Series 4 Issue # 20 - YOU are the Admiral Now

By Gauntlet (Shadowman)

Not too long ago ..... in a galaxy far, far away......

Darth Vader: Admiral Piett - REPORT!

Piett: Our ships have intercepted the vessel, however ......

Darth Vader: Yes?

.....

Piett: However, the item was not aboard........

......

(Vader glares at Piett and suddenly he is choking!)

Darth Vader: You are as incompetent as you are stupid!

(Piett falls to the floor, dead.)

(Vader points in a random direction.)

Darth Vader: YOU are the admiral now, Aala!

Aala: Yes, Lord Vader!

Darth Vader: Where has the item been sent?

Aala: Sensors read it has been sent to .... Earth.

Darth Vader: Then take us there, and ..... do not fail me again!

Aala:*ulp* again?

(Elsewhere, the Mechanical Maniacs are having trouble of their own....)

Voltman: You've returned only to be DESTROYED, Mechanical Maniacs!

(Voltman shoots out electrical charged field which the team avoids!)

Iceman: Geez, what's with you guys!? I thought you all agreed to go straight!

Dynaman: Yeah, well .... WE CHANGED OUR MINDS!

(Gutsman and Hardman use their combined strength attacks to knock the PC team to the floor!)

Bitman: Death to the pretenders! Only the REAL Sinister Six will survive!

Bombman: THAT'S US!

Oilman: NO, that's US!

Topman: So, what's this about?

Shadowman: Apparently, they're mad that Torchman's dead and Sharkman isn't speaking to them.

Elecman: Well, that may be so, but that doesn't give them the right to take their frustrations out on us.

Sonicman: LIFE SUCKS!!! TAKE THIS, WORLD!!

(Sonicman blasts sonic waves all across the city causing much collateral damage.)

Waveman: You're all a bunch of nobodies! Why should people like you!? We're all .... "official" too! We were licensed, man - LICENSED! But what did they do? The man went and .... replaced us with PHONIES! He even made another Waveman and .... that hurt!

Blademan: YOU ALL SUCK!!!

Hardman: Geez, just have a pint and shut up!

Sparkman: Yeah! Just think on the plus side! I'm chalk full of that positive energy through and through!

Blademan: Shut up, hippie!

Sparkman: Well, that wasn't nice....

Needlegal: Alright, I've had just about enough of you!

(Needlegal fires needles everywhere and the PC team flees in terror.)

Bitman: We'll be back! Just you wait and seeeeeeeeeeeee!

.....

Snakeman: Hm.....I guess things turned out all right after all ...

Shadowman: Hm..... much earlier than usual.

Magnetman: Maybe it's Karma. You know ..... the universe's way of balancing out all the crap with other dimensions and returning idiots.

Someone: Excuse me.

*Everyone looks down to see a strange short man.)

Magnetman: ..... yes?

Someone: You wouldn't happen to be the esteemed "Magnetman" of the "Mechanical Maniacs" would you?

Magnetman: Um..... why yes I am.

Someone: OH, GOODIE! I've always wanted to meet one of my fans! I've traveled a long, LONG way to meet with you!

Magnetman: Hunh?

Geminiman: Uh, excuse me, but who the heck are you?

Someone: Oh, you wound me! I am none other than the NOID!

*ba-bum!*

......

Topman: The ..... Noid?

Noid: That's right! THE NOID!

*BA-bum!*

Noid: Of Dominoes Pizza!

*BA-bum!*

Noid: AVOID THE NOID!

Topman: Oh .... I see......

Noid: Well, you see I have received this quite moving letter from Magnetman over here and since it has moved me so I have come here to meet that scholar and gentleman who wrote it! Magnetman!

Magnetman: But I didn't!

Noid: Oh, don't be so modest! And, naturally, I shall allow you all the Dominoes pizza you can eat!

Topman: Hooray!

Needlegal: (whispering) Gauntlet .... what's going on here?

Shadowman: (whispering) It appears Noid has confused the current Magnetman with the former Magnetman, Titanium 91. Oh, well, at least we get free pizza!

