By Geoff (Sparkman)
When we last left our Mighty heroes, they set out to save the proud city of Ravnica from a spontaneous robot rebellion! Unfortunately, their noble efforts were undermined by strange time anomalies and ineffective support from their own creators. Their brother-at-arms, Mighty Number 9, aka Beck had ventured alone to the Wily Underground to recruit more brave souls to be the next Mighty Numbers. Only to be met with what could be considered at best, an icy reception due to his overhyped and insensitively aggressive showmanship.
Thankfully, their leader Pyro, the Mighty Number 1, has routed the robot horde near the highway, and is lurking in the shadows, plotting his next move.
Pyro: Ugh. Still not any closer to figuring out what’s causing any of this. But honestly, with all the crap that’s been happening to Avi, Shade, Bat and Brand, I’d say this robot invasion is the least of our problems. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something off about this whole town...
????: FEED!! MUST!! FEEEEEDD!!
Pyro: What the hell?!
(Pyro deftly leaps to the side as a vermillion-clad robot with razor-sharp claws and fangs swoops towards him).
Pyro: How did you find-
(Pyro looks over his shoulder and notices the building he’s lurking behind is on fire).
Pyro: Forget I asked.
????: You...You are a predator...Predator...Like me...?
Pyro: I uh...Sure. Why not.
????: Then why...? Why do you not have the need to feed...? Why is the world so cold to me...? But not...You...? Ad lib moaning in pain.
Pyro: What the hell was that last bit?!
????: Who are...you...? RAAAARRRRGH!! I...Am...Raychel!!
Pyro: Raychel?? What kind of a stupid name is-
Ray: Silence!! Ad lib hellish roaring.
(Taking advantage of Pyro’s confusion, Ray blasts him with a scorching laser beam from her mouth)!
Pyro: Agghh!! (over com) Guys! I’ve got a crazy killer robot over towards the highway!
Cryo: (over radio) Are you sure it’s not Bat?
Bat: Very funny, wiseass!!
Pyro: (dodges claw swipes) No. It’s a girl robot. A weird and pissed-off one.
Cryo: Oh. Are you sure it’s not Dyna?
Pyro: No!! (triggers an explosion around himself, pushing Ray away) Pissed as in, she hates herself and the world!
Dyna: (over radio) That’zzzz zzztill me. And no, I’m not anywhere near you.
Ray: No one can save you!!
(With another ad libbed hellish roar, she charges at Pyro).
Brand: That can’t be good. We better get to him as soon as we can.
Cryo: Are you really in any condition to taking on something even weirder and more pissed off than Dyna? We had to plug all your open wounds with trash.
(Brand coughs up blood, as a Klondike wrapper gushes out of an open wound on his chest. But he stuffs it back in).
Brand: It’ll have to hold until we get our Patch. Just work on that while I give my bro some back up.
Call: (over radio) Multiple robots closing in on your position, Bat.
Bat: (over radio) GREAT!! SOMEBODY GET ME UNSTUCK SO I CAN PULVERIZE THEM, YOU AIRHEADED BITCH!!
Cryo: ...I don’t think it’s coming anytime soon...
Brand: Just my luck. Let’s go.
(Brand carefully walks off towards Pyro’s position).
Cryo: I thought we were in a hurry.
Brand: Hey if you want to dash around and run into some spikes that come out of nowhere, be my guest. This dashing crap has brought me nothing but pain and trouble.
Cryo: ...Slow down. Don’t take that corner so fast.
(Brand and Cryo are both cautiously edge towards Pyro’s fight, carefully peeking around every corner for any hidden spikes. Elsewhere, Pyro blasts Ray with another explosion).
Ray: Feed!! Must...Feed! AD LIB HELLISH MONSTROUS ROAR!!
Pyro: Ugh, I heard you the first time.
(Ray lunges at Pyro yet again, but he just blasts her off of him with another explosion).
Pyro: Seriously, give it a rest. Every time you charge me, I just blaaassss-
(Time suddenly stops for Pyro yet again. After a few seconds, Ray suddenly pounces on top of Pyro faster than he can react.)
Pyro: -Asssstyouaway. Seriously?! How could you NOT notice that?!
Ray: More...!! NEED...MORE!!!
(Ray starts absorbing Pyro, but he blasts her off of him yet again.)
Pyro: Yeah, I’m not getting any depth or perspective from you, am I?
(Suddenly Avi swoops in, peppering Ray with vulcan fire and carpet bombs).
