Gauntlet's Guide to Bizarro Yellow Lantern!

Caption: And so, in the center of the Bizarro World's Capital City, there stands a glass case holding the greatest villain of them all..... the one who has neither motion nor thought ..... Bizarro Lois: No wonder everyone admire him! Us merely think stupid -- him not think AT ALL!

The greatest hero of Htrae, the Bizarro World!

This guy was freakin' hilarious! Who does not love loopy Bizarro logic? Okay, unless yer silver-age comic illiterate, I'll explain who Bizarro Yellow Lantern is. Waaaaay back in the 60's, Lex Luthor thought it'd be some kinda asset to have an imperfect, retarded version of Superman, so he used his "Bizarro-ray:" to create Bizarro Superman #1. Bizarro had all of Superman's powers, and this was when Supey juggled planets fer giggles, but he was a total retard. Or perhaps the new term is "dull-witted". Whatever. Any way you spell it, he was none too bright. Anyway, Bizarro got lonely, so he created an entire square planet Bizarro version of Earth filled with Bizarro versions of Lois Lane and Superman (he had to wear a #1 sign to distinguish himself, genius that he is). He got really into this and created Bizarro versions of Superman's friends and enemies.

Now, the absolute hilarious part of this is that the Bizarros actively thought about what normal people would do and tried their best to do the opposite. But don't believe me. Here's an excerpt from an actual comic book:

You see? Everybody took a time out to actually think about what the opposite actions would be. This was not a natural thing, they tried as hard as they could to be as inept as they are. But even so, the Bizarros were very happy. Even when they were being beaten senseless they had that goofy grin on their face! Unlike Superman (of the time) Bizarro never had a hernia about hiding his secret ID. He and Lois even had a Bizarro kid while the real Superman was still trying to get to first base with the real Lois! Now, if Bizarro is better at scoring with his Lois, and he's doing the opposite of everything the real deal is, what does that say about the real Supey hmmmmmm?

BUT, I'm getting off track. Now, as you recall, Bizarro made screwy versions of alla Superman's friends which included Green Lantern. Now, if you don't know anything about GL lemme sum it up for you:

has a GL power ring that can do anything the wearer wills, but it is powerless against the color yellow. It must also be recharged using a GL power Battery every 24 hours. A GL must be honest and completely without fear.

Well, making a Bizarro copy of a fearless warrior produced an inept coward. Such was the glory of Yellow Lantern! YL also had a 24-hour time limit, but his ring was ineffective against anything green!

So, you see on Htrae, even YOU can become the greatest hero of an entire planet who's population is consisted of people who have the powers of Superman! Even Aquaman's power is too much for Yellow Lantern and Aquaman talks to fish!

You see? You see now the glory that was Yellow Lantern? The only bad thing about this guy is that he was never, ever used except in one issue with him as a very secondary character. He never even met the real GL. 'tis a shame, really............

Not many of you know about the Crisis on Infinite Earths, so let me educate you.... You see the Superman we have now is not the same one that we had before 1986. Why? The Crisis, friends. Once upon a time, DC bought the rights to several comic book companies. Their characters were then set in different Earths. Example: DC boughs Shazam and Captain Marvel from Faucet publishing. Shazam was delegated to Earth-S. There were a dozen of these Earths, and DC felt they had too many, so they decided to do a continuity cleanup (I.E.: a revamp).

In the Crisis all of these earths either died or were merged into the DCU we know today. Some of DC's big names were given complete makeovers because their continuity was so messed up! One of these characters was Superman. What does this mean? It means that all of his pre-Crisis adventures simply did not happen. And the Bizarro World just didn't exist. Ever. It was never there. Just ignore that man behind the curtain. Yes, Bizarro Yellow Lantern, Bizarro #1 and the entire Bizarro World is lost to us....possibly forever..... A moment of silence, please..........

I am Gauntlet and this has been Gauntlet's guides.

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