Part 1: Return of the Tanakas
Los Angeles State Prision... Post-Commonwealth vs. the Tanakas 2 Trial...
Chan: Melcom ersgime oot anudder X-Fours ep stirringe moe brudder Cishan and I Hsu...
(Translation: Welcome gamers to another X-Force ep starring my brother Chan and I Hsu...)
Monkey: EEK EEK EEK!
(Translation: Help me! Help me! He's about to make me his bitch!)
Chan: Brother Hsu put that monkey down this instant!
(Prision guard walks up)
Chan: Murray? What's up in the outside world?
Murray: For one, you two have been released!
Hsu: Vu snall vern ern de decks of smell!
Murray: What he say?
Chan: You wouldn't want to know... Hsu... Vive von crelassed!
Hsu: Well if I'm not a plumber's cousin... We're free!
And so...
Hsu: Hiroko? Deke? You helped release us?
Hiroko: No, but Gila Mobster did... Besides Deke and I thought we'd visit before we take Hanabi to Disneyland.
Hsu: Gila Mobster?
Gila Mobster: Well it's the least I could do for you guys, considering you created me in all...
Chan: How did you do that?
Gila Mobster: It's amazing how Bushie Boy will bend to your will with a few revealing photos...
Deke: What were you guys thinking? Blowing up half a stadium for revenge? Geez if you more like me you would've creamed them like corn.
Hiroko: Oh Deke, don't get worked up right before we take the baby to the happiest place on Earth, well brothers see you next Thanksgiving...
Deke: Yeah and stay out of trouble you two...
In the parking lot after Hiroko and Deke leave...
Hsu: Well brother we have our freedom what will we do now?
Chan: Maybe we should head back home and resume development of Roller Death Derby 6...
Hsu: It waited nine months I wager it can wait some more...
Chan: What are you talking about Hsu?
Hsu: Remember who put us here in the first place?
Chan: A judge?
Hsu: No the X-Force! We still have to regain our honor!
Chan: You mean have our revenge...
Hsu: Same difference.
Chan: Well I'm game but we have no battle plan...
Hsu: While in my lapse of sanity... I saw the perfect plan to finally put the X-Force in their place... only we don't have the resources...
Gila Mobster: Ah so you need resources? Tell me your plan and I'll use my contacts to get what I... you need... yes...
Hsu: Okay you little toad, what will it cost us?
Gila Mobster: Oh nothing... just a percentage of the sales from your next game and a pound of both your flesh.
Chan: Look at us we're just skin and bones!
Gila Mobster: How about your sister's hubby? This is LA baby, no one will know you had anything to do with it...
Hsu and Chan: (Think for a moment)
Hsu: Yeah okay... why not?
Gila Mobster: You made the right choice... (Laughs evily)
(Hsu and Chan join in the mad cackling)
And so a few days later in Megaopolis...
Hsu: Well the plan here is to get into Maverick Hunter Headquarters take the five remaining curcuit stones and get out in one piece... Got it Chan?
Chan: Understood, they won't even know I was there until we're back at Tanaka Bros. "Video Game Deathmatch"
Hsu: A clever ruse which at this point we can't reveal... well godspeed brother Chan.
Chan: Luck? That's for wusses...
Hsu: Chan? Report?
Chan: The roof was I bit further down than I thought but I should be able to sneak in throught the window...
Chan: Uh chan I've been spotted... (Pulls out tranquilizer gun)
Employee: Uh sir?
Chan: Hey this doesn't look like Maverick Hunter HQ...
Employee: Um no... this is the McDonalds next door... besides the tours are over already...
Chan: Curses Hsu! We made a fatal error...
Hsu: On to plan "Delta-Moses-Tau-Omega"
And so...
Guy: Hey look... what's that...
(Car screeches to a halt)
Hsu: If we can't go in by stealth ...
Chan: Then go by force!
Chan: Raze every room until we get the circuit stones!
The white-collar reploid assembly line...
Alia: What are those dolts think they're doing?
Douglass: Who cares? We have to get them out of here before X and Signas come back... let's just give them what they what before they destroy the place...
So...
Alia: Are you idiot's finished yet?
Hsu and Chan: Huh?
Hsu: Yeah, where do you keep the circuit stones?
Alia: If I give you the (explicite deleted) circuit stones, will you get the hell out of here?
Chan: Well my fine... erm... lady of course we will...
(Alia leaves for a moment)
Hsu: Take a look at her... hubba! hubba!
Chan: Brother don't waste your harmones on a reploid, would you consider the famicom a hot "catch"?
Hsu: Since when did the...
(Alia comes back with the circuit stones)
Alia: Here now get the hell out!
Hsu: Your wish is my demand... (drools)
Chan: Oh brother...
MD's Dojo... Mechanopolis
Ben: It's amazing how I wrote this freaking ep and I don't appear until now...
