Cossack's Comrades Alpha Season 4 Epilogue 17
THE BASTARD, THE DICK AND THE CREEPY

By Hunter (Skull Man)

(The Citadel, by night. It all seems awfully quiet, as if everyone had left the place. Fortunately, some decided to keep the place until potential threats.)

Geoff *with a bag of chips* : Woohoo !

(Or maybe because it was 24 Hour Wrestling Marathon.)

Geoff : All the others left for some Convention. Wasn't gonna spoil their fun.

(What happened the last time you were at one, by the way ?)

Geoff : Challenged all cosplayers, an' beat them in a pulp. Buncha sissies.

(Apparently, someone's going to break that paradise of yours.)

? : *knocks at the door* Any of youse Comrades here ? The boss wants-a to talk with you !

Geoff : The pizza mob guy. Sounds like it'll be a fun night after all. Gonna bring the Emo Twins wit' me, though.

(So, not everyone came ?)

Geoff : We're talkin' abou' the asocial duo. And they don' have taste about ole wrestlin'.

(Sounds plausible.
Later, in a familiar restaurant...)

Trenchcoat #1 : I don't see why we must wear such cliché clothes.

Geoff : C'mon, every guy comin' incognito hasta wear trenchcoat an' fedora.

Trenchcoat #2 : And we'll make the Don a nice surprise, isn't it, Dive ?

Geoff : Damn straight.

Waiter : How may I ... good Lord, not you again !

Geoff : We're gonna see your boss, thank ya. *climbs upstairs, followed by the trenchcoat guys*

Don Girogeva : Ah, Cossack's lackeys. Where's the rest of your-a gang ?

Geoff : Busy. Ye only have me an' the Trenchcoat twins. Why did ya call us ?

Don : I need some help about a new gang, but will your friends be up to it ?

Trenchcoat #2 : We'll see about it ... *eyes glow blue*

Don : ... Uh-oh.

(Simultaneously, both Comrades removed their trenchcoats to reveal the Blue Fox Elite : Skull and Toad.)

Don (in a weak voice) : Long time no see, Blue Fox.

Regulus : Call me Toad. Anyway, what's the matter ?

Don : ...

Hunter *raises his claw* : Speak.

Don : R-right. There's-a been some new gang recently, and they started suppressing my allies one after another.

Regulus : So ? Send some hitmen and call it a day.

Don : We tried ! But they started to send the hitmen back.

Hunter : How is that terrible ?

Don : It was in several small boxes.

Geoff : I'm likin' these guys already.

Don : I figure Blue Fox's friends could solve the matter while everyone else failed.

Regulus : Good thinking. Any hints before we start ?

Don : There were some cassettes along with the boxes, and the voice on it had a German accent.

Hunter, Regulus and Geoff : Flakmaster.

Regulus : We'll be on our way. Soon, you'll be back to being the only mob boss around.

Don : Many thanks !

(As the Comrades left, the Don reached under his desk and picked three cassettes : a blue, a red and a black one. Which then transformed.)

Don : Was it good ?

Rumble : Convincing, fella. Guess the Boss will go easy on you.

Frenzy : Or just not blame you if it fails !

Don : *relieved* Good. Does your bird wanna cracker ?

Lazerbeak : *glares at the Don*

Rumble : He wants to maul you apart for that line.

(Back to the Comrades, then.)

Regulus : If Flakmaster knows his job, we won't be able to just find him by chance.

Hunter : Meaning we must investigate.

Geoff : Clever Bones. As if I didn't figger tha' on my own.

Regulus : I suggest we split to look for clues.

Geoff : Good thinkin', Kermit. You Emo Twins will play Batman while I go an' look into the pubs.

Hunter : Do these people know you ?

Geoff : Kid, if I got a penny fer each time I started a fight or got expelled in these pubs, I could buy the damn USA. An' I'd still have enough ta buy Canada as well.

(Let's go a bit later, on the roofs.)

Thug 1 : Hey, Vlad. How's it doing ?

Thug 2 : Nice. Can't complain. And you, Sacha ?

Sacha : Just joined the Don's crew. He's an okay fellow. Got news of Igor ?

Vlad : Unpleasant ones. Seems like he got taken by ... the Haunter.

Sacha : You lost me there. Who's that Haunter guy ?

Vlad : No one really knows. Some think he's a new vigilante, like the Batman. Others say he was a dude killed by the SA, and he came back for revenge.

Sacha : That's just silly. What's next ? He works with Blue Fox ?

Vlad : *hushes* Don't say that name ! He has ears everywhere. And if he finds out about you ... you'll regret it.

? : You couldn't be more right.

(Standing in front of the thugs was a cloaked silhouette, only revealing a claw and a single red eye.)

Vlad : It's him ! The Haunter !

Sacha : Taste lead, sucker ! *pulls out a gun*

(The criminal opened fire on the "vigilante", only to see it blocked by a forcefield. Said vigilante didn't lose time in disarming Sacha and grabbing his throat with his own claw.)

