By Gauntlet (Shadowman), and Geoff (Sparkman)
The Mechanical Maniacs. Friendless, with the world against them. Once they were the premier Megaman team of the world, saving everyone from other-dimensional tyrants, world eating robots, an army made up of clones based on a robot from the future, and more. Now they have been turned out of the robot police force and forced to ally themselves with one of their longtime enemies...
Shadowman: GONNA KILL HIM!
Needlegal: We know.
Shadowman: GONNA KILL HIM!
Needlegal: You've said that already!
Snakeman: Several times.
Geminiman: I've never seen him so angry.
Topman: What did you expect? Not only did we get smacked down by Crorq of all robots, but we also lost Spark Chan. I hope she's alright, wherever she is.
Shadowman: It was Trio! Not Crorq. Never Crorq. TRIO smacked us down! TRIO!!
Topman: Yeah, alright (like it makes a difference).
Shadowman: IT DOES!
Geminiman: We were all separated once. Maybe we'll meet up again.
Needlegal: She has Shoryu to look after. A life with the whole damned world against you isn't exactly the right place to raise a little girl robot.
Shadowman: Crorq. He beat us. THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT! He actually .... AGH!!
Expressman: Is he going to stop doing that any time soon? It's been two weeks!
Hardman: Are you gonna get us to the Wily Return Force any time soon?
Expressman: The Wily Return Force is the team I'm on. You mean the Wily Underground, where all us Wilybots hang out now.
Hardman: Like that isn't the most confusing thing ever.
Expressman: The short answer is that we'll be there soon. Your pals on the RPD disabled my teleporter; it's a long walk back to the underground, but we're nearly there. So hang tight, Mechs.
Shadowman: I'LL KILL HIM!
Expressman: AND RANT QUIETLY!
(Suddenly, several blaster shots fly by Expressman and the Mechs.)
Expressman: Come on, guys! It's just me!
(Torchman and the rest of the Sinister Six emerge from behind some rocks, their weapons trained on the Mechs and Expressman.)
Snakeman: Holy crap, they're still alive!
Torchman: THAT'S RIGHT, MECH! We are as eternal as the cosmos! You actually thought we'd be killed just because you crashed your spaceship into us? HAH! Maybe you'd be felled so easily, but we are not so weak. We are the alpha AND the omega! We are mighty! We are eternal! We are the one TRUE Sinister Six!!!!
Needlegal: And they haven't changed at all.
Shadowman: And now we have to deal with these guys. WHY ARE THEY STILL ALIVE WHILE WE'RE BEATEN BY THAT BLOATED YELLOW TWINKIE CRORQ!? WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD!?
Wave Woman: Oh, gosh, you're so angry Mr. Ninja. Here, have a cupcake. :)
(Wave Woman hands a flustered Shadow a cupcake).
Needlegal: Hey, wait, what?
Sharkman: Aw, Wave Woman! So kind, even to the damned Mechs.
Blademan: She's something special!
Wave Woman: We should all try to get along. ^_^
Torchman: Never mind that. Expressman! Why did you bring those detestable pieces of junk to the doorstep of our most hallowed ground?
Expressman: It's cool. Things have changed.
Torchman: It is not "cool". Those Mechs have harassed us for eons! You have no idea what they have done to us to earn our everlasting ire.
Wave Woman: Oh gosh. <_<
Bitman: You've got some 'splaining to do.
Needlegal: How'd you know we were here? We were hoping we could get a little closer before being caught.
Oilman: How could we not? We heard your brother a mile away.
Shadowman: THAT FAT TUB OF BUTTER MESSED WITH THE WRONG NINJA!
Expressman: ...You keep telling yourself that. Come on Torch, it's been a long walk, and I'm not in the mood for your shit, okay?
(Expressman tries to walk past Torch, but the rest of the Sinister Six shoot at his feet.)
Torchman: Too bad! These Mega Man 3 fakers will never be welcomed into the ranks of the Sinister Six.
Hardman: We wouldn't join your team for all of King Midas' gold.
Topman: And technically, we're not joining anybody's team, we're just laying low with -
Torchman: SAME THING!!
Expressman: This isn't really your call, guys.
Blademan: Oh yeah? None of you guys are in any shape to fight, and we got the drop on you! Looks like you're in our world now!
Sharkman: Ha! What do you noobz say to that?!
Needlegal: Look, I'm going out on a limb here when I say you guys aren't in much better shape than the rest of us, and that you could use any help you could get. And believe me, if there's anywhere else we could go, we'd be there right now. We're already swallowing our pride just going to you guys for help and that's after getting one-upped by Crorq-
Shadowman: THAT BUTTERBALL THINKS HE CAN ONE-UP ME?! I PRACTICALLY INVENTED THAT GAME!!
Needlegal: -Bottom line, as much as we hate to admit it, we need you as much as you need us.
Sinister Six: ... ... ... ...
Torchman: Team meeting.
(The Sinister Six all group together and whisper amongst themselves.)
Torchman: ... (turning back to the group) So, you've swallowed your pride, you say?
Snakeman: You have no idea.
Oilman: We'll be the judge of that. (snicker)
Geminiman: What do you mean by that...
Sharkman: You ain't getting away with the shit you put us through.
Needlegal: Guys, we were cops. We were just doing our job. And you were always going after us, not the other way around.
Torchman: So it was nothing personal for you!? Well, it sure was personal for us!
Wave Woman: Oh, gosh. :(
Magnetman: Now hold on there, partners. Can't we discuss this like civilized folk?
Torchman: SINISTER SIX! SUBDUE THESE TRESPASSERS!!
(The Mechs face off against he Mega Man 3 PC team. However, the Mechs are still greatly injured from their fight against the Scissor Army, Crorq, and Trio and are subdued by the Six and placed into a large cell).
Shadowman: THEY BEAT US! Fist Crorq and now them... I can't believe this is happening to us. We're better than this aren't we? I'LL KILL THEM!
Magnetman: Yeah, it's rough, I'll give you that. But look on the bright side.
Shadowman: There is no bright side. The only bright side will be -
Magnetman: We're alive for a reason. I don't think they intend to kill us outright or they'd have done so.
Topman: I noticed you didn't exactly fight as hard as you could.
Magnetman: Well, we are guests in their home, Tops. If we play this right we can work our way into their good graces. Maybe you guys should let me do most of the talking. We haven't really had the time to grind each others gears, so they might be predisposed to listening to reason if it came from me.
???: (from an adjacent cell) Reason? Those guys? Sure. And as long as you're dreaming, you might as well ask for a Mustang.
Needlegal: Who's that? Your voice rings a bell.
???: Yeah, you're the Mechs, right? Look, you guys have bigger problems than these jokers.
Barrageman: Unit Barrageman says enough talking! Prisoner units will no longer converse.
???: Bite me, Buttageman.
Barrageman: "Buttageman" does not compute.
(The door opens and Wave Woman and Sharkman come in.)
Wave Woman: We're all ready to go, sweeties. So let's get going. :)
Sharkman: It's time for your trial, doods.
Snakeman: I don't like where this is going.
(The Mechs are forced into a grand court chamber. The Sinister Six and Mega Man Dream Team are sitting in the jury box, while Torchman sits at the prosecutor's desk, wearing a powdered wig. Multi Man takes up the entire gallery while Doc Robot presides over the court as the judge.)
Shadowman: No!! NO! THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!!
(Shadow pulls out a few Shadow Blades but Magnet yanks them out of his hands with his magnetic powers)
Magnetman: Keep a lid on it, partner.
Hardman: Yeah, I'm with G. We've hit rock bottom here.
Torchman: Not yet, Mech, not yet. SOON, THOUGH! VERY SOON YOU'LL KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF THOSE WORDS AS YOUY'VE INFLICTED THEM UPON ME AND MY TEAMMATES!
Hardman: You're making even less sense than usual, Torch!
Torchman: Less sense LIKE A FOX!
Sharkman: You tell 'im, Torch!
Hardman: You-! That doesn't-! I'm the-! RRRAAAGHH!!
Magnetman: Easy, Ben, easy. Take deep breaths.
Quickman: You really think we'd just let bygones be bygones?! After all the humiliations you put us through-
Geminiman: More like asked for...
Quickman: - We all agree that we deserve justice!
Doc Robot: Yes! Master would not be so forgiving! We deserve to know whether or not you are sorry for all the trouble you caused him!
Hardman: We're not!
Topman: Yeah, do we actually have a shot at winning, or is this just for show?
(Expressman steps forward and takes a seat at their table, wearing a suit and a tie.)
