Series 4 Issue # 14 - Stupid Game Once Played in Grade 5

After returning from the Alternate Reality, The Mechanical Maniacs have been living with their good friends the Sinister Six until they find a new base .....

Gutsman: So, when the Hell are you guys moving out?

Topman: When we find a new base. Duh.

Gutsman: YOU SAID THAT TWO WEEKS AGO!

Shadowman: Hey, calm down guy, calm down. We're good friends here, aren't we?

Fireman: Not if I have to sleep on the sofa for another day!

Magnetman: But didn't we help you all when Red changed you all into girls?

Elecman: Only after you took advantage of the situation and tried using sex appeal to get attention back on your team! I still can't believe you guys did that!

Snakeman: Ah, but we still managed to change you guys back!

Needlegal: And all we had to do was blackmail Red with those pictures we took of him hitting on Topman, our old "Gemini Red" back at that party we had!*

(*Series 2 #12)

Iceman: At least we have Needlegal's delicious cookies as payment!

Needlegal: *giggle* thanks!

Hardman: Maybe that's why she's so round and bulky!

Needlegal: DIE!! *shoots Needles at Hardman*

Hardman: OUCH!

Needlegal: It's this Transmetal armor, not me!!

(At the other side of the room, Topman screams with glee)

Sparkman: What? What just happened?

Topman: My GOD! Look at this awesome new sport that's been going on since we've left!

(Topman hold out a poster he ripped out of the newspaper.)

Elecman: Hey, that just arrived! We never got a chance to read it!

Geminiman: "Beyblades"?

The Sinister Six: *groan*

Cutman: It's a stupid game where kids spin tops and shout at each other.

Topman: Spin TOPS you say!?

Cutman: Yeah, it's based off that game we played back in grade 5.

Shadowman: Looks like there's some sort of regional tournament going on now.

Topman: A tournament involving TOPS!?

Snakeman: Yeah, I guess.

Topman: LET'S GO!! THE MECHANICAL MANIACS ARE GOING TO BEYBLADE!

Shadowman: Oh, I dunno, Nightmare. Hell, it's a tournament involving kids battling with tops and, no offense, but that sounds -

*Suddenly alarms go off in S6 headquarters*

Iceman: It's Scorpion!

Gutsman: Oh no! He has that stupid 8-bit ray thing ... AND IT'S TURNING EVERYONE INTO 8-BIT SNIPER JOES!!

Bombman: Ha ha hah! With the six of us and the Mechanical Maniacs here to help, that jerk doesn't stand a ...... Mechanical Maniacs?

.....

Bombman: Where'd they go?

(Outside, the Mechanical Maniacs walk away from S6 headquarters)

Shadowman: So, a Beyblade tournament you say?

Topman: Yeah! With exciting prizes!

Geminiman: Lemme see that. *Grabbs the paper* "Win $200 and a chance to compete in the Beyblade world tournament." Exciting?

Topman: Everyone knows the prestige of being regional champ is the TRUE prize!

Needlegal: Heh. Not Gauntlet. He thinks MONEY is the true prize! Ain't that right, Gauntlet?

....

Hardman: He's disappeared!

Geminiman: Lucky bastard.

Topman: Nuts to him. He'll miss out on my master Beyblade skills.

(Suddenly Geminiman grabbs out into thin air and Snakeman reappears out of his invisibility.)

Snakeman: I was just....

Geminiman: Shove it. You're suffering along with the rest of us.

Snakeman: But I could find us a new base!

Hardman: Sure ya could, buddy.

(And so, the team arrives at the Beyblade tournament stadium, a place that was constructed by the Beyblade corporation solely for the purpose of BEYBLADING!)

Magnetman: This place seems pretty run down.

Topman: It's LUXURIOUS!

Geminiman: It's decrepit. Look at all the shoddy construction. I can still see all the vents.

Topman: QUIET! YOU WILL NOT DESTROY MY DREAM!

Announcer: Hey all you Beyblade fans, better get moving to the main arena! There's a ripping battle going on between the leading Beyblader Thrust and the returning champ Kai!!

Needlegal: So, which is the main arena?

Snakeman: There's only the one arena.

Topman: All right!!! The returning champ!

Geminiman: He's the returning champ of spinning tops.

(And so the Mechanical Maniacs go to the arena. The battle is fierce as the contestants battle using all the skills they have as MASTER BEYBLADERS!)

Announcer: ALLL RIIIIIGHT!!!! This battle is ripping! Kai is using his Beyblade to shatter the arena while Thrust is using high speed tactics to give Kai a run for his money!!!

Needlegal: High speed tactics? I can WALK faster than those tops.

Hardman: This "desert arena" really bites. It's just sprinkled lightly with sand!

Kai: GO, DRONZER! ANNIHILATE THRUST'S BEYBLADE!!

Thrust: HANG IN THERE! AVOID DRONZER'S ATTACKS AND GO IN FOR THE KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!

Geminiman: They shout, but it's not as if the tops can actually do anything they're saying.