Avi: You look like you could use an angel on your shoulder. (points to himself).
Pyro: Actually, I kinda had her under control. But still appreciated.
Avi: Hey, what are friends ffoooooorrr-
(Avi suddenly freezes in place. And when he finally moves, he barrels out of control).
(...Right into some spikes.)
Avi: ...I hate this place...
Pyro: Oh god. Who fell into some spikes now?!
Brand: (over radio) WHO DO YOU THINK?!
Dyna: (over radio) Zzzeriouzzzly. Again?
Brand: THEY CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!! Cryo and I were rounding the corner to Carroll Street, nice and slow and suddenly BAM! There they were! Didn’t even know they were there until we were right on top of them!!
Cryo: Well, I didn’t fall into them. I was caught between the spikes and a moving platform. A lot of help that damn thing was.
Brand: But seriously, I never thought I of all people would say this but...I. HATE. SPIKES!!
(Ray interrupts the transmission as she slashes across Pyro's face.)
Pyro: (throws Ray aside)...This couldn’t get any more frustrating.
Torchman: Halt, USURPER!!
(Suddenly, Torchman and most of the Sinister Six leap between Pyro and Ray, firing at them both).
Pyro: ...Buuuutttt what do I know?
Torchman: You have taken what’s rightfully mine, and I will have it BACK!!
(Meanwhile, Beck is putting together all the backup our mighty heroes need to wage this hopeless battle).
Beck: Alright! I know you’re pumped about the awesome dash slides! You’re as hungry for combos as I am! You know what’s even sweeter?
Flashman: ...Being able to drink my beer in peace?
Walkman: Running my bar in peace?
Topman: Punching out aggressive, condescending assholes who make rude remarks about tops?
Beck: Better than all of those combined! How about ABSORBTION BOOSTS?
Crystalgirl: Don’t care.
(Beck shoots more random crap, absorbs it, and glows different colors).
Walkman: AGGH! Now he got my mounted gator with a fedora!
Topman: Not Bill!
Stoneman: ...Great. Napalm’s going to be pissed.
Beck: You see that?? Now I’m faster, stronger, tougher! More concentrated awesome packed into one mighty package!!
(Beck keeps dashing and shooting around...Only slightly faster and with more punch).
Crystalgirl: Seriously. Go. Away.
Snakeman: We get it. You take the bad guys’ powers and make them your own. Kind of like Mega M-
Beck: What did you say?!?
(With his enhanced speed and strength, Beck grabs Snakeman, pins him to the ground and puts his cannon under his jaw).
Snakeman: ...What...? I was just saying, your gimmick is just like Meg-
Beck: Go ahead. Say his name. I dare you.
Snakeman: I didn’t even mean it as an ins-
(Beck cocks his gun and gives Snakeman a blistering, hate-filled stare.)
Topman: I think he was saying, it’s BETTER than Megaman’s.
Beck: (instantly releases Snakeman) Exactly! Megaman only wishes he could do stuff like this! Hang on! Y'know what it’s time for??
Walkman: For you to leave quietly and never come back?
Beck: Another mighty montage! Let’s see how awesome it looks...On these guys!!
(Beck once again plays footage from the Mighty Numbers’ ongoing battle. Avi’s drone focuses in on Pyro, who’s trying to hold back Ray and the Sinister Six with Bat, Avi, and Dyna).
Pyro: (notices drone) Wha-Really?? You’re doing this NOW?? (gets hit by Bitman from behind).
Bitman: Haw haw! Got 'im!
Beck: Come on, Pyro! Give the audience what they love!!
Pyro: (blasts Torchman) Kind of busy right now!
Torchman: (fires back) That should be ME as the fiery champion of justice! Not you, you hollow imposter...WANNABE!!
Ray: (mauls Pyro) MUST...FEEEEDD!!
Pyro: (throws Ray into Torchman) Enough already!!
(Pyro throws a bunch of fiery ninja stars that explode as soon as they hit Ray and Torchman).
Stoneman: Whoa. That was actually kind of cool.
Bat: Since when the hell could you do that?!
Beck: He can’t! Pyro, we told you before, stick to your normal abilities! Stop clowning around with this ninja stuff! That’s got nothing to do with what I’m talking about!
Pyro: This is what I do! I cheat! Get used to it!
(Pyro summons a burning robotic frog and jumps on top of it. It then leaps towards the Sinister Six as Pyro throws more ninja stars at the camera, which it narrowly dodges).
Beck: ...Well, let’s not let that poor showman get us down!