Expressman: No worries, guys. I didn't save your bacon just to let you crash and burn now. Just let me do the talking from here on out, okay?
Needlegal: Wow. We actually get to have a defence?
Snakeman: And does it consist of more than just pleading guilty to whatever you're accusing us of?
Expressman: I'm just here to tell you what'll work best (which might involve pleading guilty to a thing or two, like being an impostor Mega Man 3 team).
(Shadowman nearly leaps over the railing towards Torchman, but Expressman and Magnetman hold him back.)
Shadowman: I'LL SOONER RIP MY OWN TONGUE OUT THAN PLEAD GUILTY TO YOU!! OR CRORQ!!
Geminiman: Yeah, this looks like a huge spectacle to me.
Expressman: Look at it this way, we can't quite make up our minds as to whether or not we should let you stay. On one hand, you guys are an asset. But on the other hand, you've caused us nothing but trouble, and now the shoe is on the other foot. This gives us the best of both worlds.
Oilman: No one's forcing you to play along, Mechs. You're free to walk out any time you like. How badly do you want to stay here?
Expressman: I'd play along, guys. This is gonna happen whether you like it or not.
Magnetman: ...You got us there, pard.
Shadowman: YOU DON'T SPEAK FOR US!!
Magnetman: Boss, I ain't any happier 'bout this than you are. But if y'all know where else we can lay low, feel free to chime in!
Needlegal: And inside Crorq's dead, hollowed out corpse is not an answer.
Shadowman: ...Says you....
(Shadow and Hard grumble under their breath as they take their seat.)
Doc Robot: So they're ready? Oh, goodie! I've always wanted to play judge!
Torchman: I would've waited an eternity for this moment! For your vicious, dastardly, and underhanded tactics against us, the AMAZING Sinister Six, I sentence you to-
Doc Robot: Hold on there. You can't pronounce the verdict. That's my job! I'm the judge.
Torchman: But you haven't suffered through them the way I have! It's only fair that I decide their miserable fates!
Oilman: We told you before you idiot, that's not how it works. Either you pass sentence, or make the accusations. You can't do both.
Torchman: I don't believe this! You're acting as though you want to give them a chance! Am I wearing this wig for nothing?!
Doc Robot: I'm the judge, ME! As the leader of the Wily Return Force it's my duty to run the Underground as our glorious master would have wanted. Oh, Wily! You'll be so proud of me when you come back.
Torchman: Erm, I'm sure Wily would be proud, but I - the glorious Torchman -
Doc Robot: Just call your first witness. We can do this without you.
Torchman: ....I'm still keeping the wig.
(Torchman mutters under his breath as he motions Barrageman to bring in his first witness.)
Artilleryman: Hey, guys. Been a while. Heard that Holzenbein made the council. Tough break.
Artilleryman: Hang in there, guys. Life gets better.
Geminiman: Thanks, Artillery.
Torchman: Artilleryman, we all know you've worked both sides of the fence as part of your chosen occupation.
Torchman: Is it true that in private conversations, the Mechs have confessed to actually NOT being the first Mega Man 3 team?
Artilleryman: Oh, yeah.
The Mechs: WHAT!?
Artilleryman: They're just so damned jealous of you guys that - look, I know it was a private conversation Mechs, but I'm under oath here - that they just concocted a bunch of filthy lies that you guys were just some made up mash-ups of previous robot masters. I mean it's so obvious that Snakeman and Geminiman were based off Sharkman I don't see how anyone could argue otherwise, but they try. They used their access as police officers to change virtually all records of history, but it's true that the real Mega Man 3 was for the PC.
The Mechs: WHAT!?
Magnetman: (whispering) Just keep it together, guys. We all know Artillery's a mercenary; they paid him off and coached him - pretty obviously.
Expressman: (whispering) Yeah, don't let him get to you.
Artilleryman: Oh, and I have personally overheard that Magnetman is a copy of you. Only that you are, in everyone's opinion, much more handsome, skilled, intelligent, charismatic, better dressed, and far, FAR more powerful, and that everyone thinks that having a magnet glued to your head is stupid and obvious.
Magnetman: Oh, now you're going too far, slick!
Artilleryman: (barely suppressing his laughter) Hey, I'm just telling the truth! You told me yourself that you aren't half the fighter - or the man - that Torch is.
Magnetman: I'm not half the man that prat is!?
Torchman: OBJECTION! Get your client under control, Express!
Doc Robot: SUSTAINED! (bangs his gavel excessively, delighted at the sound.)
Torchman: Now, do go on.
(Ten minutes later...)
Artilleryman: ... and Shadowman said he's nowhere near as clever or as good looking as you and Needlegal's diary (sorry Needle, I took a peek) had "Mrs. Torchman" at the end with hearts and stuff all around it. Pretty sure she has a crush on you.
Needlegal: Just shoot me.
Doc Robot: (bangs gavel) Enough already!
Artilleryman: But I got more testimony! Like ... two hours more testimony to get through!
Doc Robot: We get it, Artillery. The Mechs are in love with Torchman. And are jealous of him.
Oilman: (to Bitman) We really should have reviewed the script ourselves.
Bitman: (whispering) Seriously.
Doc Robot: Expressman? Do you have any questions on behalf of the defence?
Blademan: (whisper-shouting) This should be good!
Expressman: Actually I do.
Magnetman: Does it involve taking that LYING STINKIN' WEASEL OUTSIDE AND -
Expressman: No. Calm down.
Magnetman: I'm calm! Plenty calm.
Expressman: (making his way to Artilleryman) you've talked a lot about the Mechs, but what about the Dream Team. You know, the Mega Man 2 guys in the jury box? If Shark and Torch are the originals, what about Waveman, Oilman, Bitman, and Blademan? Where does that leave Airman, Flashman, Crashman, and Metalman?
Airman: Yeah? What about Airman?
Flashman: Or Flashman?
Crashman: Or Crashman?
Metalman: Or Metalman?
Oilman: Oh shit.
Artilleryman: Oh those guys are total fakes too. Everyone knows the Mega Man 3 PC guys came first.
Torchman: That's right! We came first. Don't question it!
Expressman: I have no further questions.
(Unfortunately the rest of the trial goes poorly...)
Wave Woman: I just know that the Mechs really hurt my team's feelings. :( And that was bad. :( They should say sorry. It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong. The Six apologized. Why can't the Mechs? ?_?
Shadowman: They never apologized.
Blademan: We were just doing a peaceful protest when the Mechs' cop pals all ganged up on us! It was terrible! I can't forget the look on Bart's face when Hardman sat on him! Poor fellah! *
(*Kinda sorta hapened in the S6's ep, "Too Many Members")
Sharkman: (sobs) I remember him! And Snaily! POOR SNAILY!
Geminiman: It didn't happen that way!
Oilman: When we were put in charge of the robot police department, the Mechs were an immediate problem. We tried to work with them, but soon after the Mechs lost it and trashed the city. Luckily we had the forethought to install explosives into their former base - the Technodrome. If we hadn't, who knows? They may have very well destroyed Monsteropolis - including the Wily Underground - that day.*
Snakeman: That was you! You people took control of the base and made it attack the city. Kenta (our previous Magnetman) was the one who saved everyone!
Sharkman: I tried goin' straight, I really did. Even started up my own team. But then the Mechs came back from wherever they were and beat us all up and took away our EXE forms. Then Mags over there, he, well ... I thought I could trust him. Being a "hero" and all. But he gave me my first joint. And then my first pill. And, sure, the first hit was free and and all, but the next wasn't. And the next and the next. The next thing I knew I was living on the streets, not even knowing my real name. I don't know who I really am or how I got here. It all just fell apart thanks to him. I just ... all I ever wanted ... was to be loved. (Sharkman starts to sob, but ends up laughing uncontrollably.*
Magnetman: That is wrong on so many levels I don't know where to start.
