Annihilation
Crimes With Orange
(The NG's place, Carlos' room)
Carlos: (sitting in a desk, tinkering with an object) OK, I finally finished it. (holds up a spool of wire) Strong as Super Alloy ß, yet thin as piano wires. Now, to test the thing. (puts a steel pipe on the table and wraps the wire around it) 3, 2, 1... (pulls on both sides of the wire and the steel pipe cleanly seperates in two)
Naomi: Wow!
Yamatoman: Impressive. It looks like there were two pipes to begin with.
Carlos: Indeed. This stuff can hold up a small car with a few strands!
Naomi, Yamatoman: (whistle)
(Adrienne's room)
Adrienne: ... (is surfing the movie sites until-) A live-action Garfield? DarkLady, check it out.
Darklady: OK.
Adrienne: (looks at the images of the film) ...What the helll? DarkLady, plug out!
Darklady: How come?
Adrienne: We must stop this movie.
(DarkLady plugs out)
Darklady: (in Adrienne's PET) Adrienne, how can we do that?
Adrienne: (smiles) We've got a friend that has done this before.
(In the halls of the NG's house)
(Carlos and Adrienne walk out of their rooms at the same time, and accidentally bump into eachother)
Carlos: (gets back up) Sorry, my bad.
Adrienne: (gets back up) Carlos! Just the guy I was looking for! (hugs Carlos)
Carlos: (smiles) Well, what do ya need me for?
Adrienne: (lets go) Well, remember that stuff you did at Hollywood?
Carlos: Yup!
Adrienne: Well, (whispers in Carlos' ear while Carlos makes shocked, angry, and smug expressions)
Carlos:...
Adrienne:...And that's it.
Carlos: (makes a heroic pose) I shall! In the name of my family, I shall bring justice! I shall bring out the evils of Hollywood and it shall rise from its ashes a phoenix of masterpiece! I shall steal the live-action Garfield! I shall!
Adrienne: Okay then! So how do we get there?
Carlos: I know how completely!
(Crescent City Airport)
Adrienne: Man, it's too bright in here!
Carlos: (following from behind, and while carrying all of their luggage, hands Adrienne a pair of shades) Anyway, we should be at our gate soon. (they pass by a man with a trenchcoat and hat reading the paper)
Zenigata: Carlos... (notices a man walking past him) Lupin!
Man: (turns around to see Zenigata trying to cuff him) Gah!
Zenigata: Alright Lupin! You're under arre-? (notices the man is not Lupin)
Carlos: (notices) Well, it seems Oyaji confused someone with Cousin Arsene.
Adrienne: Well, we're almost at the gate. Let's go!
Carlos: OK. Don't want Oyaji to follow us in the flight.
(On the flight)
Announcer: Your in-flight movie today, is 'The Boys From Brazil.'
Carlos: A classic. (puts on headphones)
Adrienne: (turning all the fans, lights, and attendant signals in the aisle on) What is?
(After the flight, outside the airport)
Carlos: (puts in CD, begins singing)
I'm the one
Everybody's waiting fo-or!
Scream for me!
A romantic modern hero!
They need a hero,
somebody they can look up to.
I'm a superhero-o-o!
I'm a superhero-o-o!
I'm a superhero-o-o!
The hero of today!
Yea-ahh! (gets shot at)
Adrienne: What the-? I was thinking it, and it came true! Incredible! Now I'm imagining that CD is bursting into flames...
Carlos: Mercenaries. (hands Adrienne a Walther P-38)
Adrienne: Oh, figures. What's this for?
Carlos: Hollywood's been wanting a piece of me ever scince that Tom Cruise incident. (points to gun) That'll help defend yourself from them. You a good shot?
Adrienne: Um?
Carlos: Ah, well. (shots are fired in the background) Hold on to the wheel!
Adrienne: Gotcha! (Adrienne takes the wheel while Carlos gets up)
Carlos: (shots are fired at him, but the bullets bounce off him) I shall. (fires MB-1 at the mercenaries' car, which explodes into a fireball)
Carlos: Chalk up another one for the H-man!
(Later, Carlos and Adrienne arrive at the LA Hilton)
Carlos: (walks up to a female attendant)OK, Three rooms, please.
Attendant: Three?
Carlos: (slams a stack of bills on the desk) Down Payment. And if ya keep the fact about the three rooms, (slams another stack of bills on the desk)
Attendant: (stares at the money) Then so be it! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, hooo!!!
Carlos, Adrienne: ... (both sweat)
Carlos: Can we get our keys now?