"Haunter" : I heard you mentionned Batman. You will find I am much, much worse.

Sacha : *gargles a question*

"Haunter" : To start with, I lack what you call "mercy" and "empathy". *enforces his grip on Sacha's neck*

? *from the shadows* : That will be enough for now.

(Before Vlad could move, he found himself disarmed and mastered by the second member of the Duo : Blue Fox.)

Vlad : It was r-right. Y-you two work together !

Hunter : Correct. *dumps Sacha to the ground*

Regulus : We need info. Heard of a Flakmaster recently ?

Sacha *massaging his throat* : D-doesn't ring a bell, ma- er, Blue Fox.

Hunter : Monocle. Mouthplate. German accent.

Regulus : And he's a damn Transformer as well. Hard to miss in a crowd.

Vlad : We heard nothing of that guy ! Honestly !

Sacha : We may know someone who knows, though. You have a cheque ready ?

Vlad : Cut it out, you moron !

Hunter : *turns his claw to a Buster* Is "your life" good enough of a pay ?

Regulus : We might give you a nickel for laundry, by the looks of it.

Sacha : Alright ! Alright ! It's a yellow jeep near the Shades ! It's hard to miss !

Regulus : Sounds good enough of a hint. We'll leave you boys alone.

Hunter : *lowers his Buster*

Regulus : Oh, and tell your friends ... The Terrifying Onslaught is out in town.

(Later, the terrific duo waited for their last friend near the mentionned vehicle.)

Regulus *to Geoff who's coming* : You smell like alcohol, cold cigarettes and blood. Not that it changes much from usual.

Geoff : Not everyone has time ta use make-up, Sewer-Boy.

Hunter *removing his cloak hood* : Did you find anything useful ?

Geoff : Found some acquaintances, bashed some skulls, an' made them repay some debts. I finally got tha word fer a yellow jeep aroun' here.

Regulus : Just like us. We may be dealing with the top street guy around.

Geoff : An' if this is who I think, ye're gonna have ta dirty yer hands.

Hunter : Why is that so ?

Geoff : Lesson in life, Skeletor : Never trust someone with a yellow jeep. Especially if that guy IS th' yellow jeep.

(On that clue, the jeep transformed to reveal...)

Geoff : Swindle, ya old bastard. Still eavesdroppin' on honest people ?

Swindle : "Honest" people ? Are we talking about Blue Fox, his lacky and the angry Sub ? Long time no see, Dive. How's life doing ?

Geoff : A whole deal worse now that I saw you.

Swindle : Oh, you're still mad about that Energon business ?

Geoff : Ye're supposed ta drink Energon, not ta have it explodin' in yer mouth.

Regulus : And I remember you were involved in the theft of my stocks, Cybertronian scum.

Swindle : So is it my fault if my business partners had a logo that looked exactly like yours ? You suspect me automatically ? I'm wounded, pals. Seriously wounded.

Geoff : Cut the drama, Dibbler. Even ya don' believe it.

Swindle : I still like to put on a show. And what is your mute friend up to, by the way ?

Hunter : I noticed you were once part of the Combaticons. Where are the others ?

Swindle : Well ... we weren't that hot with the 'Cons Command to start with, so we left to our own ways. Last I heard, they still worked together as soldiers of fortune.

Regulus : Fleeing a crime they didn't commit, right ?

Geoff : And did they repaint ole Blast-Off black ? *starts humming loudly a familiar theme*

Swindle : Cut it out ! Still, we keep in touch a bit. Always helps to be a Combaticon when it comes to being paid.

Regulus : Sure thing. Now, tell us what you know on Flakmaster.

Swindle : He resides at this address. *hands a grubby note* Since you're with my old pal Dive, it's free for today.

Geoff : *grabs the note* If ya led us inna trap, I'm gonna beat yer aft all th' way ta Cybertron. An' then sell yer spare parts ta a robotics college.

Regulus : Oh, and before we leave, you might have liked to know that these Panzerkons are stealing your thunder.

Swindle : *eyes narrow* What do you mean ?

Hunter : War criminals, working back with Megatron. Combiner Team as well.

Regulus : And they'd even beat Bruticus without a sweat. Guess you and your pals will only be a little note in the Decepticon history in the end...

Swindle : I ... will see what to do. Just go and see the guy, now.

(Near said address...)

Hunter : How did you two come to know Swindle ?

Geoff : Sometimes, ya need a firm support when dealin' with th' underground. An' he had th' damn best quality/price ratio.

Regulus : He had a certain experience with Middle East. Always helps when you want to open your business to a new market.

(As they stepped further in the alley...)

? : Hold on, y'all ! Hands in the air !

(Our three Comrades found themselves surrounded by familiar ennemies !)

Treader *walking out of the shadows* : Nice of you to pay a visit. The boss will soon be ready to meet you.

Gehenos : Too bad, he's already comin'.

Regulus : What is the problem with th- ... oh. My.