Torchman: They got me killed once. It's true, I died. It was a true gathering of heroes that day. I was there, of course. King was too. And Quint (it was a different Quint that none of you guys met before). Bizarro Shadowman - what a joker he was, yet also so stalwart and true (quite unlike the accused) was there as well as the other, less official, version of Doc Robot. We were all there trying to stop the team of Extant, Ultimecia, and Xelloss from changing reality .... and these so-called heroes were there as well. On the other side. The side trying to ruin everything for their own selfish gains. We had to team up with several other teams from back in the day. You probably don't know them, so never mind who they were. Suffice it to say there was a lot of them. We held the tide then, my friends, and we WON! But at a price. My life. When the Six heard of my demise they went on an epic quest to restore me. I ... I was so moved by their efforts. They tracked down the legendary Game Genie. It was guarded by the fiery Bahamut, but Wave Woman's Water Shooter managed to quell its fires (I will be forever awed at her courage).*
(*Some of this happened in Series 3: End of the Line)
Wave Woman: Oh, wow. I'm touched. ^_^
Torchman: Game Genie gave them access to the Chrono Trigger. An item so powerful that its workings still cannot be understood. The Six set out on an epic quest to restore me. They could use the Trigger to go back in time and substitute me for a doll or something like that, but did not know how to fully operate the Trigger. That's when they met Crorq (this was before he was Chief of Police and before he was obsessed with eating). Using his wisdom he knew how to use the Chrono Trigger and was able to replicate a version of me without my mighty mind. But such a device came with a cost. We had to sacrifice our alternate forms. As you must know our old friend Galvatron gave us alternate forms - I used to be able to transform into A DRAGON! But the team - and I myself - sacrificed them that day. To bring me back to life. *
(*I don't even know)
Sharkman: I must have been so high because I don't remember any of this.
Oilman: Shut up.
Expressman: OBJECTION! Relevance, your honour?
Doc Robot: DENIED! Doc Robot wants to hear the story.
Bitman: Look, it's like this. When we were on the RPD we turned a blind eye to anything you guys did. In fact, we helped you out. Quick, we would have caught you speeding dozens of times. And, Bubble? Do you think we didn't notice those missing doughnuts? I personally made sure the department overlooked our use of electricity down here. But the Mechs .... they think they're "heroes." They could have helped us all out, but they didn't. They're just opportunists looking to crash here until they get back on their feet and then they'll turn on us. And you. Better to just kill 'em now, while they're weak, and use their parts for scrap before they find a way to turn on us and, maybe, use that as a way to get back in the public's good graces.
Hardman: Damn, he has our number.
Topman: Not helping, Hard.
Expressman: Just shut up, all of you. Judge, I'd like to get a recess and confer with my clients.
(In the back...)
Topman: We're getting clobbered out there.
Snakeman: Some lawyer you turned out to be.
Hardman: What'd you expect, Tops? Count yourself lucky we don't wind up as Doc Robot's property or something.
Expressman: Actually, that might be a good angle to play.
Hardman: DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU EVEN DARE!
Expressman: *sigh* Look, I'm just gonna put you on the stand. Just ... try to convince them not to kill you. That's the goal here.
Geminiman: This whole thing's a sham. Let's just salvage whatever dignity we have left and bail.
Expressman: Relax, it's only halftime. The worst is over now. And take it from me, making comebacks is one of your strong suits.
Hardman: I say we fight fire with fire. If they wanna hurl all sorts of bullcrap accusations and sob stories at us, we hit 'em back.
Magnetman: I like your thinking, pardner. I like it a lot. Who's with us?
Expressman: Don't argue with an idiot, guys. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with years of experience.
Shadowman: I'LL RIP HIS FAT POWER CABLES OUT WITH MY BARE TEETH!!
Snakeman: I'LL DO THE SAME THING TO YOU IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!
Expressman: Case in point.
Topman: So what do you propose?
Needlegal: All we have to do is to make it not about them. So far, Torch's entire case is all about how we've bullied them, not Wily. If we can just bring it back to our point, we can still beat them at their own game.
Expressman: Penny for the smart lady.
Hardman: Now that you mention it, I was Heatman once upon a time, and the Mega Man 2 boys make up the jury pool. I bet you dollars to donuts I can win them over if you let me have a crack at them.
Snakeman: Plus, we've saved the world tons of time and that includes the Wily Underground. Time for them to remember that. They may not like us, but they have to like living.
Expressman: Now you're thinking. I like that. Alright, that's our gameplan. Now let's move.
Doc Robot: Are you ready to call your first witness? Are you? Are you?
Expressman: I certainly am, your honor. The defense first calls Needlegal to the stand.
(Needlegal lets Barrageman escort her to the stand).
Expressman: Needlegal, how long have you and your squad been at odds with Dr. Wily?
Needlegal: A little bit after we decided to be superheroes.
Expressman: And why was that?
Doc Robot: Because you wanted to pick on master?
Expressman: Objection! Leading the witness!
Doc Robot: Overruled! Answer the question!
Needlegal: ... Because he was trying to take over the world and we had to stop him.
Expressman: So it was more out of obligation than actual malicious intent, right? It wasn't anything personal, you were just doing your job, right?
Needlegal: Yeah...You could say that.
Expressman: And since you aren't superheroes or cops anymore, you still feel obligated to stop him?
Doc Robot: Are you? Are you?
Needlegal: ...Technically, no.
Doc Robot: Hey! You are still under oath! Are you telling the truth?? Are you done harassing master? Are you? Huh? Huh?
Torchman: Objection! She's lying! We all know she and her kind are only in it for themselves.
Doc Robot: Overruled!
Needlegal: "In it for ourselves!?" I guess none of you remember that time Unicron came and TRIED TO EAT THE ENTIRE WORLD! Who beat him? Us, that's who! We lauched the Technodrom right into him, blowing up our base and saving your lives while we were at it.
Torchman: OBJECTION! Most of us here weren't made at the time.
Doc Robot: Sustained. (Bangs gavel.)
Expressman: Speaking of you Torch, how long have you guys been at each other's throats?
Shadowman: FROM THE MOMENT I LAID EYES ON THOSE SMUG BASTARDS!
Doc Robot: (Bangs gavel) Silence! Or I will hold you in contempt of court!
Needlegal: Still, he's not wrong.
Expressman: And it's all because you guys stole the Sinister Six's title as the resident Mega Man 3 team, right?
Needlegal: We stole nothing from them!
Geminiman: Those guys don't have anything worth stealing!
Torchman: It's sad, because you almost believe it yourselves!!
Expressman: The point is, that's the only reason why you haven't gotten along with them, right?
Shadowman: AND WE NEVER WILL!
Snakeman: (Covers Shadow's mouth) Not helping!
Expressman: It's cool, guys. The point I'm trying to make is that the rest of the Wily Return Force could care less who stole whose title. And for that reason, there's no real reason why we can't work things out, right?
Needlegal: ...I...I guess not...
Expressman: See? And there you have it. The Mechs aren't bad guys at heart. They're just average joes doing a job they had to do. A job they ultimately got fed up with, or else they wouldn't be here, asking for our forgiveness. All we've heard up to this point is one giant sob story from Torchman.
Torchman: OBJECTION!! THEY WERE OUT TO GET US!!
Expressman: Be that as it may, all the bad blood in the world between you guys doesn't amount to a hill of beans. We're here to bring about Wily's new age, not help Torchman get payback on some punks who dissed him. And we'd be letting Wily down if that's what we make this about. Let's not forget, the Mechs were Wilybots once upon a time, just like you and I. And they've seen the light once again. Why should we punish them for that?
(The mood in the courtroom noticeably lightens as members of the jury are talking amongst themselves, as Needlegal steps off the stand).
Torchman: BAH!! HE'S TRYING TO TRICK US!! DON'T LET HIM DO IT!!
Expressman: See? We can still win this!
Topman: We're not interested in helping you guys take over the world for Wily, you realize that, right?
Expressman: You gotta meet us halfway here, Mechs. I practically paved the way for you here. All you gotta do is run the ball into the endzone. Hard, I'm looking at you, buddy.
Hardman: Don't worry guys. I'm sure the Dream Team will be happy to see me again.
Expressman: Your honor, the defense calls Hardman to the stand!
(Barrageman escorts Hardman to the stand. As soon as he takes the stand, he turns and waves at the Dream Team)
Hardman: Hey guys! How's it hanging!
Doc Robot: Hey! Stop it! No talking to the jury!
Hardman: It's okay! They and I go waaay back!
Woodman: We do?
Hardman: Yeah! It's me! It's Heatman! From Wily's Warriors!
Heatman: You're not Heatman! I'm Heatman!
Bubbleman: Yeah! You don't even have a fire attack!
Hardman: ...If you give me some gasoline, I can light my fist on fire and fire it!
Hardman: ....At someone who's picking on Dr. Wily.
Doc Robot: Ahem.
(Doc Robot smiles a wide, childish grin)
Oilman: That's the stupidest thing I've ever-
Quickman: Wait a minute, maybe this guy was Heatman once upon a time. I didn't believe it before, but hearing him now makes me think it's actually true.
Woodman: Yeah, he has that same kind of stupid.
Crashman: Go on. Wow us.
Hardman: ...Okay...Uh, remember how we'd gang up and beat up Alien Wily?
