Series 4 Issue # 10 - The Weapon of Absolute Doom!

We join our heroes at the base, where Doctor Light has gathered them for a meeting of special importance.

Mega man: Doctor Light! What is so urgent that you have to wake us up at such ungodly hours?

Light: Mega man, Maniacs, housebot...

Roll: HOUSEBOT!? I have a name you know! YOU gave it to me.

Light: Whatever. As I was saying, I have gathered you all here to share with you two pieces of information so critical that to tell you in the morning may leave such serious repercussions that I dare not leave it that late.

Gemini: Gosh, Master Light, what are they?

Light: Huh? Oh, I'll get to that in a minute. Just let me finish my dramatic speech first.

Gauntlet: Oy...

Light: Information so dire, so crucial, so very, VERY important, that even as we speak, chaos could be raining down upon our tiny heads, in a fiery cataclysm that dare not speak it's own name for fear of the devil's evil snare!

Needle: *whispering* What is he talking about?!

Top: *shrugs*

Mega man: What, doctor Light?! WHAT, WHAT!?!?

Light: First of all, I've decided to change my name to Doctor Right.

All: >_<;;;

Light: No.

Gauntlet: Rightyoh Doc Light!

Light: It's Doctor Right, remember?

Gauntlet: Oh yeah. Fine, then: Lightyoh, Doc Right. I mean, Rightyro, Doc. I mean... DAMNIT! Get an easier name.

Light/Right: No.

Twenty five agonizing minutes of walking later:

Spark: Are you sure we're in the right place?

Hard: I'm positive. The tracking signal said to head south, so I've done nothing but follow this arrow.


Twenty five agonizing minutes of walking later:

Top: Okay, now follow the S. THE S!

Hard: Is this a bad time to tell you that I can't read?

Needle: Yes. Yes it is.

Magnet: Pass it here!

*Hard starts passing it to him*

Gemini: NO! YOU IDIOT! You'll disrupt the compass!

Gauntlet: Since I'm the only brains in this outfit, I'LL carry it.

Five hundred and thirty two agonizing minutes of walking later:

Gauntlet: Okay, this is just getting ridiculous.

Top: *chewing on bubble gum* Would it help... *chew chew* if I gave... *chew chew* you guys each one of my...*chew chew* jetpacks?

Snake: You had jetpacks? And you didn't TELL us?!

Top: Like, I was busy! *blows bubble and it pops on Snake's face*

Magnet: You have to be THE most annoying person on the face of this earth.

Top: At least I strive for perfection.

Two minutes later:

Needle: That was quite abrupt and convenient.

Gauntlet: At least it brings us one step closer to the plot of this epilogue.

Pirate: Yarr, mateys, ye've found me treasure!

Gauntlet: *looks to Top* I hate you.

Top: I ran out of ideas! *blows bubble and it pops on Gauntlet's face*

After killing the pirate...

Needle: Why didn't we just walk away? That guy's life could have been spared!

Hard: Exactly.

Needle: WHAT?

Gemini: Man, you just don't GET it do you?

Needle: What the hell are you talking about?

Top: You know, it's too late at night (writing time) and I'm too drugged up. I'll just continue writing tomorrow so I can get to the plot before I write anything else that's not funny.

The next day (writers time, not plot time)

Gemini: Hey! We've found the signal!

Magnet: It's an abandoned warehouse!

Snake: How cliché!

Top: Again, out of ideas!

Spark: Whatever, let's just go inside...

As the walk towards the building, they suddenly fall into a big, camouflaged hole.


Gemini: You're on my foot!

Snake: No, you're on my foot!

Top: I'm on my own foot!

Needle: My foot's numb.

Hard: My butt's numb.

Gauntlet: My brain's numb from hearing all of you nitwits complaining! Let's just get up!

Magnet: Wow, I never thought of that.

Spark: Good idea, G.

Snake: Guess that's why you're the leader.

Gemini: I thought he was the leader because he won us in a gambling contest.

Gauntlet: It's not important!

Someone out of the hole: No, I don't suppose anything is for you mongrels unless it contains the words 'fried cheese'.

Needle: Did you hear that?!

Hard: *drooling* Yeah... fried cheese...

Other someone out of the hole: Hey, boss, what's say we's do the big bang on 'dem, eh?

1st someone: Please, if you're going to speak to me at all, at least do so correctly.

2nd someone: Uh... okays... Hey, boss, what do you say we... uh... smash 'em?

3rd someone: Yeah, boss, let's just pound 'em 'till dey don't know what's what!

1st someone: Oh come on, I should hope we have a bit more class than that.

2nd 3rd and 4th someone: ...

1st: Well, I should hope I have a bit more class than that. No, we shan't be pulverizing them, we shall eliminate them successively and slowly using horrible torture of the mind and body.

4th: So... we's gonna smash 'em?

1st: *sigh* No, not yet. First I want to see about what our good Doctor is so concerned.

A cyber-net closes around the Maniacs, trapping them, as the platform they were on raises like an elevator until they are back on ground level.

Top: Hey! He looks like me! Only... he looks a little nauseous.

1st someone (Evil Top): Actually, I believe that the word you are trying to convey is nauseated, since nauseous refers to someone who is causing nausea. And furthermore...

Hard: Hey, he's the smart guy of the bunch!

Gauntlet: Yeah, Top, I guess he really is your opposite personality!

Snake: Zing!