(Phone rings)
Ben: Oh... (Censored) (Picks it up) Hello MD's dojo, call one more time and I'll kick your sorry ass...
Gila Mobster: Hi, My associates and I extend an invitation for you and the X-Force to participate in the Video Game Deathmatch.
Ben: What make you think I don't have anything better to do? (Is watching reruns of "Full House")
Gila Mobster: Well for one the prize is twenty-five million dollars in cold-hard cash and the circuit stones...
Ben: Oh big whoop!
Gila Mobster: And free-Chinese Food-for-life from the Regent...
Ben: Hell yeah!
And so... In the Stadium all is in a disturbing calm...
Rob: Ben! Why did you drag me out of Grand Theft Auto 3 for this?
Ben: Shut up pretty boy or I'll f*** your face up so bad...
Andrew: Personally I think this is an excellent chance to collect the remaining circuit stones so we can final use the power heh heh heh... isn't this what it's about?
X-Force: Nope
Alon: We're in it for the cash.
Tobias: Yeah Tobias needs his new entertainment center...
Ben: I'm in it for the free Chinese Food well that and the kindergarten class they said I could consume...
Classi: Oh I don't care, as long as my Icey-kins fights by my side...
Gary: (Wrapped up in Classi's electric webs) Help me! This ZAP! hurts! ZAP!
Classi: Oh love doesn't hurt my Icey-kins...
Trevor: Do you hear that?
X-Force: ?
Trevor: It sounds like...
(A car crashes in, the X-Force scatters and the car crashes into Alon)
Alon: OW! What the hell?!?
(Guy from GTA3* gets out before it explodes into flames)
(From this point refer to him as "G")
G: #^*%in' idiots look at what you did to my new Diablo!
Rob: What we did? You were the one that drove into here like a $&%*ing maniac you cheap son of a pennywhore!
G: Wha now you dissin my mama ya poof? I'll @&$*ing slice your neck!
Rob: (Whispers) Poof?
Andrew: British slang for homo sexual...
Rob: That's it I'll...
Ben: (Taps G on the shoulder)
G: Wha now you overgrown iguana?
Ben: (Gives G his light jab.. shoving his skull right into his brain)
(G falls to the ground on his back)
Ben: Ha, frickin' humans. All talk, no walk.
Trevor: Hey is that his nose?
Tobias: No Tobias thinks it's a fragment of his jaw...
(The stadium starts to light up and a big musical score starts)
(Announcer steps out)
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen this is the first ever... VIDEO GAME DEATHMATCH! Presented by the... TANAKA BROTHERS...
Trevor: Hey I thought they were doing twenty to life...
Andrew: Apparently, they had to be pardoned.
Classi: Oh Icey-kins you know those bad... bad... men?
Gary: HELP ME!
Ben: For gods sake Classi! LET GARY GO!
Classi: Can we be partners in battle?
Ben: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!
Classi: (Unwraps Gary) I guess we'll be partners...
Gary: Okay, just don't snatch me like that...
Hsu: My brother an I would like to thank our sponsors and the various contestants that could be here today... especially the X-Force who had fallen into our trap...
X-Force: WHAT?!?
Chan: You simpletons! You thought we made up this championship for kicks? HA! You tell them our nefarious plan brother Hsu...
Hsu: This was all a sham to get even with you X-Force, since we couldn't beat you ourselves, we'll let characters from other video games series do that! The Tanakas must have their honor restored!
Ben: You think they'll beat us? Ha! We can mop the floor with whatever you can throw at us...
Hsu: Really? We have the toughest opponents you'll ever meet! (Door opens) in this corner we have...
The Super Smash Brothers!
(The Nintendo Characters rush out)
Mario: Ha these pisanoes don't look so tough!
Chan: Also the very tough very rough Marines from... HALO!
Master Chief: Stay focused men, and we can overcome these metal rejects...
Hsu: Your man of action... Solid Snake and Raiden!
Raiden: Ha, my VR training will make short work out all of them...
Snake: (Groans)
Chan: Also your favorite gang from Final Fantasy X!
Tidus: YEAH! MY TEAM ROCKS! BLITZ BALL FOREVER!
Wakka: YEAH! WOOHOO!
Chan: You guys are drunk are you?
Tidus: Yeah a little...
Wakka: Dude you like had the whole keg...
Tidus: Yeah, I'm the greatest. YEAH!
Chan: Um... yeah... we had contenders from Sonic, Street Fighter and Dead or Alive 3 but they delined.
Hsu: The rules are simple you must knock out or execute your opponent in a quick fashion. Once you finish them all off, you get the prize... You will all be transported to the many alternate arenas across the multiverse.
Rob: (To Ben): Holy shit!, he can't be serious...
Ben: Really, you think these a**holes stand a chance?
Rob: What are we going to do?
Ben: Everyone, pick a body and don't stop til their pulses are gone...
To be continued in... The Tanakas Strike Back part 2: Annhilation!