Doc Robot: You all tried to attack master??
Hardman: No, no. ALIEN Wily! You know, that weird holographic alien duplicate Wily made-
Doc Robot: ALIEN MASTER IS MASTER ALL THE SAME!
(The Dream Team all glare at Hardman as he tugs on his collar.)
Hardman: Uh, sorry. That was from my time on the Sinister Six.
Torchman: OBJECTION!! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WERE NOT A MEMBER OF OUR ILLUSTRIOUS TEAM! AND I RESENT ANY INSINUATION THAT YOU WERE!!
Hardman: Then the X-Force! Or Cossack's Comrades! Whatever! The point is, we all go way back! Remember how we faced down Maajin Buu and Lavos?
Dream Team: ...
Hardman: No? Come on! Don't you remember? *points at Wood and Air* You two were brothers! The Marsupial Brothers!
Airman: We're all built by Wily. We're all brothers.
Woodman: And we look nothing like marsupials.
Hardman: Okay, fine. That didn't last. How about the time I got you on Double Dare?
Metalman: No, our Heatman never did anything that cool.
Heatman: Again, I'm right here!
Hardman: Give me a break! That wasn't the only TV show we were on! We also went on Dr. Phil!
Quickman: ...And then you beat "me" to a pulp for no apparent reason. Now I remember that.
Bubbleman: Wait, didn't he also chop off some guy's hand out of the clear blue, as well?
Hardman: I didn't do it to you guys! Come on! Don't I get any credit from exorcising Starscream's ghost from Metalman?
Woodman: As I recall, you spent more time beating "us" up or lighting us on fire than you did banishing Starscream's ghost.
Bubbleman: Which you never did.
Hardman: Oh great. NOW you start to remember me?
Crashman: We remember that you're a stone cold psychopath on par with Diveman.
Hardman: DON'T COMPARE ME TO THAT WANNABE! OR I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND PUNT IT INTO THE ATMOSPHERE!!
Metalman: Yeah, I definitely don't want this sociopath here.
Quickman: Me neither.
Sharkman: Hey wait a sec. Weren't u one of the guys who pretended to be Avon ladies then shot me in the face with an air shooter?
Hardman: That sounds like the sort of thing we'd do.
Sharkman: See, Torch?! I told u I wasn't making that story up!
Oilman: Oh, wait I remember this now! We ah..borrowed Wily's Mime-O-Ray (with his permission of course) to get revenge on the Mechanical Maniacs and the impostor Sinister Six all in one fell swoop!
Torchman: As do I! It was one of my most brilliant plans at the time!
Oilman: ...It was my plan, but whatever.
Sharkman: Yeah! This n00b tried to sneak into our house dressed up as an Avon Lady so he could steal it from us!
Hardman: That's not how it happened!
Torchman: But you admit it did happen, yes?
Hardman: Technically, yes.
Torchman: HA! Then you admit it!!
Blademan: Yeah! As soon as we saw through his crappy disguise, he just went nuts and started shooting Shark in the face!
Bitman: And then he called Wave a baby!
Wave Woman: You did?? How mean can you get? :`(
Torchman: THIS PROVES MY POINT!! YOU AND YOUR "WILY'S WARRIORS" ARE PLOTTING AGAINST US AS WELL!! HOW DO WE KNOW YOU AREN'T IN CAHOOTS WITH THOSE FILTHY RANCID LITTLE MECHS?!
Hardman: Because they're sitting right there!
Flashman: Hey, pal. We're not the Wily's Warriors. We're the Dream Team. I'm not sure what you're expecting ... sympathy or something? Go look someplace else. All we know is that you were a pain in the ass for our predecessors and we aren't too fond of you ourselves.
Crashman: In fact, how do we know this isn't some harebrained attempt to take away our title as the Mega Man 2 team, the way you stole their title? *points to Torchman*
Torchman: THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING THE WHOLE TIME!!
(Torchman jumps on the Mechs' desk and starts posturing to the jury).
Torchman: IT'S NOT ENOUGH THEY HUMILIATE US! IT'S NOT ENOUGH THEY STEAL OUR TITLE AS THE TRUE MEGA MAN 3 TEAM! NO! NOW THEY'RE TRYING TO DRAG ALL OUR REPUTATIONS DOWN WITH THEM!! TODAY THEY STEAL OUR TITLE! TOMORROW THEY STEAL YOURS! (Points to the Dream Team) AND YOURS! (Points to the Wily Rescue Force) HOW LONG BEFORE THEY START CALLING THEMSELVES THE TRUE WILY RETURN FORCE? THERE'S NO PRESTIGE THEY DON'T FEEL ENTILED TO! NO DEPTH THEY WON'T SINK TO! NO DEBAUCHERY THEY WON'T PULL OFF! IF WE LET THEM JOIN US, THEY WILL TAKE. EVERYTHING FROM US!!
Expressman: Wait a second, I'm still examining my witness.
Torchman: No you're done! Cross-examination! Hardman, what exactly have you done for any of the esteemed robots present in the courtroom today!?
Hardman: What have I done? I fought with the Megaman Community against Red's army of Neo Dragoon while you chuckleheads were nowhere to be found. Or how about just recently where I helped mop the floor with Chimeraman, finally ending the Scissor Army? Or what about the X-Force losing their entire reality because we were targeted by Red, a guy who wanted to wipe out everyone - including you!? How's that for "what have I done for the Wily Underground!?"
Torchman: Hm, yes, you've been several people, haven't you? "Magma Dragoon", Fireman ... Heatman of the "Wily's Warriors" who had to be sued before actually becoming Wily's Warriors. Doc Robot, you were there. I don't need to tell you how ... easy ... Ben here made it for our master, do I? The threats? The loafing around? The drinking? WE WERE REMINDED OF HIS TREACHERY JUST NOW! And when General Cutman made war on humanity, remind me ... who did you go to?
Hardman: Erm. (Hardman sees Doc Robot and the jury all glare angrily at him) Hey, you - YOU JOINED THE RPD TOO! Stop glaring at me! I - you don't know who you're messing with! And if a certain mischievous fox were here, he he'd really make you sorry!
Torchman: NO!!! WE'LL MAKE YOU SORRY!
(The whole courtroom erupts into cheer and applause. Even Doc Robot is standing and cheering with the crowd. Hardman throws his arms up and rejoins the rest of the Mechs, glaring at Expressman).
Hardman: The worst is over, you said. It's only halftime, you said.
Magnetman: What happened, pardner? You said you could win them over!
Hardman: Yeah, but I forgot that I was also a short-tempered dick while I was on the team.
Expressman: Look, the rest of you just ... try to make the jury not hate you.
(The trial goes downhill from there...)
Topman: We were the ones who stopped Ultimecia, Extant, and Xelloss. Come on, you don't actually believe these guys did it, do you? They couldn't even stop a watch! You know that right?
Torchman: OBJECTION! His problem with my testimony should have been brought up on cross-examination, not pontificating here on the stand.
Doc Robot: Sustained. (Bangs gavel.)
Geminiman: We managed to stop the Decepticons, led by Bizarro Shadowman, from invading the entire planet, saving everyone's lives ... including your own. You must have heard of that!
Torchman: OBJECTION! I have never heard of that.
Doc Robot: Neither have I.
Torchman: And we all know Geminiman betrayed WIly when he needed him most (after he so graciously gave him a robot form), so who can really say whether this ... person ... is even telling the truth right now?
Doc Robot: Good point. Sustained. (Bangs gavel.)
Snakeman: What about the time Megaman Juno sent Cityman to wreck the entire city! The Underground wouldn't even be around if Cityman has stomped it into oblivion. Nevermind the fact that he was being used as a pawn by Unicron who, by the way, we stopped - again.
Torchman: OBJECTION! Megaman Juno was one of our allies and we would have been spared in any new order created by him.
Doc Robot: Sustained. (Bangs gavel.)
Shadowman: I don't give a shit about you and your petty jealousy! That yellow creamball beat us and outright EXILED US FROM OUR HOMES! I hate him! I'm going to destroy him! I'll take his chicken wings and shove him so far up his exhaust port that he'll be tasting them for weeks! And if you try to get in my way so help me God I'll -
Torchman: OBJECTION! Relevance?
Doc Robot: Sustained. Expressman, get your client under control. This is not a three ring circus, it's a court of law. (Bangs gavel.)
Magnetman: Enough of this. I don't care about justifying myself or my teammates. I've got some words for you, pard. You and the refuse you call a "team." I had no problem with you before. But after that little speech you made Arty give, you and I - we're having words. Hard words. I'm "not the man" you are?