Airman: If we become Mighty Numbers, do the rest of us get our own giant robot frogs?
Beck: What’s so mighty about frogs?! Who needs that when you got absorption boosts?! I’m sure Bat can show us how a pro uses absorption abilities!
Bat: (blasting away) FUCK OFF ASSWIPE!! NOT IN THE MOOD!!
Beck: Bat! How many times have we said-
Bat: LET ME GUESS?! STOP CURSING?! WELL TOUGH SHIT!! THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIX YOUR GODDAMN, SHIT FOR BRAINS USER INTERFACE! I SPENT HALF AN HOUR WITH MY THUMB UP MY ASS BEFORE DYNA COULD REBOOT IT FOR ME!! SICK OF HEARING ME CURSE LIKE A SAILOR?! WELL FUCK YOU!! MAYBE DR. LIGHT COULD PUT TOGETHER A GODDAMN PROGRAM THAT FUCKING WORKS, YOU SHRIVELED UP PIECE OF RAT SHIT!
Beck: ...I was going to say stop shooting the civilians.
Civilian: OH NO! BAT’S GONE OUT OF CONTROL! AGAIN!!
Bat: (keeps gunning civilians down) SAVE IT FOR SOMEONE WHO CARES, MILK SUCKER!!
Beck: Well, we haven’t checked in with Dyna yet! Let’s see what absorption goodness she has for us!
(The camera pans to Dyna, throwing several discs at Ray and the Sinister Six. As soon as they connect, they conduct raging streams of electricity from Dyna straight into their circuits.)
Dyna: YOU PUNY ANTZZZ THINK YOU ZZZTAND AGAINZZZT ME?!! I’M A GOLDEN GODEZZZ OF GENDER CONFUZZZZED DEZZZTRUCTION!!
Beck: That’s good, Dyna. Now how about showing us how these absorption boosts really work!
Dyna: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! (spits in the camera)
Beck: Dyna! That’s no way to treat our mighty audience!
Flashman: ...It’s comparatively nicer than the remark about anime fans crying on prom night...
Dyna: YOU GOT ME TO WEAR THIZZZ DREZZZZ! YOU GOT ME TO BE A DEMONIC, CRACK-ADDICTED, CABBAGE PATCH DOLL! I’M DONE TAKING ORDERZZZZ FROM YOU!
(Brand and Cryo limp in with more trash plugging their wounds).
Brand: You need to stop talking like that. You’re not being sensitive to your own gender.
Dyna: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT MY GENDER IZZZ ANYMORE!!
Brand: Whatever. You don’t hear ME complaining.
Cryo: Yeah Dyna, I may've been with you the first fifty-six hours. But there are worse things to complain about right now.
Gravityman: What are you guys talking about? I think the purple-haired girl is kind of cute.
Oilman: Yeah. She’s actually pretty feisty. And she loathes her team. I like that in a woman. Is there any way we can bring her here?
Walkman: Yeah, her spunk, her sad, misguided self-loathing. She’s kind of moé in her own psychotic way.
Topman: (shrugs) ...Arlight, I might just go straight for that. There. I said it.
Waveman: (pulls out a dirty wad of cash) I’ve got fifteen bucks, If I donate that, is that enough to get me a Dyna love pillow?
(Dyna angrily snatches up one of Brand’s shears and points it at the camera)
Dyna: I’LL CUT EVERY LAZZZZT ONE OF YOU!
(Brand sighs and puts his arm around Dyna).
Brand: Sorry boys, but this sweetheart is, ahem, zzzzzpoken for.
Dyna: (whispering) You're juzzzzt acting, right...?
Brand: (whispering) Maybe I am, and maybe I’m not.
(Brand leers down at Dyna as she shoots him a withering glare.)
Dyna: ...There'zzzzz nothing right about thizzz...
Beck: ...Well, how about Mic and Shade? I know they’d never leave us hanging-
(Mic and Shade roll in, covered in blood and open puncture wounds plugged with trash).
Cryo: ...Fell into some spikes?
Shade: Aha. That’s where you’re wrong, little...Uh, man. They fell into us.
Avi: Time seizures have anything to do with it?
Mic: Is that what we’re calling them, now? Yep.
Brand: Say no more.
Beck: ...Guys, I need something to work with here!
Cryo: No. We’re done.
(Cryo freezes the camera with a gush of freezing water. Avi then bombards it with with his gattling guns and bombs, cutting the video feed. Beck is left in front of the disapproving audience, tugging his oversized collar).
