Cossack's Comrades

Alpha Season 2: Epilogue 13

A Day in the Life of Kalinka

*At the citadel, Dr. Cossack is preparing for a nice big poker tournament. *

Kalinka: Dad I’m bored. There is nothing to do today.

Cossack: Hmm well you can bug the poker room to give me an unfair advantage…


Cossack: You can watch us I guess, or maybe you want to help BB with the tacos.

Kalinka: I’d rather not. Explain to me why you are doing this?

Cossack: I’m making it a tradition to have a Christmas tournament of cards. I figured it would be good to have as many players come. (And for more money)

Kalinka: Who’s actually playing?

Cossack: All the Comrades save BB, Jay, Silent Bob, and Bob Parr.

Kalinka: Hey maybe I could hang with Vi!

Cossack: Or you could rig the room for me.

Kalinka: Uh, how about no.

*So Kalinka leaves, but the players arrive. *

Jay: What type of poker are we doing?

Cossack: Lets start out with some blackjack first then we’ll start the poker. We can bet on whether or not you win.

Drill: I'm in.

Silent Bob: *Nod. *

Bob: Who’s dealing?

Ring: I’ll do it. Lets play, gentlemen.

*The New Parr House*

Kalinka: I’d better knock I suppose. Hello.

*The Door is answered by Dash*

Dash: Oh hi Kalinka! Come on in! By chance is Ring with you? Huh? Huh? Huh? He promised to play Halo 2 with me.

Kalinka: Nope just me. Hey where's Vi?

Helen: *From Upstairs* Dash who is it?

Dash: Its Kalinka mom.

Helen: Oh I’ll be right down. Hello Kalinka. Is Bob cheating or something?

Kalinka: He could be. I left after dad told me to rig the room so he could see everyone's cards.

Helen: How did such a nice girl come from…him?

Kalinka: I don't know. Say where's Vi?

Helen: Oh she’s at her friend’s house. Sorry.

Kalinka: Oh it’s okay. Tell her I said hi. See you at the New Years celebration.

Helen: You too, dear.

Dash: Remind Ring to come over!

*Back at the citadel…*

Ring: Okay Jay its your turn. You have 5.

Jay: Hit me.

Ring: You now have 15.

Jay: Hit me.

Ring: Wow. You now have 20.

Jay: Hit me.

Bob: Uh Jay, I wouldn’t hit that.

Jay: Hit me.

Ring: !!! You have 21!

Jay: Hit me.

Drill: You won already. You don't need to hit.

Jay: Hit me.

Ring: You have 30.

Jay: Hit me.

*Kalinka is now at the park*

Kalinka: Now what am I to do? Hmm?

*She notices a carnival on the other side of the park. *

Kalinka: Why didn’t I notice that? Meh what the hell?

*So she sees a booth called “Shoot Em Up”*

Man: Hey little girl, want to play a game?

Kalinka: Sure what is it?

Man: You take this gun and shoot the scum that comes out of the wall.

Kalinka: Okay how much?

Man: 200 Yen.

Kalinka: Here.

*So she gets ready to shoot, but the “Scum” are cardboard cutouts of the Comrades*

Kalinka: Hey why are the Comrades the scum?

Man: Because they are evil!

Kalinka: Who are you?

Man: I am…

Met King: The Met King!

Kalinka: Well I'm Kalinka Cossack and I think I found more scum right in front of me!

*Back at the card game*

Cossack: 3 of a kind!

Bob: 4 Jacks!

Drill: I win! 4 aces!

All: Aw.

Cossack: Hey how do you have 4 aces? I have one right here.

Skull: Me too!

Dive: As do I!

Drill: Uh there is a funny story behind this…RUN AWAY!

*He tries to run, but is tripped by Silent Bob*

Silent Bob: Look here. He has bunches of aces up his Drill Bomb area.

Jay: That fucker cheated!

Toad: Get him!


Kalinka: Next time if you try to shoot scum, make cut outs of yourself.

A Very Much Bleeding Met King: Uh…Okay.

Kalinka: Well I'm going to see a movie now!

*So she heads to the theater*

Kalinka: One child for Christmas with The Kranks please.

Acne faced Teen: Here miss.

*Back at the card game*

Dive: I think Silent Bob is out since he wont say anything. That was okay in Blackjack, but not this.

Jay: Sorry Lunchbox. That's the way of life.

Silent Bob: *Shrugs and nods*

*Brightbabe enters…with Tacos XD*

BB: Tacos! And I made one in liquid for for Drill since he cant move.

Drill: Ow.

Cossack: Excellent! Lets play another hand without Drill, since he is in his condition.

*The Theater*

Kalinka: That movie sucked! Just because Tim Allen was in The Santa Clause doesn’t mean he should be in every X-Mas Movie! You know something? I need action! I’ll go fight someone!

Inner Kalinka: I wouldn’t do that. Remember last time…


Kalinka: You evil Dr. Wily cheated my father out of winning the scientist award! I’ll kill you!

*She lunges at Wily, but is captured by Mettols! *

Wily: Whelp. Hmmm this could be to my advantage…I know! I’ll hold her ransom and have her father kill Megaman! Hahahahaha!

*End Flashback*

Kalinka: Oh yeah. I forgot. Screw it. I’ll head back home and watch the men kill each other.

*Back home*

Bob: Later, Cossack! Thanks for hosting the tournament, and your money!

Cossack: No! You cheated! Damn you!

Kalinka: Hi everyone. How did it go?

Cossack: He cheated! He stole my money!

Kalinka: Wasn’t it you who wanted to rig the room?

Pharaoh: What?

Jay: Another cheating bastard!

Bob: Let me, gentlemen.

Cossack: MOMMY!

*And everyone takes turns punching Dr. Cossack, and everyone had a great Christmas. Well except for Met King who got influenza three weeks later and Cossack, who broke every bone in his body. Merry X-Mas*


Santa: Hello everyone. Sorry I'm late. Im here to deliver the gifts to everyone! Dash gets an X-Box 360, Vi get a new hair brush, Jack JAck gets a toy train, Bob gets some weights, Helen gets a new dress, Kalinka gets a new rifile, Jay and SIlent Bob get bongs, the CC get new armor, and Cossack gets coal! (WHAT! GOD DAMN YOU)


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