Expressman: (whispering) Just convince them they want you around.
Magnetman: Naw, I'm done with that. If they want me around, they want me around, but I'm not grovelling to them! Not if they're dumb enough to eat up the shit this asshole is spewing here. In fact -
(After a few minutes worth of threats Expressman calls his last witness...)
Expressman: It's not over yet, guys. I got one last ace in the hole.
(Expressman goes to Doc Robot's podium and bangs his gavel.)
Doc Robot: No! Stop it! Only I can do that!
(Doc Robot smashes his gavel, still grinning like the village idiot as he bangs it, clearly enjoying the act)
Expressman: Your honor, I'd like to call my last witness.
Doc Robot: If you think it'll make a difference, be our guest!
Expressman: You'll be surprised. Your honor, I call my expert witness: Elecman!
Topman: Did he just say Elecman?
(Barrageman escorts in a very battered, dingy Elecman into the courtroom. His armor is cracked and broken in several places, leaving exposed, sparking circuitry.)
Elecman: Hey guys. Hey Ben. Fancy meeting you here.
Needlegal: Wait, the guy in the cell next to us! That was you??
Magnetman: Wait, we know this guy?
Elecman: Leon James Graves. Electrified, bona fide member of the Sinister Six-
Torchman: YOU WERE NEVER PART OF OUR TEAM EITHER, YOU WANNABE!!
Elecman: ...The Sinister Six that counts, at your service.
(Elecman reaches out to shake Magnetman's hand, but his arm falls off. Grumbling, Elecman picks it up and wedges it back into its socket.)
Snakeman: You look like you've seen better days. Did the WRF do this to you?
Elecman: No, Captain Crashman. And Napalmman. And Crystalgirl. And about a couple hundred Scissor Joes, give or take. Honestly, the last fifteen years have been blurred into one big beating.
Topman: Speaking of which, aren't you a little...You know...
Elecman: Savvy? Dashing? Studly? Manly? All of the above? Hint, the answer's the last one.
Topman: ...I was thinking more along the lines of "Off in an alternate universe"?
Geminiman: Yeah, didn't you and the rest of the real Sinister Six go into General Cutman's home universe to rebuild the world after the Scissor Army destroyed it?*
(*Series 6, the end of Business of War)
Torchman: SAVE YOUR QUESTIONS FOR THE TESTIMONY!!
Doc Robot: I agree!! *bangs gavel, more for fun* Testify, or excuse the witness!
(Elecman limps towards the stand, but his leg jams up.)
Elecman: Seriously, again?! (swipes Doc Robot's gavel.)
Doc Robot: Hey! Give that back!!
Elecman: Just a minute, Smee.
(Elecman whacks his knee several times with the gavel until it loosens up, sparking a little. He hands the gavel back and takes the stand.)
Expressman: So, Elecman. Tell us how you found your way here?
Torchman: OBJECTION!! WE ALREADY KNOW HOW HE GOT HERE!
Doc Robot: Sustained! His exposition is irrelevant and boring!
Expressman: But we still need it on record.
Bitman: Record?? Somebody's supposed to be writing this down?
Elecman: Don't worry, 'Presso. Torchman's memory is so crappy, he wouldn't remember it anyhow.
Torchman: FIRST YOU STEAL OUR TEAM NAME, AND NOW YOU CALL MY MENTAL STATE INTO QUESTION?? I SHOULD HANG YOU HERE AND NOW!
Doc Robot: *bangs gavel* No!! That's my job! Preferably, Master's job! But I'll do it the way he would've wanted!
Elecman: Yeah, you're just smarting from whooping I gave ya as soon as I came into this world. I'm surprised Bitman's not sipping his food through a straw after what I did to his jaw.
Bitman: YOU NEVER LAID A FINGER ON ME!!
Elecman: Please. I (along with Cutchan, Gutsman and alternate Iceman) was able to wipe out what was left of the Scissor Army in General Cutman's own world with tin cans and shoestrings. We all know I could run circles around your sorry little Dirty Half Dozen.
Torchman: (slams his fist down on the table) THAT'S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED!! YOU STUMBLED INTO OUR UNIVERSE LOOKING FOR SCRAPS TO REBUILD YOUR SORRY WORLD WITH WHEN WE JUMPED YOU!! THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU'RE STILL ALIVE IS THAT WE'RE STILL TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER YOU'RE WORTH KEEPING OR WHETHER OR NOT WE SHOULD EXECUTE FOR BEING A SINISTER SIX IMPOSTER!
Elecman: *smirks at Torchman* Thanks for helping me tell my own story, bud.
Torchman: OBJECTION!! THE WITNESS TRIED TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME!
Oilman: ...Who hasn't.
Snakeman: Wait, back up. You built another portal back to our world? What for?
Elecman: You heard the honorable spaz. It took us fifteen years, but Gary, Britt, Erik and I showed what was left of the Scissor Army who was boss, down to the last Scissor Joe. It was a snap since they had run out of things to conquer and had to settle for conquering themselves. While we were doing that, I worked on building a new portal back to this world. We all knew we'd need some resources to rebuild the world once we won. Couldn't think of a better place to look for them than this one.
Needlegal: And YOU were the one who built it??
Elecman: What can I say? Turns out one of the perks of being Elecman is that I got a born knack for electrical engineering. General Cutman knew that and made a point to bring out my inner engineer when he, ah-repurposed me.* Felt having another hand in his workshop would help him out and let me live up to my full potential. Joining the SA wasn't my finest hour. But boy, was it educational. Hell, I made a point to catch a peek at the specs before I crossed over.
(*Also at the tail end of Business of War)
Torchman: OBJECTION! THAT'S THE MOST PREPOSTROUS STORY I'VE EVER HEARD!
Sharkman: Yeah! You still think the Scissor Army is gonna re-invade our world?! LOL!
Elecman: Not all of it. But it turns out Captain Crashman caught wind of what we were doing and had his boys lay low while they waited for us to fire up the portal. I could hear 'em slugging it out over the radio. But these asswipes *points to the PC S6* Jumped me before I could make it back and turn the tide.
Torchman: HA!! SO YOU DO ADMIT DEFEAT! NOW THE STORY'S MAKING SENSE!!
Elecman: Good news is, Gutsman wrecked the portal before Crash's boys could cross over. Bad news is, their Metal Man is rebuilding it as we speak. And when he does, they're going to be right at our doorstep.
Expressman: What makes you think they're coming here?
Elecman: Because your hideout's in the same damn place it was in their world. And when they get here, they're going to take over and repurpose every last resource Wily's worth in this world.
Doc Robot: No! We will stop them! After all, we're master's last hope!
Elecman: They're Wily bots, bucko. They know Wily installations just as well as you do. They know where and how to hit you.
Doc Robot: (Bangs his gavel angrily) STOP IT!! YOU ARE HELD IN CONTEMPT OF COURT!! AND MASTER!
Elecman: You wanna see what's left of Wily's good name pissed on by the Scissor Army? Be my guest. No skin off anyone's nose.
Doc Robot: ....
(Moments later, the entire group is in the stocks.)
Elecman: I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PUNKS ARE DOING THIS!
Expressman: To be honest, I didn't think it'd work. Hell, I'm your lawyer and even I don't believe you.
Magnetman: (uses his magnetism to blow apart the stockade holding him) Well, I have no intention of remaining trussed up like a turkey.
(Hardman follows suit, utterly destroying his stockade.)
Hardman: For once I agree with you.
(The rest of the Mechs are freed by their friends as Expressman grinds his teeth in frustration.)
Expressman: What are you doing? Just give it some time and they'll cool off.
Needlegal: No. No they won't. Maybe the Return Force would, but the Six hate us and want us dead and Doc Robot is only too happy to oblidge. We're done here. The Scissor Army can take this place apart for all I care.
Magnetman: We can go into hiding. I'll be Polarityman. Top, we'll get some spray paint, stick a trash can lid on top of your head and you can be Spinman again.
Needlegal: And I'll be Spikegal.
Polarityman: Shadow, you can be Ninjaman from now on.
Ninjaman: I'm not Ninjaman!
Polarityman: Look, I know it's a change for the worse, but when you got lemons you make lemonade.
Elecman: You make some pretty weak lemonade there, buster.
Needlegal: *sigh* We're not really changing our names. But we're not sticking around in the stocks either.
Quickman: So, we've all gone over the "evidence." What do you guys think?
Woodman: I dunno, Quick. There's so many choices.
Heatman: Guilty. Innocent. I just can't decide which.
Woodman: Maybe we should go over them one more time.
