Series 4 Issue # 17 - Team Badass
By Gauntlet (Shadowman)
Elsewhere, in a deserted and devastated region of Megalopolis, Death Virus plots with his minions in their underground fortress ...........
Death Virus: Damn those Mechanical Maniacs! With Viral Infection freed, my plans have had to slow IMMENSELY!
Scutz: Don't worry, master! We'll get them next time!
Scuttle: We can get them right now if you want!
Scuttler: Just say the word -
Death Virus: NO! We must wait ...... Direct attacks will not avail us!
Scuttlest: You have a plan!?
Death Virus: I do. Heh heh heh ..... One which -
(Suddenly, the wall caves in with a crash!)
Death Virus: WHO DARES!?
Black Convoy: We dare!
Scuttler: DECEPTICONS!
Scutzer: What's you're problem!? We're all villains here!
Thrust: Enough yapping! I've had enough of you twerps!
Starscream Enough talking! AAAATTAAAACK!!!
(Starscream barrels in and blasts at the viruses, knocking over the scuttles! However Death Virus uses his dream beam to ground the Decepticon!)
Starscream I'm hit, I'm hit!
Thrust: Quit whining! I'll get the big guy!
(Thrust is ambushed by the scuttles before he can get moving and is bombarded with attacks!)
Scutz: You will not harm the master!
Scuttle: We won't let you!
Thrust: Agh!
Black Convoy: You've left yourself open, virus!
(Black Convoy lunges in for attack, but Death Virus grabs hold of him!)
Death Virus: You forget, Decepticon .... I'm a VIRUS! Feel the infection!
......
Death Virus: Wait ...... Something is different .....
(Suddenly, Death Virus' shield is blasted away!)
Death Virus: What!?
Galvatron: New colors, Life Virus? I am unimpressed.
Death Virus: I was upgraded with the energies of Viral Infection! I am now DEATH VIRUS!
Galvatron: Spare me!
(Galvatron transforms again and blasts Black Convoy free of the Virus's hold!)
Death Virus: AGH!
Galvatron: Now, attack!
(Starscream, Soundwave and Galvatron continue to blast at the virus until he is disabled.)
Starscream: And now to finish him off....
(Galvatron knocks Starscream away.)
Galvatron: No, you fool! I want him functional!
(Thrust piles the now-unconcious scuttles)
Thrust: This was almost too easy!
Starscream: Much easier than attacking the real threat - the Autobot moon base!
Galvatron: You're a fool, Starscream! The Autobots wouldn't dare attack me! No, I have other plans in mind ....
Counterpunch: Which are?
Galvatron: None of your concern, Counterpunch!
Thrust: Hey, go easy on the guy! After all, if it weren't for his intelligence on the Autobots, we may never have gotten that upper hand!
Counterpunch: Yeah ....it was nothing .....
Galvatron: We're wasting time here! Back to headquarters, and take these viruses with you.
It's yet another day in Sinister Six HQ, after a few rounds of battles, the Mechanical Maniacs aid their allies in repairs....
Cutman: This is all you're fault!
Shadowman: Oh, come on. Who could have foreseen this? All we did was open the place up for gambling!
Cutman: And you didn't foresee RIOTS when people found out the games were RIGGED!?
Geminiman: Vegas does it all the time -
Gutsman: WE'RE NOT IN VEGAS!
Needlegal: Obviously. If we were, the plan would have WORKED!
Cutman: NO, see, even in Vegas you need a PERMIT to be a legal casino! There are steps you know!
......
Magnetman: NAW!
Someone: Excuse me....
Cutman: Yes, they do! It's common sense! Why don't -
Someone: EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!
....
Shadowman: Green Ranger? What the Hell do you want?
Green Ranger: Shadowman, you're coming with me.
Shadowman: Now, why should ....?
(Shadowman looks at all the cleanup that's left to do.)
Shadowman: Yeah, all right, whatever.
Green Ranger: Great. Let's go.
Needlegal: Yeah, no more work for us!
Green Ranger: O-hhhhhhh no. Just Shadowman; The rest of you just stay here.
Sparkman: Hey!
Shadowman: Yeah, whatever. (It's better than getting lectured about the legalities of gambling anyway), let's go.
(Green Ranger teleports Shadowman to a secret location.)
Snakeman: But ... HEY! What about us!?
Gutsman: Get back to work, you!
(And so it was that Shadowman arrived at a secret base in the Rocky Mountains.)
Shadowman: Woah! Look at this place!
Teal'c: So you have brought Shadowman. Well done Green Ranger.
Green Ranger: Thanks, Teal'c.
Shadowman: What? Teal'c? What the Hell is going on here!?