Beck: Well...I think you have an idea how this works! Now who here needs new pants after seeing that? Just the thought of racking up these absorption boosts makes me want to wet myself more than-
Gravityman: If you say ‘Anime fan on prom night’, this entire bar is going to get up and kick your ass.
Beck: No, like a six-year-old who just learned how to spin a top!
(Meanwhile, our Mighty heroes keep fighting their hopeless battle...)
Shade: (firing at Bitman) C’mon, guys. You’re outnumbered with nuthin’ to prove. Just let this go.
Blademan: Yeah?! Well, you got trash plugging your wounds and we don’t! So who’s winning, huh?!
Bitman: We ain’t leavin’ ‘til that no-good Shadowman gives Torchman his rightful destiny! Whatever it is.
Pyro: If you call this conga line of frustration and humiliation your rightful destiny, you need to have bigger dreams!
Torchman: Then you will think nothing of relinquishing it to me!! Admit it! I am the rightful Mighty Number One!
Bitman: You tell ‘em!
Ray: (pounces Pyro) GRAGGHH!! MUST FEED!! MUST HAVE ANSWERS!! AD LIB GROAN IN PAIN AND HELLISH ROAR!
Cryo: (blasts Ray with a jet of freezing water) This is just pathetic. Neither of these guys are going to back down. They either have no lives outside of our own, or no character development.
Mic: Or both.
Torchman: You take that baaaacckkkk...
(Suddenly, everything freezes in place in mid-battle. Then suddenly, moves in super fast motion, as everyone is hit with different attacks they had no time to react to.)
Sharkman: D0000D!! Did everyone see that??! Man, I’m totally tripping balls, man!
Shade: No, it’s always like that here.
Avi: Alright. That’s the last straw. Sorry guys. Nobody likes a quitter, but this is where I get off.
(Avi’s form explodes in a mass of pixels, revealing Gyroman’s frame).
Gyroman: I thought this’d be a nice way to strike off on my own. Being an action news reporter could’ve been sweet. But no. This is the pits. You guys can have this cesspool. I’m outta here.
(Gyroman gives everyone the finger and flies off. As he leaves, Bat’s form explodes, revealing Napalmman.)
Napalmman: You’re not leaving before me, Peter Pan!!
(Napalmman rolls off after Gyroman, trampling over as many civilians as he can on the way out).
Cryo: We’re just going to let them leave?
Brand: Honestly, they may have a point. What are we fighting for? A chance to be the Mighty Numbers? We haven’t been happy since we got here.
Shade: Dr. White and everyone else in Ravnica seemed happy enough...When Napalmman and Gyroman weren’t blowing them up.
Brand: Of course they’re happy! This is the only corner of the world the Galactic Council hadn’t muscled into yet. But honestly, with all these time spasms and randomly appearing spikes, now I know why. It’s not worth it to them. And it’s not worth it to us.
(Brand’s form explodes into pixels, revealing Needlegal).
Needlegal: Besides, I was never comfortable watching Shadow and Gemini squabble over who got to be Brand. I think Dr. Light gave me the role just to teach both of them a lesson.
Pyro: You mean it?? I get to go back to being the ninja??
Needlegal: That’s right, G. It’s all yours.
(Without a second thought, Pyro transforms back into Shadowman).
Shadowman: Good! Finally! See ya!!
(As Needle and Shadow storm off, Mic suddenly transforms back into Hardman and runs off after them).
Hardman: Wait for me!
Cryo: Well, they got the right idea. I’m getting out before Spark suggests we form a support group who look out for each other and take care of each other by exploring each other’s bodies.
Dyna: Damn. You almozzzt make me wish I thought of it firzzzt. But with that zzzzaid...
(Cryo and Dyna revert back to being Geminiman and Sparkman, respectively).
Sparkman: Good riddance that slice of gender confusion.
Geminiman: Believe it or not, more of us have been stung by that then you might think.*
(As Sparkman and Geminiman wander off, Shade just gestures emptily to Ray and the S6PC).
Shade: ...Guess there’s not much else to say. Other than, I wish I could say it was a fun ride...
(Countershade reverts back to being Magnetman).
Magnetman: But it really wasn’t.
(Magnetman adjusts his duster, tips his hat to Ray, and saunters off into the sunset).
Sharkman: D00D! They-They just...Gave up...
Blademan: Does that mean-!
Torchman: Yes! We stand victorious once again!
(Torchman climbs on top of a ruined car, burning fist raised to the heavens!)