The Dream team: Aw.
Crashman: Look, do you wanna kill the Mechs or what?
Flashman: You know, I really don't care either way. How did we get roped into this?
Woodman: Couldn't we go over our choices one more time?
The Dream team: What!?
Heatman: Sure, Woody. Lessee now. You have Guilty. Which means we wanna kill 'em. Or not guilty. Which means we don't wanna kill 'em. We have not guilty by reason of insanity. Which means we wanna kill 'em but can't because of morals.
Woodman: So many choices. This is gonna be rough.
Dream Team: UHHHHHHHHHHGH.
(All of a sudden Multiman bursts into the room.)
Quickman: You're not supposed to bother us while we're deliberating.
Multiman: Enough of these games, guys. We're under attack!
(Muffled explosions can be heard through the open door. The Dream Team all rush out and can hardly believe their eyes.)
Bubbleman: What was that?!
Heatman: Whatever it is, I hope it's flammable.
Captain Crashman: What??! Seriously??! Is this all Wily is worth in this world? Just a bunch of washouts and wannabes? And this is the world that DIDN'T get destroyed?!
SA Heatman: Hey, we gotta start somewhere, right?
(Metal Man laughs softly, slowly and nasally)
SA Metalman: Heh. Eh. Don't worry, Captain. I don't mind working with some fixer-uppers! A little re-engineering here, a little reprogramming there, and these dregs will be worthy of the Scissor Army name!
Captain Crashman: Do you need them alive?
(Captain Crashman blows up several Multimen with a barrage of crash bombs before Metal Man can answer.)
SA Metalman: (decapitates another Multiman with a metal blade) No.
Captain Crashman: Then what are you all waiting for? A starting gun? (Fires a crash bomb at the Dream Team) Go get 'em!
Crashman: They're ... us!
SA Heatman: AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAHHHHHH! Barely!
Captain Crashman: Finally, some reasonable people. I'll give you the same choice I gave these other bozos. Join us as part of the Scissor Army, or be conscripted.
Torchman: Don't listen to them, my brothers! They may seem mighty, but I have witnessed the madness of General Cutman firsthand. I remember it well. We met in the field of battle. Like a serpent he tempted us with power and, like the innocents we were we accepted. At first we thought him to be an angel granting wishes, but he turned on everyone and waged a surprise war against us. He put the entire world through hell just to get at us!
Captain Crashman: And you're sure you can get that guy some brains?
SA Metalman: You know me, I love a challenge. And I'll take away his vocal cords while I'm at it.
Captain Crashman: So, what's it gonna be, gents?
Heatman: Oh, no.
Woodman: So many choices.
Heatman: This is gonna be rough.(Back at the stocks, the Mechs can hear explosions off in the distance.)
Geminiman: What was that?
(Quickman runs up to the rest of the WRF, badly burned).
Expressman: What's going on??
Quickman: Come quick, guys! These monstrous versions of us just came out of nowhere and started ripping this place apart!
Snakeman: Monstrous versions of you?? You mean the Scissor Army...?
Elecman: It ain't Ben dressed as an Avon Lady. Though that's a close second. Honestly, why is all of this so hard for everyone to believe??
Snakeman: To be honest, I didn't think you were being serious, either.
Magnetman: I sure didn't.
Shadowman: DEATH TO THAT FAT BLUBBERY PIECE OF CRAP!!
Elecman: For the love of-The Scissor Army was crawling all over the place in my universe!! I would know!!
Quickman: Fine!! You were right! You happy?! Look, Express, just bring everyone you can!! They already made sawdust out of Woodman before I left!! If we wait any longer, I won't have a team to get back to!
Expressman: As luck would have it, I do have a few able bodies who are willing to chip in. For a price.
Elecman: Don't bother. You heard the sharp lady. This is your problem. If you ask me, this couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of asswipes.
(Needlegal and the rest of the Mechs step forward)
Needlegal: ...We'll do what we can.
Elecman: Wha?? But just a minute ago, you said-
Needlegal: I know what I said. But as much as I'd love to see the SA step all over these creeps, we know they're not going to stop here. Stopping the SA was the one good thing that came out of siding with the RPD. And none of us are about throw that away.
Geminiman: But that being said, you damn well better acquit us for this.
Quickman: I'm pretty sure the SA will execute you guys before we reach a verdict. So I guess this technically counts as "guilty."
Hardman: Thanks for the vote of confidence, guys.
Expressman: This is the nicest thing these guys have said to you since you got here. I'd take it and run.
(The Mechs, Elecman, and Expressman all follow Quickman as he leads them to the scene of the carnage. By the time they arrive, the SA Officers have already dispatched Woodman, Metalman, Flashman and Bubbleman. Multiman is busy holding off waves of SA Joes by himself, but is starting to get overwhelmed).
Captain Crashman: Ha!! We've got half our team back already!!
SA Metalman: But I don't think we need a second Metalman. I think I'll just take what I like from this one for myself and leave the rest to rust.
Multiman: Damn it! There just isn't any end to these guys!! And I'm aware of the irony of that statement!
(Geminiman splits into several copies of himself and offers Multiman some much-needed reinforcement).
Geminiman: Focus on replenishing your numbers for now. I'll try and take some of the load off.
Snakeman: I've already got Search Snakes combing the place for the portal. I'll holler as soon as they find it.
Torchman: Nobody asked you for help, Mechs! You really think the might of the original Sinister Six can't handle Wily's first and most flawed generation entirely on their own??
Quickman: Hey, who are you calling flawed, loudmouth??
Multiman: Shut up, Torch. I think we'll take whatever we can get at this point!!
Captain Crashman: Well, well! I was wondering where you disappeared off to, Leon! And is that the Mechanical Maniacs?! Great! It's the Mega Man 3 team so nice we get to kill them twice!!
Torchman: Silence!! I don't care what alternate universe you came from, the Sinister Six has always been the first Mega Man 3 team across the multiv-
(SA Metalman throws a Metal Blade at Torchman's vocal processor, cleanly severing it from his mouth).
SA Metalman: See? I've already made him better!!
Torchman: !!! (Tries to talk, but all that comes out is raspy crackles and grunts. His eyes turn bloodshot red as he fires his torch arm at the deranged surgeon/engineer. But SA Heatman steps forward and absorbs each shot).
SA Heatman: You've still got your work cut out for you, Metal! This guy's barely heating me up!!
Torchman: ... (Softly wails and waves his fist with silent and impotent rage.)
Topman: ...Are we sure we're helping the right side, here?
Magnetman: I say we wait for the SA to pick off a few more of the Sinister Six before we jump in.
Needlegal: We don't have time for that! Everyone concentrate their fire on Crashman!
Elecman: No, wait!!
(Before Needlegal can listen, she unloads her Needle Cannon at Captain Crashman. But the sadistic officer suddenly blows the needles away from him, directly at Snakeman!)
Needlegal: What was that??!
Topman: That looked an awful lot like Airman's Air Shooter...
Elecman: Because it is. I tried to warn you, but these psychos cannibalized their fallen pals. Partly for their weapons. Partly for the hell of it.
Captain Crashman: It's what they would've wanted! Besides, this way the rest of the team can join the slaughter in spirit!
(SA Heatman runs around the mechs at Quickman's speed, leaving lingering flames in his path. SA Metalman covers himself in what looks Woodman's Leaf Shield, only with Metal Blades and flings them at the Sinister Six. Captain Crashman unleashes a barrage of Crash Bombs that explode, releasing Bubble Lead in every direction).
Bitman: You frickin' hacker! That's cheating!!
SA Metalman: Funny. The Bitman from our world screamed just like that before he died!!
Captain Crashman: Word for word! I remember.
Needlegal: Tell me you've almost found that portal, Snake!!
Snakeman: I need more time! Getting sprayed with a bunch needles a minute ago didn't help much! Especially since a few of them broke my visor!
Elecman: Lemme take a look at it. I might be able to spit shine it up, or something.
Snakeman: You sure you know what you're doing?
Elecman: More or - Grrr....
(Elecman's hand seizes up. Annoyed, Elecman whacks it against his knee a few times until it loosens up again).
Elecman: More or less.
Magnetman: Don't worry pardner! We got your back!
Needlegal: Everyone else, pick an officer and let them have it!
Shadowman: JUST KILL THEM ALL!!
(Hardman and Magnetman flank around Elecman and Snakeman, as Elecman tries to fix Snakeman's visor. Magnetman fires a few hip shots from his revolvers at SA Metalman. But Metalman blocks them with his "borrowed" Leaf Shield.)
SA Metalman: Oohhh, you're going to have to do better than that!
