable.

Artilleryman: Screw honour and this asshole! You're part of my crew now and that means we play this smart!

Chimeraman: Now yer talking!

Quint: You! You'd best watch out!

(Quint tries to land on the Evil Eight, but they each duck out of the way while Cleaveman chases him around with his pickax in the air.)

Cleaveman: I'm useful!!! I'm actually useful!!

(Bizarro Shadowman pries Kenta's fingers free as he adapts to his magnetic attacks thanks to the Borg technology integrated within his fractured systems.)

Kenta: How!?

Bizarro Shadowman: Me LOSE!

Sharkman: I know the answer to this problem. (Sharkman lifts up two large plastic bags filled with joints) SOKE 'EM UP, DOOD! Whadya say we forget this fighting nonsense and smoke us a peace pipe, peeps?

(Chimeraman takes a moment to fire bursts of blue flame at Sharkman's peace offerings.)

Sharkman: YEOW!

Chimeraman: AH HAH HAH HAH HAH! Peace goes up in smoke, "peep"!

Sharkman: Ah, dood. No weed? What am I gonna do now!? No weed ... no hope!

Kenta: Kh-Kieusero!

Quint: Damn it, Sharkman, you don't need weed to come on in here and help!

Sharkman: I ...

(Sharkman stares in disbelief as Bizarro continues to hammer away at Kenta with Omniman, Chimeraman, and Clawman laughing at his misery.)

Artilleryman: Gotta say, even though I don't hold much of a grudge against you and yours, this is rich seeing you like this.

Omniman: Well, I hold a grudge!

Chimeraman: Me too!

Clawman: I haven't had many dealings with this Magnet, so ... you know ...

Golemman: Mech ... BAD!!!

Kenta: (While blindly shielding himself from various attacks) Ahhhh!!!

Sharkman: NO! I don't need weed to do everything! Clint and Ponchoman need my help. If I don't do nuthin' time'll get messed up! And who knows what that'll mean for my peeps? I gots me some power from the Time Tripper. And I'M GUNNA USE IT!

(Sharkman digs deep ... deeper than he ever has before. In a burst of light, Sharkman calls forth a host of his prior selves.)

Sharkman: Yo man, this be the Shark Squad!

Sharkman: For realz! ATTACK, DAWGZ!

(The Sharkmen divide up and begin to attack the stunned Evil Eight.)

Omniman: What madness is this!?

Sharkman.EXE: The best kind of madness, dawg! NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

(Chimeraman flies high ... only to be attacked from the air!)

Sharkplane: Sharks on a plane, yo!

Chimeraman: What in the fuck!? Since when were you a goddamn PLANE!?

Sharkplane: It was a gift from our pal, Galvatron.

Chimeraman: Galvatron!? Wait ... you actually answered that with some kind of articulation!?

Sharkplane: Why wouldn't I?

Artilleryman: This has gone totally sideways!

(Another Sharkman pummels Cleaveman.)

Bizarro Sharkman: B-braaaaaiiiiiiins....

Cleaveman: What in the world!?

(Clawman dodges orange constructs.)

Clawman: Where in the hell did this power come from!?

Sharkman OL: It's a looooooooong story, brah.

Wily: (Leans out of one of the castle's windows.) What in blazes is all the racket out here!? (Looks down at the battle unfolding in his driveway, then with a heavy-lidded expression, slowly backs away and closes the window.)

Omniman: Fight them, Golem!

Golemman: Trying, but Shark slippery as snake!

Sharkman: Dood, don't compare me to that lousy lookalike.

Omniman: You can't best me! These are my glory days! I WILL FIGHT AND I WILL SUCCEED!

Bizarro Shadowman: Me never help you win!

(Bizarro fends off Shark Boomerangs while throwing Shadow Blades at the Sharks in his vicinity.)

Kenta: What is this ... madness!?

Quint: Sharkman really did it. He gazed into the Eye of the Time Skimmer. He looked upon infinity itself. The time vortex opened up to him. Only a precious few could come through it without harm. It's something of a rite of passage for some. To gaze upon eternity. It puts everything into perspective. You feel the vastness of time and know your place. It makes you feel small and yet ... it's a rare gift. One never walks away unchanged.


