Holy Crap, 15 Year Gap!

By Gauntlet (Shadowman)

(When we last met our heroes, they had survived the horrors of the War and vanquished their worst enemies to date with a still-alive General Cutman taunting the team, promising further, darker adventures to come. Now they’re ready to embark on their latest adventure!)

Hadrian: Actually, that was fifteen years ago. The team kinda split up. We all went our separate ways and I haven't heard from anyone in a good, long while.

(What? Oh. Okay. What happened?)

Hadrian: Long story. One that can only be revealed through Sin City-esque internal monologues as I work as a beaten down, washed-up, recovering alcoholic bounty hunter who is no longer Hardman.

Gauntlet: Come on, man. It's been years now and nobody wants to sift through all that. Plus, a lot of details have been added in other stories. Let's just summarize it here for everyone once and for all.

Hadrian: But ... flavour and mystique and ...

(Shadowman casts Hadrian a withering glare.)

Hadrian: Well ... okay.

(*Ahem*, When we last met our heroes, they had survived the horrors of the War and vanquished their worst enemies to date with a still-alive General Cutman taunting the team, promising further, darker adventures to come. Now they’re ready to embark on their latest adventure!)

General Cutman: (through the team's internal radio) Good job on the last, unseen, adventure Mechs. Against ... I dunno. The Slipstream Angles?

Magnetman: You mean Quickma'am, Flashma'am, and the Steel Devil thing that was an idea during War, but never used? Sure, why not?

General Cutman: Oh and, uh, some Scissor Joes I made because everyone needs a good lackey. Yeah, good job and all that. You're progressing well. Toodles.

Topman: We're really not gonna tell anyone that General Cutman is alive?

Shadowman: I'd like to at least try to handle this quietly. I mean ... what could go wrong right?

Geminiman: God.

Spark Chan: How's Cassandra doing, Hard?

Hardman: (drinking an entire keg of beer) I've spent every dime I have keeping her alive, but it's no use.

Spark Chan: You mean ... ?

Hardman: (Drinking another keg of beer) Yeah. She's not waking up.

(There's a modest open casket funeral and a modest turn out of people who knew Hardman mainly turned up. Including...)

Diveman: Eh, so what if she's dead? I'd bang 'er.

Hardman: (clearly drunk) Why you lousy - !

(There's a massive brawl as Hardman and Diveman duke it out.)

Bright Babe: Seriously, Hard!? During her funeral?

Drillman: Look, that guy's become a real problem. I know Dive's a dick, but you trashed the place!

Crorq: The drinking has gotten out of hand too.

Quickman: And his breath stinks.

Hyper Storm: You guys suck!

Shadowman: Damn it. Hadrian, for the good of the team ...

Hardman Hadrian: Yeah, yeah. I get the picture. (Drinks another entire keg of beer)

Shadowman: Dammit, that's exactly the problem!

Hadrian: You ain't my boss! Not no more. (Goes away)

Needlegal: Dick move, big bro.

Shadowman: Dammit, it was a dick move, wasn't it? Erm, Hard? You can come back if you want! ... Hard?

Geminiman: So do we ask the hobo down the street to be our new Hardman or ... ?

Shadowman: And compound one dick move with another? No, we'll hold off on recruitments for the time being.

(Elsewhere...)

Middleman: Has nobody discovered this awesome purple energy just lying around everywhere? Kinda gives me an idea. Ho ho ho...

(Elsewhere still...)

Chimeraman: Crap, I really am the only Scissor Army robot left, aren't I? Well, they haven't found this one Scissor Joe factory yet. And there are these complicated plans for a never-made Scissor Army Starman and the schematics for the Ascendant Androids. It might take some time ... maybe 15 whole years, but if I really put my mind to it, even a screw up like me can make this happen.

(At the RPD Headquarters...)

Munak: I wonder when Geminiman will catch up with us? He put us in his War story, so he must plan to finish our tale.