Teal'c: The explanation is quite simple, Shadowman. Green Ranger, Dinobot, Casey Jones, Piccolo, and myself have formed a new team to combat the threat of the Decepticons ...... which your group seems to have ignored..
Green Ranger: Team Badass!
Dinobot: The name was *snarl* Tommy's idea.
Shadowman: A team of bad asses, eh? A great idea! And I assume I've been invited here to join you're group since I am the basass of all robot masters..
Casey Jones: Eh. Not quite, Einstein.You're just not bad ass enough to be in THIS group.
Shadowman: WHAT!?
Piccolo: You whine too much.
Shadowman: Oh, is THAT so? Well, if I'M not the bad ass of robot masters, who is?
.....
Teal'c: Bass.
Shadowman: BASS!?
Teal'c: Indeed.
Shadowman: But ..... he's ARROGANT! A friggin' VEGETA-RIPOFF! He's no badass! He's too STUPID!
Dinobot: You're here because your knowledge of Galvatron and the Decepticons may prove to be of use!
Shadowman: Oh, is THAT it!? Well, nuts to you! Go ask the Autobots for help!
Piccolo: The Autobots CAN'T help, you ninny.
Shadowman: Oh, is that so!?
Dinobot: It isssss. Galvatron has secured insurance against any threat the Autobots once posed. They fear to strike against him.
Shadowman: And what "insurance" does he have, exactly?
Green Ranger: Prime. He's captured Optimus Prime and the Matrix.
Shadowman: Woah, woah, wait up a second. Prime you say? WHICH Prime exactly? The monkey, the lion, the fire truck - ?
Dinobot: ALL of them, you OAF! He's captured ALL the primes and those simpering fools the Autobots are AFRAID to strike him!
Piccolo: And that's where we come in.
.........
Shadowman: So, I'm not bad ass enough to be in your group?
Casey Jones: That's right.
Shadowman: But Green Ranger is.
Green Ranger: HEY!
Dinobot: For a Power Ranger, Green Ranger is phenomenally bright and skilled.
Casey Jones: Which means that he has enough brains to use his power.
Green Ranger: God, I hate you people.
Piccolo: Aw, what's the matter? We hurt your feeling?
Casey Jones: Baby wanna cry? Eh, crybaby?
Green Ranger: SHUT UP!
Shadowman: Y'know, maybe I don't wanna be part of this team after all....
Teal'c: What was that?
Shadowman: Uh, nothing. So, Galvatron. He's a loser. The people he surrounds himself with are losers. The end.
......
Teal'c: That was not especially helpful.
Dinobot: *hisssss* I agree.
Shadowman: Well, Hell. If you're asking what I think we ought to do, I figure we should go in and attack. Galvatron's powerful and arrogant that he lets his guard down.
Teal'c: That is much better.
Dinobot: *grrrrrr* I could have told you THAT MUCH.
Casey Jones: Well, then .... let's go in there and BUST SOME HEADS!
Green Ranger: YEAH!!
Shadowman: Waitaminute! You guys just wanna bust in there!?
Piccolo: There a problem with that?
Shadowman: Well, YOU might be powerful enough to stand up against Galvatron, but other than that our assets include Casey's hockey sticks, Green Ranger's choreography, Dinobot's hissing noises and Teal'c's gold medallion forehead thing. Galvatron has several GIANT TRANSFORMING ROBOTS.
Green Ranger: Well, we have the Dragonzord too.
Casey Jones: And you forget that we have our cool attitude.
Shadowman: Wait, what .... What kind of plan is THAT!?
Dinobot: Hrrrrrrr .... you forget, Shadowman. We are BAD ASSES! Our overwhelming coolness will save us this day!
Green Ranger: Yeah, man. After all, when all the other good guys need help, we always go charging in for the big rescue. Why shouldn't this be the same?
Shadowman: BECAUSE THIS TIME WE'RE FACING GIANT ROBOTS WHOSE GUNS ARE THE SIZE OF OUR BODIES!
Piccolo: Aw, so what? Where I come from, we just go in and start busting heads. I figure this "plan" stuff is overrated. It'll come down to fighting in the end anyway.
Shadowman: And wasn't the whole "Dragonball" thing a work of FICTION even here? I distinctly recall sending members of my team out to search for nonexistent Dragonballs!*
(*Series 1 #6)
Piccolo: Hh. Well, I wouldn't know anything about that. Of course this universe also has the Power Rangers, so anything's possible right?
Teal'c: Indeed.
Green Ranger: Why don't you shut the HELL up!
Piccolo: Why don't you MAKE me?
Casey Jones: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Shadowman: Um.... aren't we gonna fight the DECEPTICONS!?
