Genie in the Bottle

Everyone remembers the story of Aladdin and the magic lamp, personally I loved that movie. Anyways Patrick Mains (me) was walking in the downtown core of Lethbridge after cashing a check when he came across a tarnished Arabian oil lamp.

“Heh, Another stupid antique” He commented as he looked at the sullied piece of brass and picked it up, “Maybe mom could use it as a gravy bowl or something.”

His fingers lightly rubbed the lamp, barely even felt the lamp started to dance and rattle. In a puff of smoke someone appeared. A man adorned in a crème-colored Italian suit and a long black ponytail if he weren’t mistaken Pat would’ve thought he worked with the Mafia.

“100 years in that damn lamp would give you a charley-horse the size of Yemen.” He groaned as he looked at Pat, “You released me so what are your seven wishes…”

Pat looked at the Genie dumbfounded.

“Oh sorry I never properly introduced myself. I Gene, genie exordinaire” He smiled

“So… Gene?” Pat stammered, “Isn’t three a usual standard issue with you dijnn?”

“Times change,” Gene shrugged, “People are getting greedier every day and we exist to appease their innermost desires. Trust me; people seem to have a lot of them.”

“And the modern clothing?” Pat asked raising his eyebrows

“Because we stay in those lamps doesn’t mean we aren’t aware of the outside world’s changes in culture,” Gene explained turning his back, “He observed your planet from inside our lamps and adapted to make ourselves more realistic.”

With that Gene took the lamp…

“Speaking of which, I think it’s time I think my lamp needs a little update…”

His hand glowed softly as the lamp metamorphisized into something smaller and split into two watches.

“So what is your first wish…master?” He asked

“Don’t call me that my name is Pat” Pat glared into his eyes

“And your wish? Pat…” He continued, “May I warned you that not many people put much thought into their wishes and it often backfires.”

Pat thought it over for a few seconds and looked at Gene, “I guess I’ll need to sleep it over tonight.”

“Excellent,” Gene replied as he strapped a watch onto Pat’s wrist, “Just rub the watch as you did my lamp and I’ll come to you whenever you want me too.”

“Awesome!” Pat cheered

“We’ll if I don’t hurry I miss some more 21st century history.” The genie smiled, “Adios amigo.”

He disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Pat to look at his watch leaving him to wonder what he should wish for. The bus ride was spent in silence as he thought of what he wanted to wish for. The possibilities were virtually endless. That night he typed up a detailed report of what his first wish was going to be. It was about five pages long and when he presented it to Gene at the Arby’s the following day the dijnn remarked…

“I’ve seen some people put actual thought into their wishes,” He chuckled, “You my friend take the cake.”

“You said people don’t put much thought into what they wish for…” Pat shrugged, “Ever seen the movie “Bedazzled”?”

“I thought that Elizabeth Hurley was a minx,” he replied cracking his knuckles, as if he were ready to do something massive, “Finally I get a challenge over the thousands of years I’ve existed.”

Pat looked at him with a strange look before Gene asked, “This is your last chance, do you want to go through with this?”

Irritated Pat scowled, “Yes!”

“Good six more to go and whatever you do, don’t look back.”

Pat gave him a confused look before he felt the metallic luster of a barrel at his head, in what was like nanoseconds it felt like hours as he recalled his wish from what his memory could serve him.

“My wish as a whole it is that I am another person, in that place between childhood and adolescence immortal, eternal and I would never age or mature. My hair would be a golden blonde with a style like Tai from Digimon (Only a bit shorter). My eyes would gleam like shappires and my skin tanned by the suns warming rays. I am nothing more than lean and muscular, my body’s metabolism would never make me overweight or obese may I stress NEVER.  What makes my wardrobe is a jacket like Davis’ and Tai’s goggles and a nice pair of cargo shorts.

With that I want the superpowers of the Flash and Green Lantern so my super-speed would keep my metabolism in check…”

Before that last thought could process, he felt the sensation of the bullet smashing his skull and the darkness drowned him. In a hospital room in Great Falls, Montana his distinct scream could be heard…

“Calm down Joel,” Gene coaxed, “You were just in a terrible accident and the doctors are wondering why your healing is much faster than…”

The former Pat examined himself in the mirror; the blond haired, sapphire-eyed body he wished for looked back at him. He could only utter… “Joel?”

“If I’m not mistaken that’s what your name was in the wish, Joel Nathaniel Prower the youngest of six children." Gene explained…

“WHAT THE HELL?!?” He wailed

“You took a bullet shot to the head in your previous existence,” Gene sighed, “You ought to loosen up”

“But…”

“But the fortuitous factor in the wish making procedure happened, that’s the way of the universe; before you know this sentence is way too continuance for one breath, you’ll notice you can’t understand a word I’m saying.” Gene exhaled “You’ll no longer reminisce about you were in your antecedent permanence.”

“Eh what?” Joel asked, “Who are you?”

“Call me Gene,” Gene sighed, “I’m your legal guardian.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry” Gene chuckled, “I have your custody on the basis of your parent’s neglecting you. You’ve never had any “formal” education haven’t you.”

“Um… no but JR and Jerry practically taught me everything I needed to know,” Joel looked around disoriented, “What happened to them? Where am I?”

Gene took off his reading glasses and rubbed his oily forehead, “I’m sorry but there was an accident.”