Sohee: No he doesn't!

Bongun: Sohee, you've been acting strangely lately.

Sohee: Blah, blah, blah.

Munak: Say, do you feel that strange pull? Shall we investigate?

Sohee: Whatever.

Bongun: Geminiman, this is your fault. If someone chooses to pick up your old story and I ever see your face again I'm going to kill you.

(Geminiman's ghost friends (whom we have never met properly before) investigate the mysterious pull into a building within Monsteropolis. Bongun is prevented from entering and the other two investigate. They find Mr. Holzenbein summoning a certain someone.)

Mr. Holzenbein: Piss off.

Munak: (dissappearing) Noooooooooooo~!

Sohee: Oh nooooooooo! I can never go back to Bongun after failing so horribly. I guess I'll just become Evil Sohee now.

Mr. Holzenbein: Nobody cares.

Xelloss: (now trapped in a glass prison) Uh, typically humans who make the pledge of immortality with a monster have a more cordial relationship than this.

Mr. Holzenbein: Quiet, you. It might take time - maybe 15 years or so - but I'll drain your entire life force. And your friends, the Mechs, will never know it because I've used my own magical voodoo on their armour to keep them away from all things magical!

Xelloss: Heh. I think you underestimate just how much those Mechs like having me around. I've been kept long after my initial introduction and much longer than sensical. I wouldn't be surprised if the Mechs came crashing through the door right ... now.

...

...

Xelloss: Riiiiiiiiiiiight NOW!

Monsteropolis had changed. The Districts that the MPD had divided the city into at the onset of Cutman's war had remained, in spirit, until the city grew too big to manage alone.

Landigarm: I'm the mayor now! And still a dick! I'm making the divisions that the War made in our fair city official, putting up walls between the districts and making them into tiny city states of their own. Monsteropolis will go from being a single, sprawling city into a combination of 46 Districts, each with its own utility girds, law-enforcement forces, Monitors and populations. Crime rates are dropping along with a staggering decrease in social and political unrest.

(Landigarm is assassinated in short order.)

Spark Chan: And in terms of storytelling that means ... ?

Shadowman: In my stories? We completely ignore it. It's neat and all, but not what I'm focused on.

Spark Chan: *sigh*

(Elsewhere General Cutman contacts Dr. Cossack and the Soviet Union rises again ... for only as long as writers care about that detail.)

General Cutman: Heya, Cossack.

Dr. Cossack: Oh, hey there, General.

General Cutman: 'sup?

Dr. Cossack: Chillin'. Little bit of illin'.

General Cutman: I hear that. So, hey, remember that war I did just a little bit ago? I'm planning a sequel! And I'd like your guys to be in on it.

Dr. Cossack: My merry band of murderers and sociopaths who I tired to make heroes?

General Cutman: The very same! Look, help me and I won't murder you and your entire country. Deal?

Dr. Cossack: For reasons that have nothing to do with staying at Mesmerman's satellite during the War and giving him full access to my mind I'm receptive to the idea. Let's just not tell my team about our deal. Bright Babe actually has a moral compass.

General Cutman: Sweet.

Dr. Cossack: Super sweet.

Crorq: MECHS! You're acting very suspicious lately. You're not hiding anything are you? Not anything ... incriminating?

Topman: Perish the thought, o evil overlord.

Magnetman: My head hurts.

Topman: Uh-oh.

(Magnetman goes mad and flies off.)

Crorq: So. Any comment?

Topman: None whatsoever.

General Cutman: MWAH HAH HAH! Did you like our little chats, Mechs?

Spark Chan: Not really.

General Cutman: Because it was all to gain access to Kenta's mind. Through keywords and specific images I managed to re-activate his programming, bringing him under my thumb once again! So long ... losers.

Topman: I guess we should have reported Gen Cuts to the chief after all, huh?

Shadowman: No shit.

