Cossack's Comrades

Alpha Season 3: Epilogue 10

More then Meets the Eye
by Drill

Narrator: At the Decipticon Underwater base, Starscream find something interesting….

Starscream: Hmm? The human named Michael Bay is making a movie about us, and I’m in it! Well of course I should.

*Reads more*

Starscream: Ha! That buffoon Megatron gets Frozen and I lead! Excellent! Mr. Bay should be commended. He realizes my superiority to Megatron! I wonder….how will I look like?

*Finds it*


Megatron: Whats going on Starscream? You are pissing me off. *Looks at the screen* What the hell are you looking at?

Starscream: The human named Bay is making a movie about us, BUT I LOOK LIKE SHIT!

Soundwave: Michael Bay: Superior. Starscream: Inferior.

Megatron: Heh. I am sorry Starscream. It appears you are stuck with a crappy design. Soundwave, pull up my design.

Soundwave: Computing Lord Megatron. Success. Behold you.

*And a picture of Movie Megatron appears.*

Megatron:…a robot Sasquatch? A METAL YETTI!!!!!!!! HE DIES!!!!!

*The trio goes to the Space Bridge Entrance*

Megatron: Skywarp, Thundercracker, Soundwave, and Starscream will accompany me to the surface to find Bay. Shockwave, you will assume control while we are gone. Understood?

Shockwave: Yes Almighty Megatron.


Narrator: Meanwhile in Russia.

Cossack: You guys wont believe this. I just scored…

Toad: Congrats. I’d rather not hear about your private life.

Cossack: …insolent taod…anyway behold! 10 tickets to an advanced screening of Transformers the Movie!

Drill: The Bay one or the classic one?

Cossack: Bay.

Comrades: Aw!

Cossack: HEY! THESE WERE FREE! If you want I can give these to the Wilys Warriors.

Ring: For the love of Job no!

Drill: Thank you Cossack. We will be glad to take these off your hands.

Cossack: Oh no! We are all going! …Well except Jay and Silent Bob. They are at a Drug Dealers thing this week so they cannot attend. But we can!

Kalinka: Oh Father you have done something right for once. Amazing.

Skull: I do not know. Movies are not my thing.

Toad: Aw come on Zy, It could be fun. You need to get out more.

Skull: Very well.

Drill: Comrades: Roll Out!

Dive: I knew it would be something cliché like that.

*At the premiere the Comrades meet an old friend: Gauntlet!*

Drill: Oh you got a free pass too?

Gauntlet:…thats a secret…

Dust: I call you out on that Gauntlet!

Gauntlet: Shut up!

*Suddenly a big limo pulls up and out comes Michael Bay, Don Murphy, and Tom DeSanto*

Ring: Oh Mr. Bay! I love your work! The Island is a cinematic masterpiece!

Bay: Well thank you. Someone finally loves my films.

Gauntlet: Didn't you make Pearl Harbor?

Bay: Why yes I did. My best work after Transformers I think.

Pharaoh: Dude, it sucked.

Dust: It sucked more then me.


Dust: Oh come on!

Don: Enjoy the movie every one.

DeSanto: It will certainly be better then Spider-man 3.

*They leave*

Toad: There seems to be more to those three then meets the eye.

Bright: I can't believe you went there.

Gauntlet: Screw you guys. Time to view my childhood redux!

*He vanishes*

Cossack: Well that was rude.

Kalinka: Forget him Father, the movie is starting.

*In the theater*

Bay: Hello. I am Michael Bay. I thank you all for coming. This movie is the best of my career so far.

Don: However we have made some changes to the film. Peter Cullen has been replaced with Elija Wood and Starscream is now a transforming spatula.

DeSanto: Plus for added realism the TF will have synthetic skin to give the appearance of a human.

Ring: Da hell he smoking?

Drill: I cant believe this.

Gauntlet: You three have raped my childhood! And I didnt even see the movie yet!

Bay: You know thats whats wrong with Transformers: fans. You make me sick.

DeSanto: Dont make judgment till you have seen the film.

*The film starts*

Spike: Wow. your more then meets the eye.

Bumblebee: *Transforms into a golf cart*

Optimus Prime: Roll out to the shire! *Transforms into a vacuum*

Megatron: I am afraid I cannot allow that Mr. Prime. *Puts on Sun Glasses*

Starscream: BAWK!!!

Ironhide: More then meets the eye!

Leader 1: GOBOTS!


*They all transform into Gungans*

Gungan: Thersa moresa to yousa den meeten de eye.

Cossack: The f*ck is going on?

Skull: This is why I dont go to the movies.

Bright: By the Matrix no!

Comic book guy: Worst. Movie. Ever. Must see it at least ten more times today.

*Shot fired*

Bay: Who dares disrupt my movie?


Starscream: With pleasure, almighty Megatron.

Dust: Are you just gonna let this happen?

Drill and Gauntlet: Yes.

*Suddenly a semi breaks through the wall and transforms*

Optimus Prime: Megatron stop! You dont understand. That's not Michael Bay. The Autobots and I found him and his producer friends tied up outside.

Soundwave: Query: If Bay is there who is this?

Bay: I guess the cat is out of the bag.

*The three pull off their disguises*

Megatron: It cant be!

Starscream: COBRA COMMANDER?!?!

Cobra Commander: Yesss Itss True! My plan worked and Transssformersss is ruined!

Destro: What this idiot means is that we were supposed to get a movie first. I mean we came first!

Baroness: So ve kidnapped Bay and his cohorts and sabotaged the real movie.

Cobra Commander: Our original intention was to force Bay to direct a GI Joe movie, with us winning. COBRA!!!!!

Destro: However when Transfomers came to be our Commander decided to change it into the worst movie ever.

Cobra Commander: IT WASS BRILLIANT!!!!

Baroness: Da it vas. I vanted to make a Gobots movie instead. That vould have made Transformer fans pissed.

Cobra Commander: Cobra the Movie is sure to be made!

Toad: So you impersonated Bay?

Cobra Commander: My dear this has been going on for a long time. I sent Zartan to impersonate Bay when filming Pearl Harbor to show how bad the United States Government really is.

Pharaoh: So that's why it sucked.

Destro: And now Bay has a financial flop! The fans will want to kill you and the Joe fans will get their movie.

Cobra Commander: COBRA VICTORY!

Megatron: You forget one thing. We are huge robots and you three are just fleshlings. DECEPTICONS ATTACK!

Optimus Prime: Technically Cobra Commander is not human so I can kill him.

Cobra Commander: No! I am human! That who Cobra La stuff was fake! COBRA RETREAT! RETREAT!

Kalinka: Did we learn anything at all today?

Pharaoh: Nope.

Bay: I am terribly sorry for all of this. Here are new passes to see the REAL Transformers movie.

*They view it*

Drill: I liked it!

Dust: The designs kicked ass!

Gauntlet: Bah! It focused on the humans too much! And where is Frank Welker?

Pharaoh: Did you see when Megatron was fighting Prime how he killed those people?

Comic book guy: Best. Movie. Ever.

Dive: It just goes to show you that just because a movie doesnt follow the original story to a T doesn't mean it's destined to be a failure.

Ring: Tell that to Catwoman.


Dr. Mindbender: Cobra Commander, I have news! Brett Ratner is directing a GI Joe movie!

Cobra Commander: YESSSSS! Who is worthy enough to play me?

Dr. Mindbender: Uh Chris Tucker is playing Destro, Rosie O'Donnel is Baroness, and Jackie Chan is you. I get to be played by the guy from House!

Cobra Commander: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Megatron: Good work Soundwave. The Decepticons strike back!
*The End...for now!*


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