Series 3 Issue # 8 - Does Being Insanely Super Strong Necessarily Make You Insanely Super Smart?

It's a hot, hot day and the Mechanical Maniacs are terribly, terribly lost. Traveling with them is the mysterious priest known as Xelloss, and he's not making matters any better....

Needlegal: AaaaghhH! Soooooo HOT!

Snakeman: Heh. I'm lucky. Snakes like heat.

(Snake gets hit with a Shadowblade!)

Gauntlet: Shaddap.

Hardman: You know, I've been on many, many, many teams, and I've even teamed up with the Sinister Six on some adventures, but I've never had to jump out of a plane for my life before.

Gauntlet: Shaddap.

Geminiman (flying on the Gemini Force): At times like these I'm glad I have the Gemini Force.

Sparkman: If you don't shut yer yap about that stupid "Gemini Force" I'm gonna fry it and you like toast!

Topman: How the Hell did we end up in the middle of nowhere, anyway??

Xelloss: Well, as I recall, the super heroes used their influence to get us a plane so we could easily fly to a new location. Superman was very grateful that you guys helped locate the problem. And no one much liked Barry either.* But Mister Gauntlet insisted on spending the least amount of money for the plane, and so it ended up crashing. Of course we all escaped rather easily, but ended up stranded here.

(*See the last two issues!)

Topman: It was a rhetorical question!

Magnetman: Gauntlet you cheap bastard. You just had to get the cheapest plane we could afford.

Gauntlet: Well, I didn't see anyone disagreeing with me, did you??

Magnetman: (whispering) As if you'd listen...

Gauntlet: Excuse me??

Needlegal: Hey look ahead!!

(Looming ahead of our heroes is a vacant stadium, just sitting there among the hills. It's only occupant, a lonely man in green....)

Geminiman: It looks very ominous.

Xelloss: Where's your sense of adventure, Mister Geminiman?? Aren't you curious to see what that odd looking structure is?

Geminiman: No.

Needlegal: Aw, don't be such a big baby. Let's go!

(And so, the Mechanical Maniacs make their way to the stadium and it's single occupant.)

Sparkman: Excuse me.

Single Occupant: .......

Sparkman: HELLO????

Single Occupant: ....... What.......?

Sparkman: I was wondering -

Single Occupant: Is ...... It?

Sparkman: .... I was wondering what exactly your doing here. This whole thing's in the middle of nowhere!

Single Occupant: .......

Sparkman: Oh, God.

Single Occupant: I .... am....... waiting ..... and .... thinking.........

Needlegal: Waiting and thinking, eh?

Single Occupant: .......... ........... ..........

The 'Maniacs, Xelloss: ........

Single Occupant: ......... ........ Yes.

Gauntlet: Good grief, man! Lennon was right! Going here was a stupid idea! Let's leave the crazy man with his stadium in the middle of nowhere!

(The 'Maniacs and Xelloss begin to walk away.)

Single Occupant: WAIT!

(They continue to walk away.)

Single Occupant: Do you not know ......... who I am??

Hardman: Don't know, don't care, chuckles.

(The Single Occupant then fires a blast at the 'Maniacs, sending them all falling to the ground!)

Single Occupant: I am ..... the monster of Nikki Town ..... I was on television .....

Needlegal: Oh, this is gonna take a while....

Single Occupant: I was created ... by Doctor Gero....... as a weapon to defeat Goku ........ I am .... Cell! Because ..... I can .... regenerate ... from every cell in my body! I am waiting here ........ until Goku comes ......... to fight me ..........

Needlegal: ...... Well, that's -

Cell: But .....you will have to do for now ....... For I crave a good fight ........ fighting is all I do........

.......

Needlegal: Well, that's nice. Really is. Exactly how long have you been standing here?

Cell: ...... I'm not too sure ........ A very, very long time. I am giving Goku time ..... to train.

Snakeman: But what if he never comes?

Cell: Oh ..... He'll come ....

Snakeman: .... But what if he doesn't?

Cell: Oh ...... He'll come ....

The 'Maniacs, Xelloss: ......

Cell: ...... He'll come .....

Geminiman: Why the Hell are you talking like that!? Can't you talk like a normal person?!

Cell: .... Why?? ..... Because ...... because last time I faced goku ....... I lost ....

Geminiman (thought): This is gonna take all day ....

Cell: .....and I think .... I think it's because I usually ..... DON'T think ......... I just sorta ..... blast and ...... stuff. ...... So now ......now I think ...... very, very hard ......

Gauntlet: All the time.

Cell: ...... all......

Gauntlet: All the time.

Cell: ...... the .....

Gauntlet: TIME! SPIT IT OUT! ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!

........

........

........

Cell: ..... I believe I have lost my train of thought.

The 'Maniacs, Xelloss: UGH!!!!

Gauntlet: YOU SUCK, CELL!!!

Xelloss: Oh, dear.

Cell: What ... were we .... talking about ... again?

Topman: I do not fucking believe this.

(Hardman throws a pie in Cell's face and chuckles.)

(Cell stares slightly confused.)

Cell: What .......? I .... do ......not .......get ....

Hardman: Yeah, no -

Cell: It.

......

Hardman: Yeah, no kidding. You don't get much of anything do you?

(The heroes begin to walk away, and again Cell blasts them.)

Cell: Enough ..... with ...... the talking part ...... I am not good with ....

Gauntlet: The talking part.

Cell: the........

Gauntlet: Talking. Part.