Attendant: Hey, go ahead! Knock yourself out! (throws a small pack of keycards at Carlos, and grabs the money and smells it) Mmmm, cold hard cash! All for me! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, hooo!!!
Carlos: (quietly) Let's go to a room before the crazy woman provokes me further.
Adrienne: Alright.
(That night)
Adrienne: Let's see what's on... Sports stuff, stocks, ...Fashion? (shudders and changes the channel)
Carlos: (walks in from outside thier room, holding a bag of groceries) Oh, God. The O'Reilly Factor?
Adrienne: (listens) ...Is he stupid, or just plain insane?
Carlos: (puts groceries in the mini-fridge) Stupid, full of shit, and fuckin' nuts. The typical conservative madman who listens to the twisted little voices in his head, and disguises it as news.
Adrienne: (changes the channel) I can tell.
Carlos: (leaps back on his bed) Anyway, (looks at the clock) Holy crap! Lupin III's on!
Adrienne: What? I thought Lupin III was a real person.
Carlos: Yeah, he's my cousin.
Adrienne: ...and a fictional cartoon character at the same time?
Carlos: Why not?
(window crashes inward)
Adrienne: What the-?
Carlos: Get down! (mercenaries jump in) mercenaries: ...Augh! (get thrown out of the window as Carlos shoots them with the MB-1)
Carlos: Remember our second room?
Adrienne: Yeah?
Carlos: Time to relocate.
(Later, at another room)
Adrienne: Hey Carlos, what's going on? You look so upset.
Carlos: ... (leaves to go outside, drops Naomi's PET on accident)
Adrienne: ! (picks it up and turns it on) Naomi, what's with Carlos?
Naomi: You mean Oniichan's been acting upset right now?
Adrienne: Exactly.
Naomi: It's a long story, but I'll tell it to you. Only for the first few years in his life, Oniichan was under the care of his original parents, Misuzu Hayashida, and Kenichi Lupin. They apparently lived in happiness until his parents were caught by Inspector Kouichi Zenigata.
Adrienne: So that explains his hatred toward that man.
Naomi: Anyway, after the incident, Oniichan was adopted by a rich couple. What happened, was that they were abusive of Oniichan and prevented him from learning about anything other than Christian conservative values. While they feasted themselves on fine food and lived in the lap of luxury, Oniichan only got minimum. Ultimately, a note sent to him reported of his heritage and hidden skills.
Adrienne: And then what happened?
Carlos: (walks back in) I destroyed them.
Adrienne: What?
Carlos: The note also revealed that I had a personal account in a national bank, so I brought cold, sweet revenge on those bastards. Although it was the same time my parents got out of prison on bail, I stole from my stepparents their money, their valuables, their cars, and their house. When all of their stuff was gone, the money I took was a lot more than the neccesary bail money. The last time I saw my stepparents was in the obituaries, where there were claims of 'They died after their son dissapeared and everything under their ownership was gone. After that incident, they did what they could to scrape off what they could, but it was a bitter end to a notorious businessman.' After all that, I continiued stealing from the corrupted as 'The Thief of Justice.'
Adrienne: Well, that's some backstory. But if you're so ruthless with most people you hate why do you go so easy on Zenigata? And what exactly initiated this painful sentiment, that story doesn't seem to have anything to do with our curent situation.
Carlos: Now, I must rest. We shall bring justice tomorrow.
Adrienne: But you didn't answer my- (Carlos is asleep)...bastard!
(The next day)
Yamatoman: Master Carlos, I've found as much info and images from this film as I could find.
Carlos: Let me see... (afterwards) Sweet Biggy Mac, this is painful.
Adrienne: Indeed.
Carlos: We must not waste time! Let's go! (drive to the studio)
Zenigata: (walks to the center of the screen) Hmmm...
(At the studio)
(Carlos and Adrienne, in employee uniforms, sneak into the studio)
Carlos: (slices off door with the Himitsuken) This time, I'm not using my navis until we find those computers being used in the film.
Adrienne: Okay...
(more mercenaries burst in, firing apon Carlos)
Carlos: (hands Adrienne the Himitsuken) Adrienne, they want me! Get them from behind!
Adrienne: Okay. I have a score to settle with them. (walks up from behind, slices mercenaries in half with the Himitsuken) Huh? They're androids!
Carlos: 3, 2, 1... (the androids explode)
Adrienne: Sweet!
Carlos: Didn't expect that. Now, deletion time!
(CGI Room)
Adrienne: Now, let's tap some budget! Plug in! DarkLady.EXE, Execute!
Carlos: Plug in! YamatoMan.EXE, Naomi.EXE, Execute!