(Sneering, SA Metalman throws his "Leaf Shield" at Magnetman. But Magnetman catches them with his magnetic powers and flings them back at SA Metalman.)
Magnetman: So yer a glutton for punishment, eh? This oughta be right up yer alley!
(SA Metalman uses his Time Stopper to freeze the blades in mid-toss and causally slides around them. He picks one out of the air, and slashes Magnet with it).
SA Metalman: So "Pardner", you think that was worth it?
Magnetman: And how!!
(Magnetman nods at Hardman, who's grappling with SA Heatman as he tries to sprint past him towards Elecman. The sudden time stop wreaks havoc on Quickman's components inside SA Heatman, allowing him to wallop him hard with a Hard Knuckle)
SA Heatman: AGGHH!!
Hardman: Man, was I really that ugly?
SA Heatman: Damnit, Metalman! I told you before! Give me a heads up before you use the Time Stopper!
SA Metalman: Oh, you'll live! ACCKKK!!
(Shadowman materializes behind SA Metalman and stabs him with his Muramasa)
Shadowman: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!!
(Meanwhile, Needlegal and Captain Crashman are practically deadlocked as Crashman keeps firing Crash Bombs, and Needlegal keeps harmlessly detonating them, allowing Doc Robot to step in and counter with his Air Shooter.)
Captain Crashman: Haha!! Keep it up! The Needlegal and Doc Robot in my world tried the same thing! Right before I tore their fuel pumps out with my teeth!
Doc Robot: No!! You are lying!! Master is always triumphant!! No matter which universe he's in!!
Captain Crashman: Half pint, I had the pleasure of impaling him through the face with my Crash Bombs, personally! I can show you the smear he left on my arm and everything!
Doc Robot: No!! Stop lying!!
Elecman: He's bluffing, alright. That's how he killed Rich Cassidy, not Wily.
Captain Crashman: Well excuse me if I get my massacres a little mixed up every now and then!
Snakeman: Not important!!
Elecman: Oh, sorry buddy. Gemini? Be a pal and hand me that SA Joe's visor.
Geminiman: Oh yeah, sure! I'll get right on it!!
(As he and Multiman hold off the SA Joe horde, Geminiman tosses an SA Joe's severed head, and Elecman gets to work salvaging it for parts for Snakeman's visor. Elecman's arms shutter and shower sparks as he tries to function.)
Elecman: Damn it! I just can't work like this. I'm literally falling apart here.
Geminiman: Well ... there is something we can use to patch you up. Although I'm not sure about it.
Elecman: Whatever it is I'm all for it.
Geminiman: Right. It's sooner than I'd like, but we need every advantage we can get.
Geminiman: (over the communicator) Doc Robot?
Doc Robot: (also over the communicator) Mech? Doc Robot is busy!
Geminiman: (over the communicator) Use Multiman's power to split off a copy, then. I need to get to Shadow and meet Leon at your laboratory. (To Leon) Follow Doc Robot's copy. It's time to get upgraded.
Elecman: Wait, by that loony!? I can do my own repairs.
Geminiman: Not quickly. And, as you said we don't have much choice in the matter.
(Meanwhile, Needlegal and Doc Robot get the upper hand on Captain Crashman as Topman catches them offguard and smashes into him with a Top Spin.)
Captain Crashman: Gragghh!!
(Topman swings by and snatches up Wave Woman, as she still tries to recover from SA Metalman's earlier assault.)
Wave Woman: Hey!! What do you think you're doing?! You can't just manhandle a lady like that >:(
Topman: I got a plan for how to deal with Heatman. Play along, or I'll just throw you at him!
Wave Woman: ... Are you hitting on me? o_o
Topman: What? NO!
Wave Woman: ^ω^
(Torchman raises his fist in fury and tries to speak, but his damaged vocal box keeps sparking.)
Torchman: Naakkk!! Waaakkkk daakk naakkt haakkk thaaakk blaakkked maakkkks!!
(Torchman keeps sputtering and coughing as Topman just races past him. Meanwhile, SA Heatman starts overwhelming Hardman with Quickman's speed and Atomic Fires, as chunks of his armor start melting and oozing off his massive frame. Matching Heatman's speed, Topman spins by him as Wave Woman sprays him with her Water Shooter. Unfortunately, SA Heatman's sweltering internal heat vaporizes most of the water before it reaches him.)
SA Heatman: Hahahaha!! What do you call that?? The lawn sprinkler manuever?!
Topman: No. I call that a distraction while a Bubble Lead Crash Bomb I swiped earlier goes off right next to you.
(SA Heatman's eyes go wide as the Bubble Lead Bomb goes off, spraying him in the face. Hardman pushes his advantage and launches himself at Heatman, practically flattening him).
Hardman: Alright, buddy. You HAD to have felt that one!
(The battle starts turning towards the Mechs' and WRF's favor as Geminiman and Multiman start overwhelming the SA Joes, and the S6 start getting the second wind, all of them dogpiling on top of Captain Crashman)
Torchman: Yakk!! Braccckk haacckm daccck wacckk akkk ouacck cacckbacck maggght!
Blademan: Can you understand a word he's saying!?
Needlegal: C'mon, Snake! You must have an idea where his portal is by now!
Elecman (over the radio): Just a sec! It's hard to do anything while this guy - OW! - just ... gimme a sec ... alright, one visor coming at ya! (A Search Snake quickly grabs the visor from Elec and rushes to Snake who immediately puts it on).
Snakeman: Yes!! I got it!! It's only thirty yards from here, northeast!
(Crashman throws a bomb at Snakeman and laughs as he dances to avoid it.)
Captain Crashman: Whatever. I don't know what you're thinking, but I'll blow you apart before you have a chance to do anything.
(At that moment Crash is blown back by a powerful spark. A familiar figure drops down in front of Snakeman.)
Snakeman: No ... no, it can't be. It's ... Spark Chan!?
Spark Chan: DON'T LOOK AT ME!!
Captain Crashman: LEON!? (Captain Crashman bursts into laughter.)
Doc Robot: Installation successful!
Spark Chan: "Installation successful!?" You call this a success!?
Geminiman: Leon, when I gave you that armour I really didn't expect you to engage in this sort of ... behaviour.
Spark Chan: This was NOT my idea! There - there just wasn't time to get this body configured.
Blademan: Suuuure there wasn't!
Spark Chan: If I'm being honest, I don't know if this is my greatest dream come true or my worst nightmare.
Sharkman: Dood! I - I think I'm in love!
Wave Woman: I don't know what to make of this. ಠ_ಠ
Captain Crashman: (regaining control of his laughter) Wha - ? Wha - ? I don't know what kinda plan you have there, Leon, but it won't work!
Spark Chan: Yeah, yuck it up. It's won't seem so funny when you get your ass kicked by a girl!
Captain Crashman: Ha!! Why are you in such a rush to go back there, Leon?! You and I both know there's not a world back there to go back to!
Spark Chan: Hey, I knew going in it was a fixer upper. But once we bury your ass in this world, we can actually start making the other one halfway bearable!
Captain Crashman: You're not listening to me, pal! Stop and ask yourself, just where...Or should I say WHO did I get the components to make the portal from?
Spark Chan: ....!!!
Hardman: No...He can't be serious...
Captain Crashman: Why do you think you haven't heard a peep from your little pals from the moment we attacked?
SA Metalman: Heeehhhnnn....Heehhnnn...Think about it. You and I both know that only "Gary" had a power regulator strong enough to run an Omega 13 power core!
Spark Chan: ...Give me a break. Somehow, I don't believe that. You guys may be vikings when it comes to mass genocide. But your poker faces are for shit.
Hardman: For your sake, I hope you're bluffing!! Because I've kicked wholesale ass for much less than killing my pals!!
(Captain Crashman laughs as he pulls out a remote and opens a portal right in front of Leon)
Captain Crashman: There you go. Go ahead and take a peek. We won't stop you. Or you, for that matter (points at Ben). You can tell them I sent you.
Spark Chan: ...
Captain Crashman: Come on. You know you want to.
(Hardman and Spark Chan reach out towards the portal as they slowly saunters towards it. But at the last second, Spark Chan pauses and stops Hardman just in front of the portal).
Captain Crashman: Well?? What are you waiting for? For me to change my mind?
Spark Chan: Just a sec. When you guys cracked Gary open, what shape was his motor relay in? I fixed it before I left, but he said his right arm was a sluggish after I plugged it in.
SA Metalman: Well, he's dead. So what condition do you think it's in now? But now that you mention it, I was wondering why his right arm kept locking up a bit as we took him down. It made it really easy to lop it off. Heeehhnn. Hehhhhn...