Dinobot: Hrrrrrrrrr..... The non-badass is correct! Save your energy for the REAL battle!
Green Ranger: Rrrrrrr.... THIS SUCKS!
Teal'c: In what way, Green Ranger?
Green Ranger: How the Hell are we supposed to be rebels if we're rebelling against EACH OTHER!?
(Suddenly nobody's in the room.)
Shadowman: Have we just been ...... ditched?
Green Ranger: Damn it .....
(Green Ranger teleports Shadowman to the Decepticon's deep sea base in their crashed ship of Nemesis.)
Green Ranger: Our first objective is to free Prime. Once that's done, the Autobots will have their fighting spirit back.
Shadowman: Yeah, I already know that.
Green Ranger: Just follow my lead!
(The two sneak deeper into the base.)
Green Ranger: Stay back! I hear something.
(Several Decepticons move down the hallway and the duo take cover.)
Starscream ...... telling you Black Convoy, Galvatron cannot be trusted!
Black Convoy: Oh, and you can Starscream?
Starscream We have Prime! And yet we sit here and try to conquer this worthless mudball!
Black Convoy: This "worthless mudball" has the O-parts! With them we can easily rule the UNIVERSE!
Starscream O-parts? Galvatron hungers for the planet's resources to make energon cubes!
Thrust: Wait, aren't we after the Anglominous energy?
Waspinator Waspinator thought Galvatron after Minicons!
Starscream Whatever! Don't you see that....
(The voices fade from hearing as the Decepticons move farther down the hall.)
Shadowman: This seems interesting. Time for a little recon.
Green Ranger: Good idea.
(Shadowman and the ranger move closer.)
Black Convoy: No, you listen! Galvatron has a plan! We have the Autobots under our thumb, we're poised for victory!
Starscream Then why don't we -
Waspinator Look! INTRUDERS!!
Shadowman: Looks like we've been spotted!
Green Ranger: You're fault!
(Alarms sound throughout the base.)
Soundwave: (over an intercom) Decepticons! Intruder alert! Several humans have infiltrated this facility!
Green Ranger: Time for us to split!
(Green Ranger tried to teleport out, but the Decepticons have activated an anti-teleport field.)
Green Ranger: All right then, time to ATTACK!
(Green Ranger uses the Dragon Dagger to summon Dragonzord!)
Green Ranger: These guys may be big, but Drgonzord is a TRUE giant! He'll crush them AND their base!
Shadowman: With US INSIDE!?
Green Ranger: Don't worry, we can teleport out once the field. is - look out!
(Starscream and the Decepticons have begun to attack! The duo move deftly down corridors to avoid them.)
Thrust: There's no running for you!
(Shadowman throws down a smoke screen to cover their escape, but the Decepticons aren't fooled so easily and manage to follow them down another tunnel.)
Green Ranger: Alright, no more running! It's time to show them what team badass is all about!
(The Green Ranger theme song starts playing in the background as Green Ranger attacks the Decepticons!)
(Despite a strong start, Green Ranger is soon overcome, but it gives enough time for Shadowman to climb into the ventilation system.)
Shadowman: (whispering) This is no good. (On a communicator) Teal'c! Dinobot! What's happening to you?
*static*
Dinobot: (over the communicator): We have been overrun! Fight on bad asses! Our overwhelming coolness will surely - URK!
Shadowman: Time for this ninja to scram!
(Dragonzord managed to break the field and so Shadowman is able to teleport out of Decepticon headquarters .... unfortunately team badass has been captured by the Decepticons!)
(Later, at S6 headquarters.....)
Hardman: So you had an adventure without us?
Shadowman: I wouldn't call it an adventure.
Sparkman: So, what would you call it then?
Shadowman: Stupidities.
Sparkman: Yeesh. I never knew being a badass involved so little actual THINKING!
Shadowman: Hm, yeah I know.
Magnetman: Wait ..... you mean my overwealming coolness WON'T get me out of sticky situations?
Snakeman: Hm.....I guess things turned out all right after all ...
Needlegal: Yeah, and we learned something too....
Shadowman: Galvatron's plan is subtle?
Needlegal: We learned how to fix plumbing! A useful thing to know in home repair.
Shadowman: Hm.
Topman: Well, until we become plumbers, we are .... the Mechanical Maniacs!
The End
Cast: |
|||||
| Musashiden Razz as ..... |  Sparkman |
Hexlaser as ..... |  Snakeman |
Psycho Magnet as ..... |  Needlegal |
| Hadrian Howell as ..... |  Hardman |
Nightmare as ..... |  Topman |
||
| Lennon as ..... |  Geminiman |
Jonathan S. as ..... |  Magnetman |
Gauntlet as ..... | Shadowman |