Sharkman OL: I like the way you think, normal me!

(Orange Lantern Sharkman creates a bag full of weed in the main Sharkman's hand. Sharkman then shoves it down Bizarro's throat and the Orange Lantern Sharkman swoops in to light it all up.)


Bizarro Shadowman: ACK! HACK!!! GAHHH!!!!!

Sharkman: Dood, that must be one killer high.

Clawman: He's choking to death, you idiot!

(Bizarro Shadowman stumbles about with his hands clutching at his throat, his mouth billowing with smoke.)

Sharkman.EXE: Naw man, he's just really high.

Omniman: No amount of weed will stop me.

Golemman: OR GOLEM!

Bizarro Sharkman: Me eat .... BRAINS ...

Sharkman: Yeah, Bizarro me we need to use our BRAINS to come up with a new attack.

Sharkman.EXE: Dat's right!


(The Sharkmen converge upon Sharkman.EXE, who emits a whirlwind thanks to a battlechip. They spin around and around on land and in the air, attacking everything faster than one can react to.)


Chimeraman: (While failing to fend off attacks) Of ... all .. the .. ridiculous .. !

Omniman: No! This is ... my golden age! I can't be beaten! Not here! Not now!

Kenta: *huff huff* Yes. You can be beaten. Here and now!

(Kenta adds a whirlwind of debris to the Sharknado, cutting through the Evil Eight. In no time, the team has been beaten. Quint secures them with Stasis Cuffs and the group ventures inside the Time Skimmer...)

Kenta: So what shall we do with them?

Quint: Dump them at home, I guess.

Kenta: Catch and release!?

Quint: I know this place is large, but there is no actual dungeon here.

Kenta: That is why you lose! You treat everything so casually!

Quint: It's not like we can charge them with a crime and give them to the cops or something. And without their own Time Skimmer they can't cause any more trouble.

Kenta: It bothers me that we found nothing and they didn't seem to know how they even got a time machine. They seemed to accept it without thinking.

Quint: It bothers me as well.

Sharkman: Aw, don't ruin a good thing, boys. We won! An' that's enough.

Quint: And let me guess. Time to celebrate by getting really high.

Sharkman: ... for the first time, like, ever. Nah.

Quint: NAH!?

Sharkman: Yeah, nah. I think, you know what? I think I actually don't need the weed.

Kenta: Masaka!?

Sharkman: I keep using weed to solve all my problems. And I mean sure, it got Bizarro really high, but it didn't solve any of my other problems. I think it's time ... to just let me be me, you know? Which is why I'll get high on life from now on.

Quint: Sharkman ... I'm proud of you! This is truly a turning point for you, Sharkman. I'm not sure what lies ahead for you, bit without that drug fogging your mind and holding you down, I can tell you this: I can't wait to find out!

Sharkman: And then I'll cure cancer and save the world, lol! WEED 4 LIFE, YO!!!

Kenta: Meiwakuyo.

(Quint drops Sharkman off and flies off with Kenta. Sharkman is at a large party at Walkman's bar.)


(A weird version of Needlegal plays on stage with odd duplicates of Gemini and Sparkman).


Torchman: Sharkman! There you are. Where have you been?

Sharkman: Ah, you wouldn't believe me. What's happening?

Blademan: Celebrating! Oilman totally won the poker tournament!

Oilman: (Puffs up like a peacock) The others were so busy sabotaging each other that I crept up from behind.

Torchman: Indeed. What a sight to behold! What an upset! Once more the Sinister Six are heroes to the Underground ... and mayhap even the world! For none other could conquer such as we. None other could defy all odds. When Magicman produced four aces, we produced FIVE! When Flashman produced a Royal Flush, we produced one OF THE SAME SUIT! We are mighty! And powerful!

Waveman: (Walking towards the group) Uh, yeah. I was real happy for you guys.

Torchman: Waterman!?

Waveman: Aw, you guys, I'm not Waterman.

Bitman: What's he doin' here!?

Sharkman: I, uh, kinda invited him back.