Shadowman: Yes, Magnetman is very humble indeed! Sure you can hang out with us, Noid! You AND you're many pizzas!

Noid: Oh, goodie! NOID!!!

(Elsewhere, the Decepticons confer in their underground base......)

Thrust: Job's done, Galvatron! Those pests The Planeteers are locked up.

Soundwave: Sensors indicate a large amount of energy stored within their rings. Sufficient for creating energon cubes.

Galvatron: How ironic. Those kids pride themselves on their love of the planet and now their power will help destroy it!

Starscream: Aren't you going to congratulate me on this great victory, Galvatron?

Galvatron: Congratulate you, Starscream? Don't be stupid. They were mere children. Easy pickings! I'd sooner see you do something productive and find some Kryptonite!

Starscream: But .... but those Planeteers were harder than they looked! I -

Galvatron: Silence, Starscream or I will SILENCE YOU!

Starscream: ......

Waspinator Why Galvatron call us? What is next job?

Galvatron: I have word that Darth Vader is coming to Earth.

Starscream: Not another stupid person I've never heard of! Why can't we fight the AUTOBOTS?

Galvatron: Leave the thinking to me, Starscream! You're not good at it. Vader is looking for something ..... I don't know what, but I know those meddlesome Mechanical Maniacs are involved in it somehow! Find out what he wants! And bring it to ME!

Starscream: As you wish, oh glorious Galvatron.....

Galvatron: Starscream ..... I know that look .... don't betray me! You know what happened the last time!

Starscream: ..... How could I forget?

Galvatron: And when this is all over ...... I shall reign supreme!

(Suddenly, Galvatron reels in agony as every nerve in his being is set afire!)

Galvatron: AAAGHH!!!!

Starscream: But remember, of "mighty" Galvatron ..... you belong to him!

Galvatron: AAAAAAGGGH!!!!

Starscream: Cyclonus! Waspinator! Let's go. We can take those pitiful battledroids by ourselves! Let's go!

(The three leave as Galvatron continues to scream in agony.)

(Meanwhile, Vader finally arrives in Earth orbit.)

Aala: We have arrived, Lord Vader.

(Suddenly, Aala begins to choke.)

Aala: Ahh ... agh .... ahh...

Darth Vader: *Looks evilly at Aala*

Aala: But .... I ..... haven't .... done .... anything ....

Darth Vader: You shall not question my judgment again!

(Aala crumples to the ground - dead.)

Darth Vader: (Points in a random direction) YOU are the admiral now!

Motti: M-me? Linel is more qualified -

Darth Vader: Do you dare question my judgment?

Motti: NOLORDVAERIWOULDNEVERDOTHATPLEASEDON'TKILLME!

Darth Vader: ........ Very well. Go to Earth and retrieve the item - IMMEDIATELY .... or suffer the same fate as all fools.

Motti: At once, sir!

(A shuttles disembarks from Vader's ship. Meanwhile, the Mechanical Maniacs have trouble of their own......)

Iceman: AVOID THE NOID!

Noid: AVOID THE NOID!

Bombman: AVOID THE NOID!

Sparkman: AVOID THE NOID!!

(Spark, Bomb, Ice, and the Noid all run rampant throughout Sinister Six headquarters.)

Gutsman: Aw, crap! The last thing we need is that Noid idiot riling everyone up!

Elecman: Don't be such a spoil sport, Tim. Their just having fun.

Noid: AVOID THE NOID!

(Noid tosses a pizza in Magnetman's face!)

Magnetman: Agh! It's HOT!

Noid: Hahahaaahahah! I'm NOID the MIGHTY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

Noid the Mighty,
Never goes Potty!

Magnetman: (whispering to Gauntlet) Can I PLEASE tell him I'm not Titanium?

Shadowman: (whispering) Oh, there's no REAL harm being done!

Noid: I'm NOOOOID! NOID the MIGH-TYYYYYYYYYY!

Sparkman: I'm filled with all this positive energy!

Magnetman: Alright, that's IT! Noid!

Noid: Oh, yes, my biggest fan?

Magnetman: The Magnetman who wrote you? That was Titanium 91, the OLD Magnetman! I am NOT Titanium 91! I AM Jonathan S!