Torchman: Rather than face our combined might, the cowardly Mechs faltered and fled like the vermin they are! Proving to this city the frauds they are! Once again we have...I have shone the light of truth and justice upon this city!! And now, Dr. Light-
Torchman: Irrelevant! -Will make us his newest and greatest champions! Oilman and Waveman will rue the day they chose not to join us in this! Our most triumphant hour!
(Ray’s glazed eyes light up as soon as the S6PC say Dr. White’s name).
Ray: You!! You know...THAT man...?
Torchman: Of course! Dr. L-White and I have always stood together, bringing truth, freedom and justice upon this world!
Ray: And...You are...The REAL Mighty ones...?
Torchman: You are as enlightened as I am powerful! Trust your own eyes! Trust what you witnessed here today! We stand here victorious! Is that not...Mighty!
Bitman: Preach the word there, boss!
Ray: Then...Then you must have answers...
Torchman: The answers to all of life’s greatest mysteries! All of creation’s greatest riddles!
Ray: Then you know why...I MUST FEED!! AD-LIB PAINFUL ROAR!!
(Ray pounces on top of Torchman and starts clawing and gnawing on him before he can react. Meanwhile, back at Dr. White’s Lab...).
Call: All of the Mighty Numbers have ceased transmitting.
Dr. White: No shit, Call. We know!
Dr. Sanda: Oh no! We’ve lost the Mighty Numbers! And now you’re using naughty words, too?! Peas and carrots, I say! Peas and carrots! Think of poor Call’s ears!
Call: Jesus H. Christ, Sanda. Shut the fuck up.
Dr. White: Maybe I’m just speculating, but maybe there was something to the Mighty Numbers’ abrupt disappearance. I don’t know...
(Dr. White’s form is engulfed in light as he reverts back to being...)
Dr. Light: Even if my hair never looked this good, maybe this isn’t the return to the glory days I always wanted.
Call: Dr. Light! Are...Are you sure this is what you want to do?
Dr. Light: I almost thought that maybe Beck could fill the hole Rock left behind. I thought maybe if I came to Ravnica, we’d be the family we once were, the way it used to be. But I can tell I was kidding myself. We’re not going to get him back. Not from Beck, anyway. It’s time to stop living this lie. You should too, Roll. We all should.
(Call remains silent for a few second before her form transforms back to being Roll).
Roll: Well, I think Beck was like Rock. If he was full of himself and believed his own hype, But you’re right. He’s not the Rock we loved. It’s better we face it now than putting years of our lives down here, laboring under that delusion.
Dr. Sanda: So we’re going back?
Dr. Light: Yes, Auto. It’s time to go.
Dr. Sanda: Before we go, can I say-
Dr. Light: If I hear the words ‘Peas and carrots’ ever again, I’m shutting you down.
(Dr. Sanda’s form is engulfed with light, and he transforms back to Auto).
Auto: It’s too bad. I liked being human.
Dr. Light: If we humans were half as panicky as you were, I’d sooner see us wiped out in the next robot uprising.
Auto: It was my first time! Can’t you give me some slack?
(Patch hops into the room).
(Patch reverts back to being Eddie).
Eddie: Well, we're no worse off than before. So it wasn't all bad.
(Suddenly, Gyroman flies into the lab, looking slightly alarmed).
Gyroman: Ah. Figured you guys were still here. Listen. I know you guys are having a touching moment and all. But this is the last place on Earth we want to be.
Dr. Light: You don’t get to tell us what to do, Scissor Army bot.
Gyroman: Yeah, yeah. I’m a genocidal dirt bag. Blah, blah blah. But right now, I’m the lesser of two evils.
Dr. Light: Why is that?!
Gyroman: Because I’m the only guy who realized you all might still be here.
(Gyroman points out the window to a Napalm Nuke that’s streaking off in the horizon towards Ravnica).
Gyroman: Yeah, god help us if there’s another time seizure going on. We could be running off of borrowed time. Literally.
Auto: Peas and-
Dr. Light: What did I just say, Auto??
(Everyone grabs ahold of Gyroman who carries them off as Napalmman wipes Ravnica off the map).
Napalmman: HA! Scissor army never needed no lameass dash, combo, absorption bullshit to get our hands dirty!!
(Elsewhere, in a land that’s slightly more hospitable than the smoldering wasteland Napalmman is turning Ravnica into...)
Beck: Okay. Let me take it from the top: I know you guys are into awesome things that are awesome!
Kalinka: ...A little redundant, but go on.