Spark Chan: Alright, just checking.
(Spark Chan suddenly turns around and stabs Captain Crashman through the chest and discharges a wave of electricity)
Captain Crashman: ARRGGGGHH!! What the-?!
Spark Chan: Trick question, dumbasses. Gary's motor relay was the one part left on him that didn't need replacing. You would've known that if you had actually dissected him. Either that, or Metalman needs to get his ass back to med school.
Captain Crashman: Ah well. It was worth a try!
Spark Chan: Like I said, your poker faces are shit. What was your gameplan? Rig the portal to blow as soon as I crossed over?
Captain Crashman: Like I said, worth a try. But honestly, who cares! I'm sick of this pissing around! Everyone, just kill them!
Hardman: Hey, Cap'n Crunch!! Think fast!!
(Hardman launches Hard Knuckles at Heat and Metal while a clone of Geminiman launches himself at Crash, knocking them all through the portal. As soon as Crash makes it through, he looks down in horror and sees as he inadvertently triggerd some motion sensor Crash Bombs he left waiting for Leon when he crossed through)
Captain Crashman: Not again...!!
(With a roar, the bombs explode, disintegrating Gemini's clone and tossing the Hard Knuckles back out of the portal just before it closes. As the dust settles, Hardman picks himself up and sees one of Captain Crashman's arms in his hand).
Hardman: Good riddance to you, you jaggoffs. (tosses arm aside)
Topman: In all seriousness, when did you first suspect Crashman was bluffing you?
Spark Chan: I've learned in all the years I've known him, that when he lies, his right eye blinks twice. First noticed it when he said he'd miss Captain Napalmman shortly after he killed him.
Hardman: Well, I'm just glad Gary and the others are okay.
Spark Chan: I heard that. I just hope they can take care of themselves while I'm gone. Call it woman's intuition, but I get a feeling I won't be going back there any time soon.
Needlegal: I wouldn't hold your breath. If we still had the resources and worked for the RPD-
Shadowman: NEVER AGAIN!! EVER!! (Angrily stabs Crashman's severed arm)
Needlegal: -We could've built you a new portal relatively quickly. But out here? I wouldn't hold your breath.
Spark Chan: Me neither. Speaking of RPD, how come you guys aren't cops anymore? Got sick of Crorq hogging all the donuts?
Snakeman: It's a long story.
Spark Chan: I'm all ears.
Shadowman: LONG STORY SHORT, THEY FUCKED US!!
(Later, after many repairs and one reconfiguration...)
Magnetman: Well pard, guess it's official, now. You the new Sparkman now?
Hardman: I certainly hope so. Heh. Never thought in a million years I'd be fighting side by side with another Sixlet again. Honestly makes me kinda nostalgic.
Sparkman: It's certainly a warm fuzzy, feeling, ain't it? I don't know what I like best: seeing a few familiar faces again, my new look, the new gimmicks, or the fact this armor isn't being held together by duct tape and chewing gum.
Needlegal: What was wrong with the old look?
Sparkman: Heh, not much really. It served in a pinch, but now that we had some downtime Doc Robot and I put out heads together and reconfigured the armour into something I'm much happier with. He may be a grade-A bootlicker and a member of the Lollipop Guild, but ol' Doc Robot knows his Transmetal armors inside and out.
Blademan: What, you didn't like being Spark Chan!?
Sparkman: ... I don't know what you're talking about.
Torchman: Did the reformatting affect your memory, Mech?
Bitman: Don't worry, Sparks, we took pictures! Just in case you need a reminder.
Wave Woman: Ah, don't worry! I thought you looked cute! :)
Sharkman: For a tranny!
Sparkman: Go ahead. Yuk it up now, boys. But I don't get mad. I get even. Hope you keep that in mind.
Geminiman: ...So is there new anything that armor can do, or is it just for show?
Sparkman: I'm so glad you asked, Inuyasha.
(Sparkman goes up to a broken TV, and goes about fixing it, pulling out various stored TV components out of compartments on his chest and knees. His hands turn into various tools and gadgets he uses to install them.)
Magnetman: Pretty slick, pardner!
Sparkman: Buddy, that ain't the half of it! This boob tube gets the scrambled channels now! Check it out!
(Sparkman switches the TV on to a televised press conference at RPD HQ.)
Plum: -Mounted bionic sharks and rode them to safety. In other news, RPD chief and new Galactic Council member Crorq-
Shadowman: AGGHHHH!!! I'LL KILL YOU, CRORQ!!
(Shadowman chucks a Shadowblade at the TV, destroying it once again.)
Shadowman: YOU'LL BE DEAD!! YOU'LL BE DEAD AND I'LL BE HAPPY!! (angrily mangles the TV's shattered remains)
Hardman: ...Thanks, now we got to listen to him rant and rave all over again.
Sparkman: Oh no, you don't!
(Sparkman reaches into his compartment and hands Hardman some earplugs.)
Hardman: ...Huh. Didn't know you had those. ...Thanks.
Sparkman: What can I say? I like to be prepared for anything. (pulls a flask out of one of his compartments) Want a drink?
Snakeman: ...No, I think we're okay.
Sparkman: I wasn't asking you.
Shadowman: I'LL CRACK HIS FAT SKULL OPEN LIKE AN EGG AND-
(Sparkman forcefully pours the flask down Shadowman's mouth in mid-rant. The booze instantly works its magic as he staggers over to Wave Woman, barely able to stand up straight.)
Shadowman: Heeeeyyyyy there, good lookin'! Ya come here offen...?
Wave Woman: Oh wow, you really think I'm that attractive? Coming from you, that means a lot to me! =D
Shadowman: C'meere ya spoonful o' sexxy blue lovin'! ;D
(Shadowman scoops up Wave Woman as she jumps into his arms and staggers out of the room with her.)
Torchman: YOU TRAITOR!! WE DO NOT FRATERNIZE WITH THE ENEMY!!!
Wave Woman: Yeah? Well, I never heard YOU call me spoonful of sexy blue loving! >=P
Torchman: IRRELEVANT!! THE DAY I SEE ONE OF US BETROTHED TO THOSE INFERNAL MECHS IS THE DAY THE SUN BURNS OUT, WHICH I ASSURE WILL BURN OUT BEFORE MY ETERNAL, UNQUENCHABLE HATRED FOR YOU MECHS-
Oilman: Torch, I hate to say it, but they're already heading down the stairwell. Assuming that's not one of his holograms I'm looking at. If we want to stop their honeymoon, we better do it now.
Torchman: -YOU'VE MADE A POWERFUL ENEMY THIS DAY!!
(Torchman and the Sinister Six run after Wave Woman as Shadowman carries her off. As soon as they leave, Sparkman slams the door behind them and locks it.)
Sparkman: Seven birds, one stone.
Needlegal: ...Do you have anything that can somehow get the memory of that out of my head?
Sparkman: You can drink some of this. (holds up the flask)
Needlegal: ...I don't think that's going to do it.
Sparkman: C'mon! Don't I get a little credit for solving all our problems in one fell swoop?
Geminiman: Yeah, it was either this or listen to Shadow rant and rave for hours on end.
Snakeman: Well, I guess things turned out all right...
Needlegal: And we learned something too....
Sparkman: We did?
Hardman: This team tends to learn a lot.
Magnetman: Don't all of them?
Hardman, Sparkman: No.
Needlegal: We learned that the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Torch, Doc Robot, and the Dream Team all wanted to kill us. In fact, everyone wanted to kill us! It was only when Captain Crash and the others attacked that we could all unite as one.
Magnetman: So, the next time we want to team up with our enemies ... we gotta get another set of enemies to attack first?
Sparkman: But what if both of our enemies decide they hate us more than each other?
Needlegal: Look smart guy, I don't supply the plans, I just give out the lessons.
Geminiman: Maybe if we use aliens we could use them to unite everyone with us and ... does anyone know any aliens? They could possibly attack the Earth for us and allow us to bet them?
Geminiman: Because aliens are the ultimate outsiders. I'm sure if the world were under alien assault they'd all team up with us to ... um ...
Geminiman: So, if anyone knows any aliens (New Spark? New Hard? Either of you?) it's be best to speak up.
Topman: Well, until we can come up with a better plan, we are ... The Mechanical Maniacs!
|Leon as .....||
|Raijin as .....||
|Psycho Magnet as .....||
|Ben as .....||
|Nightmare as .....||
|Lennon as .....||
|Sheriff (Kassidy) Mags as .....||
|Gauntlet as .....||