.......

Noid: Then ..... this whole time you've been lying to me?

.......

Magnetman: Yes, I'm afraid so.

......

Noid: But ... why would you do such a thing.

Magnetman: Well....

Shadowman: The free pizzas of course! Why else?

Noid: Oh, God ..... I feel so used.

Shadowman: It's probably a side effect of being used.

Needlegal: GAUNTLET! How can you be so callus?

Noid: I .... I..... I think I had better leave.

Shadowman: I think so too.

Needlegal: GAUNTLET!

Elecman: Geez, Gaunt. Be a little more harsh. Come-on, Noid, I'll help you feel better.

Magnetman: Geez, Noid, I'm sorry -

Noid: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR LIES!

(Noid storms off.)

.....

Needlegal: Gauntlet, I'm shocked!

Topman: Yeah! You're a jerk! (Hits Shadowman on the arm.)

Shadowman: OWCH!

Sparkman: What happened to all that positive energy? Now I'm all negative!

Shadowman: *Hrumph* Well, while Titanium may have liked the pest, I've always disliked the Noid!

(Suddenly, the Decepticons arrive through a wall of the base!)

Cyclonus: Alright, Mechanical Maniacs - HAND IT OVER!

Iceman: MY WALL!

Hardman: Hand WHAT over?

Starscream: Whatever Darth Vader is so interested in!

Topman: Darth Vader?

(Suddenly, a ship crashes through another wall! Admiral Motti and several Storm Troopers spill out of the ship!)

Motti: Alright, Mechanical Maniacs, hand it over!

Hardman: Hand WHAT over!? What do you people want?

Geminiman: Perhaps my .... super genius powers can figure it out!

Needlegal: "Super" WHAT powers!?

Snakeman: HAH! I'm going for the doctorate in mathematics, I think my genius powers are superior to YOURS!

Geminiman: Oh, PLEASE! Not only am I a swordsmaster, but I am also half human in a weird experiment made by Wily! Furthermore I invented many things such as mind wipe crystals AND Master Light taught me enough fighting skill to rival even Shadowman.

Needlegal: Again with the "Master" stuff....

Shadowman: You rival me in WHAT!?

Snakeman: Big deal! I owned a business of my own even before I became Snakeman AND since then I created my "invisibility" power!

Iceman: *ahem*, but if it's a question of genius power, I think Andon over here's got both of you nailed!

Elecman: Now, now .... I don't like being called a genius ..... But perhaps it isn't far off.

Geminiman: Is that what you think!?

Snakeman: I could out-math BOTH of you with my EYES closed!

Motti: Ahhh......

Starscream: Excuse me....

Topman: Hey, I don't mean to brag here, but did you all forget about ME?

Geminiman: YOU!?

Snakeman: What have YOU done?

Elecman: I must agree with the others.

Topman: This is just Topman's BODY! I am - in reality - a Godlike individual who has powers far, far beyond anything this pathetic dimension could whip up! Extant has nothing on me! Since I can probably warp reality anything I say goes and I say I am the real genius here.

Elecman: How absurd!

Snakeman: Oh, REALLY? And just when do you use these "powers"?

Starscream: Ex-CUSE me...

Topman: In this dimension, my powers are pretty limited, but you gotta know that if I really went out I could probably destroy the whole world!

Cutman: Since WHEN!?

Topman: Since ALWAYS!

Gutsman: I don't think I can believe THAT!

Iceman: Yeah, I mean, weren't you killed by King once?

Topman: He took me by surprise!

Shadowman: Alright, That's it....

(Shadowman chucks a Shadowblade at Topman, Geminiman, and Elecman's forehead sending them flying into a wall! The robots crash to the floor, all still with Shadowblades stuck in their heads They all being to drool and twitch.)

Shadowman: THERE! Now I'M the smartest!

Needlegal: Oh, you think you're smarter than ME!? You should see my test scores!

Starscream: DO YOU MIND!? I'M TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT OVER HERE! STOP SQUABBLING AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME, DAMN YOU!

Waspinator Hmmmm .... Waspinator think Wily bots one diode short of electro-brain!