Diveman: Where’dja get that black eye?
Beck: ...From being...MIGHTY!!
(Beck projects footage of the Mighty Numbers doing battle).
Beck: Check this guy out! You want to be on fire all of the time? Rush into the bad guys and light them on fire, too?
Skullman: Like Heatman?
Beck: (glares) NO. This is different from that old fossil!
Skullman: How so?
Beck: Because he’s MIGHTY! Aren’t you listening?! If you don’t think that’s Mighty, then maybe you should meet Mighty Number 2-
Ringman: You mean the Bubbleman/Aquaman hybrid that’s two feet tall? (points to Cryo)
Beck: NO! You ever heard of Bubbleman or Aquaman using ice attacks?!
Ringman: Okay. The Bubbleman/Aquaman/Iceman hybrid who’s two feet tall?
Beck: ...!! Well, I’d like to see what you’d have to say about our next Mighty Number-
Dustman: The genderswapped version of Elecman or Sparkman?
Diveman: Well, she is kinda hot...
Beck: Stop it!
Kalinka: (shrugs) A little bit. There. I said it.
Pharaoh Woman: Forgive my impertinence, but I believed he wanted to speak of the fourth warrior! The one with the might of...Gutsman? Hardman? Concreteman? Who does he look more like to you guys?
Skullman: A bit of all of them, actually.
Pharaoh Woman: Oh good. I got at least some of it right.
Beck: I said stop it!!
Brightbabe: Are you sure it wasn’t the walking tank/gun guy who could be Napalmman?
Drillman: Well, I hope it’s not the sixth one who’s really Gyroman. Or the seventh one who’s really Protoman and/or Shadowman. That’s who they are, aren’t they?! Confess!!
Brightbabe: Is it worth pointing out that the eighth one is Searchman, if they(?) were a cowboy?
Skullman: Searchman is a “he”, and you’d be correct.
Drillman: So this is your nefarious plan, huh? Brainwash us into being carbon copies of ourselves so you can destroy our legacy and make it your own?? You came to the wrong citadel.
Beck: Stop it!! STOP IT!! We’re different from all of those has-beens! We’re cooler! More awesome! We’re the ones who bring it on!! We’re the ones who make the villains cry more than an anime fan-
(Beck stops himself as he notices all the dirty looks and withering glares already in his direction).
Drillman: What was that?!
Beck: Uh, sorry. Got mixed up. I meant to say...Uh...Cry more than a Star Wars fan on prom night!
(Drillman rises to his feet, his glowering down at Beck).
Beck: Uh...Transformers fan on prom night...?
(Diveman and Skullman both rise to their feet glaring at Beck, the former tapping his fist in his hand).
Beck: ...Legend of Zelda fan on prom night...?
(All the Comrades are on their feet, cracking their knuckles, or grabbing various blunt instruments. Beck looks around nervously and dashes away...Right into-)
Over-1: Going somewhere?
(Over-1 and Gunker both grab Beck’s arms).
Gunker: Someone cry more than either anime fan, Star Wars fan, Transformers fan, or Zelda fan. Not us.
(Kalinka steps in front of the Comrades brandishing a crowbar she’s tapping in her hand. She holds her crowbar out to them, signaling them to stay back. She walks over towards Beck, as Gunker and Over-1 force him on his knees, raises her arm and-)
Diveman: GAHAHAHAHA! Mighty Number 2! Can’ believe I missed that one!
Pharaoh Woman: Oh yeah! That was pretty funny!
All except Skullman: Hahahahahahahahaha!!
Skullman: Ha. Haha. Ha. Ha. Hahahaha. Ha.
(All of the Comrades stop laughing and shoot Skull a disconcerted look).
Skullman: ...My apologies. It will not happen again.
Kalinka: Or at least give us a warning, next time. But without further adieu...
(Kalinka forces Beck to look up at her, as she menacingly raises her crowbar over his head...)
(Later, in a slightly friendlier, albeit undisclosed environment...)
Mesmerman: Oh dear. That could’ve gone. Better.
????: And who do we have to thank for that?
Mesmerman: Oh DEAR. You look like you’ve seen better days.
(Beck stumbles in, badly bruised and missing some teeth).
Beck: It’s not my fault. I didn’t realize the Comrades were so easy to offend.
Mesmerman: Well, you set yourself up for it. I mean, ‘Cry more than anime fan at prom night?’ What were you think-Where did your pants go??
Beck: Good question. Ask Diveman. Maybe he thought it’d be funny to see me dash through the frozen Russian wilderness half-naked.
