By Rebel40000 (Ring Man)
Narrator: It was another day with the Comrades of Cossack as they chilled at the doctor's pad, Dr. C's citadel.
Alarm: BWOOP!! BWOOP!! BWOOP!!
Ring: Holy Napoleon Bonaparte, Drill Man! Our alarm of evil alertness-ness-ness is sounding off!
Drill: You're right, Ring Man! Quick, to the Cossack Mobile!
Narrator: And so the Comrade's hop into their spiffy red Volkswagen and drive to Hawaii in less than twenty minutes.
Bright: Inconsistencies are fun, yo.
Drill: Quiet, you.
Dive: Word up.
Drill: You too!
Narrator: The Comrade's eventually enter a government facility where the distress signal originated.
Dust: Distress signal? I thought it was just an alarm going bonkers.
Toad: This is very true!
Narrator: God damnit will you guys just shut up and LISTEN to me for once?
Dive: Sure thing Mr. Hop-Into-a-Volkswagen-and-Drive-From-Russia-to-Hawaii-in-Twenty-Minutes.
Toad: This is also very true!
Ring: Totally.
Narrator: ANYWAY, they head inside, to find none other than Wraithman hacking into the government's databanks!
Drill: Wraithman!
Wraithman: Ah, it appears that you did show like I expected. I suppose it would only be just to commend you all on your commitment as heroes.
Ring: Thanks!!
Pharaoh: *Smacks Ring* What do you think you're doing here, hacking into top secret information?
Wraithman: It is exactly as you yourself pondered--I have simply come to realize that in order to come to understand this world better I should find something to analyze efficiently.
Dust: Couldn't you have read an encyclopedia or something?
Wraithman: An encyclopedia's pages were constructed by taking the life of an innocent tree. It would be intolerable to promote such an act by reading one.
Skull: ...And you're evil... how?
Wraithman: Deep down there is no difference between the terms "good" and "evil" as they are purely words with tangible meaning. I shall make it a vow to never harm another living creature, but mark my words, Comrades: Our kind shall one day reach Judgment Day and the humans will find their punishment through it.
Bright: Dat messed up fo' realz, boy.
Wraithman: It appears to me though that you are all still lacking the experience to truly understand. It is a pity... Until next we meet, Comrades. *starts to disappear into the shadows*
Drill: H-hey! Wait! *is too late* ...Crap.
Pharaoh: Man, talk about an enigma right there.
Skull: Who cares! He ran away. He is obviously afraid of his own demise.
Toad: Huzzah!
Ring: Nay, a thousand huzzahs!
Toad and Ring: HUZZAH!!
Drill: Ugh, let's just go home. My head hurts.
Narrator: And so the Comrade's head back to the citadel.
Kalinka: So Wraithman got away again?
Dive: Yeah. He's a slippery one, I'll give him that much.
Dust: Where's Cossack? Usually he'd be here yelling at us for being so damn useless to the world.
Kalinka: *Points and sighs*
Cossack: *Standing in the middle of the living room, stoned as hell*
Pharaoh: Are those two morons selling him those blasted drugs again?!
Kalinka: Just forget about it! I've been waiting for you all to come home because I cooked everyone's favorite tonight!
Ring: Does it have Coke in it?
Kalinka: Uh... sure.
Ring: Sweeeeeeet.
Drill: You guys can start without me.
Skull: Something wrong, Drill?
Drill: Ah, nothing. I just need to think for a bit, all right?
Dive: All right. See ya later, then!
Narrator: And so Drill leaves while the others start to eat. He goes to the top of the citadel and steps onto one of the many balconies on the structure, where night has come and snow has started to fall gently to the ground. He stands there for a few minutes in utter silence.
Drill: Nice way to set the mood.
Narrator: txtx
Drill: Man, though... everytime I see that Wraithman I get more and more confused about him. He doesn't want to harm living creatures yet destroy robots and inadvertally harm humans. Just what is his goal? I wonder...
Narrator: Drill continues to stare into the polka-dotted blackness until he finally lifts his head up to look into the sky.
Drill: Are you a man of peace,
Or man of holy war?
Too many sides to you,
Don't know which any more...
So many full of life,
But also filled with pain...
Don't know just how many
Will live to breath again...
A life that's made to breath,
destruction or defense,
A mind that's vain corruption
bad or good intent,
A wolf in sheep's clothing
Or saintly or sinner,
Or some that would believe,
A holy war winner!
Narrator: Elsewhere Wraithman is running while being chased by police robots. Slowly he changes his plan as he starts to hack down the robots.
Wraithman: They fire off many shots,
and many parting blows!
Their actions beyond a reasoning,
only god would know!
And as he lies in heaven,
or it could be in hell...