Cell: ..............talking ........

Gauntlet: Oh shoot me! Shoot me NOW!

Cell: ..... part. ......... So now I'll.......... kill you ...... all.......

Snakeman: all right, guys no problem,. We can rip this loser apart easy!

Cell: WAIT!! There are rules .....

Snakeman: Fuck the rules! Let's go!

Cell: "Fuck the ...... rules??" ...... No ....mercy ..... then.......

(The Mechanical Maniacs charge at Cell blindly and use their projectile weapons, but Cell swats them aside and shoots a blast of powerful energy at the team!)

(Cell then comes at super speed to Gauntlet and sends him flying across the stadium! Topman charges towards Cell using his Top Spin, but Cell blasts him aside with a few simple chi blasts!)

Geminiman: Geez! For a total moron, this guy is tough!!

Gauntlet: Alright, everyone together!!

(Gauntlet then created 2 holograms and starts throwing Shadowblades! Needlegal starts spraying her Needle cannon and Sparkman sends Spark Shots! Hardman shoots his Hard Knuckles and Geminiman splits into 2 and uses his Gemini Lazer! Snakeman shoots Cell with his Arm Cannon and Magnetman fires Magnet Missiles!, but none of the weapons appear to be hurting Cell!)

Cell: Is that .... all you can .... do???

Geminiman: Alright, now I gotta cheat!

(Geminiman whips out his mindwipe crystal in a blatant display of non-Gemini powers and uses it on Cell, however...)

Cell: I am unaffected!

(Cell blasts Geminiman away, knocking him back into one form!)

Magnetman: No good! Cell has no mind to wipe!!

(Cell then flies towards the team like a missile, readying a super blast!)

Cell: Now you'll face my Kamehameha!!!

Needlegal: But, why!?

Cell: ...... why??

Needlegal: Yes, why? Why bother with all this?? Surely there are better things to do with your life than pick meaningless fights with strangers and wait around for Goku for years and years!?

Cell: ....... why, indeed? ......why ..... do I ....... do ...... anything??

Gauntlet: Good going, Needle! But he won't stay distracted forever.

Snakeman: We need a plan! Common, guys! We're known as the tricky team, so let's trick Cell here!

Needlegal: We are??

Snakeman: You bet.

Needlegal: Really?

Snakeman: The Sinister Six is the granddaddy of the teams. The X-Force is the most powerful. And we're the trickiest.

Needlegal: Really??

Magnetman: Shut up about the team nonsense! Cell's almost stopped babbling! We need an idea before -

(And then Cell blasts the team with a barrage of fireballs!)

Cell: .... you ..... were .... trying ..... to ....distract me. Didn't .... work.

Hardman: Wait!!

Cell: Wait? ...... why ..... should ....

........

Hardman: We -

Cell: I?

....

Hardman: We have a last request!

Cell: Last request? ........ I don't ..... know.....

Hardman: But all villains grant last requests! And you're a villain aren't you??

Cell: Very .... well.......

Hardman: And you promise to honor it?

Cell: I ...... give .... you .....my .....word......as .......a really.....really.....famous villain......

Hardman: Super. Our last request is for you to leave Earth and never return!

Cell: What?! ..... You .... you ... tricked me!

Hardman: Yeah, no kidding.

Cell: Damn....... I guess...... I gotta ...... go then. ......But if I see.....any of you ...... again.......you're .......dead.....

......

Cell: And I thought ...... rebuilding Unicron was a disaster.........

Gauntlet: What!? YOU rebuilt Unicron!? How!?

Cell: Hunh?? ...... right.....I did........ you ......you see........

Gauntlet: .....

.......

Cell: I sought a .......worthy foe and ........ so I started collecting .......... Angolmois energy and it ....... simply ..... rebuilt ...... itself. ........But...... it ........ knocked .......me out ...... before I could destroy it .............so I went back to .........my first plan .......... of waiting...........

Gauntlet: Yeah, that's swell. Now off with you. Go away!

...........

(Cell flies off into space!)

......

Snakeman: I can't believe that worked.

Sparkman: Cell is the biggest idiot I have ever met.

Snakeman: Hm.....I guess things turned out all right after all ...

Needlegal: Yeah, and we learned something too....

Gauntlet: Wish we'd STOP learning things already.....

Needlegal: We learned that a person should probably stick to their strengths. Cell is good at bashing stuff, but horribly bad at thinking. He probably would have beaten us if he didn't try to think so often.

Gauntlet: Yeah, well if at first you don't succeed.....

(Gauntlet then gets hit with seltzer!)

.......

Gauntlet: The day of reckoning has come, jester!!

Hardman: Hey! It wasn't me!!!

(Gauntlet begins to chase Hardman throwing Shadowblades all the while)

Gauntlet: This'll learn you not to prank me!!

Hardman: But it wasn't me!!!

Xelloss: *chuckles*

Magnetman: Hey, that was YOU who sprayed seltzer on Gauntlet, wasn't it?

Xelloss: Oh, I just couldn't help myself, Mister Magnetman!

Topman: Well, until Cell finally asks the Wizard for a brain, we are .... the Mechanical Maniacs!

 

THE END

Cast:
Sean as .....

Sparkman
Jacob as .....

Snakeman
Psycho Magnet as .....

Needlegal
Jonathan as .....

Hardman
Nightmare as .....

Topman
Lennon as .....

Geminiman
Titanium 91 as .....

Magnetman
Gauntlet as .....

Shadowman

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