Hardman: Not that we can tell. Those tops aren't exactly easy to spot from the stands.

Kai: GO DRONZER!!!! EMERGE AND ATTACK!!

Announcer: Oh, no!! Things are looking bad for Thrust right now because Kai's called upon the power of his BIT BEAST!!!

(Kai grabbs a flashlight out of his pocket and flashes it into Thrust's eyes!)

Topman: WOAH!!! Donzer is AWESOME!!

Thrust: AGH!! You're Dronzer is powerful, but I know the best way to repel a bit beast's attack!!

Kai: You mean - !

(Thrust puts on a pair of sunglasses)

Thrust: I AM NOW IMMUNE TO YOUR BIT BEAST'S POWER!!

Kai: !!!

Announcer: A surprising strategy has taken away Kai's advantage and Thrust moves in for the kill!

Thrust: IT'S OVER!!!

(Thrust's Beyblade pounds on Kai's for a few moments and then Kai's is flipped and is cast out of the match.)

Kai: NO!!!

Topman: GEEZ! MY GOD HOW UNBELIEVABLE!!

Sparkman: Can you stop shouting, please?

Snakeman: I know, I'll go for some soda.

Geminiman: Stay put!

Thrust: Looks like yer not so hot, Kai!

Kai: I'll win next time.

Thrust: Oh yeah!?

Kai: YEAH!

Thrust: WILL NOT!

Kai: WILL TOO!

Thrust: WILL NOT!

Hardman: Good, God, these guys are just kids. Tops, you really gonna fight tops with a bunch of kids?

Topman: Fight and WIN! I will be MASTER BEYBLADER!

Needlegal: But they're like .... eight.

Topman: So what? Thanks to our stupid Transmetal armor, I LOOK eight! It's how I was able to register.

(Topman then drags the 'Maniacs over to meet Kai and Thrust after their match.)

Topman: Wow, what a great battle, you two! Watching you battle has given me inspiration to go on Beyblading!

Kai: *humph*

(Walks past)

Needlegal: Pretty uppity for an eight year old.

Topman: So, I guess we'll face each other eventually, won't we Thrust?

Thrust: That we will .... AND THEN YOUR BIT BEAST WILL BE MINE!

Topman: Whu?

Thrust: I will take all the beasts from lesser opponents and then use them to take over the world!

Topman: Take other people's Bit Beasts!? But how?

Thrust: Like .... THIS!!

(Thrust then grabbs at Topman searching for pockets!)

Topman: H-hey!

Thrust: Where's yer flashlight!? Lemme see... this it? Nope. This?

(Topman pushes Thrust away.)

Topman: Hey! Keep yer hands to yerself, Pervert!

Thrust: Your Bit Beast WILL BE MINE, TOPMAN!

Topman: What!? You know me?

Thrust: Oh, yes, I know all about you, Topman! I've actually been looking forward to this little encounter. I knew you couldn't resist a bey-battle!

Geminiman: (muttering) I don't think battle's the right word....

Topman: So, you really think you can beat me, "Thrust"?! HAH! Don't you know my NAME?! I'm TOPMAN! TOP-man! I am MASTER of TOPS, buddy!

Thrust: We'll see about that!

Topman: Yes, we will!

Thrust: We will indeed!

Topman: On this point we can agree!

Thrust: Yes ..... that I will win!

(Thrust runs off!)

Topman: No, that I WILL WIN!!

Needlegal: Oh, yes, the maturity level here is stunning.

(And, so the tournament goes on and The Mechanical Maniacs stay awake until the final match between Topman and the nefarious Thrust!)

Snakeman: Are handcuffs really necessary?

Geminiman: YES.

(Topman greets Thrust on the bey arena.)

Topman: Hey, Thrust! May the best man win, okay?

Thrust: Thanks. I will win!

Topman: HEY, That's not what I meant!

Announcer: Alright, contestants! Get ready annnnnnnnnndd LET 'er RIP!!!

(Topman and Thrust shoot out their tops and they fly against each other!)

Topman: TOP!! ATTACK!! FULL TOP SPIN ATTACK!!!

Thrust: COUNTER IT!!

Hardman: Woah ... y'know after a few drinks, this gets almost entertaining!

(Sparkman grabbs the bottle of beer away from Hardman.)

Sparkman: I need some shots!

Announcer: WOW!! THIS BATTLE IS REALLY PUMPING! BOTH CONTESTANTS ARE GIVING IT ALL THEY'VE GOT!!

Needlegal: I think he's said that before.

Thrust: Not bad, Nightmare! But can you handle the Bit Beast Dronzer!?

(Thrust uses the flashlight he stole from Kai and shines light into Topman's eyes!)

Topman: AAHHG!

Thrust: With my Bit Beast blinding you, you're doomed to fail! Blader and his blade are ONE! When I take you out, you're blade has no hope of beating mine! You're finished!

Topman: N-nooooo!

Needlegal: Is it really effecting the battle?

Sparkman: No. It's just theatrics.

