STORY OF MY LIFE
Yet Another Business of War Parody... this time by Makenshi!
The Watersports Sub-Plot... Condensed Version!
*in a high security prison...*
Agent: Hi, we'll give you a full pardon of all the crimes you did if you fight with us on the RPD.
Makenshi: Really? Even though I
caused the deaths of thousands of people? But I can't! I've done too many terrible
things...Agent: .... The Ascendant Androids are evil now and-
Makenshi: SIGN ME UP I MUST
KILL THEM. *later!*
Makenshi: And now, a dramatic
moment where I swear to make my overriding objective to kill the General! Cutman, I will
take your life if it's the last thing I do! And that's a promise!*and so, Makenshi joins the RPD*
Makenshi: Hi, I'm Shiken Max.
Vulcan: Shiken Max? That sounds kind
of like Makenshi. Makenshi: Wait, what? Vulcan: Nothing. *walks away* Makenshi: (Phew... he doesn't
suspect a thing!)*a few days later...*
Makenshi: Wait, who am I
hunting again? Oh yeah, my evil doppleganger. Waveman, I will take your life if it's the
last thing I do! And that's a promise!*Alberta, Canada*
Spiegel: Alright, since you were a genocidal and mentally unstable maniac you're going to have two Watchers and a bunch of SF units to keep an eye on you.
Makenshi: Is that really
necessary? I mean, I'm only one person...Spiegel: SHUT UP AND DO YOUR MISSION BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH
Grenademan:
ARRRRGGGHHHH! MY ARM JUST GOT RIPPED OFF!
Wraithman: GAHHHH! MY
INSIDES ARE BEING DEVOURED BY NANOBOTS! Makenshi: Oh no! I cracked a
nail! I sure hope it doesn't get infected!*after the battle*
Robot: I completely trust you, so I'm taking you to Dr. Light's hideout!
Makenshi: Oh, but I have to
hide my camera bug and my tracker is blocked, so the RPD still won't be able to know where
it is! How convenient!
Crys and Nick: And we just happen to be here as well! Makenshi: Cool! Now I can
secretly give you my ingenious plans to get a new armor and escape from the RPD, right
under my Watchers' nose! Crys: Makenshi, don't
die, okay? Makenshi: I swear to you, not
only will I not die, but I'll defeat all the Ascendant Androids who are in the Scissor
Army and get our old armors back! And that's a promise!Spiegel: Wait, what just happened?
*Anchorage, Alaska*
Makenshi: *gets punched by a
Siege Joe* Ow, that smarts! Good thing the Siege Joes don't have spikes on their knuckles,
or I'd be dead for sure!
Raijin: Alright guys,
here's a sketch of a Siege Joe. Note the huge spikes on their knuckles. Makenshi:.... I'm just gonna
ignore that.*In Rothenburg, Germany, Makenshi is sent into his own nightmare thanks to Mesmerman!*
Mesmerman: Oh man,
screwing with your mind is so much fun. Makenshi: Mesmerman, I swear
I'm going to kick your ass! And that's a promise! Mesmerman: Oh okay.
Here's a sword.
Gauntlet: AHA! We've got
another one! Add Makenshi to the sword users list!*Makenshi appears to be beating the crap out of Mesmer, but then the sword disappears!*
Makenshi: Buh? Mesmerman: You fool,
thinking that you could beat me! I was just screwing around with you! Now go get eaten by
dead people.*Makenshi wakes up*
Makenshi: Urgh, where am I? Did
Mesmerman bring me here? Makenshi 2: No, it
was me! Makenshi:... But you're not me.
Waveman: You're right, it was me! Makenshi: Well, in a sense, you
are me and I am you. Waveman: Hah! You fool! I am me,
and you are just a mere phony me! Makenshi: But if you are me and
I am-
Everyone:
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! Makenshi: Alright, Waveman, I'm
gonna kill you.... And that's a promise!*Waveman makes a Death Note reference and they fight*
Waveman: Damn! I've been able to
rip apart SF units like twigs without getting damaged at all but this human is kicking my
ass! Makenshi: Waveman I am kicking
your ass! Waveman: Oh no you're not! Watch as
I turn all the snow into water, incapacitate you and wash you off a conveniently placed
cliff! Makenshi: Oh yeah? Well watch
as I conveniently pull out an extra set of guns and use wind bullets to break my fall and
play dead!*meanwhile, at RPD HQ*
Spiegel: Makenshi's disappeared? No donuts for him!
*everyone laughs*
Spiegel: Seriously though, he's gonna be punished.
*Bergen, Norway*
Crorq: Captain Spiegel! You
will be deployed along with Makenshi and the Drastic Measures to your hometown!Spiegel: Ooh, does this mean I get to have character development?
Makenshi: Yeah. Your long lost
dad went insane and turned himself into a monster and dug up your mom and brother to
cyberize them as well as transform a bunch of animals into rabid cyborgs.Spiegel: ....
Makenshi: You're also not an
asshole anymore and will let Burstgirl beat the crap out of Senator Jorgunsson and only
pretend to shut her down. Everyone: Yay!*back at RPD HQ!*
Pride: Yo. I'm here to give you your watch.
Makenshi:... Did you just
flawlessly bypass the RPD's security?Pride: Uh... Yeah.... What of it?
Makenshi: And you didn't use
this ability to sneak into everyones' bases and blow them up?Pride: I'm too lazy. Besides, I'm such a badass loner because I'm not working for any faction due to being a mere plot device. Bye.
*And so, Makenshi becomes Waveman!*
Vulcan: What say you join with me to
rebuild the Ascendant Androids?
Makenshi: I'm in. We'll restart the
team together....... And that's a promise!*Canberra is a place where the humans are robocidal assholes and Saturn is a homicidal asshole*
Makenshi: Man, homicidal
whippersnappers like you brings back memories of when I was evil. You youngins have no
idea how much it's going to shatter your psyche when you realize that all the things you
did were horrible. Why, I remember when I killed my-
Saturn: Nobody cares. Makenshi: BITCH YOU ARE SO DEAD.*There's fighting, people die, and then the RPD win.*
Makenshi: The RPD is bad.Spiegel: I agree. Geez, it's amazing how I haven't been demoted even after going against orders to shut down a robot and then saying these things.
*The RPD starts shaping up, but then its base in London is decimated*
Vatnick: Damn, and I didn't get to have any character development! *dies*
Beeson: I'm still alive. Do I get any character development?
Spiegel: Yeah. It turns out you loved Vatnick but you didn't get the chance to tell him so and now you never will because he's dead.
Beeson: .....
*Meanwhile, the good guys are victorious in taking down Elysium!*
Diveman: Fuck yeah! Vulcan: It's over, it's finally
over...
BB: Finally, we can
go home now...Nox: I feel like we're forgetting someone though
*Elsewhere*
Makenshi: We meet again. Waveman: Kyahahaha! Well if it
isn't the phony me! Makenshi: Actually, I think I
understand now. You see, you're not me at all. You're just a different being created by
Cutman based on my memories, so you only think that- Everyone: NOBODY
KNOWS WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! Makenshi: Alright, I guess we should
just fight then. Waveman: With this particle
synthesizer, we'll be together.... FOREVER! Makenshi: Yeah... I'd rather kill
myself. *dies* Waveman: OSHI-*dies*THE END