Annihilation
A Real Samurai
(Carlos's HP)
Drillman: Um, why have you turned your HP into a defensive base?
Yamato: To ward off the enemy.
Drillman: What are you talking about? Do you mean the mercenaries?
Yamato: (nods) Hollywood's present state has rotted into a hollow shell of it's former self. Among the occasional good films, there are masses of filmed atrocities released by fat-cat executives, numbing the minds of their victims. now, the only way to stop them is by fighting them and work from their ashes to rise anew.
Drillman: ... Um, yeah. Does Carlos know about this?
Yamato: He is backing me completely. All I have to do now is wait.
Drillman: ...Weird.
Carlos: Well, sorta, but I always thought that the first sign of all this was from Tom Cruise committing seppuku that one night...
(days earlier, at the NetGuardians' place)
Carlos: Appearlently, I just won a contest...
Moe: what did ya win? A 'Big-Screen TV?' some alternative to Viagra? 12 DVD's for the price of 1?
Carlos: 7 tickets for something called "The Last Samurai."
Serenade: Yeah, I bet you and YamatoMan would REALLY like to see that, huh?
Carlos: (scratches nose) Hmmm...
Yamato: Master Carlos, if this film isn't what the critics say, can you please rip out Serenede's batteries?
Carlos: Um, no.
(later, at the theater)
Johnathan: So, are the tickets checked?
Carlos: Yup.(dashes to lobby)I'll take a large popcorn, an XXL Mountain Dew, 3 hot dogs, 2 nachos, 4 mini-pizzas, and 5 Hershey bars!
(everyone except Carlos stare)
Carlos: What? it's not like you're gonna pay for all this... Now let's go!
(at the theatre)
David: Gimme some candy, Carlos!
Carlos: (sarcastically) Hmm, let's see... Uh, nope, I don't have any cowboy candy!
David: ...(I had to ask...) Ah, well, at least the previews are over, coming soon are a bunch of STUPID films...
Moe: Yeah, what the hell is up with Hollywood?
(after the film)
Carlos: Hey Moe! Remember when you said "what the hell is up with Hollywood?"
Moe: Yeah?
Carlos: Well, I'm thinking the same way...
Moe: Oh, the film sucked, huh?
Carlos: Like the Dick Almighty: long and hard.
Moe: So, what are ya gonna do about it?
Carlos: Hmmm, right now, I'm gonna go to Hollywood...
Moe: Do ya-
Carlos: Have the money? Of course!
Yamato: We're gonna go to California?
Carlos: Yup!
Yamato: ...Interesting.
Drillman: Don't you just need to go via the net for that?
Carlos: No, I have to do this as well. This country's sanity is at stake!
(Burbank Hilton)
Carlos: Man, I haven't been here scince G-Fest 99! It's great to be back again!*
Yamato: What's G-Fest?
Carlos: It's a long story. Now, we get something to eat, buy some DVD's, and get some rest! We will see Tom Cruise tomorrow!
Yamato: That dishonorable bastard!
Carlos: I knew you'd agree with me!
(cruises around in a rented '73 Oldsmobile Delta)
Carlos:Hmmm... Taco Bell?
Yamato: Master Carlos, you'll end up stinking up the room!
Carlos: McDonalds?
Yamato: Chicken heads, Hotdogs, and psuedo-Northwest cheese-clad 'Big N' Nasty' sandwiches.**
Carlos: Oh yeah, that sucks! I ain't eatin' that s---... Hey a bento resturaunt!
Yamato: Good choice, Master Carlos...
Carlos: Yup.
(later, at the hotel room)
Carlos: Okay, I had some teriyaki beef, bought a few DVD boxsets, now I hafta sleep...
Yamato: Goodnight, Master Carlos. May good luck be with us tomorrow.
(the next morning)
Yamato: Good Afternoon, Master Carlos.
Carlos: Any mail?
Yamato: Well, there was some spam I deleted.
Carlos: Good job.
Yamato: Thank you, master Carlos. However, there is a new mail from David.
Carlos: OK, now lesse what that stupid Bishounen-looking cowboy has to say.
[Name: David]
[Subject: Where are you?]
[Alright Carlos, where are you right now? 2 days ago, I thought you'd be somewhere, but at least tell me. OK?
--David]
Carlos: Hmmm... tell him I'm at Burbank at request by my grandparents.
Yamato: Alright, Master Carlos.
Carlos: Now that it's all I have to do now, we must see the true reason we're here in the first place!
(a few hours later, at Tom Cruise's house)
Tom: Alright, what do you want?
Carlos: I need to talk to you about something.
(Carlos enters)
Tom: You're crazy, you know that?
Carlos: YOU'RE crazy, for you have given the samurai a bad name!
Tom: Bullcrap! The samurai are long dead!
Yamato: Nonsense!
Carlos: What you have done is completely dishonorable, you must commit seppuku!
Tom: Ha! try to persuade me!
Carlos: Very well, scince you can't die honorably, I must take this into my own hands! (pulls out sword) Dairetsuzan!
(Tom Cruise's coat is sliced in two)
Tom: Alright, alright! just leave me alone and I'll do it!