Top: Damnit Gauntlet, you stupid b-

Evil Top: Please, please, if you are to represent me, do not resort to such petty cusses. Now, before I begin, I would like to introduce you to (and it pains me to call them these) my co-workers. (Although they really should be referred to as minions) Let's see... I believe that, announced in order of the voices you would have heard from beneath us, the first would have been me, followed by Hard Man, then Spark Man, and then Magnet Man.. . Well, show us some of that etiquette I've been teaching you and introduce yourselves, gentlemen.

Evil Hard: Pleased tuh meet yuz.

Evil Magnet: Ditto.

Evil Spark: Likewise.

Evil Top: Now, do you have any last words before I begin your torture session?

Gemini: Vive la France!

All: ?

Gemini: Eh, it sounded funnier in my head.

Evil Top: Very well, then. Who wants to be the first to die?

Top: *points to Gauntlet* He does!

Gauntlet: What? No I don't!... I really don't.

Evil Top: Really, Top, resorting to such low tactics? I suppose you've just volunteered yourself.

Top: Wait! I... I uh... I challenge you to a one on one match!

Evil Top: A one on one match? A tad redundant, don't you think?

Top: I guess, but hey, they do it all the time in the movies.

Evil Top: Yes, I suppose so. Very well. Do you have any requests to make that will affect our duel?

Top: Yes, actually. Since your men are free right now, I request that mine be free too. Not to fight, of course, but in case your men step into the fight, I want some backup.

Evil Top: Very well. But if they move from that platform before the duel is over, I shall activate this button which will kill you all before you are able to step off of it. Just in case, you know.

Gauntlet: Yes! Freedom!

Top: Guys, don't move from that spot.

Hard: Okay, gotcha... *wink*

Top: No, Hard, I mean it!

Magnet: Suuuuure.

Top: I'm not kidding!

Needle: We believe you! *wink*

Top: He has a weapon!

Spark: Riiiiight...

Top: Don't you listen?!

Gemini: Yep, we understand!

Top: Ugh! Fine!

Gauntlet: Guys, don't move off this platform or he'll kill us all.

Magnet: Sure thing G.

Snake: No problemo.

Gemini: Anything you say, chief.

Top: What? But you just... ugh, whatever.

Evil Top: So, your request has been granted. Now, what say we up the ante?

Top: What do you want if you win?

Evil Top: Ohhh, I get to choose, hmm? Very well. You must (by yourself, of course, because us doing it would be no fun) deactivate yourselves so that we may reprogram you and reactivate you with the Doctor's programming.

Top: Fine.

All: NO!!!

Top: But if I win, not only are we set free, but you have to return to us the item you stole a few days ago.

Evil Top: Since there's no risk of failure on my part, very well. Your terms are acceptable.

Top: Let the duel begin!

Evil Top: *getting into martial arts stance* Foolish boy, I know jujitsu, karate, boxing, wrestling, "professional" wrestling (yes, I was an actor once) and 5 forms of attack that I have created myself using meditation exercises. I have also considered all possible moves you can have in your arsenal, and calculated which ones are probable. The odds of you winning are 6987:1, and are against you, my friend. You have no hope for victory. You shall now be-

Top: *punches him in the face, knocking him down* Betcha didn't analyse THAT move, eh buddy?

Snake: Zing!

Evil Top: Uhhh... huhuh... mommy...

Top: Now, stand aside, boys.

Evil Hard: NO! Youz cans't pass.

Evil Magnet: You'z hurt our boss, now we's goingsta hurt youz!

Evil Spark: Get ready for crush-time!

Evil Top: Stand down, boys.

Evil Spark: But boss!

Evil Magnet: Deys hurtz you!

Evil Hard: Let's crush dem!

Evil Top: No. I made them a deal, and I am a man of honour. You may leave. And take this with you. *gives them a box*

Gauntlet: Uh... thanks. So, now that you guys have switched teams...

Evil Top: Do not mistake my kindness for alliance. I am simply staying true to my word. When next we meet, there will be a far different outcome.

Gauntlet: O...kay... Thanks?

Later on, at the base:

Light/Right: Yes! You have brought it back!

Gemini: Quick, Doc, assemble it! We finally have the power to beat Wily!

Megaman: Yes! Doctor Light... Right... whatever... What are you waiting for?!

Light/Right: I'm going, I'm going. *puts a chip in the machine* Now... ACTIVATE!

Gauntlet: Finally!

Gemini: We've won!

Needle: Wily will be crushed!

Snake: We have a chance now!


Megaman: Yes! Equip: Weapon!!!

Weird narrator voice from Megaman 8: You got... BALLOON!

Megaman: The hell?!

Light/Right: Look! You press fire, and a balloon comes out that you step on!

All: ...

Light/Right: WILY IS DOOMED!!!

Snake: Well, I guess everything turned out... right?

Needle: Maybe? Anyways, we learned a lesson.

Gauntlet: Yeah? I'm always surprised at how educational these epilogues turn out.

Needle: Light is senile. Don't take any more orders from him.

Light/Right: Orders? Okay, I'll order the general tsao chicken.

Top: Well, until it takes me less than two months to write an epilogue, we are... the Mechanical Maniacs!!!

La Fin


Musashiden Razz as .....
Hexlaser as .....
Psycho Magnet as .....
Hadrian Howell as .....
    Nightmare as .....
Lennon as .....
Jonathan S. as .....
Gauntlet as .....


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