The first of the Gauntlet's Guides not actually written by Gauntlet... It's by ME!! GEM RED DAMN YOU!
Nowadays, many parents, mothers especially, are getting upset at violence caused by and directed at children, and not knowing what the cause is (of course it COULDN'T be their lack of parenting, heaven forfend!) they create scapegoats, and one that's been pissing me off has been video games... Parents are always encouraging their children to watch shows such as Barney, and forbidding them to play "violent" games such as, seeing as how this is a Mega Man 3 team, Mega Man 3. However, in this falsly named "Gauntlet Guide", I am going to try to prove how it is better for kids to play Mega Man 3 than to watch Barney, in 5 reasons.
reason number 1. Sure, everyone says Barney teaches "wholesome" and "creative" things, like how to turn a box into a colourful yet meaningless box. And Mega Man teaches "violent" things such as destroying evil robots. But, lets compare REAL LIFE DILLEMAS.
Scientist: Oh my god! The robots we made to make life easier are forming a rebellion! Who can stop them?
Barney: Hyuh hyuh! Make a colourful shoebox and give it to them, and maybe they'll be your friend!
Mega Man: Or we can kill the evil robots by taking weapons such as Shadow Blades and Gemini Lasers and KICK THEIR ASSES INTO OBLIVION!!!
Civillian: I like that one! The one with violence.
Mother: But violence is wrong, and encourages children to use weapons! That solution is inacceptable!
The two teams split up... one survives...
Reason number 2. Parents always urge children to learn things. Does this scene look familiar?
Mother: The discovery channel has a 2 hour show about wild animals giving birth!
Kid: Mom! I wanna play Mega Man! Birth sucks!
Mother: Well, Mega Man doesn't teach you anything but violence, and you don't learn enough from the school that you spend 6 hours a day in! You should watch educational shows!
Annoying, isn't it? That ACTUALLY DOES happen though (especially to me, Lord have mercy!)And the fact is, Mega Man, and all video games for that matter, teach children awareness, speed in action, and general puzzle-solving abilities. And do parents actually think Barney teaches you anything educational? It's all about a stuffed toy that comes to life and plays around with kids and two Dinosaur friends! I'll give my mom one point, they sure don't teach THAT at school...
Lets take a break from our list to see just how a normal viewer reacts to Barney...
Scary show, isn't it?
Reason number 3. The theme song... lets have a look at verse one of Barney's theme song, shall we?
I love you, you love me, we're a happy family with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you won't you say you love me too?
However, if one is having relations with a family member, as depicted within the song, it is termed INCEST, and is both immoral and illegal. Meanwhile, the score, informally known as music, in Mega Man 3 is enjoyable, memorable, and possibly one of the best video games has ever had to offer, favoured by gamers and musicians alike, and people of all ages can enjoy it's wide variety of instruments and moods. Or we can listen to Barney... You decide.
Here's a theme song that could be more appropreate for Barney...
(to a Rap Beat)
He says he loves me, how can that be,
he existed in 200 million BC!
He's big and purple, he's weird and sadistic,
for him to exist, it would be anachronistic!
Reason number 4. Exercise. Exercise-exercise-exercise-god-do-my-parents-ever-stop-bugging-me-about-exercise? NO! And in this day and age, where people are more interested in outer beauty than inner, who wouldn't be over-cautious with the habits of their child who, if he isn't careful, could end up Chunky Charles? But, there is exercise in Mega Man 3, and other video games... Not only does it increase the capacity of dexterity and speed in a childs digits, but it also strengthens the skin on your fingertips, which is useful for doing many things outdoors, playing guitar, and sewing! And Barney? Well, I suppose you could always dance with him.
Reason number 5.Come on... HE'S PURPLE!!!! HE'S A PURPLE AND GREEN LARDASS DINOSAUR PUPPET THAT COMES TO LIFE TO TEACH KIDS HOW TO DECORATE BOXES!!! He's as bad as Pudgy Pig!
Notice a resemblance?
I'm Gauntlet, and this has been Gauntlet's Guides... no, wait