Snakeman: Come on! We can use his magnetic powers to track his movements. Or something.

Crorq: Where are you going!?

Topman: Just ... out.

Crorq: Is it out to fight General Cutman?

Topman: HOW DID YOU - ! No. We're going out for ice cream.

Crorq: Look. I know you've been in contact with him for months. And now Kenta has gone crazy again. He needs to be put down and I'm having another team do it.

Shadowman: Come on, we can handle this! We have the low down on his location. We just need reinforcements.

Crorq: The devil you say! For all I know you're as bad as week old salami left in the hot sun! You're staying put until we vet you. One of the other teams can handle General Sue. Go against me and I'll have no choice but to consider you enemies of the state!

(The Mechs defy orders and track down General Cutman.)

Snakeman: They'll thank us later. And who takes Crorq's threats seriously anyway?

Crorq: That's IT! Those Mechs are rogues. MAVERICKS! I place a bounty of a thousand chicken wings upon their heads!

(Brain Bot whispers in his ear.)

Crorq: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOBODY WOULD WANT THAT MANY CHICKEN WINGS!?

Snakeman: Shit! Who saw that coming?

Dr. Cossack: Comrades! TO ARMS!

Bright Babe: I don't know what's gotten into you guys, but you aren't getting past us!

(They get past Cossack's Comrades and find Magnetman teaming up with his monstrous remakes of the team's old friends, the Slipstream Angles (and the Steel Devil who is also part of the team for some reason.)

Steel Devil: I'm a pretty lady!

Spark Chan: Of course you are, hun.

Quickma'am: For the record, we are remakes and not the same people.

Geminiman: Gotcha.

Flashma'am: So. Ready to die?

Steel Devil: You cannot defeat all of us.

Magnetman: *glares evilly*

Shadowman: Alright, guys. These people are super powerful and super evil. Moreover they're based off our old friends, so you might feel kinda bad about kicking some ass. Well, don't. This is for the real versions of all those people. Let's show them what it means to be a Mechanical Maniac!

(In a battle for the ages the Mechs fight the Slipstream Angels, destroying all of them and saving Magnet. Unfortunately the General gets away.)

General Cutman: (while escaping) I'm still made up of nanobots. You literally can't hurt me. So long, suckers!

Snakeman: Fantastic! What an incredible battle! Sure the General got away, but things are finally looking up.

Spark Chan: I'm going out for some milk. (leaves in middle of the night without leaving a note.)

Shadowman: Goddamn it.

Magnetman: I quit.

Geminiman: Seriously!?

Dr. Wily: MWAH HAH HAH! This General Cutman is causing all sorta of chaos. I'll show him how it's done! The teams have all disappeared by now, so I shall remake all my old robots! They shall be under MY control! Except the Ascendant Androids because I'm sick of those guys.

Quickman: Our team's the best!

Woodman: So many names to choose from. So many choices.

Omniman: And I am upgraded into a sweet new redesign as well.

Golemman: Golem design not embarrassment anymore!

Punk: Hey, Reggae, let's show them how we do things in Skull Castle!

Reggae: You said it, Punk!

General Cutman: I don't think so. Your days of fun and games are over, Wily!

(General Cutman cuts through Wily's forces, kidnaps the good doctor, and dismembers him leaving bits of Wily throughout the city.)

Omniman: Noooooooooooo~!

Expressman: What purpose do we serve now?

Crorq: Looks like it's open season on all Wilybots! DESTROY THEM AND MAKE MONSTEROPOLIS SAFE AGAIN!

Doc Robot: Flee my friends!

Multiman: But ... where will we go?

Doc Robot: Monsteropolis is a multi-leveled city. The oldest, lowest levels are deserted and unmapped these days. We go there! And wait ... for Master's return. As the Wily Return Force!

Expressman: Is that what we're gonna call ourselves now?

Barrageman: What about Unit Omni and the Units Evil Eight?