(Suddenly, Darth Varder crashes through the ceiling!)

Motti: Lord Vader!

Iceman: Aw, for - doesn't anybody use the fucking door anymore!?

Darth Vader: Motti, have you acquired the Noid yet!?

Motti: Lord Vader!? I just got here!

Darth Vader: I grow weary of excuses!

(Darth Vader uses his light saber to kill Motti!)

Darth Vader: I will only ask once - where is the Noid!? Tell me or I will promote you to admiral .... and then kill you!

Cyclonus: The NOID? You were after the Noid all this time?

Starscream: I will not allow myself to be mocked ... I am STARSCREAM!

Waspinator Hvvvvvmmm..... Why dark fleshy bot after Noid?

Darth Vader: He has *Hhhhh* collector's value.

Starscream: "Collector's value"!? I am not here for "collector's value"!!

Magnetman: Well, you're too late. He left a bitter and broken man only moments ago.

Darth Vader: Damn. Yet again the Noid eludes my grasp!

Starscream: This is IT! I am OUT OF HERE!

Cyclonus: For once, we agree!

Waspinator Wait for Waspinator!

(The Decepticons leave.)

Darth Vader: If the Noid is not here, I too will depart.

(The Darth Vader theme plays as Vader and the Storm Troopers leave.)

Shadowman: Jeez! Darth Vader AND the Decepticons all in one day! And we didn't even fight anyone but those loser PC team people! I'm almost ...... disappointed....

Magnetman: Yeah, but ...... the Noid ....

(Later, Darth Vader boards his ship...)

Darth Vader: (Points in a random direction) YOU are the Admiral NOW!

Lozzel: But I am just a janitor!

(Vader blasts Lozell with the force, killing him instantly!)

Darth Vader: INCOMPETENTS! I will tolerate no more excuses! ...... Where is everyone!? I need SOMEONE to drive the ship away! Where is my crew!?

(And, later still, on the outskirts of Mega Land ....)

Noid: There is ..... nothing left for me here .....

Someone: WAIT!!

Noid: Magnetman!?

Magnetman: We're all real sorry for using you so cruelly, Noid ..... even Gauntlet.

Shadowman: Yeah (I guess).

Magnetman: And ..... I would be honored if I could call you friend.

Noid: Really!?

Magnetman: Yes.

Noid: Then ...... Then you're saying you're one of my few remaining (but intensely loyal) fans!? That you would endorse my campaign to return to Dominoes as their official mascot!?

Magnetman: Uh .....

Noid: Oh, callu-callay! Happy day! I have a new special friend!

Magnetman: "Special friend"?!

Sparkman: Ahhhh, I feel that good 'ol positive energy flowing again!

Shadowman: Riiiiiiiight.

Snakeman: (Drools)

.......

Sparkman: Hm.....I guess things turned out all right after all ...

Needlegal: Yeah, and we learned something too....

Shadowman: To "avoid the Noid"?

Needlegal: We learned that the Noid is a pretty sad individual. He pretty much lived to reclaim what was, at best an obscure and short-lived role in commercials.

Noid: H-hey!!

Needlegal: But we also learned that Shadowman is pretty cruel at times too. And that doesn't say much about him as a person.

Shadowman: Hey!

Needlegal: So, I guess, in the end, we learned to be more wary of people that we meet. They might turn out to be clingy has-beens or thoughtless ninjas.

Shadowman, Noid: Hey!

Topman: (Drools)

.......

Hardman: Gauntlet, I think you might've gave those poor guys permanent brain damage.

Shadowman: So what? Lennon can come back from the dead, but CAN'T come back from permanent brain damage? *pffft*

Sparkman: Well, until Shadowman asks the Wizard for a heart, we are .... the Mechanical Maniacs!

The End

Cast:
Musashiden Razz as .....	Sparkman	Hexlaser as .....	Snakeman	Psycho Magnet as .....	Needlegal
Hadrian Howell as .....	Hardman			Nightmare as .....	Topman
Lennon as .....	Geminiman	Jonathan S. as .....	Magnetman	Gauntlet as .....	Shadowman