(Let's say Flakmaster can have bad clothing tastes.)

Geoff : Is that a giant fur coat ?

Hunter : The fact you're using a cigar, despite your mouthplate, leaves me perplex.

Flakmaster : Eazy reazoning : to act like a mob boss, you must act and vear clothes like a mob boss.

Regulus : You really have no taste in clothes, do you ?

Geoff : A for th' effort, though. Now, why did ya bring us here ?

Flakmaster : I knew your friends vere going to zis convention since weeks, so I decided to gife myself a nice pozition in ze mob and trap you all.

Regulus : So, you used the Don to get us ?

Flakmaster : *puffing on his cigar* Brilliant sinking, Toadman ! And I vanted especially ze sree of you to be here. *snaps his fingers*

Nightspinner : *takes a box and opens it* I suppose you know what this is.

Hunter : Cerebro-shells.

Flakmaster : From ze very designs of my ... colleague Bombshell ! You know vhere zis is going, isn't it ?

Treader : *prepares a blade* So hold them carefully while we implant those nifty items in your pretty heads !

Stonegrinder, Nightspinner and Dreadnought : *grab Skull, Toad and Dive*

Gehenos : Welcome to the Decepticons, future spies !

Geoff : Kiss my aft, Zippo-boy !

(At this moment, the closest wall shattered, followed by five huge silhouettes.)

Onslaught : So these are the guys, eh ? Megatron is really shuffling through the lower desks nowadays.

Stonegrinder : Hey, Onslaught ! How ya doing, fella ?

Onslaught : Good. Except that I learned about how you guys were taking on our role !

Swindle : *winks at Dive* You're in debt, now.

Geoff : Coulda broken free anytime.

Flakmaster : Taking your role ? And here I thought you left ze 'Cons !

Blast-Off : Doesn't mean we don't have standards for copycats like you.

Brawl : I'LL RIP YOUR SPARKS APART !

Flakmaster : You want action ? You'll hafe action ! Panzerkons, form Imperator !

Onslaught : As you wish ! Combaticons, form Bruticus !

Bruticus : Bruticus DEVASTATE copycat !

Imperator : Only the superior shall win !

(Luckily, the Comrades escaped before the brawl began.)

Regulus : Guess we'll leave them at peace.

Hunter : What are you doing with this camera ?

Geoff : *recording the fight* Giant robot wrestling, Skellington ! People will pay bucks fer this !

Regulus : I happen to have some pay-per-view channels unused. Shall we work together ?

Geoff : Deal. An' after that, we'll pay th' Don a friendly visit.

(After a few action-packed minutes, the fight ended, leaving two tired Decepticon teams alone.)

Onslaught : I admit ... you guys are true Decepticon stuff.

Dreadnought : Combaticons ... good.

Vortex : We must go now, boss. We still have a contract with these Megara fellows.

Onslaught : Got it. *turns to Swindle* Don't ehsitate to call again for help.

Swindle : Sure thing, boss !

Brawl : BUT IF THIS IS FOR "BUSINESS" AGAIN ...

Vortex : ... We'll sell you to Megatron as an ashtray.

Swindle : *gulps*

Flakmaster : *shakes hands with Onslaught* Alvays ready for a rematch.

Onslaught : Thanks a lot. *picks up the cigar and puffs on it* I love it when a plan all comes together.

Blast-Off : *transforms* We're on our way, people ! See you !

Treader : *as the Combaticons and Swindle leave* Now that we failed, do we return home, sir ?

Flakmaster : I don't see vhy not. Ve still hafe a solid stronghold in zese undergrounds. Zat, and it's a Starscream-free place.

Dreadnought : I liked Thtarthcream, thur. He wath a good target.

Stonegrinder : Good point. Howsabout we travel places ? Like, a week-end here, and the week in the Nemesis ?

Flakmaster : A good idea to submit to Herr Megatron. Brilliant thinking, Stonegrinder !

(Let's leave the Panzerkons to their half-victory, and check on the trio.)

Hunter : *pulling cats from the Don's desk* Fourty. Fourty-one. Fourty-two. Fourty-three.

Geoff : *smashing the cats* I could do this all day.

Don : Please, a-stop it ! It's quite-a expensive !

Regulus : But you'd make your old friends a favor, right ? For repayment of leaving you alive.

Don : *defeated* Okay.

Regulus : Hang on, I got a call. *in phone* AM. You're back to the Citadel ? Hope that was a good week-end. Us ? We're in town. We'll come back with fur coats for everyone. No, we killed no one for the money again. See you !

Hunter : Fifty. Fifty-one. Fifty-two.

(And thus, ended the first adventure of the Street Trio. PETA hopes there won't be another one soon.)

***

THE END

Cossack's Comrades
AM as Drill Man		Sean as Dust Man		Geoff as Dive Man
	Jet as Bright Babe		Hunter as Skull Man
John as Ring Man		Jade as Pharaoh Man		Regulus as Toad Man