Mesmerman: Well, who’s fault is that? Why are you still wearing that ridiculous outfit? You’re not fooling anyone here dressed like that.
(Beck looks down at himself and grumbles. His figure distorts and shifts into-)
Rockman Shadow: Sorry. My head’s still swimming from the beating the Comrades gave me. Can we salvage anything from Ravnica?
Mesmerman: Afraid not. Napalmman was very thorough with his Napalm Nukes. And the temporal instability finished off what he couldn’t.
Rockman Shadow: Even the Sinister Six?
Mesmerman: No. Even cockroaches can survive holocausts. They’re not our problem. But despite your DREADFUL showmanship, I wouldn’t call this a total waste.
Rockman Shadow: We go through the trouble of creating this pocket dimension to contain Dr. Light and the Mechs, and any other poor sucker I could dupe, just so we could let them walk out like it’s a public library?? What was the point?
Mesmerman: We never meant to trap them in THIS dimension. This was simply a test run, a learning experience so we know how to do it even better. They never knew what was happening. They barely gave it any thought. They were too wrapped up in their own made-up personas to even dwell on it. We could do it to them again tomorrow, and they’d never know.
Rockman Shadow: Come on. You were just happy you got to feed off their anger and frustration for the all the crap they went through as the Mighty Numbers.
Mesmerman: Why shouldn’t I? Sparkman’s gender woes could’ve fed me for a lifetime! That’s saying nothing about the random spikes I threw in to catch Needlegal (ooh, what delightful irony!), or the temporal instability.
Rockman Shadow: So that’s why you threw in Ray? To keep them from figuring out what was going on?
Mesmerman: Shadowman was putting more thought into the matter than I would’ve liked when I had Ray intervene. But between her and the Sinister Six blundering into our game, it gave him something else to think about. They were none the wiser. But still, one more thing.
(Mesmerman walks up and slugs Rockman Shadow).
Mesmerman: Even I thought the anime fan on prom night remark was in poor taste.
Rockman Shadow: Why? Was that a chapter in your life?
Mesmerman: ...Some things are just over the line, alright? And whatever did happen to Ray?
Rockman Shadow: You tell me. You were running the pocket dimension while I was gone.
(In equally less pleasant territory...)
Oilman: Seriously, Torch. Why are we keeping this thing...?
(Oilman points to Raychel, who’s out in the S6PC’s backyard, with a dog chain around her neck, tied to a pole outback).
Ray: Cold...So very...cold...
Torchman: Oil, if you had been there, you would have the same vision I had. But now, you lack context, lack perspective that you never experience-
Oilman: Torch, it’s eleven o’clock. And I want to get to bed. At least tell me if I should I be worried about her eating me in my sleep.
Sharkman: D00D! She’s like the Mighty Number who never was! And all the Mighty Numbers were like ripoffs of everyone here, like the construction dude was really Hardman, and the helicopter dude was really Gyroman!
Sharkman: She's obviously a ripoff of Zero! Maybe it's really him! He could show us how we can be super badass repeloids from the future! So much effin' win!!
Ray: ...Answers! I...Want...Answers! From Dr. White...!
Oilman: ...You really think THAT thing has any insight to share with us...?
Torchman: Even if she’s a nobody, there is no denying the hidden potential in becoming a Mighty Number! Perhaps the Mechs were willing to squander this potential. But unlike them, I possess vision! And when I learn to harness this power, even they will be forced to acknowledge my brilliance! Then we shall be the one True MM3 team, the true Sinister Six, AND the true Mighty Numbers, all in one fell swoop!
Bitman: If nuthin’ else, we can turn her loose on the Mechs and let her eat ‘em. That’s good 'nuff for me.
Oilman: Whatever. It's not the worse plan we've had. But if I come in and see her gnawing on your skull, I’m just going to let her. That goes for all of you, really.
Blademan: ...We don’t have to walk her, do we?! She keeps looking at me funny!
(Back in MUCH more friendlier territory...)
Snakeman: Wow. Sounds like you guys had quite the frustrating/humiliating misadventure. Glad Top talked me out of it. I was THIS close to signing on. What a mistake that would’ve been.
Sparkman: Take it from me, whatever Beck promises you, you want no part in it. Some of us got badly, badly burned by the chrome-clad peddler of broken dreams.
Needlegal: Yeah, yeah. You were a girl. Boohoo. I’m using a big mac wrapper to plug a wound the size of my fist in my pelvis if anyone cares.