Snakeman: Man, do I have to stay in these things? I gotta go to the bathroom!

Geminiman: Yer staying put!

Topman: Oh, MAN! What will I do!?

Magnetman: Hey, tops! Take these!

(Magnetman tosses Topman his sunglasses and Topman puts them on.)

Topman: Thanks Magnet! Now Thrust's Bit Beast has no effect on me! And everything looks red! Killer!

Thrust: AGH! My tactic was used against me!

Needlegal: Hey ...... I never knew what beady little eyes you have, Magnet!

Magnetman: ...... You don't need to rub it in.......

Topman: And now ..... TOP SPIN ATTACK!!

Thrust: As if shouting at your top'll help you any.

(Topman's top hits Thrust's top and is beginning to win!)

Topman: I'm winning! I'm winning! I'm winning!

Thrust: Aw, hell. Top - Terrorize!!

(Thrust's top transforms into a small robot, pounds Topman's top to pieces, than transforms back and starts spinning again.)

Topman: HEY!

Thrust: I WIN!

Announcer: Hey ... is that ... legal?

Thrust: Sure it is!

Topman: You jerk!

Thrust: And now I'll be taking your bit beast!

Topman: Well, ha ha ha! Joke's on you, I don't HAVE a bit beast! I'm TOPMAN! Master of friggin' TOPS, man! I don't need a bit beast! I control my tops MENTALLY!

Thrust: Aw, hell, I don't care! Enough of this stupid game, I'm gonna beat you to a pulp here and now!

(Thrust bursts out of his Pretender shell revealing his true identity of....)

Needlegal: THRUST!! Y'know, from Beat Machines.

Thrust: Exactly! Galvatron sends his love.

Sparkman: Hey, geniuses, there's seven of US and only ONE of you!

(Hardman moans in a drunken stupor)

Sparkman: Well, there's six of us, anyway.

(Suddenly, other kids burst out of their pretender shells!)

Waspinator: Wazzzzpinator will destory stupid looking fleshy-bots!

Soundwave: Soundwave superior, Constructicons inferior!

Counter Punch: You're all dead meat!

(The Decepticons attack and the 'Maniacs defend themselves.)

Magnetman: Aw, I came here to AVOID stupid battles!

Soundwave: Prepare for destruction!

(Soundwave attacks Magnetman using sonics, but Magnetman is a robot and doesn't have eardrums to hurt.)

Cyclonus: Die, battledroids! For the glory of Galvatron!

Geminiman: I was wondering how long it'd take you Decepticons to attack us! Time to die!

(Geminiman splits into several forms, but Cyclonus guns them all down.)

Counter Punch: Die, scum!

(Counter Punch transforms into a car and rams Needlegal and Hardman!)

Thrust: Hey, Toppy. Yer mine!

(Thrust transforms into a motorcycle and charges at Topman. Topman Top spins and knocks Thrust to the floor.)

Topman: Why're you doing this, Thrust!? What does Galvatron want with the Bit Beasts?!

Thrust: Nothing! This was just a trap for you losers!

(The battle rages for a while longer, but the Mechanical Maniacs managed to drive the Decepticons away with battle tactics and effective use of the electrical system.)

Topman: *whew* that was one tough battle.

Hardman: Ehg. S'going on?

Geminiman: Well, this place is pretty destroyed.

Announcer: Geez.....

Topman: So, who won!?

Announcer: Well ...... sine you're tops weren't standard Beyblade issue .... I'm afraid you're disqualified. And, since several contestants have gone missing ..... It seems as if Kai won after all this.

Topman: WHAT!?

Kai: Beyblading is for winners, twerp. Why not go back to playing jacks and leave the REAL sports for men who can handle themselves?

(Kai leaves with his nose turned upwards.)

Topman: I don't ....... I can't beleive any of this is happening! That smug little jerk beat me?!

Needlegal: *chuckles*

Topman: But .... I'm TOPman!

Geminiman: So, you were beaten by a buncha kids, eh Nightmare?

Topman: But I'm MASTER OF FRIGGIN' TOPS!!

Snakeman: Hmm... I guess thing turned out all right.

Needlegal: Yeah and we learned something as well.

Topman: How!? I'm .... TOPMAN!!

Needlegal: We learned that overconfidence can be the cause of great downfall. Topman was overconfident and underestimated his opponents. As a result, he lost what shoulda been an easy battle. After all, he's master of TOPS.

Snakeman: So, can we LEAVE now?

Topman: But ..... I'm TOPMAN! I can't lose .... not in a game of Tops!

Magnetman: Well until Topman regains his sanity, we are... The Mechanical Maniacs!

The End

Cast:

Musashiden Razz as .....
Sparkman
Hexlaser as .....
Snakeman
Psycho Magnet as .....
Needlegal
Hadrian Howell as .....
Hardman
      Nightmare as .....
Topman
Lennon as .....
Geminiman
Jonathan S. as .....
Magnetman
Gauntlet as .....
Shadowman

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