I feel he's somewhere here,
or looking from below--
Drill and Wraith: But I don't know, I don't know!!
Narrator: Elsewhere Cossack breaks out of his trance...
Cossack: Please tell me now what life is!
Please tell me now what love is!
Well tell me now what war is?
Again tell me what life is!
Bright: What dat boy be smokin'?
Jay: Do ya really wanna fuckin' know?
Silent Bob: *Waves his arms about wildly*
Narrator: Elsewhere again...
Wraithman: More pain and misery in the history of mankind!
Sometimes it feels more like
the blind leading the blind!
It brings upon us more of famine, death and war!
You know religion has a lot to answer for!
Drill: Please tell me now what life is!
Please tell me now what love is!
Well tell me now what war is?
Again tell me what life is!
Wraithman: And as they search to find the bodies in the sand,
They find it's ashes are
scattered across the land!
And as their spirits seem to whistle on the wind,
A shot is fired somewhere another war begins!
And all because of it you'd think
that we would learn!
But still the body count the city fire burn!
Somewhere there's someone dying
in a foreign land!
Meanwhile the world is crying stupidity of man!
Tell me why, tell me why?
Drill: Please tell me now what life is!
Please tell me now what love is!
Well tell me now what war is?
Again tell me what life is!
Wraithman: Please tell me now what life is!
Please tell me now what love is!
Well tell me now what war is?
Again tell me what life is--
For the greater good of God!
Drill: For the greater good of God!
Wraithman: For the greater good of God!
Drill: For the greater good of God!
Wraithman: For the greater good of God!
Drill: For the greater good of God!
Wraithman: For the greater good of God!
Cossack: For the greater good of God!!
Dive: *Tackles Cossack*
Ring: *Covering his ears* SOMEONE MAKE HIM SHUT UP!!
Skull: *On the phone* He-llo~? Wily's Warriors? Can you please send one psychotic Ben to Dr. Cossack's citadel? Mucho gracias, hombre.
Narrator: Suddenly the door goes flying off it's hinges as Ben steps through the doorway wearing a leather jacket and apair of shades with an automatic rifle in his hand.
Ben: Asta la MOTHERFUCKING VISTA BITCH!! *opens fire on everyone*
Comrades: ACK!!
Kalinka: *Screams until she pulls out her own rifle and starts opening fire as well*
Jay: f*** this sh**! *runs out the backdoor*
Silent Bob: *Already waiting in the Cossack Mobile*
Jay: *Hops into the driver's seat* f*** yeah! This is what I'm talkin' about! Let's the hell outta here and go make some sh**, Lunchbox! *takes off*
Cossack: *amidst the chaos* Please tell me now what life is!
Please tell me now what love is!
Well tell me now what war is?
Again tell me what life is!
Please tell me now what life is!
Please tell me now what love is!
Well tell me now what war is?
Again tell me what life is--
Wraithman: For the greater good of God!
Drill: For the greater good of God!
Cossack: For the greater good of God!
Wraithman: For the greater good of God!
Drill: For the greater good of God!
Cossack: For the greater good of God!
Wraithman: For the greater good of God!
Drill, Wraith, and Cossack: For the greater good of God!!
Narrator: Suddenly they all stop, and life resumes normally.
Drill: *Sighs* Oh well, I'll figure it out one day. Now, time to go and eat some good home cookin'! *heads downstairs* Hey everyone, I'm... back?
Narrator: Drill pauses as he notices that the entire downstairs has been completely destroyed. All of the Comrades minus himself, Kalinka, and Ben are sprawled out on the floor unconscious. Cossack, however, is still standing, and has resumed carrying a blank stare.
Drill: Uh... you okay, doctor?
Cossack: *Snaps out of it* Fine? Why I've never felt better! *flexes his muscles* Why, I feel as though I could handle an army of killer robots by myself, even! Hahahahahahahaha--OWOWOWOWOW MY BACK THE PAIN IT HURTS!! *falls over*
Drill: ...Right. Well, I'll be calling Vi then. See you guys later... or something. *leaves*
Cossack: No... don't... leave me... stupid ungrateful robot...
Narrator: As life continues for the Comrades, Wraithman, however, has just lost the remaining forces of the police robots and is hiding in the shadows, covered in the fluids of the robots he had just slaughtered.
Wraithman: He gave his life for us, he fell upon the cross...
To die for all of those who never mourn his loss...
It wasn't meant for us to feel the pain again,
Tell me why, tell me why...?
The End
Cossack's Comrades |
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AM as Drill Man |
Sean as Dust Man |
Geoff as Dive Man |
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Keba as Bright Babe |
Zymeth as Skull Man |
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Rebel40000 as Ring Man |
Jade as Pharaoh Man |
Zapper as Toad Girl |