Sparkman: I know, you were the one I was referring to
Sparkman: You went in there with even higher hopes than I did. Even got dealt a better hand. And this is what you got to show for it. But the fact you’re still standing goes to show what a trooper and badass you are. If all this happened to me, I’d be out of it by now.
Needlegal: ...Hearing you say that means a lot.
Needlegal: ... We’re still not sweethearts anymore if that’s the angle your working.
Sparkman: Drat. But I still stand by what I said.
Needlegal: ...Alright, I'll take it.
(Suddenly, the WRF all rush in, carrying Dr. Blackwell).
Geminiman: Is...Is that?!
Doc Robot: (tears in his eyes) Everyone rejoice! Master has returned! Yes! Yes he has!
(The Mechs' jaws all drop as they regard Dr. Blackwell).
Snakeman: No...No way. I don't believe it...
Needlegal: ...He...! He-he really was alive...!
Multiman: I know. That's what I said.
Doc Robot: This is happiest day in our lives! Especially mine! Look master! Look at this new empire we created for you! Isn't magnificent? Isn't it? Huh? Now master! What is first decree? Huh? Huh?? Invade surface world? Raise taxes? Locate future Mrs. Master??
Dr. Blackwell: ...
(Suddenly, Dr. Blackwell's head pops off, as it bobs around on a spring!)
Doc Robot: ....!!!
Hardman: Oh, how's that for irony?
(Doc Robot's lips start trembling as tears well up in his eyes)
Doc Robot: But-but you were supposed to be master-
Expressman: (puts his arm around Doc Robot) Sorry, Doc. It fooled all of us.
Snakeman: Well, everything turned out okay.
Needlegal: And we learned something too.
Shadowman: Awww, man! Are we back to doing this again? This was like, the only good thing about not being Shadowman anymore!
Needlegal: We learned that’s best just to be ourselves. We thought life would be better as the Mighty Numbers. So did Gyroman and Napalmman. But we were better off being the good old Mechanical Maniacs!
Sparkman: I wasn’t always a Mechanical Maniac. Neither was anyone here, other than Shadowman.
Hardman: If I could be myself, I’d be a nine-foot tall, fire-breathing dragon-god instead of a walking, talking, brick wall.
Shadowman: For the last time, it’s not my fault you didn’t get to be the fire guy! Deal with it!
Magnetman: And I was myself the whole time, thank you very much.
Needlegal: Well you’re Mechanical Maniacs, now! And that’s who we should stick being! Because you know what happens if we don’t?? We get impaled a bazillion times by randomly-placed spikes! If that’s not karma, I don’t know what is!
Napalmman: You guys always do this shit?
Snakeman: Oh. We thought you already went home.
Napalmman: Well seeing as I was in the same shitstorm you were in, I feel I have something to say, too.
Topman: Oh lord. I’m scared what spin you’re going to put on this.
Napalmman: I learned what it’s like to be a burden on my own team. The more I tried to help out, the more I ended up slaughtering and jeopardizing people who were on my side. And you guys can say what you want, I did want to help the fleshies out! ...At first.
Gyroman: So you felt like Chargeman?
Napalmman: Pretty much. If this is the personal hell the big guy goes through everyday, I’m going to have to give the poor guy a hug when we get home.
Gyroman: Right behind you. Catch you guys later.
(The Androids both depart.)
Needlegal: Wow. The team of psychopaths and malcontents learned a more valuable lesson than we did. How sad are we?
Geminiman: Maybe if we became as depraved as they are, we’d learn more valuable lessons too.
Topman: Well, until we sink to being the Mighty Ascendants, we are...and forever will be...THE MECHANICAL MANIACS!!
Shadowman: Hearing that never sounded so good.
(In surprisingly heartwarming territory, Napalmman and Gyroman are both hugging Chargeman, as he sat in a corner hating life in general.)
Napalmman: We know what it’s like...We know what it’s like...
Gyroman: You don’t have to be alone, anymore...
(If General Cutman bothered to put tear ducts in Chargeman, he’d be crying. Instead, he puts his arms around Napalm and Gyro, pulling them in closer).
Napalmman and Gyroman: Friends...
Crystalgirl: What the fuck happened to you two...?
Stoneman: Shh. As long as they don’t find out what happened to Bill.
Charge, Napalm and Gyro: ...!!
(Chargeman, Napalmman, and Gyroman break out of their hug, their weapons drawn).
Napalmman: What the fuck happened to Bill!?!
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