(CGIComp)
Voice: So, you try to interrupt 'Project Orange G!'
Darklady: The hell are you talking about?
Voice: It's simple. What we are doing here-
Yamatoman: Is another Hollywood plot!
Naomi: Just like our other Hollywood jobs!
Voice: Well, now you must be deleted by the hands of MirrorMan! (a shiny, demonic figure walks in out of thin air)
Naomi: Wow, this guy looks like he's badass.
Yamatoman: While in reality, he's just a pansy.
Mirror: Well then, give me your best shot!
Yamatoman: DarkLady! See what you can do!
Darklady: What? Why me?
Yamatoman: Oh right, you're new here. See, Naomi and I don't make mistakes. Our attacks are always 100% effective. So in case this guy has any nasty surprises, you'll have to be the one that suffers from them in order to make sure Naomi and I look as good as possible.
Darklady: Bullshit! Just have Naomi use that X-Scanner thing. Doesn't that alert you to any hidden surprises without having to discover them the hard way?
Naomi: I could, but this time you're here.
Darklady: Oh, whatever. (turns yellow, fires electricity at MirrorMan)
Mirror: (electricity makes MirrorMan's chest plates turn yellow) This should be fun. (electricity fires back at DarkLady)
Darklady: I hate you guys so much! DarkHole! (falls through a hole, and slowly rises out weilding an axe) Axe Boomerang!
Mirror: (catches axe) You can't stop me!
Naomi: I got it! (whispers in YamatoMan's ear)
Yamatoman: I see. CannonBall! (black sphere appears in YamatoMan's hand) Tooohhh! (smashes MirrorMan's arm holding DarkLady's axe)
Mirror: Kraaahhh!!!
Naomi: Breaker Missle! (launches two missles, one at MirrorMan's other arm, causing it to shatter, and the other at MirrorMan's chest, exposing his core)
Mirror: No...
Darklady: Black Hole Cannon! (cannon appears on DarkLady's arm, begins sucking in the shattered remains of MirrorMan's arms and front chest, and fires at MirrorMan's core, causing it to explode)
Mirror: ... (armless body falls over and shatters)
Yamatoman: Now, find all the graphic files, and delete them!
Carlos: Now, we steal the budget and such.
Adrienne: (thinks about a massive amount of money) Split it in half?
Carlos: Part of my policy.
(Studio budget room)
(Carlos and Adrienne burst in, slashing apart walls and shooting up the security system)
(Back at CGIComp)
(YamatoMan and Naomi fire volleys of missles and BackUp soliders, deleting as much of the CGI Garfield files as possible)
(Back at the budget room)
Carlos: Time to make a withdrawl from the pigboy's bank. (grabs half the money from a safe the size of a desk)
Adrienne: (grabs the rest) Finally, I can continue eating something other than donuts!
(both run out)
Carlos: Yeah, let V-ass the Scrawn-pede eat all the donuts he wants!
Yamatoman: Master Carlos, we deleted the files associated with the film!
Carlos: Alright, YamatoMan! Let's plug out!
(Outside the studio)
Carlos: Let's blow this joint! (leaps into '73 Oldsmobile Delta)
Adrienne: (gets in) Wait, Carlos, didn't we forget something?
Carlos: Well, we've got our navis and the film's budget. That's about it.
Zenigata: (rises up from behind) You forgot about me.
Carlos: (steps on the gas and drives off)
Zenigata: (runs off, returns in a police convoy) Let's get him!
(later)
Zenigata: Dammit, we lost him again. Be assured, Carlos. I'll get you sooner or later, when you least expect it or not, I shall capture you.
(the next day, back at the NG's house)
Carlos, Adrienne: (laugh)
Adrienne: Just about 10 million dollars with unmarked serials! (throws money in the air) It's a shower of money! Woohoo! (throws money at Carlos)
Carlos: Yeah! This is hot stuff! (examines one of the bills and sighs)
Adrienne: What's wrong, Carlos?
Carlos: Dump it.
Adrienne: WHAT?!
Carlos: They're fakes.
Adrienne: (examines a bill from the pile) Huh? They're fake? No way, we got these from a Hollywood studio.
Carlos: Goat Bills.
Adrienne: Goat Bills? Didn't your cartoon character cousin Arsene stop production?
Carlos: Apparently, the plates were never found. Adrienne, I'm just gonna let Cousin Arsene handle that one. But how about we have a celebration on 'Garfield's cancellation?
(Carlos and Adrienne toss the Goat Bills throughout the NG's house)
Carlos: Yooosh! Share and enjoy, man!
Adrienne: Damn, damn, damn it all!
David: You're both nuts.