Bitman: You did WHAT!?

Blademan: Hey!

Waveman: I'll go..............................................................

Sharkman: No, you stay. Look, guys? Waveman is one of us. He may be depressing. And weak. And lazy. And a loser.

Waveman: Awwwwwwww...................................................

Sharkman: But he's one of us, yo! That's something Wave Woman just wasn't. And like, she's gone.

Blademan: She might come back! I mean, she left without saying a word, but - !

Sharkman: She's gone, bro! For some reason she thinks Torch killed Megaman.

Torchman: I did kill Megaman! Those meddlesome Mechs stole that from me - from US! They will rue the day they crossed true power. And they will know it. And they will rue it.

Oilman: I know she took Torchman's hot air to heart, but she can't have really ...

Torchman: I do not have hot air! I make air boil as a true inferno should. I make it scalding and scorching and simmering with my righteousness.

Bitman: Uh-HUH. But .... really, Shark?

Sharkman: Really. Come on, guys. It's time to get the team back together. She was nice to hang around with, but she wasn't one of us. She didn't, like, go through all the crap we did. She never fought the man with us. But Waveman, for all his shit, did. And he's still right here.

Waveman: I literally have no other place to go.


Oilman: Sharkman, that was uncharacteristically moving.

Sharkman: I know, right? I gotta get really fucking high.

Blademan: Now yer talkin' my language!

Torchman: You know, Sharkman ... I believe you are right.

Sharkman: I am!?

Oilman: Someone other than you gets to be right!?

Torchman: I must admit, I have ... missed Waterman at our table.

Oilman: I think he's Waveman again, genius.

Torchman: We may have had our differences, but TRUE friends stand by each other in the darkness. And .... we fell short of that, Water.

Oilman: Again, it's Wave.

Torchman: Do you accept us back into your heart?

Waveman: Oh! Oh! You guys want me back on the team! I - I'm so happy! I have to post this on my MySpace page! I - I - I -

(Waveman starts crying out of sheer joy.)

Waveman: I - I - I - I'm so ha-ha-ha-ha-py!

Torchman: ... damn it, Wat- no. Damn it, Waveman.

Waveman: Awwwwww, you guys!

(Torchman sidesteps an attempted hug. Each Sinister Six member in turn dances around Wave as he tries to hug all of them.)

Sharkman: Come on, Wave! Time to make those tears go up in smoke!

Waveman: Do I have to?

Bitman: Heh. I guess this counts as a happy ending. I kinda missed you too you sappy, whiny, moron.


Sparkman: And now, this is for all you lovers out there.

(The band plays a familiar tune as a rock cover...)

Needle Woman: ♫Earth Angel, Earth Angel ...♫

Needlegal: For some reason that band gives me the creeps.

Shadowman: Another Mega Man 3 wannabe team ... AND they stole our Gamma's Disciples name!

Hardman: We stole that, remember?

Shadowman: Sure, from ourselves! These jokers stole it from us. We have dealt with this crap our whole friggin' lives!

Sparkman: Not me. I'm new.

Snakeman: Whatever. I just wanna drown my troubles in rye.

Magnetman: NOW yer talking.

Geminiman: Hey! Now that's unlike you. What happened to all that positivity you usually display?

Snakeman: *sigh* Well, I guess things turned out all right...

Shadowman: Things aren't worse off, anyway.

Needlegal: And we learned something too...

Sparkman: If we learned that Snakeman's shit at poker, I'm way ahead of you.

Snakeman: Awwwww ... shut up!

Needlegal: We learned that sometimes it doesn't take brains to win, it takes being unobserved. We were so focused on beating Bass, Magicman, and Flashman that we all neglected Oilman. Everyone thought they were being smart or clever, but in reality we were all just letting someone else win.

Shadowman: Right. Next time we cheat at the source: by stealing the prize before it's given away!

Geminiman: I'm not sure that'd work when we have literally nowhere else to go but here.

Topman: Well, until we do, we are ... The Mechanical Maniacs!

The End


Leon as .....
Raijin as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Ben as .....
    Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Sheriff (Kassidy) Mags as .....
Gauntlet as .....


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