Carlos: Very well. (leaves)
Tom: ... (takes gun from drawer, puts it at his head) He may think he's going away in peace, but he'll see! (shoots himself)
Carlos: (hears gunshot) Seems he decided to do so his own way.
(the next day, at the Net Guardian's place)
Carlos: Okay YamatoMan, any new mail?
Yamato: ...Sanababicchi! It's from some stranger!
[Name: ----]
[Topic: War!]
[This is a letter declaring war on the NetNavi YamatoMan and his affiliates. This is so because you convincced a Hollywood star to commit suicide after hearing the truth. To make sure it does not become public, YamatoMan must be deleted. We hope you have some strong chips, because it will take years to defeat us!
Curseth apon thee,
--the Hollywood Mercinaries]
Carlos: Fu, they think I'm some pansy-ass, huh? Let's see what happens when they encounter my new allies.
Moe, Drillman: Allies?
Yamato: the Yamato Army.
Drillman: Yamato Army?
Carlos: A special Self Defense Force made up of cleaned and modefied viruses designed in the case of major attack.
Yamato: Currently, they reside in Secret Area 2, and can be called out when needed.
Moe: So in other words, you're going to stop a bunch of Hollywood's Gestapos?
Carlos: (nods) I can't stand the state of Hollywood at this time...
Moe: Can I join?
Carlos: Go ahead, we need more muscle.
(Back at Yamato's HP)
Yamato: ...and Now, it's time.
Drillman: ? (looks outside) It seems the mercenaries are arriving.
Yamato: The wait ends. To arms!
(YamatoDominerds and YamatoNO's appear in front of mercenaries)
Yamato: NO Beam!
(YamatoNO's fire trademark attacks, delete line of mercinaries)
Mercenary 1: I'm not going down that easily! Magnum1! (YamatoNO's dodge Magnum1, accidently hits YamatoDominerds) Oh, no... (YamatoDominerds attack second row of Mercenaries, continues biting until row is deleted)
Drillman: Impressive! Who knew you could modify viruses?
Yamato: Master Carlos is a famous hacker after his massive success in Monaco.
Moe: Monaco?
Carlos: Long story.
(another line of Mercenaries release virus bombs, unleashing HardHeads)
Yamato: YamatoMagnums! Attack!
(YamatoMagnums delete HardHeads, but HardHeads delete YamatoDominerds beforehand)
Yamato: Dammit!
Carlos: Insert GrassStage!
Yamato: GrassStage! (panels grow grass)YamatoMagnums, Fire at will!
(YamatoMagnums smash 9 square radius, with double damage to Mercenaries)
Mercenary 2: Alright boys, Condor!
(row of Mercenaries dash towards YamatoMagnums) GutsImpact!
Yamato: No! (YamatoMagnums are deleted)
Mercenaries: The defenses are obliterated!
Voice: Good, now my revenge is chilled to perfection...
Carlos, Yamato: RightWinger!
RightWinger: Yes, you liberal bastard! I shall crush you and your cronies in the name of Bush!
Carlos: You mean the oil-stealing chimp?
RightWinger: Shut up!
Carlos, Yamato: You shut up!
RightWinger: Die! (charges, is blocked by YamatoMan's spear) I cannot let you live, you damned dirty liberal!
Yamato: Oh, and behind you...
(RightWinger turns around to find 3 YamatoSwordies) Attack!
(YamatoSwordies slash RightWinger)
Yamato: Told you so.
RightWinger: You unpatriotic wimps! Down with France! They disagreed with the war! Down with France! they disagreed with the war! (Yamato Swordies are deleted)
Yamato: Uwaaa!!!
Carlos: Seems I have to use my second folder!
Insert: FullCustom *!
Insert: KillerEye K!
(Custom Gauge fills, KillerEye Omega electricutes & stuns RightWinger)
Insert: AntiDmg M! AntiNavi M! Muramasa M!
Yamato: BodyGuard! (shurikens repeatidly attack RightWinger to near deletion)
RightWinger: Just remember this, you damned liberal. I may be deleted now, but a Navi named GekkoMan shallbring you you deletion! I may have destroyed your weak army, but remember this I am a mere Mettaur compared to GekkoMan! Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, haaa!!!(RightWinger explodes)
Yamato: ...GekkoMan?
Carlos: (sigh) Now that it's taken care of, we should rebuild the Yamato army, and preserved the data of the deleted.
Yamato: The Yamato Army has gone to meet their ancestors. They showed the true honor, and died honorably.
Carlos: Okay. wait- Hey Drill! are you okay? (sees Drill deleting the retreating Mercenaries) I guess so.
Drillman: What? do you'd think I'd stand around while there's some action going on?
Yamato: Thanks. If one escaped and told someone afterwards, who'd know what would happen?
(Yamato Logs out)
Carlos: If that kind of power is in Hollywood's access, then it might be a challenge.
Yamato: Anyway, the one they call the 'Last Samurai' is nothing compared to a real samurai.
Carlos: And because of that, no one can stop Mr. Domino!
* I was at the Burbank Hilton for G-Fest '99, a Godzilla convention. True story.
**If ya didn't know, there is this possibly local sandwich at McDonald's called the 'Tillamook Cheddar Big N' Tasty' being sold, at Portland at least. The two other things I got from articles online.