Omniman: I WILL HAVE GREATNESS! I WILL BE VICTORIOUS AND REMAKE MY TEAM!

Expressman: Screw 'em.

(The Cossacks harass the Mechs.)

Dr. Cossack: I have you now, Mechs!

Topman: Hey, stay out of the fight or -

(Cossack runs right into Topman's Top Spin making a right mess out of the battlefield.)

Bight Babe: DOCTOR!!!!

Topman: Dammit, now my jacket's ruined.

Bright Babe: I'll hate you forever for this!

(They fight. The Cossacks are all destroyed save for Dive and Drill.)

Topman: This sucks this sucks this suuuuuuuuucks.

Needlegal: Whiner.

Snakeman: It seems like Cossack has been in league with the General and has been helping him do his thing. It also has several servers that give a little clue as to how he survived. Backups.

Shadowman: Fucking backups.

Snakeman: A real time transmission of memories to his backup servers would let him survive anything with a full memory of events and complete continuity. We need to take out the General after we take out his streaming capabilities in order to shut him down for good.

Shadowman: I guess I'll take on scissor head.

Geminiman: And me too. The real star of the show.

Shadowman: Oh, whatever.

(The Mechs find his base with little trouble.)

Geminiman: It's completely unguarded.

Shadowman: Arrogant jerk.

(Shadowman and Gemini confront the General as the rest of the team take out each streaming location. As the last backup is destroyed ...)

Needlegal: NO!!!! Cutman's base just exploded with Shadow and Gemini still inside!

Topman: But, wait ... why did they go in alone?

Needlegal: We were fighting the Slipstream Angles, right?

Snakeman: I thought it was the Ascendant Androids.

Needlegal: So we all remember something different? But ... oh ... Shadow ... no ...

...

Snakeman: Well, I guess things turned out all right...

Needlegal: FUCK YOU!

Topman: So what do we do with the team?

Needlegal: Enough of the team stuff. It's over.

Snakeman: I guess ...

(Needlegal glares at Snakeman.)

Snakeman: What I mean is that we'll never be able to hide with this armour on. We should probably ditch it.

Needlegal: Yeah. We learned that much anyway.

Topman: Well until Shadow and Gemini come back from the dead and Kenta and Classi are found we'll just be a bunch of lonely souls.

(And so ...)

Megaman: With Wily dead I guess it's time for me to retire.

Bass: With Wily dead and Megaman retired I guess it's time to travel the world and look for strong robots to harass.

Protoman: With Wily dead, Megaman retired, and Bass just wandering around, I guess it's time to die of that energy imbalance. *dies*

Gag: I think I'll do some good in this city and join the RPD.

Gaderham: And my brown nosing will level up until I become Chief of Police!

Crorq: (spitting out the jug of Coke he was guzzling) WHAT!?

Torchman: We'll just stay right where we are.

Oilman: What about the plan we had going on? We put a virus in the Special Forces Units and set everything up for something, didn't we?

Torchman: With the Mechs gone, there's no point.

Blademan: So we're just going to hang around where we are?!

Expressman: Don't suppose you could turn a blind eye or two while you're at it? Throw us a tip or two to help your fellow Wilybots survive?

Torchman: Sure, why not?

Expressman: Wow, really? You guys are alright.

Gaderham: Without the Mechs, Wily, or General Cutman around the stage is set for many years of peace and boredom.

Scissor Joes: KILL NOW FOR ELYSIUM AWAITS!

Gaderham: Darn it.

To be continued ...

Cast:
Classi Cal Nobody as .....	Spark Chan	Raijin Nobody as .....	Snakeman	Psycho Magnet Nobody as .....	Needlegal
Hadrian Howell Nobody as .....	Hardman			Nightmare Nobody as .....	Topman
Lennon Nobody as .....	Geminiman	Kenta (Kassidy) Eigen Nobody as .....	Magnetman	Gauntlet Nobody as .....	Shadowman